(ThyBlackMan.com) It’s amazing what women tolerate and what’s even more amazing is the fact that we are aware of it and either can’t do anything about it or choose to do nothing about it. When you get married or enter into a relationship the usual mathematical component is two people but what happens when those two suddenly become three? Do you stay or do you go? Is loving him accepting his behavior or is loving you more important? Come with me on this ride ya’ll.
Okay so your man is cheating, you caught him boom. You go off state your position and say “it’s either me or her” and lay your cards on the table. He doesn’t respond instead he feeds you the normal pseudo bullish that sista’s often fall for it’s over it’s nothing between us and blah blah blah but she is still blowing up his phone, he is ignoring her calls, he is texting and not talking do you get the picture? Sista, do you have a clue? Men often times get their fill of a woman who is accepting of their behavior, too passive to tell them straight up that they are full of it and they will not take it.
I have found myself having countless conversations with myself wondering how the hell do you keep on accepting that. Am I saying that I too have not been the victim of love-struck stupidity? Oh no please believe we have all been victimized by some form of it’s not what you think it is or the mixed up mind of a woman kinda of thing, I personally will admit though my patience is pushed to the limit when the same woman that he says he is done with is still around. Now you’re playing not only with her emotions but with mines as well. Pretending to be something to the both of us because you are too greedy and selfish to make a decision so ladies, make it for them.
You don’t have to be second in your own marriage/relationship to another woman, and truth being told who gave him the idea that you had to? You of course, you never stopped for a second and thought that the only reason he was doing is was because you simply just let him. As human beings with meticulous thinking and calculative moves he knew what he was doing and you sat back and said to yourself oh well, as long as I don’t lose mine you turned your head the other way and allowed him to leave you and go to her until his fill off her sexual walls was satisfied and then bring back what he got from her to you. No way in hell are you as a woman supposed to accept any disrespect from a man before I let someone tell me that they need to roam, I would prefer to be left alone. I don’t need a woman calling my phone because she needs her fix or my man/husband telling me that he won’t be home tonight. I can do bad alone and I can be sad alone as well.
Don’t allow yourself to be pulled into the repertoire of someone else’s behavior because you are too afraid of being alone. Unless you were born a twin the majority of us came here alone and therefore should learn to live so if we are not being treated right.
The longer you allow someone to continue with behavior that is not appropriate the longer they will continue to do it, why would someone stop doing something that makes them feel so good if all parties are participating. You don’t have to, you can make a stand for yourself and other sista’s by showing these brotha’s that they don’t have it like that and if they do, their time with you and the other woman is coming to an end. Take inventory of yourself and recognize that as long as you let him he will continue to do it and that you have the power to decide for yourself if this is what you want. We all want a relationship that is based on the love that we share with each other and not what he is sharing with someone else. The choice is up to you either you allow him to continue with this charade on you move on and find someone better because believe me he is out there, but in the mean time and yes, I mean in the meantime be firm in your position I know I had to…
And these are, just thoughts from a sista…
Staff Writer; Nicole Moro
Also connect with this sister through Facebook; N. Moro.
I was raised among older female relatives who were the other woman. And let me tell you that they didn’t mind one bit. In fact, they were very happy to be involved w/ another woman’s man/husband. But there were other things about these females. They were mean and hateful, and they also saw other men. IMO, these females didn’t qualify for a good, decent man/husband of their own. God, I’m so glad that I didn’t follow in their footsteps like I see lots of other females do.
Many married men (women also) don’t seem to care how cheating not only effects them but their families. I’ve seen a son of a married man attack a female relative in her house. I was in 5- or 6th grade, and this dude was 6 ft tall at least. I couldn’t fight him and I was mortified. Don’t you know she continued seeing him! I couldn’t believe it! And he really didn’t do anything for her like pay bills, bought her furniture, nothing. Another time when I was in 9th grade a senior approached me about my mom messing ’round w/ his dad. Even though I was scared shitless, I was gonna defend myself even if it meant getting my butt kicked. I told him that I didn’t care about what his dad and ny mom were doing. Told him to tell his daddy to stop coming over to see ny mom. I had to remind him that his daddy was the one who was married w/ children, not me. Thankfully, we didn’t end up fighting.
But what I’ve always wanted to know was this: Do the children of cheaters approach everone their parents are cheating with? Do they step to their dads (moms)? Does anyone have the power to stop cheaters from cheating?
My sister is in her mid 40’s and she’s been involved with a married man since she was in her late twenties/early thirties. I can attest that there isn’t anything that anyone can do about the single female/married man syndrome except the parties involved.
EXCELLENT ARTICLE! I was a wife who tried to give my husband the benefit of the doubt and listened to him when he said SHE wouldn’t leave HIM alone (previous typo). Actually his jump-off call me to say, if your interested in an open marriage, I know my role!!! Unbelievable! What I was interested in was my self-respect and dignity. I am far to beautiful, educated and fine to deal with his low life living. So I kicked his sorry behind to the curb. Shame for both of them, because where the jump-off truly thinks she wins in the end, what she wins are many nights of wondering, crying and sobbing…. What have I done.
Ladies:
I agree. The “love struck stupidity” goes both ways and; a lot of black men do the same in relationships/marrieges that notes the term “putting up with” your B******T seems to be more revealing because the most hurting thing is for a partner to reveal a secret that’s been held long after both parties are deep into the relationship/marriage (“UNDERCOVER”). However, I do applaud the black women aho have the intestinal fortitude to tell their man “THAT’S IT; I WON’T PUT UP WITH NO MORE OF YOUR BEHAVIOR, ETC. ETC.) and, the same for black men who have learned to be assertive yet, not be agressive-assertive when pointing out behaviors that hurt the other partner; it’s important to NOT POINT FINGERS instead; (‘when I/you do this, it makes me think/feel this or that way’); this allows for a middle ground and helps find a solution to the real issues.
Just some things that I’ve found to work beter than blaming and arguing, and other drama that can be avoided with a few simple words of experssion. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. . . . .
Thanks,
James.
Very well written nichole, alot of our sistas can learn and use so much from this article. Standing O for you.