(ThyBlackMan.com) It is estimated that more than 40 percent of women are now the breadwinners for the families and that the number of women who are staying home full-time has drastically decreased. In fact, many of the women who are stay at home moms, have found companies from which they can work from home and earn a rewarding living while still being home with their children.
Times have surely changed. I remember a time when men would say women need to get off their butts and make something happen. Well guys, your prayers have been answered. Women in this society are certainly getting out and getting theirs. But what happens when the woman steps out and begins earning more than you?
Now there are some males in this world who could care less. In fact, they desire to be stay at home partners, often times being less effective and beneficial in the home than a woman who stays home. These men typically become more of a bill than an assisting partner so we’re going to leave them out of the discussion. They’re more like a foster child whom the state is not paying you to care for.
We are speaking in terms of the hard working man who goes out daily and is doing his part to support his family, yet his partner who because she has a degree, a more impressive resume, or just the know how to maximum pay on a job, is out earning him. For many men, their ability to provide for their families plays a big part in their masculinity. They see themselves as less than if the woman is bringing home more money than them and these feelings are understandable.
It must be noted that data from the Pew Research Center found that women between 25 and 34 years old earn 90 cents to every dollar that men earned – a much smaller gap than the 17 cent different women experience on average. Studies are also revealing that this is a concern for women as well. A survey from lifestyle website Refinery29 found that many millennial women have complicated feelings about making more than their male partners. At times these women may feel burdened by having a higher salary and the pressures to stay in their high powered career, even if they do not find it enjoyable.
In fact, a 2013 University of Chicago study found that “having the wife earn more than the husband increases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent” even when the difference is by a few thousand dollars a year. But, why is this?
I feel a major problem is that couples allow society to dictate their roles within their personal relationships. Society has taught us through our parents, schooling, and entertainment that men are to be the breadwinners and protectors, and that women are supposed to be their cheerleaders, child bearers, and supporting cast members.
Unfortunately, women are destroying social norms and barriers which have been created to limit us on a daily basis. Women are going out to work, caring for the children, keeping the home in order, cooking meals, loving on her man and being this all around superwoman. The average man, on the other hand, is remaining stagnant in their role as protector and provider. Men are not shifting or rising with the times. Many men do not offer additonal assistance with the children or inside the home, regardless of making lower wages or not. There is this false mentality of men that if they make more money, they deserve to be catered to and highly respected. Sadly, when the woman earns more, they no longer see the desire for the breadwinner to be catered and respected. What’s the difference men?
Men have to learn how to compensate for their shortage in wages with more than feelings of being emasculated. If you are making less than your partner, pick up some of the slack around the house. Help your partner remove her super woman cape so she does not come to a point where she feels she is doing everything without you, and therefore do not need you present. It isn’t merely about the money. It is about the overall balance within the relationship. No one person should ever be bearing all the weight.
It is time to release societal norms and adopt a lifestyle that works best for your household. If your partner makes more money than you, look at how you spend your money. Perhaps budgeting your money differently will add more money in your pockets. Learn to invest your money. Perhaps, its time to explore new career options, especially if you aren’t in love with your job. Look at areas within the house where you are adding more pressure and weight to your partner and assist in those areas.
Some men put a burden on themselves early on in the relationship by pretending they have it all together. They wine and dine, creating a lifestyle they can not keep up. Relationships are about balance, mutual respect, and building. If you can not be honest with your partner and have big girl and big boy money talks, understand their will be strain in the household. Be gentle, be supportive, and above all things, do not be a burden!
Blessings and Balance in your Relationships.
Staff Writer; Dina Tuff
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