You Have To Create Your Own World To Live In…

by Staff December 24, 2011 13 Comments Brother Talk Opinion Relationships Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) My father recently told me something that blew me away. All the game I have, all I’ve learned, came mostly from my old man. He gave me the game since I was a kid, yet he still surprises me from time to time. What he basically said was:

“You have to create your own world to live in“. He elaborated:

When a man meets a woman, the typical thing that most dudes do is, he’ll leave his world and move over into HER world. He’ll forsake his life, and become a part of HER life. But thats out of order. The woman is supposed to leave HER world and come be a part of yours…not the other way around.

Your job as a man is to create a ‘world’…a life for yourself…that’s centered around YOU; what you like to do, your goals and ambitions. When you meet a woman, she should be willing to forsake her world, and her life, to come join up with yours. Any woman not willing to do so is simply not worthy of you.

Most dudes do the total opposite. They meet a female, and all of a sudden, they can’t hang out with the boys no more. They don’t do any of the things they use to do before this chick came along. They leave their home and move in with the chick and her kids. What they basically do is tell the female: “You are superior to me, and I willingly submit myself and happiness to you.”

And a woman, no matter how cooperative she may be at the moment, she’ll eventually lose interest in and attraction for a man who ceases to be a challenging man. Women are looking for a Leader. And leaders lead…they don’t follow. Stop following these women, and going along with their program…their agenda. Set you own agenda, and never deviate from it. Its this type of man that even the most hardened, man hating “Ms. Independent Diva” would lay down her ways for and willingly join up with.

You have the power Men…you always did. Thanks to sites and authors dedicated to authentic manhood, you are starting to wake up to your true potential as Men. Go your way, and simp no more…

Staff Writer; Mack Major ||

13 Comments

Deeann D. Mathews says:

October 19, 2012 at 4:49 am

I see the general point here… there is one serious objection, however, and it is far older than me:

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother , and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” — Ephesians 5:31

God repeated Himself in such a way that does not seem to allow for the woman forsaking her whole world; the only person commanded to leave stuff to make things work is the man! It actually does go to your general point, of course, that a man needs to grow up and away from whatever he needs to in order to become whoever God created him to be and do whatever God created him to do … but let’s slow the roll on the woman needing to forsake everything she knows in order to be “worthy.” Even the Lord Jesus Christ did not ask for that without making a TREMENDOUS sacrifice for His Bride, the Church, first… he left His Father and His throne and many of the prerogatives of being THE Creator in order to redeem His bride. AFTER that, He asks indeed for total submission, and the whole Christian life is maturing into giving that — but for two thousand years and counting, the Church has been left in her world to represent the Groom to Whom she belongs — not of the world, of course, but still in it! This again suggests that this general idea of a woman forsaking everything she knows for a man — any man — is not quite on point. You speak of worthiness: no man or woman is worthy of what God has not yet demanded for Himself!

That said, I do see your general point. My foremothers all married men who had their lives centered around what they knew was God’s purpose for them, and who were looking for women of similar purpose to go with and help them on the journey. Each party moved away from some things in order to move together; what they had left they blended and extended… family, friends, and eventually, generational wealth. Indisputably, the men led. But their wives, dynamic women all, were not diminished nor ignored; they enjoyed the trust of their husbands so that they had the freedoms of action suggested in Proverbs 31:10-31. Some moved together across the country, so BOTH gave up everything and most everyone they knew (and one decided he would not only bring HIS family to California, but HERS too so they could all benefit together). Some men figured their wives had better resources and figured they could sock more time and energy and money away to meet the family needs if they DID all decide to live in the family house in which the wife grew up. And so on… lots of variation in circumstances, lots of stuff brought to the table by both parties, lots of dynamism created by strong men leading in such a way that equally strong women were willing to follow — with NEITHER diminished, and BOTH sacrificing heavily for the other’s needs to make things work. Which brings me to the most overlooked verse on submission by both men and women in the whole Bible, Ephesians 5:21. My foreparents’ marriages worked out because while the order set down for marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33 was respected, they did know verse 21 came first: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

I wouldn’t have brought all that up except that you said “… There’s a new type of brother on the block… We love God, know our bibles, and our standards are HIGH.” I was raised by the old school of that same vintage of brother, now elder — and they taught me to double-check every time the Scriptural order is referenced by a brother to support whatever argument he is making about how men and women are to behave. Some of us sisters have high standards and a penchant for II Timothy 2:15 to match, so when you say we need to do something to be worthy of a man, we will go check with our Father’s Word and get back to you…

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Mack says:

March 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

@ Eleanie Campbell:

Not insecure at all my sister. I’m confident enough to be real about my expectations up front.

However I do believe you’re reading things into my article that I never meant to imply. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having a lady by your side who has hopes and dreams of her own. I just don’t believe a man should forsake his own dreams or the life he’s worked hard at creating just to have a woman in his life. If she respects him and his God-given role as a man, she won’t find my words too offensive at all.

The real disagreement seems to come from women who have a problem with the idea of submitting to men in today’s society. Maybe it has something to do with lacking a strong masculine father/role model in one’s life, or past failed relationships with loser type dudes.

Society wants to place women on pedestals and men in subservient roles as women-pleasers. But no true women enjoys such an arrangement for long. After while she begins to despise that man for being a weakling and spineless. And breakup is soon to follow.

Secretly you want a strong confident man who has his life together. You want a man who’s a take charge leader type; someone who has the backbone to stand his ground when needed and move in the direction his wisdom is leading him in. You want a man who can upgrade you, in ways more than just with money. Someone who can impart greater life wisdom. A man who has the inner strength to know he must rely on God, and by the strength of his own connection with the Divine he can bring you closer to the Presence of God and your own higher purpose.

Any guy with this level of confidence will never ‘rain on’ your dreams. In fact, he’ll support them. He’ll push you to be your best and greatest self, because you’ll be a direct reflection of him. Trust me: there’s plenty of us quality brothers out there.

If you have a problem with what I wrote, maybe I didn’t explain myself in clearer terms. Or perhaps you need to upgrade the quality of men you choose to deal with.

Either way I wish you much success on your journey.

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Eleanie says:

February 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

“The woman is supposed to leave HER world and come be a part of yours…not the other way around. Your job as a man is to create a ‘world’…a life for yourself…that’s centered around YOU; what you like to do, your goals and ambitions. When you meet a woman, she should be willing to forsake her world, and her life, to come join up with yours. Any woman not willing to do so is simply not worthy of you.”

I am not a feminist by a long shot. But I should not and will not put my dreams on the back burner for anyone. I thought marriage and love was suppose to be a partnership.

Yes I want my man to be the man. I will support him, but I also deserve support in return. I feel that a man can lead me without telling me to just drop my dreams and goals to the side of the road.

I was not put on this earth to only please a man. I suppose this sister is not worthy according to what you say.

Any man or woman (for that matter) with the same thoughts and beliefs as yourself comes across as insecure. Not one that can and shall lead.

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RevREALITY says:

January 7, 2012 at 5:45 am

Lets face it,things are great in the beginning,but as time goes on and the challenges come and go it becomes work.Relationships morph into something different after spending years together,and if you’re expecting what you had at the inception of the “hook-up”,to still be there down the road…forget it.Life,age,career,health,time,and of course money…all these work against relationships.So,if you’re not willing to deal with the inevitables of life together,then it matters little what type of man or woman you are at the start…all that matters is are you able to finish?

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Blessedwithagoodblackman says:

January 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm

@FeedUpSista…yes I think this BLACK MAN is serious! What exactly makes you so sick & tired of black men & all their BS?? Why are you so quick to just throw them all away??Sounds to me like maybe YOU are the one with the PROBLEM!?

@OriginalMan- I so agree…I totally understand this concept…I guess that’s why I’m in a wonderful relationship!! 🙂

As a strong black woman who just so happens to be in a VERY positive, committed relationship, I must say that I totally agree with the author.

To all the “women” out there who have a problem with what has been written, my response to you is… you don’t have a problem with the author- the problem starts within yourself. You have a problem with a man being over you.

The issue is having the RIGHT man over you & then there is NO PROBLEM. The RIGHT man understands that, yes it is a partnership (if you are married) BUT he is STILL the head of the household. If you are a confident woman, one who understands the TRUE nature of how God designed this thing from the start- you understand that YOU need to have a LEADER- in your household.

This by NO means denigrates what your womanhood is, nor does it reduce you to being this subservient individual. All it means is that you have someone that will LEAD you- GUIDE YOU..

If the MAN in the household is LED by GOD- the natural order of things SAYS that HE is supposed to LEAD his household. I have no problem being LED because I am EXTREMELY secure in where I stand in myself, with GOD & in my relationship.

Too many women are on some feministic power trip- wanting to dress like a man, have the same jobs they do, & even f&ck like a man does…well WAKE UP CALL… you are a female.

We were created from ADAM’s rib to be a HELPMATE- HIS companion, not the other way around.

I always wanted a man that could mentally stimulate me, make me intrigued, make me realize that HE was the man- that he was the one that wore the pants. I was tired of meeting these “mealy-mouthed” supposed men who would be more like sissy mama’s boys still wanting to suck at their mother’s teat, who would PRETEND at being MEN, who had NO clue who they really were – so how the HELL are you going to be able to lead me & a future generation???

No Thanks!! I’ll take the LEADER that I have in my life right now!!

LEAD ON BABY…LEAD ON!!

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Mack says:

December 30, 2011 at 8:48 pm

@NotReally

“…we are looking for someone that is going to be there WITH us. not on some OVERBEARING PEDESTAL…”

Who said anything about an overbearing pedestal? That’s how YOUR mind responds to the idea of a black man being the head of his household. Question for you:

Do you look at your boss or supervisor at your job as a partner? What about your college professors? Real talk: you don’t even look at the pastor of your church as some equal partner. You expect HIM to be your leader in spiritual matters, then go home and expect your man to be an equal partner in everything else. Somethings wrong with this…

What would happen if every job in America operated the way you just described? No more leaders who shoulder the burden of responsibility and final decision making…everyone’s an equal partner. If companies operated this way, the economy would crash overnight.

Perhaps you never met a man who inspired you to follow him. Maybe you’re used to dealing with dudes who are at your level of knowledge and have little more to offer that could upgrade your life in some beneficial way. That’s your choice.

If you have a problem with the idea of a man as the leader in the relationship, maybe its because you have a problem with submitting to a black man period. If so you’d be in good company. Many black women do.

And when I speak about submission, I’m not on some domineering ‘Woman where’s my dinner’ tip. I’m talking about submitting to God’s divine order, an order He established to govern the proper structure of a successful home and relationship.

After all: anything with two heads on it is a monster, and an aberration of nature.

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Not really says:

December 29, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Sorry, I have a partner not a leader. I love the fact that my man recognizes that we have a partnership. I sincerely disagree with the author. We are not looking for a leader, we are looking for someone that is going to be there WITH us. not on some overbearing pedestal. Why do Black men have this obsession with power? Just take care of your kids, help me pay the bills and be there for your family. it doesn’t have to be based on leadership. It should be based on partnership.

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JD says:

December 27, 2011 at 12:31 am

Mack,
you have a great holliday too, and I also agree with points made in your reply.

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mackdaddy says:

December 26, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I’m feeling this article but I do not like challenges in my life which is why I married my husband. I don’t believe for a second that we loved each other when we exchanged vows but today neither of us doubts that we are just what the other needs.

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OriginalMan says:

December 26, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Now that’s real talk fellas, it is important for us men to go out and create a life for ourselves which serves as a foundation for our future wife and kids. Only real women will understand and respect this concept. Keep up with the great artticles bruh i promise it won’t fall on deaf ears.

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Mack says:

December 26, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Yep…this ‘negro’ is serious.

Game is a metaphor used for life. ‘Get in the game’…’Life is a game, these are the rules…’ It’s not indicative of playing games like kids do. Not everyone speaks in collegiate level English. I tend to write more for the average brother out there who speaks more at a street level.

Funny how folks are quick to quote what the bible says a MAN should do for his wife. But what about all those biblical admonishes for wives to OBEY their husbands? Or for them to not hold out sexually on their husbands? This too is part of the problem: black men are expected to uphold the highest biblical standards in Christian marriage, while sisters get to pick and choose which instructions they can keep or disregard as irrelevant.

Well, this is a new day, where there’s a new type of brother on the block. We handle our business, love our kids, and have the utmost respect for ourselves. We are men who have graduated from boyhood. We love God, know our bibles, and our standards are HIGH. And we refuse to lower them to accommodate someone else’s inadequacies.

In my opinion, a confident woman handling her business won’t take offense to anything I wrote. But an extra average female skating by because her butt looks nice in super tight jeans, but who has low ambitions and little to bring to the table of a relationship…SHE might find my words hard to swallow.

Merry Christmas.

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JD says:

December 26, 2011 at 9:51 am

I think this is why so many relationships and marriages dont last anymore and why we have a generation of young people coming from broken homes, is because of “the game”. what is most important is to communicate, get to know one another, and find out if the couple share the same values. the world that is to be created is meant to be inhabited by two; like it or not life does change when a man finds a woman, its natural even at a scientific level. studies show that once a man finds his woman and is in a relationship his testosterone levels drop, and they drop even more when children come into the picture; its how we are made.
the bible also mentions the fact that once a man finds his woman, he is to leave home forsake all others and cling to his wife. in another part of the bible, God tells men they should love their wives like he loves the church. i will add that women are guilty of doing the same. But, “the game” needs to end and let it be “game over”. i say find a woman that shares the same morals, values, and interests and go from there. as people we need to change the way we see and treat one another to build families that will stand the tests of time.

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FeedUpSista says:

December 26, 2011 at 4:06 am

Is this negro serious? I’m so tired of black men and all their BS.

Reply