An open letter of apology to Black Men in hopes of Reconciliation.

by Staff November 23, 2011 141 Comments News Opinion Relationships Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Dear Black Man,

I have become a woman that you no longer recognize. I have allowed our enemy to impregnate me with his ideas and thoughts. I have allowed an illusion of independence to keep us separated. I have fooled myself into believing that my degrees places me degrees above you.

I humbly come to you asking forgiveness. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not supporting you. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not truly loving you. I was taught to hate myself, then hate you. My desire to reproduce you was killed by our enemy. I apologize for teaching my daughters that you will fail them, and continuning the cycle of an illusion of indepedence with them. I apologize for not encouraging you, for not being more patient with you, for not understanding your plight, your trials and your tribulations.

I apologize for thinking in order to gain strength I had to weaken you. I apologize for disturbing your peace, in order to have peace within myself, or what I thought was peace. My life has been in peril without you. I tried to convince myself that I don’t need you, but you are a necessity. I can’t even continue the cycle of life without you. I apologize for my harsh tone, for using my tongue as a sword, for telling you that you are nothing, when in fact you are everything.

I apologize for mistreating you, disrespecting you, neglecting you and belittling you. I know that I have aided in breaking you, and I am beneficial in rebuilding you. I am acknowleding the wrongs that I have committed against you,and I am confessing my faults. By acknowledging my wrongs, doesn’t mean I am absolving you of your duty, but rather I am re-committing myself to my duty to you.

I have relinquished my womb from our enemy and I am returning it to it’s rightful owner; you.

I tried to walk this journey of life without you, but I realized that I should be walking this journey with you, and beside you.I pray that you accept my sincere apology, and that we can start the process of reconciliation, so we can love each other and have productive and successful relationships that will set the standard for our children.

Black Man……….I love you…..

Signed,
A Black Woman who concedes that her womb was one of many…….

Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad

To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.

141 Comments

Tony says:

December 17, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Natalie, I just read it…very well stated…and to the lack of response…well, that’s no surprise either. Emotions cloud rational thinking…so does EGO.

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Tony says:

December 17, 2011 at 6:19 pm

The saddest part about this whole thing is that I myself, along with many other black brothers, have called for our sisters to assist us in guiding and redirecting the direction of our community…from the high rate of teenage pregnancy, HIV rate, and various issues that affect us all…even the current horrific display that our young men have been engaging in by walking the streets with their pants sagging off of their behinds…but the responses we often receive are quite similar to the comments that a lot of you have posted….pointing the finger BACK at the male. When we simply ask you for HELP in getting the state of affairs within our community together, you get so caught up in the blame game that you totally miss the point…AND unjustly relieve yourselves of any responsibility. Do you think these boys who “sag” would continue to do that if girls told them how ridiculous they looked and didn’t even CONSIDER dating any fools that present themselves like that?? Do you think the AIDS rate amongst our youth would decrease with us teaching our daughters that their bodies are their temples that should be protected and cherished?? How about teen pregnancy?? Do you think we could get THAT problem under control with a little education to our daughters about self respect and responsibility?? Now, of COURSE our young men must be taught these lessons as well, but the ultimate decision lies with our GIRLS, because THEY decide what they will allow into their bodies and their wombs…or am I just speaking irresponsibly and “angry?” Our women need to get a clue…and QUICK!

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natalie says:

December 17, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Tony,

I attempted to offer an alternative perspective to the ones that many of us (sistas) continue to contribute to the discussion. It was posted early in this thread and not one respnse from other women.

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Tony says:

December 17, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I wonder what is “angry, irresponsible,abrasive, or “ill mannered” about asking women to be accountable for their decisions?? The overwhelming truth that has been displayed via the comments on this article is that our women STILL don’t get it…and they REFUSE to. The authentication of the Willie Lynch letter really makes no difference as it speaks to a very authentic MINDSET that exists amongst us. Whomever wrote that letter clearly wrote it (I also know it isn’t authentic) with a “lesson” in mind for Black people…and just because any of you find offense in it (as expected), that does not make it any less valid. The majority of the responses that I have read from most of you that have gone “up in arms” against this letter, are attacking the most irrelevant and trivial elements of the letter and any subsequent statements of value that have been offered. I believe there is a reason for that… People often find the most offense in the truth, and that’s nothing new…The surprising thing about all this is that NONE of the women who responded to this scribe have addressed the most relevant and important issues of true independence and womanhood, that have been repeatedly addressed…like the call to STOP ACCEPTING BAD BEHAVIOR AND ENCOURAGING IT. Also, realize that your accomplishments do not make you any BETTER than your male counterparts of character…so stop treating them as if they are not good enough. Stop teaching your sons and daughters that all men are dogs, because that’s all they will expect of themselves and their mates….stop falling for the societal “hype” about Black men AND women, and realize that the key to the advancement of any species lies with its FEMALE. You have an immense power to affect positive change, yet you fail to realize it, and shun any responsibility towards it. But instead, you continue to bash and attempt to emasculate black men, without realizing that you are not only ostracizing yourselves from the rest of society, but also trapping yourselves in an endless cycle of disappointment and bitterness (as indicated in the previous responses). Why is it that the very moment ANY critique is offered to a Black woman, she immediately goes deaf?? Well, I’ll tell you…EGO. It is that false sense of pride you have that does not allow you to accept or even CONSIDER any criticism, unless it is accompanied by praise or the proverbial “pat on the back.” You are telling YOURSELVES how special you are, but you are not proving it to ANYONE…not even yourselves. You cannot blame men for placing you in videos to be objectified when you stood in line for hours just to get that spot. You cannot be angry that your man is cheating on you when you continuously go back to him and make excuses for his behavior. You cannot be angry when you have a man at home who has been out of work for the past few years, yet eats all of your food, drives your car (that you make the payments on) without even putting gas in it, and does NOTHING to help you survive… YOU did that! You cannot get angry when men treat you like pieces of meat when you place yourselves on display for any dog to come by and take a bite…Stop offering yourselves a human mattresses and deposit sites for men and have some dignity…then and ONLY then, will we see a unilateral change in the direction of your relationships…then you will have nothing else to complain about…When you show respect for yourself…men (black or ANY other race) will have no other CHOICE. You will always get what you ACCEPT, so hold yourselves accountable for your OWN choices….You have forgotten the importance and value in certain crucial elements that are needed in our relationships with each other…like HUMILITY…SELF RESPECT…and SUPPORT. Your false sense of entitlement has you completely lost….and your very common, and oh SO predictable response to those who have words other than complimentary about you, is to label them irresponsible or “angry.” I guess ignorance truly is bliss, but I know that I would rather live with the misery of the truth, than exist in the bliss of a LIE. You have been lied to ladies…and you are continuing to lie to yourselves….but unfortunately, no one is buying it….and the honest truth is, a large portion of men have simply grown too disinterested to even bother…and that is truly a shame.

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Keisha says:

December 17, 2011 at 9:35 am

Okay:

1. As others have noted here, the Willie Lynch Letter is a fake. I went to your Facebook page via the link above, and I see you’re STILL making reference to it as if it is historical fact. It isn’t. It is fiction. And don’t EVEN start with that whole rationalization that, “well, those kinds of things happened, so we’ll just treat it as fact”. The Willie Lynch Letter is a fabrication, pure and simple.

2. I fear you may have some mild form of mental illness; this martyr complex you display here and on your Facebook page is somewhat disturbing.

3. I realize you think you’re helping, but being a toady and an apologist for black men is not helping. It just further insulates black men from the demanding environment they must work within. Tough love would be more effective in this case. You are simply fawning over black men and stroking their egos. That’s not going to help them out there in the real world.

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Ebony Imhotep says:

December 15, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Nojma Muhammad stated “Both men and women need to first look within and examine self. It is easy to point the blame, but hard to look in the mirror. Also we need to be held accountable for our decisions and choices. Most of our decisions to be with someone is based on the superficial, whether it is a thick shape or a bank account. How often do we go deeper into the MINDS of the people we choose to be with? Instead of looking for a “mate” we look for people to “mate” with.” Is this mentality limited to Black Women? If she’s sincere about these words, why even construct such a ridiculous piece? Is this not the blame game? Also,as I read her response and it’s full of NOTHING more than barber shop beauty salon conversations gone viral. Her stance on section 8 as well as the collegiate system is inaccurate. Yes you can get section 8 with a man in the home. His income however must be taken into consideration when establishing eligibility and the grant. She saw Claudine and forgot that it was directed in the 70’s.

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Ebony Imhotep says:

December 15, 2011 at 8:47 pm

It’s clear to me that she’s unaware of what it is that’s she’s truly saying. The black Man, nor any other man has EVER owned any womb of any woman. However when dealing with those who stem form religious organizations that promote imbalanced dealings between Man and Women, you must understand the mindset from which she speaks and understand. The woman has always been the fall guy. Religious institutions have always shaped and reared the female in an effort to get her to recruit others. What she should have done was apologize on behalf of herself, not black women as a collective. If she is guilty of the above mentioned, then she should bear the brunt of the apology. What she has done (as you can see on this thread) is give angry, irresponsible,abrasive, and ill mannered males an anthem. This letter is sickening and just another facet of “The Blame Game” throwing Black Women under the bus and there can be no reconciliation. Shame on her.

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Ebony says:

December 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

k

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Tony says:

December 14, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Mustafa Marconi…I agree. This is a wonderful piece, and I find it extremely hard to understand how anyone could find offense in it. But then again, when it comes to our women, not only are we FORBIDDEN to offer critique (unless it is accompanied by praise and the proverbial “pat on the back” to appease the ego), but apparently now, it is also deemed offensive to even offer a sympathetic word of support and accountability on the part of any one of our sisters….A truly tragic state of affairs…

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Tony says:

December 14, 2011 at 10:37 pm

The funny thing is that every SINGLE thing you said, Luna, confirms exactly what I have repeatedly stated….that you have made this all about YOU. Why are you still telling me about YOU when we are discussing the wider perspective?? Are you that narrow minded?? What don’t you get?? OK…YOU can’t relate to ANY of the issues that affect African Americans in a detrimental fashion (riiiight) that would call for accountability in our women….and you speak of the lack of respect black men have for black women…WHO answers to the “catcalls??”…WHO places themselves in these videos to be objectified??…WHO ACCEPTS BAD BEHAVIOR AND ENCOURAGES IT??? Now, unless, you are saying that Black men hogtie our women and force them at gunpoint to pay our bills and allow us to leech off of them, then your point is once again, a big FAIL. People will go as far as you allow…people will treat you according to the standards that you have collectively set for yourselves. sure…maybe YOU’RE not guilty of some of the behavior I am referencing, but to each and every one of your girlfriends that has fallen “victim” to these sorts of men, I ask…WHO CHOSE THESE MEN?? There is no salespitch here…just truth….and while you can shut your eyes as tightly as you can to it…it only leaves YOU in the dark. Ignorance is bliss isn’t it?? That is what keeps people like yourself very happy in that tiny little box that you call reality. But don’t worry, I will continue to stand right here at the door, ready to welcome any person that has the ability to see things outside of the realm of their own narrow and limited perspectives…people who understand that humility and independence are NOT enemies…Enjoy that SLEEP sis, because you are CLEARLY not awake.

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Nojma says:

December 14, 2011 at 10:16 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w0HuxdOwYg&context=C2fff1ADOEgsToPDskJ9vG5YfO9YMyJuKFlCU0Fa

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Mustafa Marconi says:

December 14, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Tony, You Are Right…She Just Does Not Get It!!!! Doing Right By And For Yourself Is Beneficial To All African Americans…They Are Not Responding To Our Points…They Are Arguing Against Their Own Stereotypes And Personal Bias. We Need To Hear From Sisters Who Have Not Already Decided To Abandon Black Men. These Women Have Consciously Decided To “Move On”, But They Have Taken The Time To Defend Their Positions…..When No One Attacked Them For Their Personal Decisions. I Guess Black people Being Pro-Black Offends Them…The Ridiculous Argument That Asians, White, Jews, And every Other Race And Ethnicity Does Not Collectively Work For The Benefit Of their Own, Is A Clear Example Of How Out Of Touch And Clueless These Women are, And Also How Fruitless It Is To Continue this Dialogue Any Further. The Sister wrote A wonderful piece…..But They Internalized It….It Wasn’t Personal….But They were Offended By A Eloquent And Sincere Letter From A Beautiful Sister…Who still loves Her Brothers…That My Friend Is Sad And Pathetic!!!

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Luna Noire says:

December 14, 2011 at 7:13 pm

You guys just aren’t getting this, are you?

I’m proud of who I am, and part of what I am is black. But that is merely one of my defining attributes, not the thing that defines me above all else. I am also a woman, an artist, a business person, a charity volunteer, a musician, someone’s lover, etc. And much more.

You want me to be black, above all else. I reject that. You want me to be “accountable” to other black people. I reject that. You want me to march lockstep with you regarding your views on race, feminism, politics, literature, music, etc. because I’m black and so are you (so we must think alike, right). I reject that. You want me to only consider black men as my potential husband. I reject that. You want me to to indulge in self-sacrifice for black people that can barely function in this world. Why? Because I’m a black woman and it’s what you think I should do. I reject that.

And, finally, regarding this statement from you describing black men:

“because no one else respects you the way we do…no one else cares about you as much as we do…no one understands your struggle the way we do….and no one else COMES from you, as WE do.”

I have never been done terribly wrong by a black man; no out-of-wedlock children from a brotha that then pulled a Houdini and was never seen again, no sexual assaults, no draining of financial resources by a chronically-unemployed brotha, etc. Of course, I’ve always kept my distance from most black men, though. My life is not the stuff of glossy magazine layouts and opulence – I’m middle-class and I live okay, not grandly, but I’m happy.

But I have eyes and ears and I see what black men have done to my sisters. You, as an individual, may respect us, but black men in the aggregate do not. So, for you to appeal to me by saying that “no one else respects you the way we do” is very poor salesmanship. Because I agree with that statement. No one shows black women the stunning lack of respect that black men do, no one else catcalls black women on the street like black men do, no one else degrades them in rap and hip-hop music like black men do, no one else commits sexual assaults against them like black men do, no one else steals from them like black men do, no one else is so critical of their bodies and their skin color as black men, no one else leeches off black women like black men do, and on and on and on.

Very poor salesmanship in terms of convincing me that your point of view is something that resembles reality.

And with that, I think we have exhausted this subject. I am leaving this blog to do something more productive. I think you should stay here and guard against anyone that might venture in from the real world.

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Tony says:

December 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

@ Halima…”Pro Black Rhetoric” is Pro “SELF,” in your case, isn’t it?…you are Black, right…? ijs

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Tony says:

December 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

“Just why is it that black women should be invested in the well-being and comfortable mental state of black men? WHY?!?!?”…..Luna…. your question has been answered repeatedly in the previous comments. White people have not been systematically branded as inferior in this country….Asians have not been unilaterally CASTRATED, as African Americans have…and you REALLY need to ask why?? Now THAT is truly “dense.” …and I never said anything about Black people “sticking to their own kind.” That’s more of that “hearing what you want to hear” syndrome that is so prevalent amongst our sisters.

And to answer your question “Just why is it that black women should be invested in the well-being and comfortable mental state of black men? WHY?!?!?”…that answer is simple…because no one else respects you the way we do…no one else cares about you as much as we do…no one understands your struggle the way we do….and no one else COMES from you, as WE do. The REAL question is, WHY do our women fight so diligently to separate themselves from such a BIG PART of themselves??

Do you fight as hard to dissociate yourselves from your fathers?…your brothers?…your sons??…You fight to be separate from who you ARE. African American men represent the most detestable element of YOU that society sees in “us,” and your selfishness, lack of self respect and overall weakness in character are the compelling forces that drive you to seek as much separation from AA men as possible…except for in the bedroom, of course… which is where the majority of the downfall of our women is “born,” so to speak. This is about your personal decisions that will guide the direction of your life, which in turn affects OURS.

As long as our women continue to offer themselves as human mattresses for men, under the false notion of “independence and liberation,” …they will continue to FAIL in relationships, and watch as black men continue to do as much as is expected of them from you.

Don’t complain about black men, when the majority of our women choose to accept bad behavior from them…and encourage it. STOP being a deposit site for these males, and show them what a WOMAN should be treated like…and how one ACTS. You can tell yourself that you have no responsibility in the current state of affairs in our community until you are blue in the face…but it will never change the fact that you, my dear, will ALWAYS be one of US.

Just do your part to redefine who “we” are…and WAKE UP! Without any knowledge of self, you will never understand anything about anyone else…or care to. And that will leave you lost, and alone. *But then again…maybe you’re not African American – that could explain the comments*

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natalie says:

December 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

A community that despises its men runs the risk of creating a community of despicable men..

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Halima says:

December 14, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I stick by what I said. I see nothing wrong with hoping for and telling black women to have standards for their life and to do what Is best for them. Black people doing well on an individual level and raising their kids to do well is what would advance the black race. Sticking together and still being stuck in the same mentality isn’t going to do anything just because “we are all in this together”. Life is bigger than that. No other race, I take that back, no other culture, does that but us. Africans believe in personal responsibility as well. It’s not a black thing, do what’s best for you. I believe the same for black males, do whatever is best and live your life the best. I don’t dislike black men, I just notice that they don’t get hounded to bend over backwards for the black community. I am very well aware that I am apart of the black race and I love being black, I know my kids will be looked at as black no matter what my man is. However, I will raise them to do their best in life and make the right choices. That is what needs to be installed in our people, not pro black rhetoric.

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Luna Noire says:

December 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Sometimes I wonder if you race warriors are being intentionally dense.

Are all white people expected to work for the betterment of other white people? No, of course not; it’s preposterous and only the KKK and American Nazi Party members would say or agree with a sentiment like that. Regular white people would just look at you with a perplexed expression if you said that to them.

Do all Asians work for the betterment of all Asians? Again, the idea is absurd.

Just why is it that black women should be invested in the well-being and comfortable mental state of black men? WHY?!?!? Just because we’re both black? We’re not down with that. I’m responsible for me and black men are responsible for themselves, and what is so difficult about this premise that you seem unable to comprehend it? Why do you keep circling back to this theme that black people are all in this together, that black men and black women are somehow tied together in this mystical, divine way, and that God demands our unity? Jeez, you’re like a demented stalker that keeps insisting we’re meant for each other when all I want to do is for you to leave me alone.

What is about the idea of racial solidarity that you find so compelling? And why does your fervor about black people “sticking to their own kind” manifest itself in you trying to make all black people adhere to your point of view about this?

We’re done with the sista soldier routine, and we’re not coming back. You can keep knocking yourself out with all of that strident rhetoric against other races and syrupy-sweet sentiment for other black people. it’s cool, but we’re just not interested in being subjected to that stuff anymore. We have granted ourselves a divorce from you.

Trying to be as clear as possible here and I hope I’m getting through to you…

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Mustafa Marconi says:

December 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I Wonder What Would Have Happened If Harriet Tubman, Margaret Murray Washington, Frances E.W. Harper, Ida Bell Wells-Barnett, and Mary Church Terrell And So Many Other Great African American Women Thought In Such A Self Destructive Manner?? What Is Good For All African American Will Benefit Each And Every One Of Us!! Malcolm, Martin, Medgar, Marcus, And So Many Others, All Sacrificed Tremendously So That So Could Not Only Enjoy The Benefits Of The Struggles….But Also So That You Could Now Tell Other Women…Black Women To STOP THINKING About The Further Advancement Of Their People And Satisfy Their Own Personal Agenda!! You Can Married Whoever You Want…Your Children Will Still Come Out BLACK!! And They Will Be Subjected To The Same Stereotypes And Discrimination That Still Affects The Major Part Of Our Collective Community. Good Luck Sister With Your Journey, I Pray That The Souls Of Our Great Leaders Of The Past Can Somehow Find A Way To Genuinely Touch You!!

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Tony says:

December 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm

No, Halima…you have a PERSONAL responsibility to YOURSELF, and who YOU are (whether you like it or not), is a part of who WE are….what happens to US affects YOU. if all you got from what I wrote was that you had to be “down” with the black race, then you have totally proven my point. It’s not always about YOU. Your statement, and a slew of others, by the women in this blog are indicative of the mindset that has us ALL in trouble. Black women as a whole only care about themselves! And as long as you continue to be this way, you will always be miserable, unjustifiably arrogant, prone to passing the “buck” of blame, and totally oblivious to how the world sees you. And through all your cockiness and bitterness, Black men…REAL men…STILL love you…we are STILL wanting and waiting for you…Some things may be true to YOUR world, Halima…but there is a much bigger world out here, in which you are also a part of…Black women, PLEASE wake up and realize that it ain’t always about…YOU.

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Halima says:

December 14, 2011 at 2:52 pm

“If you are a black women, you DO have a responsibility toward the betterment of the rest of us that look like you” lol. Wow, somebody finally came out and said it. This is the mentality that the black women who are finally waking up, are sick of and the mentality that has us screwed up as a whole. In my opinion, this is why 70% are single. We feel have a responsibility for people who are the same color as us instead of doing what is best for us. Women will be stuck with crap in order to “be down” for her black race.I’m responsible, for how black men area doing and how they feel about us and if I don’t care then I’m only about myself. Well, you know what, I am. Im in a happy relationship and although he isn’t the same race, I know who I am. I take responsibility for myself and my family who do look like me. That’s who I owe myself to. Not men that I never met. The reason why I get upset is because there is going to be generations of black women being fed this same crap. The betterment of men who look like them rather than what’s good for their life.

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Tony says:

December 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Halima…This letter calls for accountability in our women. Therefore, the redundant defensive positions that are taken by our women do reflect a lack of responsibility….even if it isn’t a personal one. this letter is an apology to a whole “race” because it is an entire race that has been effected by the things addressed in this scribe. Just because something may not hold true to an individual, that does not mean that it does not exist. We (men included) tend to view any criticism with a totally defensive mindset, ready to “duke it out” with out actually attempting to understand the message that is being delivered. black people have been unilaterally affected by the issues that have been pointed out in this letter, and whether things things hold true to you or anyone else in the previous commentary (which I am SURE it does, judging by the responses), does not make a difference to the clear message that has been sent.

You summed it up in your statement, “Some us are upset because I honestly haven’t done anything to a black man.”…Even in your reference to the collective, you still made it all about you, which is a big part of the problem. If you are a black women, you DO have a responsibility toward the betterment of the rest of us that look like you, and are lumped into the same pot that you are in various aspects of society…and that can only be done when our women stop looking for the easy way out when they are told something that they do not like. You cannot complain about deadbeat, womanizing men, when your mindset is that you have no responsibility in making the right choices in men….when you are responsible for presenting yourself in such a manner that tells these “boys” in men’s clothing (that you all keep complaining about) that you will accept nothing less than the respect you deserve in any form of relationship with them.

But that, of course, can only happen when our women collectively learn to respect themselves and stop aspiring to be the “champions” of men, rather than helpmates of them. Society has taught us all (including you) that black men are not to be respected…that they should be feared….and you have sadly fallen for the hype that, at one time in our history, our women understood to be the BIGGEST falsehood that could have ever been told. Black woman…you have forgotten who you are…and until you even ATTEMPT to remember…you will continue to be ANGRY, BITTER…and ALONE. *What other race has a 70% rate of unwed single mothers??* Stop fighting the truth, and stop arguing to save your egos, and just PAY ATTENTION!!

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Mustafa Marconi says:

December 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

“Only a sin that great from the white man can account for the sins of black men towards black women?”- Luna Noire..

This is such bullshit. Dear black men who think this poor woman is anything but completely out of touch with reality, when you apologize for the bullshit y’all have been spewing for decades, we’ll get back to you. Until then, we will continue to do what we’ve been doing, no woman needs a man in her life that will treat her like crap to make himself feel better and that is what y’all have been doing. Bye.- Janet

This letter is pathetic! Bm are supposed to be cherished, loved and adored simply because he is black. BW however have to bend over backwards and be this and be that, do this, do that. Even so, the BW is still not cherished and respected because she is a BW. But people like Nojma want to believe it’s all from slavery and BW should look the other way and continue to baby bm.

Well bm are conquered breeds in every capacity. But before you begin pointing the finger at the “evil” white man, remember that your precious black kings willingly sold their African people into slavery. Yes, that’s how much the African male valued the womb of the African woman and his fellow men, by selling them to slavery. But the bm would rather tell you how evil the white man is so that you will not see him as the weak, selfish male that he truly is.- EclecticPearl

Halima…This Sounds Like A Lot Of Anger And Bitterness To Me. I Do Have A Question For All Of You….Who raised These Black Men You Despise So Much??? Do You Despise Your Fathers, Your Sons , All The Black Men In Your Lives The Same Way?? Why Is It That This Sad State Of Affairs Only Exist Withing The African American Experience?? Some Of You Ladies Have Assimilated To Levels That Would Make Old House Negroes Green With Envy??? What Are You So Mad At??? Why Are You So Hostile?? Why Is This So Personal?? Can You Just Read Her Letter And Appreciate Her Point Of View?? And As For All Of You Who Questions Her Motives, Her Intentions…..”If You Cannot Understand Earthly Things, Then How Can You Vision Heavenly Things”….Just An Analysis!!!

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Halima says:

December 14, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Mustafa, I do not see how these women are bitter. I do not see a bunch of posts lashing out based on past relationships and past decisions. I see women upset because we see a black women talking about apoligizing to a whole RACE of men. That sounds crazy to me.It’s ridiculous to assume that the only reason women are disagreeing with this is because of awful relationships and lack of facing responsibility. I find it ironic that the one telling us to look in the mirror and stop choosing bad mates are black men. Some us are upset because I honestly haven’t done anything to a black man. Some of us are not even in relationships with black men. I’m not bitter, I’m just sick of the assumption that because I am a black woman there must be something I should be doing or changing in order to fix things between black men and women. Like one of the previous posters said, I am all about reciprocal relationships. I treat people how they treat me. This woman is delusional in thinking that black women as a whole have to make the first step to fix things and thinking that a lot black men are going to be standing there with open arms. People are individuals and it seems like the men caught on a long time ago that they should date whoever and do whatever makes them happy. It’s always us black women being told to do the opposite and carry the black community on our backs. Some of us just are not falling for it. If you call that bitter, well, call it what you want.

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natalie says:

December 14, 2011 at 10:22 am

Olease excuse my typo..

Marconi

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natalie says:

December 14, 2011 at 10:18 am

Seconded mr macaroni..

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Mustafa Marconi says:

December 13, 2011 at 10:43 pm

The Willie Lynch Papers Might Truly Be A Farce….But That Does Not Mean That Those Things Did Not Happen…..This Letter Might Be A Farce….But It Does Not Mean That These Issues Are Not Relevant…..Judging By Many Of The Outraged Comments Pertaining To This Letter,..Many Of You Are Too Self Absorbed To Step Back And Look At The Issues Objectively….. Some Of These Rebuttals Are Truly Angry And Defensive. Instead Of Looking Within Yourselves, It Seems To Be Much Easier To Lash Out And Place Blame At Others…Tell Me, Bitter And Angry Black Women…Who Is To Blame For Your Horrendous Decisions When Choosing A Mate??? How Long Did You Allow Those Pieces Of Trash To Court You, To Reveal To You Who They Truly Were, Before You Let Them Into Your Bedrooms???? Maybe It Is Time To Look In The Mirror And Place The Blame For Much Of Your Bitterness Squarely On The Shoulders Of The True Culprit…YOURSELVES!!!! Yes This World Is FULL OF NO GOOD Black Men..But You Chose To Give Yourself To Them…Most Likely OVERLOOKING The Good Black Men Because They Did Not Meet A Certain Criteria. The Self Healing Can Start Now!! You Do Not Have To Agree…You Do Not Have To Relate….But You Can Attempt To Understand The Underlining Message Of This Letter. Because Like It Or Not… A Lot Of What The Author Is Saying Is Very Prevalent In Today’s Society!!!

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Luna Noire says:

December 13, 2011 at 10:29 am

Addendum:

Only because no one else has pointed it out, I will state what most people know, and you apparently still don’t – the “Willie Lynch Letter” is a fake. It’s been proven over and over again, ad nauseum, that it is a cruel hoax, a fake, a fabrication, etc. I know it seems like it SHOULD be true, because it would serve to only feed the whole evil white man theme, and, confirm the always-present black man’s suspicions that large, unseen forces are still at work, “keepin him down”. but it’s not real.

Even the most cursory efforts at research on your behalf, using the internet, would have turned this up; I’m frankly surprised that you’re still using the made-up Willie Lynch letter to prop up your whole point of view regarding interaction with the white majority. It shows very poor research on your part.

There are a boatload of proven things that make the case for the oppression of black people that existed in this country 100 or 200 years ago, and still lingers today; why do you want to use something fictional to make your case?

Is it because you feel you need something that awful in our history to excuse the modern failures of black men? Do you feel that only something that terrible can account for the epic, complete failure of most black men to treat their women well. Only a sin that great from the white man can account for the sins of black men towards black women?

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Claudia says:

December 12, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Nojma, from your letter, it sounds as if you are stuck in the past. Yes, slavery did have some effects on the way the black community has been shaped over many decades but how long are we goin to keep using this as an excuse as to why families are broken years and years later? When are people going to get it together now? And black power sounding apologies aren’t going to solve anything honey. I live in the now and I treat people how they treat me. The white man is not the “enemy” in my life. It’s whoever does harm to me personally. I hate to break it to you but a lot of the black guys in my generation, I’m 20, treat and talk about black women like they are garbage. I’m supposed to apologize to them to make amends on behalf of other individuals because we share the same heritage? I’m sorry I will not. You can speak for yourself, that’s fine. But feeding this to other black women who are already being bashed by these same black men who you are apologizing to is adding insult to injury. I will treat the man I am with, with the upmost respect and love him dearly, despite color. I am not falling into the trap of thing I have to stick by someone because of color when they have no regard for me. Life is more than that. Its a big world with men of many shades. I’m not assigned to take of the black ones.

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Lamont says:

December 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I’ve read, re-read, and read yet again this letter and I have a few thoughts:

1) The sister who wrote this open letter has taken a step back, looked at the bigger picture and realized (like many) that our generations of broken homes and families has been a great detriment to our culture, and she is doing her part to work at restoration. She has put words into the atmosphere fully understanding that they have energy and will have a ripple effect causing many to take notice and govern themselves accordingly.

2) WE as black men have to do better (as a whole). Of course there are brothers out here holding it down, but as a whole we have got work to do! The negative things described in the letter that sisters have done are a direct result of brothers misuse, abuse, and outright exploitation of the sisters.

3) Cycles of negativity have been allowed (by us as a culture) to brew, stew, and manifest for generations resulting in dis-trust exhibited by both black men and black women towards each other, and we pass that garbage along to our offspring raising yet another dysfunctional generation of blacks!

4) As a result of all of the “isms” (sex, race, financial, institutionalized, etc.) we have all forgot how to love…self and others. A lot of the sabotaging we do is a product of anger, bitterness, hurt, disappointment…the list is endless.

Bottom line is we gotta unlearn some unhealthy lifestyle and relationship habits!

Lastly, brothers we have to fall on our swords, swallow our pride, and humbly demonstrate on a consistent basis that we are inept at making decisions small to large that will rebuild the lost trust of our women. We have to make them wives, not just baby mamas (I’m dang sho guilty!)We need to learn to adequately articulate our negative emotions in a healthy manner, and model to our children what respectful, healthy interaction looks like with the opposite sex.

Sisters, ya’ll already know that planting one negative thought in a mans head can ultimately cause his downfall. The trust and bond that we as black men have broken is like a piece of paper and once it’s balled up, will never quite be the same regardless of all the smoothing of the wrinkles…However, when you see a brother diligently working to do the right thing, a little encouragement goes a long way, be the woman he’s going to want to wife up, a woman who he’ll be proud of and put a ring on the finger for a permanent life together.

Yes, it really is that simple…but remember simple and easy don’t always coincide. We all have work to do!

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BoyWonder says:

December 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Meagan,

Although black women don’t need to be apologizing to black men of all people, it’s still true that black people in this country need to take better care of their own. Asians do it and Jews do it. Black people don’t owe anything to those white militarymen that “freed” us, as it was they that enslaved us in the first place. They were merely correcting a wrong in what was a long list of wrongs levied against us.

You can write anything you want to The White Man, but let’s not forget that only 12% of this country is black while 70% of it is white. If blacks don’t stick together, we’ll disappear forever. That’s just simple numbers.

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EclecticPearl says:

December 11, 2011 at 8:53 pm

This letter is pathetic! Bm are supposed to be cherished, loved and adored simply because he is black. BW however have to bend over backwards and be this and be that, do this, do that. Even so, the BW is still not cherished and respected because she is a BW. But people like Nojma want to believe it’s all from slavery and BW should look the other way and continue to baby bm.

Well bm are conquered breeds in every capacity. But before you begin pointing the finger at the “evil” white man, remember that your precious black kings willingly sold their African people into slavery. Yes, that’s how much the African male valued the womb of the African woman and his fellow men, by selling them to slavery. But the bm would rather tell you how evil the white man is so that you will not see him as the weak, selfish male that he truly is.

During slavery and after, the BW has always been in the bm’s corner, supporting him, loving him, having faith in him. But how did the bm repay her for such loyalty? There was a time when black males wouldn’t even allow dark skin BW into Black Colleges. They would use the paper bag test. Yet the BW continued to love and cherish him. During the Civil Rights era, even with BW fighting alongside with him, the black male once again demonstrated his dislike for the BW. When a darker skin BW FIRST refused to give up her seat for a white man, the Civil Rights leaders chose not to praise her as a hero but instead *later* went with the lighter Rosa Parks because she was the right color for them. Yet, these bm had no problem using darker BW to march with them, get arrested with them, hosed down with them. She was good enough for that but not as a dark BW hero. Yet the BW loved him anyway and declared many times that she wanted “nothing but a black man!”

The bm let the BW down before slavery and after slavery. It is the bm who curses the BW for being too dark or for having nappy hair. It is the bm who bailed out on his family forcing the BW to become “independent” because she had no choice but to bear the burden of raising a family on her own. Even so, the bm resents and hates her for being independent. In other words, the bm after dumping his children and the mother of his children to fend for themselves, turns around and complains about the BW making it or at least trying to survive without him. It is the bm who praises and upholds non-black woman while spitting on the BW for being a BW. If you say that the bm is an innocent victim who has been brainwashed by the evil whiteys, then I say that proves that the bm is weak-minded and the white man is still his master! It is the bm who wishes to breed himself out of existence because he loathes himself so much and even loathes the womb he came out of – the BW. He hates the BW because she made him black but with non-black women, he can breed himself out through their offspring.

The bm only values BW when he needs someone to fight for his problems, and shout to the world how great of a king he is. In fact, bm are the number one males who often need and use women to fight for them. Other men will make a way for themselves and for the women and children. But bm want to be coddled like a helpless baby because is he black, slavery, white man, blah, blah and more blah! The bm wants to be a leader but does not want the responsibilty of leadership. The bm wants to be able to do as he pleases and expects BW to look the other way, make excuses for his poor behavior or better yet find a BW to blame for his own doings. Nothing is ever the bm’s fault. It’s always the system, slavery, or some “bad”/”independent” BW. How can any sensible woman respect someone like that? When men act like men, leaders act like leaders, the women will regard him as one! Black males fail and women like Nojma enable them to fail and lag behind others because of the coddling, and excuses.

BTW, BW do not have to apologize for their degrees. Instead of blaming BW for wanting a partner within her educational/income level, why not expect these bm to better themselves and the black community by earning degrees? Is that too much for the bm to attain? This is one of the reasons why so many blacks are in poverty. And you’re trying to reconcile? Please!

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Nojma says:

December 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm

So many in the Black Community are STILL suffering from the remnants of slavery, and the core of their suffering is self hate. This may denied by others, but it is easily proven.

Again if you refer to my previous comment, I spoke on the womb because as women, birth takes place two places. In our minds and in our physical wombs. Whenever we demonstrate the thinking of our slave masters it is because he has impregnated us with his agenda. When I say I return my wombn to my rightful owner, it is more symbolic, meaning that I will no longer allowed the thought process of our slave master to create seeds of dissension. There are so many so called “independent women” sites and t-shirts and movements. Who TAUGHT us to be independent? We have to look beyond the surface level. How will we able to heal the pain between Black Women and Black Men if we can’t even have a conversation void of emotion? There is hurt and pain on BOTH sides of aisle, but at what point do we move past the pain and TOWARDS healing?

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Kita says:

December 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm

The kicker for me was that men somehow own my womb? Really?! Weird, I thought it belonged to God, or even me (since God placed it inside me, and trusts me to make decisions regarding it, after all).

I’ll be subjugated to no group. What happens between a woman and her partner is their decision, but there is no way that “men” own women’s bodies.

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GregG says:

December 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Wrong blog Megan. If you don’t like the article move on.

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Meagan says:

December 10, 2011 at 4:58 am

What “enemy” are you talking about? White people? Middle eastern? Asian? This is a bunch of racist bullshit. I am white. If I wrote this letter to The White Man, I would have a tens of thousands of people demanding that this racist bullshit be removed. This is a load of crap. You are only furthering racism in this country. YOU are making it worse. Just because you are black doesnt mean that you are incapable of being racist. This is disgusting. Seriously. Was the Civil Rights Movement for this?? What a waste… What would all of the people that fought for your equal rights as a human being think of this bullshit?

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Nojma says:

December 9, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Peace I am the author of the article and I would like to direct everyone back to my original comment on this thread.

Here is an exceprt from “The Willie Lynch Letter; The Making of a Slave”:

THE BREAKING PROCESS OF THE AFRICAN WOMAN
Take the female and run a series of tests on her to see if she will submit to your desires willingly. Test her in every way, because she is the most important factor for good economics. If she shows any sign of resistance in submitting completely to your will, do not hesitate to use the bullwhip on her to extract that last bit of [b—-] out of her. Take care not to kill her, for in doing so, you spoil good economics. When in complete submission, she will train her offsprings in the early years to submit to labor when they become of age. Understanding is the best thing. Therefore, we shall go deeper into this area of the subject matter concerning what we have produced here in this breaking process of the female nigger. We have reversed the relationship; in her natural uncivilized state, she would have a strong dependency on the uncivilized nigger male, and she would have a limited protective tendency toward her independent male offspring and would raise male offsprings to be dependent like her. Nature had provided for this type of balance. We reversed nature by burning and pulling a civilized nigger apart and bullwhipping the other to the point of death, all in her presence. By her being left alone, unprotected, with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychologically dependent state to a frozen, independent state. In this frozen, psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young male’s life, she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE offsprings to be psychologically independent. What have you got? You’ve got the nigger WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE nigger MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. This is a perfect situation of sound sleep and economics. Before the breaking process, we had to be alertly on guard at all times. Now, we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear his woman stands guard for us. He cannot get past her early slave-molding process. He is a good tool, now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age. By the time a nigger boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for a long life of sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force. Continually through the breaking of uncivilized savage niggers, by throwing the nigger female savage into a frozen psychological state of independence, by killing the protective male image, and by creating a submissive dependent mind of the nigger male slave, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and re-shifts the position of the male and female slaves. We show what we mean by example. Take the case of the two economic slave units and examine them close.

Now if you read that, you will see how the focus was placed on the Black Woman, and how the Black Man was broken down, made weak and inferior in the eyes of Black Women. When you think about welfare programs, programs like section eight……where a man can’t even be in the house with a woman…or programs that give women food, shelter,child care, and a job which leads some women to believe they don’t need a man for anything. Regarding eduation, our girls are excelling at a rapid rate, while our boys are failing at an even faster rate. Higher Education has always been more accessible for Black Women than it has been for Black Men.

There are several women who do have an “illusion of an independence”. I speak to them everyday who acutally say they don’t “need” a man, which is not true, as we need one another to continue the cycle of life. I have also spoken with women that feel that because that have a higher education, they automatically feel that they are BETTER than Black Men who don’t have an education. That is what I am referring to in my letter when I say “I have fooled myself into believing that my degrees places me degrees above you”, because again there are women that acutally believe that and discount what may be a good man, because she feels he is beneath her, then complains that there are no good men.

We can’t realistically say that the Black Woman has always held the Black Man down. There are many blog sites, articles and movies which BLACK WOMEN support that bash the Black Man and showcase him in a horrible light.

Both men and women need to first look within and examine self. It is easy to point the blame, but hard to look in the mirror. Also we need to be held accountable for our descisons and choices. Most of our desicions to be with someone is based on the superficical, whether it is a thick shape or a bank account. How often do we go deeper into the MINDS of the people we choose to be with? Instead of looking for a “mate” we look for people to “mate” with. A much needed dialog needs to take place between Black Men and Black Women, void of emotion, which will be hard, because both of us have hurt by one another. My letter was taking the first step towards dialog. I noticed on several sites, women want an apology FIRST, as if Women are COMPLETELY innocent in the destruction of the Black Family. We have ALL contributed to the destruction of the Black Family, we can call contribute to the restoration as well. I just also wanted to add that I am married, so my letter was not a plea for attention but as I stated an acknowledgment of our current condition, and again a step towards healing.

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avs says:

December 9, 2011 at 8:58 pm

I want to hear the open letter of apology to black women!

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1iberty4all says:

December 9, 2011 at 8:57 pm

The greatest is love, and what would try to destroy that would be my enemy too.

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avs says:

December 9, 2011 at 8:55 pm

I’m speechless! lay off the drugs lady!

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Ashcan says:

December 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Most likely a JEW not a black person wrote this letter to get everyone stirred up.

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natalie says:

December 9, 2011 at 7:24 am

I didnt read it as an outpouring of begging or an”outpouring of feeling”. She and others have providdd a follow up to the letter where their points have gone unaddressed most choosing rather , to cintribute little to the dialogue outside of…eff black men? Or this is stupid! the same juvenile thinking errors that ive encountered with young people in private pracfice..minimizing and blaming others.and so we remain stuck at a standstill in our community.

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natalie says:

December 9, 2011 at 7:08 am

After re reading you are correct…however.there have been a few responses that have had substNce that has gone unaddressed

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Claudia says:

December 9, 2011 at 12:47 am

In order for there to be substantive criticism this would have to be a letter with some actual substance in the first place. This is just an emotional and begging outpouring of feelings to black men, Natalie.

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natalie says:

December 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Not.one.substantiative.criticism from my fellow sistas…all emotiinal defensive rants.. Nice.letter nojma

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Janet A. says:

December 8, 2011 at 10:26 am

This is such bullshit. Dear black men who think this poor woman is anything but completely out of touch with reality, when you apologize for the bullshit y’all have been spewing for decades, we’ll get back to you. Until then, we will continue to do what we’ve been doing, no woman needs a man in her life that will treat her like crap to make himself feel better and that is what y’all have been doing. Bye.

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Sam says:

December 8, 2011 at 1:30 am

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

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Lee says:

December 8, 2011 at 1:01 am

Well if this isn’t the most absurd thing, I’ve read in awhile, absolutely cringe worthy, what are you even apologizing for, I see no Black men apologizing for the laundry list of offenses perpetuated against Black women. This is ridiculous.

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Samantha says:

December 7, 2011 at 9:41 pm

I could not shake my head hard enough at this…what is this?

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Aisha says:

December 7, 2011 at 8:00 pm

*reports as spam*

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