(ThyBlackMan.com) Let me start by saying Thank You. Your overwhelming responses to the last few columns have been truly been a shock to me. I always contend that I am NOT a writer and I am definitely not a professional on any matter. I don’t try to beat you over the head with a bunch of over analytical or physiological terms that you or I don’t understand! Some people talk just to hear themselves talk! I AINT NO DAMN DOCTOR. I try to take OUR issues and make them “plain” or relatable so you can apply what I say to your life (as needed or where you see fit) and not just for good reading material. I am truly just one man with an opinion. And I allow y’all to participate in some of my thought process. I know you won’t agree with everything I say. I am not asking you to. I am not asking you to think like me either. I am simply giving you a chance to step outside your own skin and THINK different. Not the same but different than what YOU are used to. Now keeping this in mind a few of you have taken personal missions against what I write which I will never respond. Because you trying to argue me on an opinion…. not facts. An Opinion! I was always told that if you argue with a fool and everyone is watching… Those watching can’t figure out who the fool is. Let me explain… If what I say does not apply or is a representation of your life, relationship, friendships, or I did not address you personally do NOT take ownership of what I say.
When you take ownership or personalize what I say and I don’t know you then you just validated my opinion because you are acknowledging that I am talking about you when my intentions was only for you to attempt (if you can) to think out of your small box. I don’t talk AT anyone, I talk TO everyone. That’s why the structure of my columns usually is bad. These are not articles. This is me just simply TALKIN… Some of the responses have been personal attacks to me as if I dedicated the column to you. I want people to read what I write COMPREHEND it for UNDERSTANDING or INSIGHT. Some people only know how to read for word recognition. They see certain words that hit a nerve and 
then they turn their brain OFF!! I’m not your therapist. But if you can apply any of what I say to your life, relationships, or being a better person physically, spiritually, or emotionally then my job is done. WELP!! Now that we got that nonsense out the way… lets go!
I live Washington DC. One of the livest, young, single, black professional communities in the US. And on any given night I can go to any night spot and physically count 7-12 physically gorgeous black women every time before I see another brother. I understand the playing field ain’t level. But aint level don’t mean settle. Some of these men don’t deserve to be on the field with you anyway. They not players. They are a product of their environment where the lopsided ratio of men to women has simply allowed them to get in the game and play! He is playing by default! Women are allowing them to think they have potential. This dating thing is a GAME. Its YOU vs. HIM I don’t care how you look at it.
Herewego! In advance (JESUS BE A FENCE AROUND MY MOUTH) Ladies if you dealing with a dude and he ain’t about shit before you start dealing with him you CAN NOT expect him to be any different when you are in a relationship! Stop thinking y’all can upgrade a nigga. Compliment YES. Upgrade? NOT NEVER! Tell that nigga to grow up! Beyoncè’ got y’all thinking y’all can upgrade a nigga! You got a iPhone 1 nigga and because he with you, you done somehow made him a iPhone 4s sorry boo boo you need to download some more “apps” (APP = Approach, Presentation, Packaging) into yourself first before you think you can change a nigga. Hell Beyoncè ain’t upgrade Jay-Z. The ONLY thing you can do is show a man different! Different to a man meaning unlike any other woman he has dealt with or used to. And in that he will make a decision to change for you or because of you. But you can’t make him. (I apologize to anyone who is offended by the “N” word I think I am done with it for now)
My personal opinion, WE (ALL OF US) when entertaining dating tend to be attracted to what we want!! Not what we NEED or what may be GOOD FOR US. Women almost 99% of the time you will have ALL the answers to your own questions about a man, but chose to ignore yourself. You can have all the signs that say “Turn away right now and run real fast” but will use every excuse you can conjure up to stay with someone you know is not good for you. TRUST!! When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you. See in DC women biggest problem with dating is…….. WOMEN!!! Women are their own worst enemies. When dating women tend to be more concerned about the other woman or women that’s around the man. Women don’t look out for their fellow sista when it comes to dating which allows some of these raggedy ass dudes to convince themselves they are playas. Some women are perfectly comfortable with being #2 or the woman on the side. Which really means they not comfortable with themselves but that’s a whole another column. But it also allows them to not care about another woman and definitely if she dealing with the same man. It should never be about competition with women because a real woman understands that competition begins and ends with HERSELF! And when you accept that. Then you WONT accept You, Him, & Kim. Some women will accept a “piece” of a man than no man at all.. Now ain’t that some shit.. You give all of you and you only get a “Piece” of him..
Ask yourself… And be HONEST with yourself am “I” dateable. Ask yourself what attractive qualities do I posess that someone would want to date me. Once again are you as attractive mentally & spiritually as you are physically. Some of y’all don’t realized PHYSICALLY you could be the finest thing in the room but the moment you open your mouth everything you say screams insecure or self conscious. Or you have NOTHING substance to say. I have had women (physically gorgeous) approach me before and think because her dress was painted on her body that I was be all over her like those men who are “Playing by default” that I started off talking about.. But once she opened her mouth even her physical attractive qualities became unattractive. (And because my mouth is terrible) I ended up telling the young lady that she should just STFU and go back over in the corner stand and look cute because her mouth is not working for her! *SHRUGS* (I really did say that…SMH). And not to sound mean but to some men a self conscious or insecure woman is nothing more than a walking build board that says “USE ME” and trust me men have a radar for that. Getting the mans attention is never a problem but can you maintain his attention or take his attention away from the obvious fact that your “ass” looks good in them jeans! Keeping it real we all know exterior is what is noticed first but when a man starts talking to you he should be so wrapped up and engaged into you, he forgot what the hell you look like and you standing right in front of him! GOD gave women that ability. Women have to learn to stop catering to what they THINK… other people THINK of them… or think they should be or look like… and cater to themselves. They loose themselves in opinions or impressions of others. BE YOU… LIVE YOU… Don’t be a “Fraction” of yourself … “Fractions” are pieces or parts of a whole. If you are a fraction of what you are. You are not a whole of what you could be! You not presenting YOU at all. You sending your representative to do the work!
And for those who think it is… IT’S NOT! CHIVALRY is NOT dead. The easiest way to allow a man to be chivalrous or show a man he NEEDS & SUPPOSED to be chivalrous.. Is just like the act of chivalry itself … No words are exchanged.. Chivalry is a reaction.. It’s instinctual.. But triggered by only one thing… A LADY! BELIEVE THAT! It’s what you as a woman give off that triggers a man to think *LEMME GRAB THAT DOOR FOR HER* and his ass still 20ft away from it. So if you say men ain’t chivalrous anymore first let me ask you. What type of lady are you presenting yourself to be? And # 2 think that answer through carefully and thoroughly because YOU are the one dealing with the nigga with no manners!
I am in no way shape or for trying to be demeaning or bash women. What I am trying to get women to realize is that this dating “GAME”…Women RUN THIS! All women have the ability of womanly persuasion which when perfected men have NOTHING to combat it. EVE SAID… “ADAM”… BITE THIS DAMN APPLE…. AND ADAM DID WHAT?? The demographics of men to women have given the men a 12 pin/person handicap (for my bowler’s lol) and all this… AND WE AINT EVEN GOT TO THE DATING PART YET!! This is the Pre-Game… The Warm-Ups… and I see some of my ladies stretching. And there are some who will see this as an attack because they don’t understand what I was just saying. But I know there are a few who just read this and stored the info in their play book because for them I just helped them level the field! GAME ON!!
Sincere!
Staff Writer; Jamal Montague
