(ThyBlackMan.com) Circumstances have caused Women to be placed into roles that were not designed for them, and because of that, and in addition to subscribing to certain mentalities, we have a lot of role play going on in our communities. The “Independent Mindset” has made many women delusional (thinking she is “the man”) thus creating power struggles in our households. No man wants to feel like his wife is competing with him; every time he comes home there is a head butting match going on. Here she is telling him,” anything you can do I can do better”. Really? Well NATURALLY produce your own sperm and impregnate yourself! Let’s stop with this “I don’t need a man nonsense”, and if we are married or seeking marriage, before you talk about what the “ideal husband” is, make sure you are an “ideal WIFE” FIRST.
When a man asks a woman to marry him he is asking her to be his wife. He is asking her to submit to him, He is asking her to trust him, to respect his role, and understand her role as it relates to marriage. He is asking her to birth his legacy. He is asking her to stand by him and encourage him. He is asking her to be his helpmeet.
When a woman says “yes” to a marriage proposal, she is saying “yes I trust you to lead me and our children”, “yes I trust you to protect us, and make the best decisions for us as a family”, “yes I trust you to be the head of our household”, “yes I will extend your life and build a legacy with you by giving you children”, “yes I will submit to you”, “yes I will be your HELPMEET”.
What is a helpmeet? As a wife it means you HELP your HUSBAND, you HELP him MEET his goals and you HELP him MEET and increase his potential to succeed. Whatever your husband needs you to be, whether it is his secretary, his PR, his researcher, his accountant or his administrative 
assistant you cheerfully assist him. So many women want a man that’s already “arrived” they miss out on the beautiful journey of helping him “get there”.
Now let’s talk about the word that paralyzes women in fear or causes rebelliousness; SUBMISSION! Sisters why are we so afraid or why do we rebel against submission? Do we not realize that at our place of employment we submit to our supervisors, and more than likely we do so with a smile on our faces? Do we not realize that we submit to a certain style of dress based on advertising? However when we come home, the smile that was displayed on our faces to our supervisor turns into a snarl when we greet our husbands. In a world where the Black Man’s authority is unrecognized, discounted, undermined and overshadowed, he does not need his authority bucked in his own house by his wife. Yes a husband has authority over his wife.
Ephesians 5:22-23 “ Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.One of the definitions for the word “head” is as follows: The position or place of leadership, greatest authority, or honor.
So you can clearly see that a husband has authority over his wife. Now let’s define what type of authority, because with authority comes control. Brothers, let’s not be control freaks. If God isn’t leading YOU, then you are incapable of leading anyone else. We don’t want a “King Kong beating on my chest, I’m man do as I say” authority either. Don’t be abusive with your control and become a tyrant. Your wife is not your slave, she is your counterpart.
Now Sisters, I already know that when you read the word control, antennas went up. I can hear the collective mantra of “No man is going to control me” all around the globe. Well if a man isn’t able to control you how will he protect you? How can a man lead if there is no control? How can a man lead if he is being disobeyed? What we have to realize is that our husbands have our BEST INTEREST at heart and in mind. Part of man’s role is to secure his family, and how can he secure his wife, if she is out running loose, in a club in or an environment that compromises her safety? We don’t have the luxury of picking and choosing what a man’s role is, and what parts we agree and are willing to deal with. Yet we want our roles altered and understood. When did cooking and providing Heaven in our homes become beneath us as women?
I often hear talk of Sisters wanting a “real man” well, some of us couldn’t handle a “real man” nor would we be able to recognize him if he presented himself to us. The problem is that many of us think we are “real women” but in actuality we are operating off a synthetic mindset. We want men that WE can control, but let me tell you something about a “real man”; A “real man” will not let a woman control him. ( I Tim. 2:11-12, “She shall have no dominion over a man“) As women the only male we have control over are our sons and even that is for a limited time. So please stop with the “I let a man be a man”, because you don’t give a man permission to be anything but what he is, instead try working on embracing all the beautiful qualities and gifts that we possess as women.
I know some of us as women might have been placed in situations where we had no control and we were violated and it might be hard for us to submit, because we feel like we lose so much of ourselves if we do. It is in our nature to submit, it is an act of call and response, his nature calls for submission and our nature responds by submitting. Sisters, there is so much power and beauty in submission. When your husband exhibits the God within himself, your nature, that same nature that you try to fight, will betray you and act accordingly. You will find that submitting will not only become an honor but a PLEASURE to do so. A man that knows his wife is submissive, a man that knows that his word and authority and word is respected in his house, that man will go above and beyond for his wife hence, the beautiful power of submission.
Another vital role as a wife is the manner in which we speak to our husbands. Sometimes our tone is so harsh and instead of soothing the lashes on his back, we add more. When we speak to men in a certain manner, nothing gets accomplished because he automatically shuts down. I have been in an abusive relationship and I know what it feels like not to be heard, so I would literally get into a screaming match all because I felt like my voice, my words and my thoughts were not being taken seriously, so I can understand Sisters who feel like they have to speak in a certain manner because they have been silenced before. We have to heal from those past relationships and learn how to choose more wisely, and speak in a tone that will be properly received.
Black Men have so many trials. They are told by this world they are nothing; they don’t that repeated to them from their wife. The Bible gives specific instructions regarding a wife and her tone; Proverbs 21:19 “ Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” A desert is a place that is void of water, without water life cannot be sustained, just think about that! It’s better for a man to live in a dessert than with a nagging wife, a place where he could essentially die…why is that? Because with our tones we have the capability to kill a man’s SPIRIT. As wives we are to replenish, rebuild and renew our husbands.
So let’s stop this destructive role play. As a woman focus on what your role is. Stop looking across the aisle telling him everything he needs to be, because all of us are not the “good woman” that we THINK we are. The reality is, when we learn how to master our roles, HIS role isn’t up for discussion because nature takes place. If WE as WOMEN are ACTIVELY fulfilling our roles, then our MEN will in turn fulfill their roles.
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.