Will the real black men please stand up?

by Staff December 15, 2012 9 Comments News Opinion Relationships Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) The reason why I feel that men particularity black men cringe at the thought of marriage when a woman brings it up is because of the fear of being treated like a child rather than a grown man. Allow me to clarify I know we all have seen some men who’ve been beaten over the head by their women so much that they just allow their wives or their girlfriend to put their balls in their purse.

For example some men get bullied into going to such minstrel show-like films such as “The Help” or “Madea’s Witness Protection”. Most men have had their back bones ripped out of their body and just say the two words that will shut their wives up for the time being “yes dear”.

Let me be clear I’m not saying that a man shouldn’t compromise with his female counter part on certain things regarding their relationships. I just feel that some men just allow their women to use them as doormats and don’t stand up for themselves. I think that society has played a big role in the emasculating of men with the “independent woman” movement which on some part isn’t a bad thing because for one I don’t any man in their right mind who wants a woman who doesn’t want anything out of life other than to be a rich man’s baby-momma.

But the downside of it is that when a woman believe that she can “do bad all by herself” it makes it difficult for her to find a man that loves her because she’s so stuck on not-needing a man but then wanting one at the same time. That’s like saying you want to smoke weed but you don’t want to get high.

My question is why is it that black men have become so soft and just allow their women to run over them and treat them as if their a child when in fact they’re a grown man. Could it be that some men aren’t really men to begin with and have lacked the ability to mature or could it be the fact that society has made it acceptable for women to emasculate their male counterparts?

I just know one thing for sure when I find myself in a relationship I don’t want to walk in front or in back of my female counterpart. I prefer to walk with her because a relationship is a 50/50 partnership. I’m not saying that us as black men don’t want a woman who’s ambitious but just think about this for a moment, you never hear Michelle Obama say that “she can do bad all by herself” or “I’m an independent woman” she just stands by her man and supports him and is still intelligent and graceful. If only there were more Michelle’s and less Wendy Williams in the world………..

Staff Writer; Shawn Hudson

Feel free to connect with this brother via Facebook; Sha.Dimes.

9 Comments

Terrance Amen says:

December 19, 2012 at 3:23 am

This is why it’s so important to create institutions that teach both the man and woman what their roles and responsibilities are because of not having the father or another male role model to teach the boys how to be men. The same goes for women in terms of not having the father around to show them how to treat and be treated by men, through the example of their parents. Also, this is a racial thing because we didn’t have this problem before we were brought to this country, and since then, it has gotten worse. But we can change this by working together in order to solve these and the many other problems in our community

Black Unity means financial independence and happiness.

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Ramses says:

December 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Rock on Deanne!!!!!!!!!!

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Deeann D. Mathews says:

December 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

@Shawn I had forgotten about the discipline issues where a woman will not allow the man they are with to discipline her children. Again, that is so foreign to my experience that it just has trouble settling into my mind. Then again, the coffee shop I am in right now has Beyonce talking about “You must not know ’bout me… I can have another you in a minute.” I can see that there is a problem… a woman with the attitude expressed in that song is just the type to not want to yield any control.

On the other hand, it is next to inconceivable to me that, given my concept of manhood, that a man would be stuck in a relationship — or would not understand that there are specific things he needs to do to have authority in a particular household. The latest replaceable live-in lover is not likely to have the authority status he needs with an equally immoral woman such that he can positively affect those kids. And one would think that a man, before he moved to take the authority spot of husband of a woman with pre-existing kids, would have checked to see how that was going to work out BEFORE he got stuck in this thing called marriage. The thing is simple: if you are in a house where you cannot discipline the kids, you are eventually going to live in a house where you are outnumbered by people who don’t have any respect for you. That is a bad situation… and indeed, a man should not only fear marriage into that situation but SEPARATE from that situation. For it is indeed true: the right to discipline somebody else’s kids is limited, and outside the context of marriage or at least seriously moving toward it, there can be no effective “co-parenting.”

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Jay says:

December 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

This right here is a direct result of black men not being at home to raise their sons properly. I’m sorry, women aren’made to properly raise a male child on there own without a male presence. Alot of these men never seen their fathers interact with their mothers, so to expect a fatherless male to naturally take on responsiblities without a proper male role model to learn these thing from is a hard sell.

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Shawn Hudson says:

December 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

In response to D. matthews I wasn’t trying to say that men are scared of a woman being successful or ambitious I was sayin that you have some men stuck in relationships where they can’t even discipline their own kids unless their woman says they can. Your comment about women ebing scared is just as accuarate as men being scared because wether you want to admit it or not their are some women that wear “the pants” in the relationship.

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Ramses says:

December 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

Appreciate it Moor, trying to enlighten brothers out here. Not saying I have all the answers but you’ll my brothers in the end and maybe through these mediums we can break the shackles of
bitch-niggerness and form stronger bonds of brotherhood and defend each other. Our women won’t defend us so we must do it ourselves. We have to have each other’s back. Or we won’t make it

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Realman says:

December 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

@Ramses, good comment.

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Ramses says:

December 15, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Like I said before…if you’re in your mid twenties, a woman, and don’t know the basics of coexisting with a man (and i won’t list them because you should know) then you will never know. This argument is exhausted at this point. Somethings we make too difficult. The same thing self-respecting Chinese, Hispanic, Middle Eastern men look from from good women is what we black men look for. It’s a man thing, not racial at all. At the end of the day, race does not matter when you want the basics of civilization (family structure). We always speak of things under a group mentality but when it comes to relationship situation that is an individual matter. I don’t have loyalty to black people based on racial lines anymore. My loyalty to anyone is based on the contents of their character, not the color of their skin. Racial politics are dead to me. I don’t need to unite with black people to be successful. I can achieve success through my own hands as a man and if I happen to link up with brothers or sisters in the course of doing that cool. If I achieve success working with other people in other groups, that’s cool too. Success to me is not a color to me. But one thing I won’t do is marry a woman w/o culture. That is stupid for any man to do, not just the black man. Even God in the scriptures warned Solomon not to marry certain women from certain tribes. God put men up on game. Even God recognizes the brotherhood of man and will counsel men against certain types of women. We get on here and act like black women can’t be evil. Who told you’ll this? Last time i checked, I’ve seen some black women do some evils things. And unlike a lot of other black people, I’m not making excuses for them. As an individual person, they are each responsible for how they carry themselves and if they don’t carry themselves in the proper way then they will become women of the world (instead of just in the world). The only organization I’m starting is is a family. One in which I lead and I have willing participants that follow. Black women have the choice to not follow black men and they don’t have to. But, we have the choice of not wanting these type of women as future wives. My path in life is my choice as is her path in life is hers. We sit here trying to convince black women to be positive, loving, respectful and all that but who says a lot of them want to be that? These women, who have slept with other women, you think they can be made whole again once they cross that line? What about those who have played musical chairs with the different men they have slept with? Can they recover from that? As men do you want to marry women like this? Forget the racial dynamics for a minute. What civilized man, who loves himself, would do this to himself? Attach a woman to his hip who has no self-respect for herself? We all know there are females who are willing to compromise their bodies fro money. That will never change. What about these females who do it for free? A lot of these females men meet on a daily basis, not knowing their slutty histories. How many of you dudes really know the women you lay down with? Some of you dudes are naive to think that females really like you sometimes when sometimes, a lot of times, they see a gullible nigga they can run game on. Lot of you dudes have been the victim of pimpology, only by a woman. When real men stand up, they completely throw up a middle finger to these types of females. Some of these females even run in our families. Doesn’t matter. Throw up a middle finger to them too. Your loyalty to yourself should come before these women being happy and spoiled. Remember men, you bring women in your life to make you happy, not the reverse. Their happiness is secondary to yours and most owmen in the world understand this that’s why they revere their men because when they do that first, then the feeling is reciprocated. I will never say a woman should not be happy, just not before me. She is supposed to be my companion. Keyword “my.” She is here for me and in turn for her loyalty, I will give her what I choose she deserves. I know this sounds like Taliban shit but it’s right there in your trusty old Bible. I remember when I was entertaining getting back with my ex-wife and I read in the first 5 books of Moses that once another Man enters your ex-wife, you can never re-enter her. Men, this is the same for women in general. You can’t try to be with women who have sex with you, the next week do the same thing with a different man, then come back a week later and have sex with you again. It’ not good at all. I know you want to be all cool and think blazing different chicks makes you a Man. It doesn’t. It helps you develop your skills. But entering chicks who allow different men to enter them every other week, or sometimes the same week, is not what’s up. If they prositutes there is a clear line and you don’t fall in love with them (if you’re smart). What about those who don’t stand on the corner, yet carry themselves like prostitutes? These same chicks you see in the club smiling in your face with the next man;s sperm on her breath? You’re gonna wife that up? if you do that then you deserve going through the dumb shit you do. i started suggesting to dudes to pay for sex now because at least there is a clear line and you know that these chicks are for one thing only: sexual pleasure. You cannot have a spiritual connection with a whore. And I do not want anyone on here to mention mary magdalene either. Please don’t do that. Men you need to profile these women. Instead of just thinking these women are all good you might need to be a little bit more analytical of them. Just trying to warn you’ll because a lot of you have had game ran on you w/o even knowing it. Be loyal to your Creator and yourself first. If God tells you not wo wife a whore like in Leviticus 21:7 listen!!!!!! Stop letting these chicks convince you they can be born again virgins!!!!! That’s game!!!!!!!!LOL

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Deeann D. Mathews says:

December 15, 2012 at 8:02 pm

What interests me so much about this article is the universality of its insights; many women fear marriage for the same reasons, that is, being treated like a child by a mate that controls all resources and allows no input on decisions. Back in the day, expressing too many opinions about grown folks’ decisions was a child’s surefire route to getting a beatdown. While most men do not have to worry about that physical reality in adult relationships, most women do. Being treated like a child is thus a definite fear, but what surprised me is to read it in the context of Black men and marriage. Maybe it’s just how I was raised, by men mature in age and spirit. I cannot conceive of any woman ever treating them like children after a certain age; I don’t even think my dad and granddads would have even comprehended the concept. It is not a fear I do not think they would even register; what woman could undo their settled manhood, which to them was as closed a question as the sun rising tomorrow? Times have changed…

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