(ThyBlackMan.com) One of things I have noticed about us as women is that we play the victim card like it’s the Big Joker in spade game. Some situations are we really the victim? Yes….but in ALL situations? Not so much. The following statement was made during a dialog on my facebook page.
“THE STATEMENT IS BEHIND EVERY NO GOOD WOMEN IS A NO GOOD MAN. AND IT IS TRUE BE IT A NO GOOD FATHER, PIMP OR WHAT EVER MALE INFLUENCE THAT WAS IN THE WOMENS LIFE IS WHAT SHE MIMICS OR WHAT SHE EXPECTS FROM THE MALE.”
So, I had to wonder what’s behind a “no good man“. Is it a no good woman? Could the same be true if it was a no good mother, what if a woman abused him? What if a woman molested him? What if a woman pimped HIM out? What if he was hurt, lied to and manipulated by a woman? Does that affect his expectations of a female? Or does the woman get a pass because the misconception is that some no good man did those things to her? (Please understand that I am NOT making light of any situations where either the male or female is violated or abused) I only ask because I see that a lot or I see women saying behind a “good man is an even greater woman” or 
something similar to what was stated above…..so again I was just wondering what’s behind a so called no good man?It seems like it’s a double standard to take credit for the “greatness” we bring out in men and discount that we can also bring out the “worse” in them as well.
I know the nursery rhyme may have told us that “little girls are made up of sugar and spice and everything nice”, but that is not always the case. Among women, when we swap horror stories of failed relationships, why is it that no one offers accountability? I used to be among that circle, and no one would ask me, well Nojma, how did you contribute to the situation? More than likely I was encouraged to do tit for tat and was told that I was justified in doing so. We talk about how we have been dogged out, but conveniently leave out the part about putting out the kibbles and bits. How can two people make a decision yet only ONE person is 100 % blame?
When I hear things like “men are running through women” my initial thought is well…how can they run through women IF the women aren’t using their wombs like a baton at a track match? Open legs double as an invitation. Closed legs serve as a keep the hell out. You have to know your worth so not even the dude with the dopest game will have the ability to get you off your square. Sisters, somewhere along the line we are going to have to accept accountability.
I mean it seems like if we get a cold we blame the Brother for not covering his mouth when he sneezed. WE set the tone; Brothers could not sleep around IF WE were not SLEEPING WITH them. I mean….if we want brothers to respect the womb, then we have to respect it FIRST. It’s so simple I’m teaching my daughters how to do it!
Whenever I promote accountability or post pictures that showcase the mindset of a percentage of women in our community, I get so much opposition. I wonder if I posted one of those Black Men are all dogs pictures…what would the response be like? I wonder if Sisters would have been like Nojma you are wrong for that….or I wonder would my ears be ringing from all the applause of “that’s right”!
We don’t even understand the science of words. When you call a Black Man a dog, what you are really doing is calling his Mother a Bitch. If you say all Black Men are dogs then what you are really saying is all Black Women are Bitches, because who gives birth to these so called dogs? See whenever we insult HIM, we are really insult OURSELVES and vice versa. Either way we show gross disrespect to our own existence because we can’t continue the cycle of life without one another.
I’m just saying….if all you see is the dog in HIM, then all he is going to see is the bitch in YOU. Keep in mind I am not calling Black Women that word, nor do I promote it, but Again, if you can’t see the good in HIM…then how in the hell can he see the good in YOU? Doesn’t feel too good when I put in that way….does it?
When a man reveals himself to us, and we transform him in OUR mind, give him our heart, give him access to our sacred space, and get hurt, whose fault is it really? If we give ourselves to someone that has proven to be unworthy are we just in playing the victim? I know plenty of situations where women are the victim by default, and the man is automatically in the wrong and those roles given were solely based on gender. While we “claim” the victim, role, the REAL victims are our children.
Too many of us are becoming the “woman who cried victim” just because we don’t want to honestly asses ourselves, our destructive behavior, our manipulative ways, our contributions in a failed relationship, because it’s so much easier to blame it on someone else, than face that reflection in the mirror.
If you lay down with a man, then be prepared to get up with the consequences that may follow. Stopping playing the victim because originally you played yaself!
