Why Are White Folk Standards Still the Norm in Black Homes?

We are a few weeks away from entering 2018, physical slavery will have ended 153 years ago and yet the mental slavery still thrives on. We still, in this day and age, invite white standards of success and appearance into our homes, in hopes of being accepted. We are so engulfed in our desire to be accepted, that we shun anyone who behaves or looks differently. We naturally indoctrinate our children within the walls of our homes to be good followers, to respect authority, and to make good grades in school to be successful in life. We indoctrinate ourselves into seeing success in one light and we make it a habit to judge others accordingly. Even in our romantic relationships, we force another to fit into the ideals of the traditional European way of giving and expressing love.

Here are 4 other thought forms and ideologies of white standards that we force upon ourselves:

1. White Male Privilege. Black men often complain about the harsh treatment they face in regards to white privilege. The white privilege that nearly ensures that he, at some point in his career, will train a young, white male who will eventually supervise him. The same white privilege that ensures that his white co-workers, receives higher pay than him for completing the same job. Interestingly, within the black household, black men often play their white male privilege card on the norm. The average black man expects that a woman should cook, clean, pay half the bills, work, take care of the kids, do the laundry, keep him sexually satisfied, stay in shape, and know everything about black history in order to be a “good woman”. On the other hand, he is a “good man” based on what he does not do.

For example, if he does not beat on his woman or cheat on her, he is good. Black men constantly redefine the role of black women in the household, yet the role of the black male never comes up in the discussion. I guess being there is sufficient? Few black men are capable of thoroughly cleaning a house, cooking a full meal, or even doing “masculine” things such as working on the car or doing yard work. A man is not looked at being less than a man if he pays another man to cut his grass, wash his car, or work on his car, although these are “masculine” duties. However a woman who does not cook, clean, or desire children is looked at as being worth less, less than a woman. Regardless of circumstances within the black family, the black woman will somehow take the blame for every shortcoming.

2. Living for the weekly or bi-weekly paycheck. Do you believe that in 2017, most of us still have a “when I get paid” mindset? Now, I am not saying you should run out and quit your job, but I must wonder why we are so comfortable putting all your finances in the hand of your employer after the 2007 recession. Regardless of how “stable” your job may be, if you have to postpone things until you get paid, the pay is not sufficient. I am a believer that we should all have at least one stream of income that comes directly to us, meaning you get paid immediately for the work or service you have done. There are a million and one ways to make money! Don’t let you life pass you by waiting for the man to pay off.

3. Praising our children for good grades. Many of our youth are making excellent grades in the classroom yet their life decisions and choices are very poor. We have teenage parents graduating high school at the top of their classes, yet we haven’t taken the time to teach them about life or how to think critically. We fail to teach our children how to make sound decisions, how to weigh out their options and truly get a full view of what’s going on. School merely teaches them to remember and recite information. In the real world, where music and television is God, that translates to watch and imitate. Thus we have youth we excel in school but do not move so well through life. The classroom does not make you! We have to learn to educate our youth about life as well, they must be taught how to play the game of school rather than being played and molded by it.

4. Our desire to imitate white success. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to beautiful, luxurious things. The problem begins when you are willing to live beyond your means and in a constant state of debt, just to appear successful for your peers. It is a problem when we are focused more on looking the role of the successful, rather than actually being in a state of success in life. We sacrifice time away from our family, our good health, and our peace of mind all for the pursuit of material things. We have become mass consumers, when we used to dominate in creating new styles and trends. We were the go to people for what was next, now we’re the first only when it comes to targeting our dollar through advertising.

It is time to take our households back! It is time for us to establish the necessary roles within our households. What works in one household may not work in another. We are individuals, not robots. We should not be limiting women to cooking and cleaning when we are creative life force, healing energy. We should not be limiting men to being emotionally disconnected and weak of flesh, they are powerful, innovative energy. Together, the black man and woman, should be able to conquer any type of injustice yet we are too busy trying to fit into norms that were never made for us to succeed.