(ThyBlackMan.com) Emotional manipulators may be hard to avoid even though they are easily identifiable. We can always choose who can be close to us, but eliminating the toxic ones is not always so easy. They may be in-laws, step-parents, and relatives to name a few. We live in communities, so unless we decide to stay alone forever, we’ll run into people we’d rather avoid. If you feel that something isn’t right in your love life or your love life is being controlled not by either you or your partner but someone else, you should check these signs and fix the problems as soon as you can.
You are judged, often unfairly
A family member will have their own opinions when it comes to someone’s love life. One evening with your loved one, and moments later your mom is an investigator on a quest to discover from family and other important details of your partner’s life. However when genuine consideration moves into unfair judgment, it can be difficult to tolerate the judgment critical family. Although your family really wishes what’s best for you, making choices for yourself is an important part of growing up and leading an independent life. You might also need to accept the fact that they’re never going to think anyone in the world is good enough for their extraordinarily “perfect kid.”
They gaslight you
If it is a mistake, a flaw, or a day-to-day problem, instead of being genuinely compassionate, gaslighting family members will make their close ones feel bad for whatever terrible situation they are in. Such activity implies gaslighting. When an authoritative parenting approach is used by a parent or a family member, you are measured by the obedience lens. The family dictates what their son or daughter can like, hate, respect, and believe.
One of you is being spoon-fed
Your family tries to do everything for you. They may simply want to bring you everything they can. This may look and feel good, especially when this help comes when it’s most needed, however, you need to be careful that neither of you is becoming too dependent on the help or accepts every gift coming, especially the ones that require you to do something in return. Gifts with strings attached might negatively affect your plans or hurt your relationship in the long run. It’s important to know the cost of such help.
You can’t keep them out of it
Each time you and your partner have an argument, don’t come running to your relatives, either directly or on the cell. Unless there’s something really serious or something which you two can’t figure out it is none of your relatives’ business. Keep everyone out of it if it isn’t an extreme scenario. If your spouse doesn’t like them now, this would only give them fuel to put in. If your family does like your partner, it might only change their mind after hearing about all the things they did.
You spend too much time with them
One more way of stopping your family from sabotaging your relationship is to spend little of your time when your partner and family are sitting in the same place. Make sure you plan different holidays where you and your spouse can be alone and the ones where the whole family can be involved. Instead of crying at yet another awful vacation, consider a quiet place for the two of you. If members of your family are too intrusive, you may have almost no time for your partner to be alone to develop your relationship as a couple.
There are no reasonable boundaries
Many people grew up in cultures where there hasn’t been any proper practice of both freely communicating boundaries or respecting the rights of one another. Where an individual is unable to communicate and establish healthy boundaries, efforts to satisfy their needs appear to use all types of toxic defensive mechanisms. Such defensive mechanisms may provide additions that obscure the internal fear and stress produced by the absence of healthy boundaries. Unhealthy defensive strategies may include ignoring, disassociating, cheating, covering up, or stonewalling facts or activity. Though you can’t deter your family from wanting to do whatever they want. However, calmly declining to go along with it is your choice.
They are a bunch of manipulators
Your happiness would be robbed by manipulators as they will mostly tell half-truths or lie on your face. They will remain like that and will create a positive image for themselves until they realize more people are seeing their actions. They can modify a situation’s reality, take stuff out of context, and then use your comments against you. They’re going to poke you patiently before you react, and they’re going to blame you for reacting. They’ll reveal secrets ‘unknowingly’ and they’ll indicate that there has been information to disclose.
Staff Writer; Jack Bell
Cell Phone Guru & Video Games Junkie… With that, like my articles, feel free to hit me up at; JackBell@ThyBlackMan.com.