Thursday, February 22, 2024

Cupid or Just Plain Stupid?

December 28, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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( Have you ever met a woman that was so desperate for love, she gave up her entire being just for a corner of a man’s heart?  The old saying goes, “A piece of a man is better than no man”.  But, no man is worth having if he doesn’t add to a woman’s life, but takes away from her value.  At some point in her life, every woman has dreamed about her ideal man, planned her wedding and even picked out names for her unborn children. 

But to what extent would she be willing to go to get that “happy” ending?  Is losing her sense of identity worth the cost of being happy?  Unfortunately, a lot of women become so caught up in the things that they want, that theyCouple in bed looking at each other neglect to take care of their own needs.  Rather than be patient and wait on the man that God has for us, we instead try to create him.  However, sometimes what we want is not necessarily what we may need. 

What we fail to realize is that you can be in a relationship with someone, but not have ownership of their heart.  In other words, what good is it to have the key to a man’s heart, if it doesn’t unlock it?  No matter how hard we try to twist and turn the lock, it fails to open.  In more ways than one, relationships are a lot like puzzles.  We as women have all the pieces (signs), but are too afraid to put it together, because the whole idea of being finished (broken up) scares us, because there’s nothing left to do, but move on. 

Rather than move on, we frantically check the box (hold on) hoping that maybe all of the pieces aren’t there.  Truth of the matter, they always were.  But, for some apparent reason, we can’t fathom the idea of being alone.  Immediately, we find fault and blame ourselves for the demise of our relationship, because of something we may or may not have done.  Therefore, we change ourselves and try to fit the description of what someone says we should be. 

As a result, we ultimately end up not liking the person we’ve become.  While we were so busy finding love, we managed to lose ourselves in the process.  What’s even sadder is a man doesn’t realize he had a good woman until she’s gone.  Even then, he still doesn’t realize, because he never paid enough attention to even know she was there.  Besides, I don’t want a man whose ego is bigger than his heart. 

He’ll never be able to love me, because he’s too busy loving himself.  Truth be told, a woman should never fall for a man and expect him to pick her up, when he is the sole reason she is down.  Love is a beautiful thing, but it means nothing when you can’t feel it!  Ladies, know your worth and know when to move on. 

Staff Writer;  Deetra La’Rue

One may also connect with this talented sister via Facebook; D. Larue.



7 Responses to “Cupid or Just Plain Stupid?”
  1. LaSchelle says:

    I am a 42 y/O married woman of 14 years with two children. I have to start by saying it is refreshing to see that “we” as women can have a discussion of differences that can be heard and agreed to disagree all without the stereotypes of “us” women not being able to have conversations without bashing one another. I must say that regardless of a person’s age be it 28 or 35, having a man is definitely a personal and conscious choice. Having children is also a conscious choice as there are so many birth control methods available Noone should have children by “accident” any more. With that being said, YES, we should choose our significant others carefully with not just heart b/c we all know as women we are emotional creatures and we can choose quickly and without bias when we “want” something. We should choose also with our gut all with time. We should never “settle” for anything or anyone as we should never allow anyone to “define” us or our worth. We should always keep in mind that our significant other only compliments who we are, we should always be in control and aware of our happiness. Children should come into the picture when we are ready for them but we have to understand the reality is that after a certain age it is dangerous for the woman and child to be brought into the world from risk of health disabilities due to age. It would be selfish and unfair to the unborn child to bring them into a world they did not ask to come to with disabilities b/c we waited until we were after 40 to have them so we could party, keep our figures or whatever the reason may be. In finishing we must also keep in mind that a “man” or husband is not a guarantee for anything! In relationships either person can come and go at any given moment so a child is truly a gift to us for us but not with the expectations that you have to have a man or anyone to do so. We are who we define ourselves to be.

  2. Steph says:

    In addition, the only way a woman can have a child at any age is through adoption and it is not everybody who is interested to take that road.

  3. Steph says:

    I don’t agree! You are 28 if you are in your 40s and still didn’t find the right person, your clock is ticking to get kids. It is not everybody who can have a child in their 40s like Hally Berry for instance. Each woman has a different body and Hally Berry was lucky. My mom had me late when she was 37 and was not able to have another child after me.

  4. Deetra La'Rue says:

    I’m 28, and regardless of age, one can still marry and have kids even (i.e. Mariah Carey, Halle Berry, etc.). You just got to find the “right” person.

  5. Steph says:

    Thanks for your comment. It would be interesting also to know your age. It is not the same thing to be single during your 20s or 30s (because you can still dream about being married one day, having kids and so on) but being single in your 40s, etc. it is another story. It is nice to know where the author of such a sensitive topic is really coming from.

  6. Deetra La'Rue says:

    Hey Steph,

    Thanks for your reply, and for the record I am single, never been married. As you stated, “…everybody wants to be loved”, but I’m not willing to compromise who I am as an individual for the sake of “being loved”. My father always told my sisters and I to “never show a man more happiness than he shows you, and I am a firm believer of that. I didn’t write the article from a judgemental standpoint, but moreso an informative one, to let women know that they don’t have to “settle”. I don’t know your friend or her situation, nor am I passing judegement, but I refuse to have a “man of the moment”, when I know at any “moment” he might not be there. I would love to be married one day, but I’m not going to exchange vows in “exchange” for the physical presence of a man, because I “don’t want to be alone”. You’re right, “things in life don’t always happen as planned…” As I tell my friends, in life “shhh” happens, and there’s nothing we can do about it except pick up the pieces and put them back where they belong. People make mistakes all the time; either we learn from it or get burned by it! The choice is theirs! Thanks for your input, I really appreciate the feedback!

  7. Steph says:


    I would be really curious to know if you are single or if you have been married for years. Why am I raising this question is because there is a big difference. I hear females who have been in a stable relationship for years and criticise others who ended up with the wrong man, got pregnant and so on. It is too easy to be judgemental when someone has been for decades in a stable relationship. Among my friends, only one has been with the same man for almost twenty years. She was criticising not too long ago a woman who became pregnant at the of age 35 with her man of the moment. I didn’t say anything to her but I felt she did not have the authority to judge her because she does not know what it feels like to be alone for years. Her sister called me once during the Holidays and was crying. She did not have to explain why she was sad, it was obvious to me seeing that she was alone for quite a while. I just listened to her pain. Her sister who is my friend has no clue about the pain of her own flesh and blood! There are many other examples I could give like the one I just described. To finish, things in life do not always happen as planned but everybody wants to be loved.

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