(ThyBlackMan.com) I have had this discussion with my husband several times. I often say “Is there any hope for my Sisters regarding marriage?” Wherever the Black Man plants his seed, he is reproduced, but what about the Black Woman? Is she in danger of becoming extinct? With the number of Black Men that are engaging in homosexuality activity, incarcerated, those that want to be “a player”, to those that don’t even desire a Black Woman……where does that leave Her (Us)? It seems like Brothers are navigating more and more to White, Asian, Native American, Chinese, Latina and Mexican Women. Not to discount other branches of the original family tree, but it seems like being a Black Woman isn’t appealing to Brothers anymore. The beautiful lips, curves and features that Black Women had a monopoly on, are now found everywhere. Are we not beautiful to you anymore? Not exotic (so I heard a brother say) enough?
Homosexuality isn’t just running rapidly among Black Men, more and more Black Women are becoming “lesbians”. Some say because they have been hurt by men, or that a woman understands them better. Regardless of the reason, whenever we step outside our Nature we increase the risk of diminishing our existence. Two of the same kind lay together, they do not have the capability to reproduce themselves. So again intimate relationships among women are growing at rapid speed.
I heard Regina King say that more Black Women should date outside of our race because we limit ourselves when it comes to options but Brother’s exercise their options among other races. When Black Women go outside the race it seems as if they are more ostracized or receive more condemnation than Black Men, why is that? What exactly are her options when so many desire a Black Man?
When a woman is single, She becomes obese with responsibility that is not hers. Whenever you are made to carry excessive weight, whether its mental, emotional, financial or physical, you become sluggish and weighed down. She is unable to be effective in her role because she is to busy to try to perfect a role she wasn’t designed for. I will say that women do have a false sense of being independent. We are all dependent on each other; we can’t even bring one another into existence without one another.
When a man is unable to keep his duty, and the woman is forced to pull his weight, she can become hardened and because she is forced to do it without you, she will begin to think that she doesn’t need you, and because she was unable to rely on you…this is when she gets the incorrect mindset of being an “independent woman”, and if she had daughters she will instill that mindset in her, and that mentality is passed through the womb, so you have generations of daughters that will already think “Black Men will fail them and abandon their duties”. This society even has it set up where you can just go shopping and get a sperm donor so you don’t even have to lay down with a man to have a child.
This doesn’t mean that I give Sisters a pass to escape accountability for the choices and actions on their part. However, I am gravely concerned about state of the Black Woman. Is the Black Woman facing extinction? She carries your seed, carries your weight, and risks her life to bring you into existence, but yet so many struggle in raising children by themselves. So many are not married, don’t know the joyful feeling when a child moves in their womb, and don’t know what its like to be bonded in marriage because no one will marry her. How will you save her? Will you marry her? Cultivate her? Love her? Respect her? When there was no one was else around; She (WE) have always been there. Nursing your babies, and teaching your babies Now once again, we have become casted out in the wilderness like Hagar. Will you come and save us Black Man, just as we have saved you?
Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad
To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.
i dont think the black woman or man is really going to go into extinction.
we all are going to be here whether you like it or not. the problem is
that most of us is going somewhere, and that is further away from our
creater. most people dont care anything about god. many women complain to
men that they were hurt by a man. many men and women has hurt god many times
over. god was hurt so bad that he had to send himself to be born out of
a woman, to give himself a body so he can explain to us what is really going
on. what makes things worst he was killed by the people that he made. christ
cried about it and died on the cross. he did not die because of his pain
that was suffered during his struggle; but died of a broken heart, and most
of us still dont understand. now, do you think god, jesus, or christ cares
about who is going into extinction? the only thing god cares about is our
faith.
when god wrote his laws and regulations for us, and the men he created started
making laws, our personalities changed into what they are today. just look
at all the laws that we have today. i dont think the Constitution of the
United States and the Declaration of Independance exist today, its just that
we american people dont realize it yet. those two laws may already be
extincted. the Womens Liberation Act, the Freedom Information Act, and the
Privacy Act will make the Constitution of the United States and the
Declaration of Independance to go into extinction. if these two laws go into
extinction then the white people or other people will be in big trouble. i
dont know if you see through this, but the white man is the same as Cain, the
same man that killed Able his brother. Cain was a black man and god crused
him for killing Able. god said he curse him so ever one could see it. god
made Cain white. believe me, we are not going into extinction. the only
place that you and i are going is to hell or with god in eternity. all you
have to do is watch.
Steven Whiteman… What kind of world are you living in? Because ill be damned if you’re trying to tell me that I look like an ape monkey gorilla ANIMAL and that white women are angels??? Umm.. No. Maybe Americanized media brainwashed you to tell you so… But you’re one of the dumbest, most ignorant motherfuckers on this planet. “Poop browns skin, public hair, and a smashed nose?” Hahaha wow I mean who makes fun of the way people are born? Like they can help it? So now you’re judging God and saying his creations are disgusting? Haha stupid American white men with their big arrogant egos. Like you would ever even understand the true concept and meaning of beauty? Why so many of your ancestor men ( who preach to white kids that black people are stupid, ugly, look like monkeys and are untalented) were fucking black slave women every chance they got?? Sneaking around to get some amazing wet black pussy. Straight up. If black women are ohhh so unattractive and whatnot.. why were they doing this? i mean, these were the men who preached to early america that black people were 1/5 human? lol its all too funny. White women may have this “goddess complex” because they were on top before us and maintained the power… But it is what it truly is. No one tries to suppress and intentionally keep down an entire race of people unless they truly fear they are capable of so much more (intelligence wise, spiritually, sexually, and so on. You can blab about those Vikings or whatever the fuck they were but everyone came from black people and the first and best civilized nations were ruled by beautiful black pharos and queens. We can’t help it. We’re naturally beautiful and strong mentally and physically. All those centuries of suppression and black people are still amongst us thriving and inventing. It’s a shame that you’re that old still that racist. But hey your white women can keep their “beauty queen” crown, but by the time they’re in they’re late 30s early 40s, they’re beauty is gone. All they can look to is Botox so they’re skin isn’t wrinkled and spotted in a few more years. Hahaha so much for beauty queens with limited power. Hmmm why do white women always wants fuller lips, bugger breast, bigger ass, fuller figure, sexy legs? because majority of the time they dont have it and have to buy it. They want to take pr shall i say buy what black women have naturally. And dont get me wrong, all black women arent as amazing as i just desribed but neither are women of ANY Race. Every tace has fat, ugly, skinny and beautiful women YES even white women!!! i know wowwww. Black people have beautiful skin and imperative aging. While white people have to pay for every surgery under the sun to look normal. So eat shit you ignorant white supremacist. But thanks for making my day you idiot (;
The northern germanic tribe the Angles( as in anglo-saxons) were call such by the pope because compared to the appearance of every other race the italians had ever encountered they literally looked like angels. Angels being divine fulfill to the extreme the definition of beauty that exists at a subconcious level in all humans since the dawn of time. No people even black people would say that the traits blacks hold correspond with any traits that would entail divinity. Blacks look more like the beasts angels come down to destroy to keep from outbreedin their chosen species humans.
Man it would suck to be a black male and be expected to date big fat gorillas that are incorrectly told their whole lives that they are just as attractive as white women. As a white man my list for most attractive races goes 1. White, 2. Asian, 3. Hispanic, 4. Indian/Arab, 5. Negroid and im sure this list is pretty similar for men if all races especially the first and last entry. Do black women really believe that poop brown skin, pubic hair on the head, large smashed in noses, and curves(excess fat) make them look as good as white women who compared to the other races of the world literally look like angels or some sort of divinity beyond the beauty and overall usefulness of other races.
Also from my experience black men AND black women have a chip on their shoulders. Black women will look you up and down like some kind of animal looking to attack. And black men will call black women nappy but then when we get relaxers/weaves complain saying its fake. So you know what? I avoid other black people who arent my relatives.The older black men and women usually act so much more dignified and wise(50-70+) But seriously other black people at least in new jersey, are intolerable Its like all the black ppl who dont act like COMPLETE ass holes usually hang out with white people And Im not talking the bougie ones The ones who have goals besides “trappin da street corner” and thug life
Stop complaing about racism and lets start businesses and build communites The Mexicans did it they took over half my town Black people need to work together instead of bitching about weaves start a hair store Why do Asians run BLACK ppl hair stores? Why do Indians run so many stores in black neighbour hoods then follow us in the store and talk down to us? Blame the white man? They are just as dark as us! Wtf is the excuse?
Like I said I cant be around ignorant ass black ppl
As a bisexual Black woman I feel annoyed that people think Im in a same sex relationship because they think i was “hurt” by a man. I find women just as attractive as men nothing more nothing less. How can black people sit and spew hate about gays when whites did the exact same thing. A black man and a white woman dont make a black baby no matter how nappy their hair is. And interracial marrage was illegal and taboo at one point.The biracial experience is distinct and should be respected as such. So when you blame gays , a minority in the population for race extinction then you are just ignorant. And Im sure all of us know some who had 5-12 kids anyway. Also gays and lesbians often adopt kids something i dont see so called Christian Blacks doing often. When is the last time youve been to church and the preacher supported adopting orpans from a shelter and not just say your grandchild or niece? They talk about reproducing and multiplying but not helping the ones here. My point is leave gays out of your mouth this has nothing to do with glbt. You cant make someone gay because if you could then you can make someone straight which has not happened
LOL!!!!! Oh how I love this back and forth. First let me give a big shout out to Natalie. If black women would think from her perspective, maybe there wouldn’t be so much friction between black men and women. However, they don’t and therein lies the problem. Many black women, think with a defensive standpoint. And I am sure most of you will blame the white man and slavery. However, this is really sad to use the enslavement and brutality experienced by ancestors as an excuse as to why most black women suck. Black men and women, when forced to stick together, stuck together. However, all it took for black women to leave black men was feminism? Really? LOL. Show me an ideology (outside of the ideology of happiness) that forced Black Men to disown Black Women? I’m waiting. Black man has started every organization possible to uplift and inform his people. Black man has defended Black Women, with the the threat of his life, and Black Women sold their men out for a degree and a job? LOL…..
For every Harriet Tubman, there are a hundred Black Men who fit that mold. However, black women have showed how disloyal they really are. With the history e have, you would think this would have kept black women in the community. However, she rejects the black family, not just the black man. She wants material, but no family. Her children are only used as weapons against her men. Read this site and you can find countless stories from men, who made every attempt at having a family, only to be denied at a chance at what normal people do. So sorry Deborah Cooper, your notions of black men not wanting to take care of families is false indeed. However, every time you bring up the shortcomings and the outright evil behavior of black women, it’s always laid at the feet of black men. What’s not said is that black women use the “system’ to castrate this very black man who she says isn’t worth anything.
Well if he isn’t worth anything, why have babies by someone who isn’t worth shit? Isn’t that counterproductive? You want to know why good Black Men have developed a hatred for black women Problemtisha: it’s because inside, the black woman has become an ugly shell of herself. I allowed the black woman to destroy the love I had for her on purpose. I took her abuse not only to make myself stronger, but to prove how brutal she was, and to Love better in the future. I myself am one of those brothers who has made the decision of leaving the black woman alone for good. Look at Tiger Woods. He won’t touch black women with a ten foot pole. Why? Is it because he hates himself? Please. If you can see the look on face of Tiger Woods anytime his father is brought up, he wants to cry. Tiger Woods does not hate himself in any shape or form. You don’t accomplish what he has accomplished and hate yourself. However, he does not deal with black women at all. He refuses to go down that road. I used to think he was weak years ago in terms of his stance on the “Cablaasian.” thing but don’t anymore. I see why he does not want to deal with them. Black women have become social monsters. Say what you want whether they from the hood or are educated. I have seen plenty of black women come through academia and instead of becoming more refined, they become even worse bitches. It’s the truth. See there is a common theme on here: black women and jobs means arrogance. You can’t be a partner with someone who does not believe in partnership. Most black people on here do not come from money. They weren’t given an inheritance, which means they all have to work hard to come up just like white folks too (it’s not just a black thing). This means that when you get with people, you must look at people not as mates but as investments too. So looking at the social landscape, based on my not only my personal dealing, but the media as well, which woman would be the least desirable in terms of courtship and marriageability? Black women obviously. Ask most black women, they do not desire to be married at all. Most only want to focus on their careers. Just to give you all an example pay attention:
Few years back i met a white girl, age 20, in the rec center at my old college. She was an early childhood education major. She was engaged to a white guy who was getting his aeronautics degree from Georgia Tech. She had it all mapped out. She was gonna get a degree just in case she needed to work. But her plan was to be a stay-at-home mom. Since I have been in college, I have never heard a black woman have a plan like this. Anytime I’ve brought up marriage to black women in the college setting, or any other setting for that matter, they always developed a stank (stinky) look on their face.
No man has ever brought me to anger the way black women have with their stupidity. Black men, in this generation, have learned majority of their destructive behaviors from black women. Sleeping with all types of women, where do you think black men learn this behavior? Absentee fathers don’t teach black men to be promiscuous. But when we try to hold them accountable, we are accused for being bashers. Really? LOL. These black, ugly, ran through, swamp pussy black feminists have effectively destroyed any hopes of reconciliation between black men and women and personally I applaud them because their presence proves their is no such thing as “us” when it comes to black men and women. We don’t have to pretend anymore and it feels great. Now I can deliver the scathing attacks I’ve been waiting to deliver to black people that has been simmering inside of me since the 80s. I don’t believe in saying things politically correct when it comes to the stupidity exhibited by black women. Stupid is just what it is: stupid. There is a such thing as black trash and i don’t care how many degrees these white institutions give you, degrees does not teach you how to be women because if that was the case we wouldn’t have this discussion. Do you excuse making negroes realize that women have never been more free to do what they want, and yet you complain still? Can go to school, form women groups, vote, not be forced to marry, be whores, etc and still women are not happy. The very freedom women have clamored for has proved to be the undoing of them. Now as black men, we are expected to bring healing to the ills of black women. Are you serious? Before you had feminists groups, you had black organizations that had men leading them. Trying to build their communities and the equality they fought for was not meant just for them, it was for their women and other groups as well. But black women let black men get hung and beat up, took those jobs and now look at the very black men who allowed them to get into those positions with contempt for not having jobs. Men never knew they would have to compete with women for jobs let alone black men with black women for them. But that’s the case. So thanks black woman. Thank you for showing us whose side you’re really on. Thank you for showing us who the real enemy really is.
This statement demonstrates the evil mentality that most black women have. I say that because it mocks men for having emotions. You never want men more emotional than women, but you don’t want robots either. You want a balanced man. Thus statement by deborah cooper is appalling. She says “Black men don’t want to get married and admit to having all sorts of emotional, psychological and mental problems that prevent them from knowing how to love or committing to women and children in fulfilling relationships.” Now when black women claim they have emotional issues or traumas, then it’s ok. Black men admit they have issues it’s an indictment on his character. I am so glad that black women have showed me their true colors. Malcolm died over them too. Remember that allegedly the reason why Malcolm was assassinated was because he criticized Elijah Muhammad for his sexual relations with multiple women in the Nation. And I believe it. Anytime you criticize black women either you or your character gets assassinated. The same black women who were “down” with the panthers became dykes and worked for the system they hated so much (see Angela Davis) Keep kidding yourselves but black girls don’t rock at all. Natalie is right but unfortunately, she is a lonely voice, who actually comes from a discipline where she does research on this matter and says the same thing we Men see with our common sense. But somehow we are all wrong huh? Love for myself comes before any notion of race. So because of that, why would I choose to be with someone who is self-destructive? Black women do what’s in their best/selfish interest so why is it wrong for black men to do the same thing? If I put my seed in a Latina (Gid’s creation just like a white woman) it’s still my seed. I look at the black woman as the Model T Ford. yes it was the prototype model for a care. But is the original Model T car better than a Lexus? Hell no. Yes the black woman is the original woman of the planet. This is true. However, she acts like she was born in a garbage disposal. In America, the black woman is over. Her luster has faded away collectively. There are a few (and I mean a few) good ones left. But if you think I am going thru 100 bad black women to find a good one, you’re sadly mistaken. Much respect to Natalie and I pray that she finds her a husband because at least she has shown compassion throughout the posts I have read by her. As for the rest you get the loneliness and Oprah book clubs you clamored for.
Blackman noone is saying that you can’t date outside your race, but make sure that your motive is right. Make sure that you know for sure that you have never neglected or disowned your black woman and children before you made the decision to turn your back cursing them that they are either too aggressive, or too strong minded, what ever you think it is. If your preference is to date outside your race because you find other women much more attractive to you then I cannot help how you feel, but stop putting me down. I am the mother of your children, I am your mother, I am your sister, I should be your lover and your wife but you hate me just because society held me back in life as it did you and now your blaming me for all the wrongs you have done to me. WHY? WHY? WHEN I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL, TELL ME WHY BLACKMAN? I AM NOT AFRICAN AMERICAN. I AM BLACK BRITISH. WE DON’T HAVE A LOT OF GAY BLACKMEN IN THE UK SO I CANNOT AGREE WITH ALL THAT I HAVE READ, HOWEVER WE DO HAVE A VAST AMOUNT OF UNEMPLOYED BLACK MEN AND WOMEN. ENGLAND IS STILL STRONGLY HOLDING BACK WEST INDIAN BLACKS, MAINLY JAMAICANS AND THEIR DECENDANTS FROM MAKING IT IN LIFE AND SO THEY GO TO OTHER RACES WHO ARE DOING BETTER. THE DEVIL HAS MADE BLACK MEN HATE THEIR OWN. WE SERVE GOD BETTER THAN ANY OTHER RACE IN THIS WORLD, WE SUFFER THE MOST. THINK ABOUT IT.
It is the end time and if we had listen to God maybe we would have not been so unlucky in love and true happiness. Blackmen are right, we don’t own you, but we love you with all our heart and soul. What is wrong with that? We cannot help being who we are. Everything that we are we learnt from you and because society says that black men must not be allowed to get any jobs that pay well, regardless of whether he goes to university or not and society says divide and rule not only the lower class but black people. If you hold people back from getting a good job, condemn the area that he lives in, fight him, his woman and children for every good thing that they try to do to help themselves, then you’ll have a man and a woman who hates each other and children who also experience that hate and if society tells a black woman that she is too black and ugly and that none blacks are much prettier, then the black man is surely going to leave her because she is not seen as someone to be proud of by society. I am a black woman and it pains my heart to know that we are thought of by the whole world including our men less than SHIT. Why should I have a relationship with the very white man who destroyed my race in slavery. When we fought for the british in ww1 and ww2. When our grandparents and parents were invited to England to clean up their rubbish, and now we have lost the men that we truly love because we are too black, too strong. How sad is that. We are strong because we have had to do for our selves never having a man to help us. We are too black because the white race put down our beautiful colour out of jealousy and to make us feel less of a human being. The devil is a liar. He came to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus came so that we might have life. My preference is a black man. Why should I have to go to another race just because I too am black. What is wrong with a black on black relationship. I have never not wanted to be their for my man, women are natural help meets, but he has never been their for me, yet he put me down and my sex and has left us all alone to be with Willy Lynche in these end times. Our mistake was that we should have asked for marriage before sex and stuck by it. Then we would seperate the wheat from the tairs. God bless you.
Single black men without kids don’t owe you anything. Atleast that is what the last paragraph sounded like. Generation Y black women are irrelevant when it comes to dating and making a family. Plus marriage laws are too messed up so a man will be a fool to marry anyone or not ask for an abortion if you get pregant. Learn how to be feminine and stop picking losers so you wont have so many OOOW useless to society children lying around.
Source: My common sense.
I agree with Elanie, and love her objective point of view. Also, my woman, Deborrah Cooper, and I talk quite often. The Blackwoman will only become extinct if she continues to cling to colonial values and lifestyles.
Whats sad sista is that the conversations are changing and many of us appear to not be up to speed regarding societys move away from male accountability with little compassion while extending female compassion with little accountability… There has to be a greater balance if we are to “fix” the issue. There is a growing chorus of women that reject the sentiments that you express about black men. There are some black men that have actively participated in the rapid deterioration of our community, but your message absolving black women (the carriers of our legaccy) of our major role in the current family crisis doesnt wash.
As our roles began to evolve in society, we maintained the expectation that mens should remain the same. So while we aggressively asserted ourselves as “independent” women with complete control over our reproductive decisions and an ability to STAND ON OUR OWN we maintained the idea that men should remain the chivalrous, protectors and providers that we believed they should be. The problem with the idea that we “should raise our boys to be men” is that while we focused on empowering and nurturing our girls towards a re-defining of traditional expectations of womanhood, we as women maintained a traditional defining of manhood for men. The problem is that women should not engage in defining manhood for men as our expectation is rooted in a definition that is most beneficial to those doing the defining, WOMEN! The emasculating use of the term man up is rooted in our idea of a man falling short of our idea of “what a man is” without any regard for the idea that men define what manhood is for them. Should the way a man defines manhood for himself not be good fit for us then it is not meant for us to define it but rather to move on until we find a better fit for our ideals about manhood. I would never say that another woman is less of a woman because of a,b or c I would simply say that I am not that type of woman. I always hear the argument that we wouldnt have to define manhood for men if fathers would step up, but the idea that ones choice to engage in recreational sex that led to an unwanted pregnancy and the womans unilateral decision to go to term with the idea that a consent to sex is a consent to fatherhood and non-compliance with our “expectation of what a man SHOULD do” because men are no longer manning up, as opposed to accepting responsibility for our role in the current fatherlessness crisis is beginning to be challenged by many in our community that have had enough! It is a very interesting dichotomy where we are vocal about our strenngth and independence while maintaining the idea of ourselves as victims of mens ill intent. The very concept of focusing our attention on condoms (male symbol of sexual (ir) responsibility) and mens behavior post conception is a blatant attempt to shift focus away from the 20+ options we have available to us to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the lack of responsibility we demonstrated pre-conception. You see by focusing on condom use and post-conception responsibility it focuses on male responsibility or lack of and absolves us of any responsibility for the personal choices that we made. When men “walk away” we refer to them as deadbeats but the top three reasons that they walk away are the very same reasons that women put their children up for adoption or abort. We dont refer to women as deadbeats for “abandoning” the responsibility that comes with conception but we extend compassion to our girls and women about the options they have should they not be in an ideal financial situation, relationship or the potential impact on career. Do we not believe that men experience the same anxieties and fears and can be impacted in a such a way as well? As one that has worked in community mental health and in private practice with men whose pain has often been dismissed and/or completely invisible to society I think its time we begin exploring these issues from their perspective. I fought as have other women, too hard for a womans right to choose, while most simply enjoy the rights without responsibility. With rights come an even greater responsibility and its time out for not looking in the mirror at the problem. That goes for men too but until the pendulum that has swung too far in our efforts to empower women is more balanced in its consideration for the needs of the men in our community I will continue to be a pssionate voice that demands we cease in the neglect of our boys/men. If we think its bad now the consequences will be devastating if we dont pivot away from the way of thinking that hasnt ushered in the “change” we say we have desired for decades now.
Ms. Cooper,
http://www.tastymojo.com/LouisvilleMojo/photos_pgp/093/PG7432020080109062112593093.jpg
The hyprocrisy!
I know that I have posted this somewhere else, but it is totally relevant in response to your post.. We hold our men to a standard that we do not honor ourselves.. The sentiments iexpessed in your post are the same emotional diatribes that have not led to one single positive change in our community for the better in our community in many decades. Loook I am progressive as they come about select issues but WE have completely abused the reproductive rights we have by having no regard for the responsibilitis that come with. While we have continued to focus on “how irrespoosible the black man is” WE continue to bring children into the world by them..Last I checked it was a seven to eight in ten illigitimacy rate! Yep its their fault ths number continues to rise?! Puulllease
The part that disturbs me about “the destruction of the black family” is that it implies the existence of family to begin with. With us approaching a 70-75% rate of out of wedlock childbirth I would argue that the majority of our children are not being born into families any longer.
I cannot speak of the specific impact of feminism on other communities as a non-member of those communities but as a woman of color I can speak of its impact on my community. Our community has long been held hostage by feminist ideologues. Many feminist would have society believe that anti the ideology is the equivalent of anti-woman. The two are not synonymous.
I first began my advocacy of creating an awareness of the negative impact of feminism on society (the black/brown community in particular) in the early years of my clinical practice and in various academic circles.I began to see a paradigm shift that led to less gender neutrality in various treatment modalities. This shift was parallel to the “change” that was taking place in society’s feminist influenced thinking as a whole. The shift to focusing exploration of womens issues in the context of their relationship to the men in their lives was indicative of society’s eventual progression towards the current “blame game” that takes place in many gender focused discussions. We began emphasizing accountability for men while extending them very little compassion. This was ruthless of course and it is respecting men but not necessarily loving them. On the other hand society began to emphasize compassion for women while extending them very little accountability.. it is infantilizing and it is loving women but not necessarily respecting them. (Goldich, 2011)
There are a number of byproducts of this but perhaps one of the most dmaging to my community has been the pivot away from referring to unwed mothers in our community as such to being lumped in with divorced mothers and widows for the now all encompassing term “single mother”. With this for example came the unintended consequence of empowering generations of women towards acceptance of the current “babymama” phenomena. You see referring to an unwed mother as a single mother is empowering in that it createss the narrative of a “strong black woman that made it in spite of…”. So if a child attends college it is the testatment of the strength of a single mother..if the same child were to become incarcerated it is an indictment of the colossal failure of men/fathers. Unbelieveable! Another uninteneded consequence is the current “boy crisis” where the education disparity is growing, male suicide is increasing and the anti-male bias and bashing in society continues to become common practice.
These idealogues no longer push for equality but they dominate the dialogue that has led to both subtle and overt notions of men=bad, women=good. I am old enough to remember a time when the social contract that had existed for thousands of years between man and woman was the crux of healthy communities. No, everything was not perfect, but children were more likely to be raised within the structure of family. The current conflicts between men and women and the subsequent break down of black family was not as prevalent as it has become. Something happened as the women’s liberation movement began to push more aggressively for “equality” and for the rights of women to have their roles evolve in society. With this push the social contract was broken on one side.
While men continued to be held to an expectation that would honor their side of the social contract, radical feminist ideologues began to reshape the thinking of society with growing influence in many areas including education, policy and in my personal experience even the feminization of psychology. for the record I am not some right wing, family values nut job.
Feminist began to assert the notion that patriarchal oppression was responsible for many of society’s ills and at its most radical end that the social contract that had protected marriage and family was merely constructed for the benefit of those that sought to keep women “oppressed.” We swallowed hook line and sinker and began enjoying rights without responsible which is best characterized in the feminist mantra “my body my choice”….someone elses responsibility? And what do we have to show for being “sexually liberated” with COMPLETE control over reproduction (20+options for birth control pre-conception and access to safe abortions or adoption post conception)?
An illigitimacy rate that increased exponentially over several decades aggresively approaching 8 in 10 while we continue to reduce it to merely a “need for black men to man up.” Our community has been held hostage by feminist idealogues for decades and we now see the detrimental impact of buying into this ideology and the subsequent policies.
Oh and these young men may not be able to fully understand the message but they are starting to demonstrate more outward objections to the comparative difference in expectation that society has place on them. But one will never hear this injected into conversations regarding equality by idealogues. What is coming, is the tipping point where men and boys will inevitably begin to aggressively “push back.” A society that despises its men runs the risk of creating a society of despicable men. The good thing is that there are a growing number of men and women that no longer will accept the lowered expectations and dependency upon these ideologues that have contributed to the rapid deterioration of our families, community, values and subsequent economic decline.
I have stood in the trenches alongside many men in the fight for a womans right to “choice”… these men that fight so passionately would have their rights not even welcome in discussions regarding reproduction by the very women for whom they fight so passionately. There is a growing coalition and together we can achieve true equality for all that “TRULY BELIEVE” in fairness. We can no longer dismiss our mens voices from the discussion focusing on their behavior without any exploration of the underlying causes, their feelings, and continue to make assumptions about their feelings. Feminism has contributed largely in part to the current gender conflicts and hurts in our community.
A sentiment expressed by a few in my field of study is the idea that “hurt people, hurt people.” We are hurting in our community and as it stands now we continue the cycle without ever really looking at some of the real problems.
Do a little research, work on increasing our capacity for perspective taking, engage in more objective dialogue, seek truth and share .
Signed,
A sista long tired of of the devastation exacted on my community by feminism.
http://www.tastymojo.com/LouisvilleMojo/photos_pgp/093/PG7432020080109062112593093.jpg
I found out about this posting because a poster mentioned my name and it showed up on my blog. I tell ya, it feels good to be so famous.
Anyway, the black woman is HARDLY in danger of becoming extinct in any way, shape or form. What is becoming extinct is the concept of the nuclear family in Black communities. And you know why that is? BLACK MEN.
Black women are reconsidering marriage because its really not all that the way it is set up at present. I wrote an article about it called THE CONS OF MARRIAGE: Why Women Should Not Get Married (http://survivingdating.com/the-cons-of-marriage-why-women-should-not-get-married)
Black men don’t want to pay child support for the children they make after laying up with fertile women, which is why they are now lobbying for something called FINANCIAL ABORTIONS. Dr. Boyce Watkins and I discussed it recently (http://survivingdating.com/mens-right-to-choose-opting-out-of-fatherhood-with-financial-abortions)
Black men don’t want to be responsible for themselves, so they whine that Black women should be responsible for their emotions and needs on every level and “make them feel like a man” when they know they aren’t one. There are many men that think such males are losers. Shadid McDonald and I discussed that as well (http://survivingdating.com/can-a-woman-make-a-man-feel-like-a-man)
Black men don’t want to stand on their own like grown men, so they whine like babies and insist that Black women nurture them like toddlers. Dang, when are you gonna stop hanging onto skirt tails and stop expecting women to nurse you like an infant? (http://survivingdating.com/black-women-stop-nurturing-grown-men)
Black men don’t want to get married and admit to having all sorts of emotional, psychological and mental problems that prevent them from knowing how to love or committing to women and children in fulfilling relationships. This was recently addressed on the site Black Love & Marriage at http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2011/04/the-proper-care-maintenance-of-black-men)
No, Black women are just fine. It is black MEN that need to get their act together. Running off to Becky, Mai Ling, Juanita and Gertrude is an option that is closing to you as they realize that too many black men don’t come to relationships with anything but their penis. White girls and Asian chicks are used to men coming with something to offer besides sex. So they will dally with a Brotha, but they don’t want to marry you unless you have some ends meeting like a mofo. Same as Black women, but somehow WE get called “gold diggers” when we want our children to go to private school and live in a home vs. a rented apartment.
Black men need to elevate themselves and not blame Black women for them being on the bottom of the totem pole educationally, socially and financially. Get it together. Do something about the marriage rate of Black women and the number of children being raised in single parent homes. The power to change these statistics lies in the hands of Black men. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of JAW JACKING ABOUT IT.
james what a fucking joke, i know for a fact you arent who you say you are, but lets keep the charade going on impressionable young women, keep making blanket statements that you pass along as fact to suit your agenda, your so easy to uncover its a parody in of itself, lets see who wins out james.
I can say this as a Heterosexual black man that has never been in the prison industrial complex and that has been steadily & gainfully employed since age 15 with only a HSD can vouch that there are some good ones out here, single, married, divorced or otherwise!
I think there is equal fault to be set upon the African American Man & Woman!
Think about it: 100 years before this article was posted, where was the focus of AA man and woman? It clearly was not complaining about how slim pickings their potential mates were. We have come this far only to be intellectual idiots with a degree, to prove it! Our post slavery era ancestors by in large had little going for themselves but they made it work! So what is the problem today? Is a world where “The Dream” has become a reality a setback? Some notes: We as African Americans have generally 2 things in common.. Our ancestors came from Africa and we are now in America and that’s it! We have no other unifying culture other than what we put together piecemeal and even what we have come together on does not make “us” some monolithic group of people.
As far as relationships go, I would suggest that anyone faced with the problem of finding a “good” mate of the same ethnic origins should consider that in a “global village” it is survival of the fittest! Any creature in nature that is inflexible and fails to adapt will fall to the wayside.
Contrary to popular belief, The “black woman of Earth” has survived the worse that humankind has ever faced but its apparent that the “Black woman of America” has evolved into a new species and cannot see how far she had come and how much she has endured. As far as finding a “black man”… Go to Africa, the West Indies, Brazil (where the largest population of people of African decent happen to reside outside of the continent). Do not complain about not being able to “find” a good black man when you have barely looked past a few huts in your “village”.
The world is a big place, explore it.
I will speak only for myself. The conversation of what is wrong with black men and the blame game is getting worn out to me. This is just my opinion. I am now looking at myself and also looking at the type of men I am attracting and choosing. It can’t all be there fault. There are some good black men out there. I have female friends and female relatives 40+ that have been married 10, 15, 20 years.
Also I don’t put much into statistics. I choose to look around my environment, whcih ain’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be.
Yes there are some brothers that need to get it together and there are some sistas that need to do the same. I’m sorry I can’t lump everyone in the same boat.
If you are able to review…
http://www.theboysinitiative.org/images/Study_and_Proposal_to_Create_a_White_House_Council_on_Boys_to_Men.pdf
Ive appreciated the exchange KING. Much love to you.
In the trenches with you,
Nat
Natalie. Male aplogists? Come on now. This is not about me believing that Black women are all perfect and Black men are the sole problem of our communities. Surely, you don’t think that’s what I’m saying. Nor am I attempting to simplify the issues. The issues of our communities run deep and can get rather complex. My saying that self hate is a problem in our communities is not same as saying that it’s the only problem. Of course there are certain attitudes towards Black men. I am a Black man myself who has been a victim of racial profiling and thrown in jail unjustly for defending myself with a racist White cop. Trust me, I know what it means to be on the recieving end of such attitudes. But I also know that we as Black men fuel many of our own problems. And attitudes, though expressed differently, are just as volatile against Black women, but often overlooked for many reasons that vary. I know you say I lost you with the hair comment. Let me clarify a bit. Keep in mind that “choice” is often dictated by the need to please the mindset of a desired beholder. If Black men preferred women with kinky and tightly curled hair, do you think straight hair would resonate with Black women as much as it does today? Are we as a community ready to admit how our Eurocentric standards of beauty have come to affect the way we see each other and engage with each other. By tradition, women choose their hairstyles and manner of dress because of what men often desire….with exceptions. Standards of beauty are always a reflection of so much more. As far as the definition of manhood… A man has to decide how he defines it for himself as it relates to his own convictions and beliefs. It may not fit what others believe, what a woman wants, nor does it have to. But in my own journey, I’ve found that most women I encounter tend to respect any man who walks the walk of what he preaches and talks. Not to brag, but I’ve never had a problem attracting Black women. lol. I’m also a Black man who rarely encounters disrespect at the hands of Black women, or anyone else for that matter. They don’t always like what I have to say, but I’ve found that most women, Black women included, tend to give back what they are given. Perhaps that is true with most human beings in general regardless of gender, race, nationality, or creed.
Im just a black woman that refuses to continue with the “blame black men” discussiin that has dominated the dialogue for decades all the while watching the condi to ns worsen in our community.
Reaching for you…but I cant feel you. Lost me around black womens “choice” to wear weaves being a reflection of self-hating black men? the adolescent thinking errors that we have most often attributed to men (minimizing, blaming etc) is what many women and their male apologist have engaged in for years..i have observed the shift even in psychology where there has been a great deal of focus on masculinity and maleness as pathology…listen I wont dissect your post at this time as I lack the rhetorical disciplne to do so given how emotionally connected I am to the issue..this after twenty years as a clinician in community mental health centers and in private practice where ive worked with thousands of men with whom ur assertiins do not apply.. I would suggest rather that ur assertions about black men and black womens issues in the context of their relatiinship with self hating black men is precisely the disempowering message and oversimplification of the problem that has expedited the rapid deterioration of our community.. Im for black men and wo,en being held equally accountable but the current laws and general attitudes regarding black men dont sugge st there is equal accountability being addressed.
The line of thnking that has held us hostage for decades continue to pivot us towards an 8 in 10 illigitimacy rate …while we continue with the idea that menshould simply “man up” (comply with what we as women expect a man to be) every man defines what it is to be a man and should a man not define himself in a way that is in line with what a woman desires then find one that fits but we cant engage in defining manhood and then take issue if a man doesnt meet the definition that was constructed to benefit us.
Nin compliance with my expectations of what a man is does not warrant a need to “man up” from me but rather a need to woman up and move on. I did it anyway…argh got off message a bit but thanks for the dialgue …we need to challenge each other more to increase our capacity for perspective taking ..it is only then that we will stop making assumptions about each others respective feelings and experiences.
Natalie. Tradition isn’t always a good thing, and being a man does not entitle you to lead if you do not act as a leader. I understand that many base gender “roles” on religious or so called “spiritual” perspectives passed off as a will of God. Funny… Because many also used a so-called “will of God” to justify slavery and the oppression of Blacks. Nevertheless, if one is to abide by such religious man-made nonsense, he must at least make sure that he too is carrying the “role of his gender” if he is to ask a woman to submit to hers. What sane woman will submit to a fool?
The idea of gender roles has created a sense of entitlement among men just as race roles and Jim Crow fueled a sense of entitlement among Whites. I also understand the historical need for Black women to often pacify Black men believing that they are supporting us. If there is anything Black women are guilty of….they make too many excuses for Black men. Independent women? All adults should be independent. Why in hell would a man want a woman who isn’t independent, unless he is trying to fuel a false sense of superiority and warped concept of manhood. How can you call yourself an adult and remain a dependent?
Self hate comes in many guises, but it doesn’t take much to conclude that self hate is a problem in our communities … among both men and women. Blacks are the only people who are known for professing before the public on a regular basis as to why they don’t deal with their own people. All I have to do is look at our communities, see how little we put into them, and listen to the words upon our lips to conclude that self hate is a major problem among Blacks. The fact that straight hair, for example, is more common atop a Black woman’s head reveals just as much about Black men as it does Black women. Listen to how we speak of our hair and dark skin collectively.
I know many Black men and women who don’t want dark skinned children. This would definitely dictate the kind of mate you choose. Ask yourself….How many Black men prefer Black women to wear kinky or tightly curled air. Black women are the only women in the world who’s men prefer them to wear hair textures more common to other women. And you don’t think this is a reflection of self hating Black men?
Our communities will continue to go in circles until we stop the excuses with Black men. No woman is going to make you feel like a man. You must achieve on your own as a man, and I assure you, Black women will follow alongside. We, as men, have to turn the mirror on ourselves. Could it be that Black women are giving back to us what we’ve been giving all too often.
Self hating men dont stand up for themselves against the ideologues that have shaped policies that have ignored neglected and focused on male accountability while extendimg them little compassion while at the same tim extending women compassion with little accountability..im actually waiting for men to stand uo for themselves.. I dont have any problem with men stamding in solidaritu with ome another against what appears to have become a pendulum that has swung too far in our efforts to empowe women amd girls..a society that despises its men runs the risk of creating a society of despicable men. I dont feel my advocacy for women and womens issues is compromised by my passion for mens issues.. the reality is if we dont take up the progressive cause of acknowledginh that men are and have always been faced witjvery unique challenhes due largely in part to social engineering by individuals with an agenda our men will be extinct..im not making excuses for men but its time we stop ignoring their anxeties fears pain etc and acting as though their healing will come if they simply “man up”. self hating men pander to women
in hopes of gaining approval.
James, I wouldnt reduce it to simply ” black men having a self hating relationship with themselves” in fact that could not be the farthest thing from the truth.. Self hating men allow women to defune what it is to be a man..who stand to benefit from wo,en definimg manhood? …well women do! As our roles have evolved we have expected mens to remain the same and now the social contract that once protected marriage and family has been broken…the unintended of our claims of ” independence” bodily autonomy, and a ability to ” stand on our own” while still expecting men to remain societys chivalrous protectors provdiders etc has led to destruction of the family and.damaged relTionships 70% oow is the direct result of sexual revolution and the indoctrinatkon by feminist idealogues that push publicly for these evolved roles but fall in line with traditional rolees in private to maintain their traditional family life.. It is confusing and deeply rooted in hyprocrisy to expect tradional lifestyles while not either undertaking a traditional role yourself or allowing mens role to evolve and adjust yourself accordingly..we will be extinct if we do not stoo standing with our backs to the mirror…we boubht into the rights without responsibility ideology and we now see the devastating impact its had on our community..while we continue to embrace the “independent liberated” woman badge many women of other cultures are beginning to abandon it as they see how the extremes of it have led to the current genddr/relationship zeiteist.
Is the Black FEMALE Facing Extinction? That should be the title of this article because a WOMAN by all means will never be extinct. It all comes down to females are not honoring the will of God and are going out and about and choosing these dead beat men by the world’s standards. It doesn’t matter whether or not Black men are choosing other races to marry. If the female will first put her trust in God and live for Him, he will send her the kind of man she deserves. It is now time out for feeling sorry for the poor, single parent mothers (excluding widows), who chose to lay up with these men before marriage, or married a man God did not ordain for them, and now they all are headed to divorce court: ending a sacred bond that should have never taken place. True, it’s bad that children have to suffer from these misfortunes, but we as black people need to take some responsibilities and begin to “man and female up” on the real issues. The reason black females are still single raising their kid or kids alone (excluding widows), is because she made that sound decision to disobey the will of God when it came to dating: fornicated and got pregnant or married the wrong man and did not wait on God to send him. No one is perfect and God forgives us for our mistakes. Stop blaming the black man for who he decides to date and marry. Get your heart and soul right with God and He will send you that man: even if He has to create one all just for you. By the way, Check out my new Christian relationship book entitled, “The Female Fool: 10 Reasons Why You Aren’t Attracting a Good Christian Man”. When you honestly read this book and obey the word of God, if it’s His will, you will attract that man God has for you: I did.:)
The fact that many Black men are no longer finding Black women appealing is actually a reflection of a volatile self hating relationship that Black men are having with themselves. You should all read the novel series “Internal Vanity: Perception, Deception, and The Blackest Truth” available and wingfieldinc.com
In reality, if the Black woman goes extinct, so will the Black man. There can be no partial existence of Blacks. The angle that a Black man can remain in existence without Black women reveals something rather warped in such thinking. There’s alot of nonsense on here and alot of “pro-the Black man rhetoric”. I’m a Black man who is honest enough to say that we have failed our communities collectively. Let’s stop pointing the finger at Black women and everyone else and begin pointing the finger at ourselves. We are our problem, and our women are merely responding accordingly. Stop pacifying Black boys and Black men! Black women are usually very loyal. They are simply waiting for us to act like leaders and imply a vision towards our people and communities. I suppose that’s a better question. Do we Black men even have a vision for our people and communities collectively?
It is disgusting what the society does to Black women!!! The other day, I heard about a 5 year-old black girl who got rid of her black doll (the doll was in the garbage!!!!). She already at such a young age understood that we are living in a world where Black women are not valued!!!!
Black women never hold no accountability whatsoever. That idiot Deborah Cooper was justifying, rationalizing why these females pick the bad boys because they have the Cyndi Lauper mentality ”girls just wanna have fun”. No problem have fun but be carefull. Since the late 80’s they haven’t done that. They pick the so-called bad boys but once they mature then they want that good guy they rejected. The problem with this is these women are now Lois Lane and expect the good guy to be superman. They want the captain save-a-hoe. They have kids from them bad boys who are not in the childs life but want this good guy to take on another man’s responsibility.
Dealing with that exciting bad boy they have OOW children, emotional issues and even diseases they can’t get rid of and expect this good guy to take her?? Some men are saying ”hell no”.
This is not sounding bitter but just like the woman rejected that good man back in the day don’t get upset when he rejects you now. Many black females are on this BS.
Yes many men don’t like it when black women say ‘our men’, why?? Because it’s not a term of endearment. You’re being possessive.
Many black women treat them so called good guys like total mess. ”This guy brought me dinner, he opened the door for me, he brought me flowers.” ‘I’m going to play this fool”. This is how they think. Now these men are starting to wise up and basically say ”to hell with this”.
The reason most black women are upset when black men date out is because they don’t like the fact black men have options. Deep down they want a black woman but if she isn’t going to come correct they are going to get a white woman, latina woman. I’ll do one even better some are getting passports and leaving the country to find a woman. These black men are not going to limit themselves anymore because the black woman isn’t acting right. These black women expect men to be at the bottom of the barrell with them and the fellas are saying ”no”. ”I have options and I am going to exercise them”.
And for the black women who are on this mess all of y’all can go to hell and get lumps in your breasts. For those who are not I have nothing but love & respect for you.
Black men showed you respect by calling you ”queens” and such and then you called him weak, a punk and now these brothas are tired and FED UP!!!.
Black men has never really dissed black women like black women dissed us. Proof. Waiting to Exhale, black men ain’t worth sh… The movie Something New where you have a black woman who couldn’t find a black man who met her standards and even whe she did finally meet one who met her standards she married a white man. All the Tyler Perry movies. Now you have Black Girls Rock. W-T-F??. All that show was about was black women basically saying ”I am a strong black woman, I’m hot stuff and fu.. everyone else. Black men had the Million Man March. We owned up to our problems and held accountability while black women have yet to do this.
@ ALL POSTERS:
I agree and disagree for a lot of reasons regarding some of the contents of these posts. I’m not putting anyone down because an opinion; viewpoint; personal agenda is just like a brain (EVERYONE HAS ONE) however, the journey starts from within ‘SELF’ with GODS’ guidance & direction. I’m not a marriage/relationship guru yet, I can only comment based upon my own experiences in relationships with black women. A lot of people are raised differently via demographics, socioeconmics, community, and other aspects thus,the bottom line is “CHOICE”. I’ve dated and sexed women outside of my race yet, I prefer the BLACK WOMAN over any other race of woman when it comes to relationships & marriage (“CHOICE”); not out of necessity to make me a whole black man. So, whether we agree, disagree, or whatever the case; it’s always about “CHOICE”. . . . .
Nojma summed it all up in one sentence (At the end of the day, if we (SELF) honestly review a string of failed (I would also add successful) relationships, we (SELF) are the only common factor. . . . .
I would also look at the fact that blaming, bashing, tearing down, etc. etc. etc. of the black woman & black man is not the solution. IT STARTS IN THE MIRROR AND ENDS IN THE MIRROR; an individual assessment of “SELF” will give us all the answers we want because that assessment works and it focuses on some very basic questions that we (black men & black women); get so sensitive about:
(1). Am I a good man/woman to myself?
(2). Do I value me more than my mate?
(3). Do I value my mate more than myself?
(4). Do I know what love is; compared to infatuation, physical/mental/emotional attraction to the opposite sex?
(5). What kind of man/woman attracts to me?
(6). What kind of man/woman do I attract to?
(7). Is my happiness and health more important than my mates and, vice versa?
There are a lot more questions in a ‘self-assessment’ yet, the ‘instincts’ never lie so, after doing a ton of inner work on myself, I also found that a lot of the ‘black man/black woman’ issues stem from “SELF”; a lot more than they would stem from the other person, the white man, society, politicians, banks, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
I’m not placing all black women & black women in a box but again, it all starts with “SELF & CHOICE”.
God bless all who posted on an issue that needs to be discussed among black men & black women more, and not less.
James.
Why do black women feel the need to have to push the black man down in order to build herself? Are we still spreading the black male myths going into 2012 that have been dis-proven for several years? There are PLENTY of black men out here. There is no black male gay epidemic. The number of gay men is roughly 10%, just like in all other racial populations and the number of gay men is negated by the fact that you have a similar percentage of gay women (which black women seem to leave out of their rants against black men). So the whole gay thing is a wash.
Next, among college aged men (18-15), there are more black men in college than are in jail, so you women need to stop spreading that lie (or in this case, using black men in jail as an excuse). Also, can we stop with the image of the deadbeat black man. You spoke about a park where the black women were getting on buses to go to work and the black men were hanging out in the park to drink and harass women. Yet, 2010 census data shows us that in nearly every economic bracket, black men earn more than black women and on average, black men make more than black women. See it for yourself:
Black female income for 2010 (broken down into $2,500 brackets)
http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/cpstables/032011/perinc/new01_023.htm
Black male income for 2010 (broken down into $2,500 brackets)
http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/cpstables/032011/perinc/new01_014.htm
Black women are becoming “extinct” because they are killing themselves and their relationships with men. They would rather be “strong and independent” than be with a man that is leading. That is why they purposefully choose men that they can either control or a man that is just as messed up as they are. A man that is established and responsible is not appealing to black women today because that man will be calling the shots and he will not be co-signing their destructive actions and attitudes. Black men have options and are forced to exercise them because black women choose not to pick them, or if they do pick them, they do not want to cooperate with a man under a patriarchal system. Black women love the matriarchy… and it is destroying our relationships and our families.
Nice Article! To answer your question, No. The black woman is not facing extinction. We are all over the earth. We are the initial life givers of the world, Of all different Diasporas. The strength and soul of a true black woman can never die. A true black woman is a Strong one full of love, passion, wisdom and Inspiration. Maybe our specific breed: The “African-American” woman will die but it has been a long-time coming, due first to the lack of self-respect. Those who have not embraced strength or pursued growth. The unorganized one with the lack of self-control, seeking hand-outs, and prizes being ghetto. This is The Black Woman who is becoming truly extinct, and that surely is a good thing.
Also, Nojma If you being a black woman, a good one which I’m sure you are, can happily marry a black man I’m sure it will work out just as well for your fellow sisters.
Everyone chooses the love they want. Black women are not becoming extinct, and no one needs another human being to save them. It is by God’s salvation that we’re truly given the greatest life and love.
Peace.
I saw something very disturbing tonight: a black woman (who had obviously mental health problems) walking downtown in my city with a green garbage bag on her! I had tears in my eyes. I will never forget this picture for my entire life. I can read between the lines. This female feels like dirt and I hold the society responsible for it. The fact also that too many Black men do not value their women doesn’t help at all. I have worked in the mental health field for twenty years and I never saw in my professional career and in my life a female with a garbage bag on her. This speaks volume to see a black woman carrying herself that way. Black men are the only ones on this earth who reject that much their females. Some men from other ethnic groups marry some females outside of their race but not as much as Black men. It is disgusting and a man who does not put on a pedestal his own woman first will never be respected by people outside of his group!!!
As a young black boy, I did everything most black boys do. Sell drugs,waste money on foolish things,have sex with as many women as possible, and make babies by age 17. This is when responsibility slapped me in the face. I was living a life that I wasn’t proud of with two children with my name. Me and my lady choose education for her cause it came easy to her in high school even with her first child in her sophomore year and the last child in her senior year in high school. I choose to go to work in a factory and care for the kids. Well you will never guess how our black marriage has worked thus far??????
Wow
Melanie you speak with truth…90 percent of solving a problem is realizing there is one…Peace!
@Melanie. U were all over the place and I feel bad that its like that but instead of talking about the problem lets go to the root and try to find a solution and start the healing within our own house. And don’t say you don’t care because if you really didn’t, your comment would have been shorter (I’m not being funny or sassy). Again, my words are out of Love because I have a young daughter and eventhough I do my part with her, I don’t want her to be a adult in this society of hate, anger and confusion between us (black people), but if she is, she will not be all over the place and she will be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
Black women should date and marry outside of their race more… hell , the brothers do it all the time. I have about 20 black male friends and not one of them dates black women, so why can’t black women do the same. I think that if they broadened their horizons, Black women would see thatthereis alot of other men that wouldappreciate them.
I myself am not black, but I am married to an amazing woman, who happens to be black. I love her with all my heart and we have 3 beautiful sons.
No Black women don’t face extinction.
Melanie, your post is interesting but I think you made many general assumptions about both the Black male and female group.
We can’t talk about accountability without context. We all absolutely KNOW that the nature of this whole country towards us was predicated on destroying our psychological state. This dysfunctional pathology extended into relationships and perceptions of one another. We have been beaten up even more with this modern materialism selfishness that is part of the broader American culture.
So from that standpoint saying things like, “They don’t care. Why should you? You, a black woman, probably know this so why beg and plead for saving? Save yourself and move on.”
Is ridiculous. Who exactly are ‘YOU’ to save if you aren’t part of a larger community that gives you social context? What are you saving yourself to do, to be?
That statement is the living expression of everything the white dominant society has tried to push on us for years, and for you to so strongly vocalize has me like… :/
Where I live, there’s a park downtown where almost all the bus routes in the county end. It’s one giant square block of grass patch, surrounded by bus stops. In the morning, You see lots of black women in nursing uniforms or with backpacks, all going to work or school. A little later in the day, you see the black men arrive one by one. But they usually don’t get on the bus, and when they do, they don’t look like they’re going to work or school. They hang out all day in the park, and at the stops. They hit on young girls, ask people for money, and talk about the government programs their enrolled in, (eg. work release, probation, EBT, section 8, etc.) and how to navigate through those systems. It’s a huge crowd, I’d say a couple hundred are lining the park at any given time of the day. Just standing around waiting for someone to hand them their dreams.
Go focus on black men who need to be empowered for their gay lifestyle and go uplift those black men who in prison.
so the black man still feel beneaths the black woman ? is the black men taking his anger out on black woman when he mad at the white man ? the black man not concerned about a woman having anything gone on in her life in terms of success as long as she focus on him ? do the black man know he the reason why the black race is damged and he the one who was already in enslaving blacks in africa? do the black man feel the black woman is obligated to put up with his mess ? last question. do the black man hate the black woman because he puts out more negative news than the white man
My post was disrupted towards the end. The last section was addressed to the OP whom I’d assumed to be a woman. To CONTINUE….
Black women, especially the educated and well-to-do among us, simply want someone on their level. No, what black men are doing ISN’T good enough. They don’t want to go to college. Look around this site and see the proof from their own lips!
They don’t want to marry us. They don’t want to be husbands. They dont’ want to be PROPER mates. They want to shack up, wh..re around with different women and put a bunch of fatherless bastards in us…and they wonder why this community is as it is? Hell, their negligence is one of the MAIN factors…but you won’t catch them taking ownership. That’d mean that they’d have to take responsibility for the rise and fall of their group…and assume their place to lead their women and children to the light as MEN are supposed to.
Women have always sought mates who are better than they. It’s nature. If I have a degree? Why don’t you? If I can do ‘x,y and z’ why can’t you?
Black men aren’t even encouraged to try.
It’s all on us to make the sacrifices…and I could give a crap what black women did in the 70’s, in case you want to bring that mess up. Black men have AS much culpability as black women. Beyond this, I’m a Millenial and altogether sick of this backwards a..s community with it’s ‘Give a Nigga A Chance’ bullshit.
I tell you, there’s something absolutely screwball about a community that expects it’s women to sacrifice more than it’s men.
No other ‘race’ of woman has to settle for subpar mates…but US.
When you’re done talking about ‘what black women need to do’, maybe you could climb out of your black man bubble for a second and try to understand the situation from a black woman’s perspective. The sort of pressure placed on us.
…and to answer OP: WISHUWOULD summed it up.
Why would you even ask when you already know the truth.
The black man will NEVER sacrifice as much as the black woman has sacrificed. The black man will NEVER sacrifice for the black woman what she has sacrificed for him. To keep him afloat. To preserve his manhood. Allow me to inform you, if you didn’t already know, that it was the black woman who worked in factories and took care of white children because the black man was shut out of employment and couldn’t support the family on his own in the beginning of the last century into the civil rights movement…until this point. When a black man is convicted of a crime, black women are the first to rally to his defense. When this media attacks black men, black women did defend him. Among other things.
I challenge you to find another group of females who will back your butts up the way that mine has. You won’t. They only prize you for your ‘big dicks’…and some or many black men tend to to believe their media-created hype and won’t, for the life of them, admit to how twisted their thinking is: That a black person isnt’ worth a d*mn – isn’t attractive or smart – until a WHITE person says so. They even subject us to the same stupid standard. Gloating about their ‘options’. It’s ridiculous. What man competes sexually with a woman, but black men?
But WE’RE brainwashed, he says. Pot-> Kettle
Black men tend to place gender loyalty over community well-being…<>
They don’t care. Why should you? You, a black woman, probably know this so why beg and plead for saving? Save yourself and move on.
I’ve no issue getting a man. I’m in a relationship but, at this time, I don’t want to be married. Most of my friends are, though. This whole black woman marriage thing has merit. The pickings ARE slim for black women, but the situation is just overblown.
BUT — to answer WISHUWOULD: Black women are just trying to do well for themselves. No one is competing with black men. How ridiculous. Hell, it’s not even about ya’ll. ‘Ya’ll’ just like to think it is. Black men are so sensitive and take offense where none even exists…and who are any of you to complain, anyway? The Black Woman couldn’t have been in what’s supposed to be YOUR spot without the black man’s acquiescence. Black men had a hand in creating the Super Duper Independent Woman. Why don’t ANY of you take responsibility for that?
Even to this day, some black men even get in the media to beg black women to take the reins and save the black community and black men.
It’s ridiculous and embarrassing. Yet, when Cosby (for instance) did this? I heard no great outcry from black men. No rebuttal. No nothing. The men from Morehouse said squat.
I mean, seriously? It really IS all on our shoulders, isn’t it? *sigh*
Well, F that! Only a fool would carry this ‘race’ on her shoulders alone..and that’s precisely what black women have been. Weak. I definitely have my bone to pick with older black women as they expect us to carry the torch and prop black men upon pedestals.
Sorry. Can’t squeeze water from a turnip.
…and my cohort is buckling under the pressure. For better or worse, black women are pushing back against convention. It’s not to be difficult but, hell – something’s got to give. Black women of TODAY know a lose-lose when they see one. What constitutes ‘business as usual’ within this community places US and our children at a disadvantage.
Black women are asking the hard question…and this bothers black men because it does not represent a situation that benefits the only group that they truly care about: THEMSELVES. They don’t want us unless we’re pining and begging and bending over backwards. Waiting for them…that’s our place.
Sure black women were taught to ‘hate’ black men…and black women were taught to hate black women. Dating whites to get even…and? I grew up hearing black men slinging the mud and using their white women as props to do it…and? Do I care what black men date? Nope. Black men can hardly pull anything but white trash, doormats, fatties and wiggas…even when they have money. They still jump all over themselves for the white man’s throw-a-ways. No black woman worth her salt would break a sweat worrying about these oft-times subpar couplings. As if it’s that hard to pull a white man. I don’t deal with white men, but – please. If black women laid up/bred/wh..red themselves out with any white that would have them, like the black man? The interracial dating situation would be just as high on our end.
Yes, black women were taught to underachieve when it comes to mates. Many rec’vd the message that we’d have to settle if we chose a black man. The result? Some don’t know how low to set the bar.
The other result? Some are slapping a big reject stamp on all.
My point is, this happened and nothing operates in a vaccum. One situatoin relates to another…but it’s nice that you like to think that it doesn’t. Yet, I don’t see where my mothers misled me.
We don’t respect ‘you’?
PFFT…
Speaking entirely for myself, how can we? Besides the aforementioned, black men have never stood for us even when it was within their ability to do so. They’ve abandoned us and their community. First chance they got. They attack black women everywhere. They put another race of females over their own with the intent to hurt. They told us that we are not allowed to call them ‘our’ men because they are, in fact, NOT ‘our’ men. THIS…my generation of little black girls observed from the men who claimed to love their ‘Queen’.
…and you expect us to love and respect and remain loyal to you? Men who do not reciprocate…only take?
We believe that we’re better than you?
…well, we’ve managed to be better ‘men’, that’s for sure. We have to raise the families. We’re usually the earners. We get the lions share of the degrees and, honey, don’t tell yourself that ‘it’s ok because all woman outnumber man in college’. NO! Our rates are beginning to VASTLY outnumber that of other groups. This is the beginning of a problem. ‘Ya’ll’ just want to pretend everything out of existence. NO! This stats represent an abnormality and it’s a prime factor for the instability w/in the black marriage market. What are YOU going to do about this…? Hello – is anyone there? Lastly, we’re volun-told to lead the ‘community’.
Black men? Hide behind their women’s skirts. Yet, they can’t understand why black women are ‘strong’ and ‘opinionated’ and forceful, like men. Why we can’t turn it off when we leave our places of work….
I mean, what exactly do you think would be the eventuality when women are all but ‘masculinized’ over generations (first, by whites and then by their own men)…besides the attitude that’s becoming increasingly apparent among us?
Where a bachelors is the highest level of degree attainment, black women outearned their female counterparts…including the asian woman. A/O 2010.
SOURCE: US DEPT OF EDUCATION.
Our women outearned all but the asian in 06. Despite whatever this community is saying, WE have proven that the even the ‘illustrious’ white race can be bested with hard work. That’s what it’s about. If we can do it, black men can do it. Your challenge is to stop thinking like a bunch of dumb ‘minorities’. But, I’d expect this accomplishment to be minimized, as usual…and I’d expect black men to doubt. I wont’ be the least bit shocked if you tell me that I didn’t actually earn my degree and that ‘the white man’ gave me everything…>>cue rant about white feminists and white men corrupting the minds of black women against her men< Kettle
Black men tend to place gender loyalty over community well-being…<>
They don’t care. Why should you? You, a black woman, probably know this so why beg and plead for saving? Save yourself and move on.
You say: “When a woman is single, She becomes obese with responsibility that is not hers. Whenever you are made to carry excessive weight, whether its mental, emotional, financial or physical, you become sluggish and weighed down. She is unable to be effective in her role because she is to busy to try to perfect a role she wasn’t designed for.”
I say: fuck off you sexist prick 😉
I started to read the new book: Is marriage for White people? The situation is worse that I thought. My jaw dropped when I learned in this book that some of our brothers don’t have a bank account!!! The situation is worse than I thought.
@Nojma thats true. I know my relationships with black women got better once I made some changes within.
@Wishyouwould I totally agree and that is why I said the following “This doesn’t mean that I give Sisters a pass to escape accountability for the choices and actions on their part.” Trust me Black Man I push the accountability factor all the time, and majority of the time women run from it, because it is easier to blame you then looking inward at self. This is coming from a woman that evolved to that point, I can’t place all men in a box because of my experiences, just like I wouldn’t want men to place all women in a box, we have to look at our roles in the relationship. At the end of the day, if we honestly review a string of failed relationships, we(self)is the only common factor.
The mindset alot of black women have toward black men did not start once they started dating in their teens and early twenties. It started when they were little girls and was brainwashed into hating or not properly respecting black men as human beings and then being taught she is better and to compete with black men, which is divide and conquer at its finest. We have to be real about whats really going on. There are decent black men out here and the average black woman is not attracted to that for whatever reason, which is fine in my opinion. I only have a problem with black women not being reponsible for their choices in men. Black women also need to understand that the same thing that it takes to be sucessful at work is not the same thing that will make you sucessful in a relationship with your man. Anytime you have a problem as serious as can’t find a good mate the first place you need to look is in the mirror. Everything I just said is with Love.