(ThyBlackMan.com) I posted a picture on my facebook page, and in the picture were a set of four couples. There was a White couple, a Latino couple, an Asian couple and a Black Couple. The men in the picture were positioned on a work out bench as if they were lifting weights, but the actual weights looked like the Planet Earth.
In the picture, the White, Latina and Asian women are standing directly behind their men, “spotting” them, and giving them encouraging words. However, in the case of the Black Couple, the Woman is standing behind her man, with her arms crossed, with an exasperated look on her face, and the caption says the following:
“Sigh. Would you hurry up! I told you to let me do it but nooooo you’re the man right? Please I am strong and I am independent and I don’t need a man for anything.” The Brother’s response is “Dammit Woman!”
Needless to say this caused a lot of interesting dialog on my facebook page. Of course this picture doesn’t represent all Black Women as a whole, but we have to submit to the truth that it does represent a certain percentage. I have never heard or read a White woman saying she doesn’t need her man. I have 
never heard a Latina woman say she doesn’t need or want her man. I have never heard or read an Asian woman say she doesn’t need or want her man.
never heard a Latina woman say she doesn’t need or want her man. I have never heard or read an Asian woman say she doesn’t need or want her man. However, when it comes to us as Black Women, we will make it known to our men that we don’t need them, then turn around and have the audacity to get upset when they find solace in women that look nothing like us. Why would a man stay where he isn’t wanted or needed? So many times, I hear Sisters say they can’t find a good Black Man, so why are these women of other ethnicities able to find them? You will never find that which you don’t believe exists.
One of the symbolisms that I found to be really poignant was the fact that what the men were attempting to lift was the world, and the women were positioned to spot them. In weight lifting, spotting is “the act of supporting another person during a particular exercise, with an emphasis on allowing the participant to lift or push more than he could normally do safely”.
The key word is support. We know that the Black Man has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He is born into this world with a bulls eye on his back with an expectancy of failure. Who better to support, encourage and alleviate his stress than his counterpart; the Black Woman? Why are we so quick to tell a man “I don’t need you”. Why can’t we just tell the truth? Why can’t we say that I tell you I don’t need you as a defense mechanism?
I tell you I don’t need you because I don’t know how to love you, because I don’t know how to love myself. I tell you I don’t need you, because I don’t know how to KEEP you. I tell you I don’t need you because my mother taught me to view all Black Men through a limited scope. I tell you I don’t need you, because I have been hurt, I haven’t healed, and I am afraid that if I let you in, you will hurt me. I tell you that I am strong, because I am afraid to expose my weakness. I tell you that I am strong, to make you feel weaker. I pull from what I “think” is your weakness in order to gain what I “think” is strength.
We want all this love and support from Black Men, but what we don’t realize is that we must first be willing to GIVE that which we desire to RECEIVE. Black Men need to be “spotted” by us. They need comfort, peace of mind, uplifting, encouragement, SUPPORT, recognition for their achievements, help to complete their goals, and when the weight of the world is pulling on them, they need us to make sure their back doesn’t break. Keep telling him that you are Miss Independent, and that’s all you will ever be is a “Miss” never a “Mrs.”; to be independent is to be alone!
I know that some found the picture offensive, as the truth normally offends those whom it applies to. If the woman in the picture, doesn’t represent you, then that’s beautiful. However, she does represent many of us, and the Brother represents the frustration of a lot of Brothers. If we don’t get ourselves together as Black Women, WITHOUT deflection and pointing the finger back on the Brothers, we will find ourselves alone.
Black Men have plenty of options and are exercising said options. Learn how to “spot” your man and our Brothers in general, before others continue to come assist them with carrying the weight, while we stand back and watch him struggle to carry the weight on his own, but also with additional weight and added pressure from us. To continue to repeat the mantra of “I don’t need you, I am strong, I am independent” is to continue a cycle of broken homes, and disgruntled women. That’s why you’re bitter now, because you’re lying to yourself and him, telling him you don’t need him, when both of us need each other. When we support THEM, they will in turn support US. Remember the job of the “spotter” is to be there in case anything goes wrong. A spotter creates encouragement , a sense of confidence and enables completion….sounds like the Black Woman to me!
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.
