(ThyBlackMan.com) This is just a quick note I wanted to share from my spirit, nothing long, drawn out or formal.
As the world talks about rape allegations and what to believe, I reflected on a story about a very, very good friend of mine. Back in college, he slept with a lot of women…he was a good looking dude and seemed to meet a new girl every couple of days (I had to work for female attention, which turned out to be a blessing….too many women can get a man into trouble).
One day, he was at work, and the police came in and put him in handcuffs. They then told him that he was under arrest for raping the woman that he’d slept with the night before. So, in front of all of his co-workers, friends and neighbors (he lived on the same street as his job), he was taken to jail. There was no evidence other than the word of the accuser. This surprised me, because I thought they’d have to have some kind of evidence to lock somebody up like that.
Despite proclaiming his innocence, he was in jail for three weeks. He said that he tried to get a towel to take a shower, and they didnt’ give him one for 10 days. He was forced to drop out of school and use the $3,000 he’d saved for a car to pay his attorney. He passed the time by teaching some of the other inmates how to read.
I didn’t know what to think, since I didn’t know what my friend was like in the bedroom (I’m not gay, so there was no reason for me to be there when he was having sex). But what led me to believe that he was innocent was when a private investigator found out that my friend’s accuser had falsely accused four other men of rape in the previous two years. Apparently, it was some kind of money scheme: If you work for the same company as your assailant, you could sue the company and get some kind of settlement. I have no idea how she kept getting away with it, maybe it was because she kept switching jobs.
When the police realized their error, they didn’t compensate my friend for the money or time he’d lost. He wasn’t compensated for the time he spent in jail or having to drop out of school, nor was he compensated for the trauma of being a “college boy” in jail for three weeks. They didn’t even apologize. Instead, they just let him go and that was it.
What I learned from this story was simple:
1) You should get to know someone before you sleep with them, because people can hurt you or lie on you,
2) when you’re accused of rape, that’s enough to destroy your reputation. You don’t actually need to be convicted in order to be seen as a predator,
and
3) it’s important to look into the past and present behavior of both the accused and the accuser to ascertain the credibility of both parties. Had my friend not looked into this woman’s past, he never would have had the evidence he needed in order to be released.
The most interesting thing about all of this is that MY FRIEND WAS WHITE. I’m not sure if a black man in the south would have been able to release himself from this legal noose. Many brothers can’t get access to thousands of dollars to hire attorneys and a private investigator.
This is a true story and a warning to young brothers about being careful who you sleep with. All that glitters isn’t gold. Also, it’s a reminder that there are many people who are falsely accused on a regular basis, and we can’t allow political talk about things like “rape culture” to cause us to forget that everyone’s rights deserve to be protected, not just those with whom we agree.
Staff Writer; Dr. Boyce Watkins
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition. For more information, please visit http://BoyceWatkins.com.
