(ThyBlackMan.com) There is a lot of money in male bashing, especially regarding Black Men. I remember when the book “Waiting to Exhale” first came out, I read it and I saw the movie, and like every other Sister in there I cheered Angela Bassett on when she burned up all the Brother’s clothes and car. I cheered on Savannah (Whitney Houston’s character) as she threw the drink in Kenneth’s face, and I recall the harmony of the women, almost like a chorus of “he’s a dog”, or “no he didn’t”, regarding Russell’s (Leon’s character)reaction to the news of Robin’s pregnancy.
But wait……….were those cheers really warranted?
Let’s do a quick recap shall we? Savannah was knowingly sleeping with a MARRIED man and Savannah continued to sleep with a man that refused to commit to her………so why did Black Women hail Terry McMillan as a champion? Simple; we don’t like to be held accountable for our role in relationships, for the men we chose, and everyone capitalizes off our refusal to do so, they become prosperous while the condition of our relationships and how we relate to one another remains destitute.
Because we as woman operate off of emotions, it is so easy to appeal and play on our emotions (starting with the Color Purple), enter in Tyler Perry who is KNOWN for putting Black Men (For Colored Girls is one of THE MOST 
BLATANT attack on Black Men) on blast in such a negative way in some of his movies.
Now what would be the point of the movies? It’s to continue the feelings of anger, hurt and disappointment from Black Women to Black Men. Come on Sisters, at one time or another haven’t you read or watched a movie that reminded you of a “brother that did you wrong?” Didn’t you feel like someone stole some pages out of your Diary when you watched “Diary of a Mad Black Woman?” When you sit through these movies or read these books, all it does is focus your pain on the Black Man or Black Men that hurt you, thus starting or reiterating the school of thought that “there are no good black men”. So “there are no good black men” becomes the mantra of our women, and a lullaby for our daughters.
Next, usher in Steve Harvey, who is telling you to “Act like a Lady, and think like a Man”, but doesn’t it make more sense to just act like and lady and think like one? Steve Harvey advises women to wait 90 days before they give up the “cookie”. Now let’s stop right here for a moment. Is this what we are calling our wombs now, a “cookie”? A cookie is also known as a “treat”, what do you give dogs when they exhibit good behavior? A TREAT! I’m just saying keep that in mind the next time you run and tell someone you got “dogged” out. Ok, so back to Mr. Harvey. Wait 90 days before you give a man access to the most intimate part of you. He doesn’t say wait 90 days until MARRIAGE, he says wait until 90 days to have sex. So, basically he is promoting fornication. He uses the analogy of a job and benefits. On a job you don’t get benefits until 90 days is his reasoning. However, sex should be a benefit related to MARRIAGE. Ok so what if you wait 90 days, to have sex with a man, and HE still doesn’t give you the type of commitment you desire. Then what? Are you going to keep interviewing and keeping giving up the cookie after 90 days? Do you know how much emotional and physical wear and tear that will place on our bodies?
You know why that “advice” was so readily received by so many of us as Sisters? It is because we THINK that is where our power is. We think that we can garner a marriage proposal by wowing a man with our sexual gymnastics, and when that doesn’t work, all of a sudden WE become the victim, even we attempted to use our wombs as a form of manipulation. A man will TELL you exactly what he wants, but WE CHOSE to interpret his words. A man will tell you he is not ready for a relationship, we translate that into “he’s not ready right now”. A man will tell you that he is not looking for anything serious; we translate that into “I can change his mind”.
We as women are going to HAVE to start holding ourselves accountable for the men WE chose and accept the consequences of OUR actions. Our choices are a DIRECT reflection of how we see ourselves. If all the men you encounter are all about the a** that is because that’s it’s all YOU OFFER THEM, because that is all you feel you’re worth. If all the men in your life are liars, it is because you have LIED TO YOURSELF, by thinking you would lay down with a liar, and then magically you would rise up with a champion for truth. If all the men in your life have never offered marriage to you, it is because YOU have never made marriage a requirement. If all the men in your life have mistreated you, it is because you are MISTREATING yourself! If you have never experienced real love it is because you have NEVER REALLY LOVED YOURSELF. Until you look at SELF, love SELF and HEAL, you will continue to invite PAIN in your life. Society doesn’t determine how a man treats you, YOU determine DO! Once you learn to value YOURSELF, others will follow suit.
While we sit around and talk about how no good the Men are………do we look in the mirror at ourselves? Are we good women? Are we supportive? Can we see how WE contribute to the breaking down of our men? How would that make us appealing if they hear from us, what they hear from everyone else? I.E. You are a failure! What is desirable about that? Nothing! We submit to the pre conditioned idea that there are no good men…..then sit and wonder why we’re single.
I’m just saying, the next time you decide to have a “Black Men ain’t shyt party”, check yourself and see if YOUR actions are worthy of RSVP.
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.
