(ThyBlackMan.com) Involved single fathers, the one’s who pick up their children, keep them for the weekend or every other week are still sometimes left out in the cold when it comes the little things. Dads who care want more rather than less information about their children. They want to know that their children are safe, adjusting well and they also want to know if there is more that they can do to participate more intimately in their children’s lives. From schoolwork to boyfriends, menstruation and more, dad has to rely on mom to share information that will keep them connected to their children. More often than not mom will share the big things. What she doesn’t tell you is not always because she doesn’t want you to know, but because it will make her feel too vulnerable. Women sometimes forget that men have feelings too. We often think it is all about us and how hard we work to keep the family organized and running smoothly. We can sometimes neglect to involve you, engage you and give you the not so obvious information that can change the dynamic of an extended family. After surveying and observing lots of single women with children, I compiled a list of things that your child’s mother will never tell you, but you probably would like to know…
1. She needs you to say you are sorry.
2. She needs to tell you she is sorry.
3. She needs you to back her up when she disciplines the children. The kids respond differently to your voice and your discipline.
4. When your son turns 16, is taller and bigger than she is, she needs you to be more involved in his life. He needs you to be more involved in his life.
5. When your daughter begins dating she needs her father to show her how a man should treat a woman.
6. She needs to know that the children are always safe with you.
7. She needs a break every now and then; even if it is not your time to have the children, she wants you to offer to give her some
“me” time.
8. Sometimes she is afraid that she cannot do it all. Just because she makes it look like she doesn’t need you, anybody or anything; she really does need help.
9. The kids always need you to honor your word and to make them feel loved and special in your life.
10. Sometimes she feels guilty that her kids are growing up without their father in the home. She is concerned that they will be affected by your absence when they get older.
11. Some days she is downright exhausted and she doesn’t feel strong, but she doesn’t want to let anyone know, least of all you.
12. She wonders what it would have been like if the two of you stayed together.
13. She really does hate fighting with you, but sometimes it seems like that is the only way to get your attention.
14. Sometimes she needs to spend time with you to talk about the kids.
15. She is dating a guy that she met on the Internet or who has a record.
16. Her boyfriend hits her.
17. She doesn’t want your girlfriend babysitting the kids. She REALLY doesn’t want your boyfriend babysitting the kids.
18. She bought those gifts you got on Christmas and father’s day from your kids. She is angry/hurt when you only thank your 5 year old for the gifts.
19. She doesn’t want you to ask to be invited to participate in your child’s extracurricular activities, she and the kids want you to be involved and interested in what they are doing.
20. She wants you to show up at thePTAand parent teacher meetings, but not with your new girlfriend in tow.
21. She believes that if you remarry and have more children the child she has with you will be ignored or treated poorly by your new bride.
22. She doesn’t want you to spring it on her that you are getting married. She needs time to adjust emotionally to the news, and so do the kids.
23. She wants to remarry.
24. She wants the children to live with you.
25. She needs you to pray with and for the children.
Somebody has to insist upon a higher level of communication, for the sake of the children and because it’s the right thing to do. While everything here will not apply to you, some of it may. So, what can you do about it? Ask questions. Pay attention to the signs and signals that something isn’t quite right. Talk to the kids without prying on their mother, but find out what is going on at home. Father’s, without a doubt, are a critically necessary part of the lives of their children. Whether anyone tells you or not, your children really need you and you make a difference in their lives.
Staff Writer; Cathleen Williams
This talented sister is the author of Single Mother The New Father, Volume 1 Sports. She is a practicing attorney in New York City, a gifted public speaker and she is the 2012 New York State Regional Coordinator for International Men’s Day. She also hosts “Ask Cathleen” on Blog Talk Radio Sunday’s 7PM.
You can find her on the web at; http://www.cathleenwilliams.com
