Black Christian Men, A few tips when it comes to dating.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Everyone comes to the dating table with a set of values developed over time. For Christian men, these values are especially important. They deeply influence dating behaviors, and so it is important to be honest with oneself and with dates so that everyone’s value system can be respected and appreciated.

Be upfront

You should be upfront about your beliefs. You aren’t ashamed of your religion, so don’t treat it like something shameful. Telling your date you’re a Christian does not need to be like dropping a bomb, or even bad news, on someone; however, both of you have a right to have that information out in the open. Saying before or on the first date that you’re a Christian–and stating clearly what that means to you as regards dating–means that you’ve clarified your values and given your date the information she needs. This may also invite her to clarify her values with you and help you better determine your compatibility; you may even find that you hold very similar beliefs.

Hold firm

When you state your closely held beliefs, it is your responsibility to live up to them. Respect yourself and anyone you’re dating by holding firm to your beliefs. Dating, especially as you continue to see someone, may come with a host of temptations and invitations to violate your values. Sticking to your beliefs reinforces them and allows you to feel good about your decisions.

If you do compromise your beliefs, it is important to take responsibility for your own actions. Blaming the person you’re dating, especially if she has different beliefs than you, is both unfair and unproductive. You should feel open enough in your communication to address these issues as they arise, and, if you don’t feel comfortable communicating, you’re probably not seeing the right person for you. However, you might lose someone important to you by shifting blame onto her.

Respect her beliefs

Most denominations of Christianity have an element of proselytizing. While it is perfectly acceptable to share your beliefs with someone, even and perhaps especially someone you’re dating, it is also important to demonstrate an appreciation and respect for her beliefs and values, whether she comes from another faith tradition or from a non-religious background. Proselytizing in a dating situation can be seen as just another form of seeing the person you’re dating as a project, and you should instead be focusing on finding someone you can love the way she is and who can love you for you are. The golden rule applies especially when dating: Respect her and her values and ask that she respect yours, as well.

Similar values

One of the easiest ways to alleviate many of the tensions Christian men face in dating situations is to seek out women with similar values. Whether from within your own congregation or someone you meet at a Christian singles’ event, dating another Christian means that you’ve both already dedicated yourself to a similar set of goals and relationship values, and you can pursue these together

Written By Erik Steel

Victory Unlimited says:

February 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm

This is a good list. Respect for the woman, “self-respect”, and recognition of the compatibility points that the both of you share are all very important. The one thing that I’ll add is that men should also always remember who they are APART from the women that they meet.

What I mean by that is that too many guys tend to get so caught up in their women that they begin to sacrifice “who they are” in order to get what they want (the girl in question).

Many a man has LOST the woman of his dreams by failing to remain a strong, confident man with his own happy, fulfilled life. Most emotionally and spiritually healthy women are more attracted to men who HAVE a life instead of a men who have made “her” their whole life.

MsMobetter says:

October 12, 2011 at 12:06 am

Arthur,
I believe black relates to the primary audience the writer Erik is speaking to. I too wrote an article once for a Christian magazine on Christian friendships and received an email from a Jewish lady asking if that meant we could not be friends. Absolutely not! I have had many Jewish friends in my lifetime. However, the editor specifically asked me to write about Christian friendships because that was the audience for the magazine.

With regard to dating, it is always good to be up front if it is someone you expect to have a relationship with. When you speak the truth in the beginning, you allow the other person an opportunity to decide if the issue or situation is something they want in a relationship. Also see my article in Sista Talk on this site, Black Women, How to Attract a Date?

Arthur says:

October 4, 2011 at 3:45 am

Hi im a black male but the thing I don’t understand is why the writers of a “Christian” faith put ‘Black Christian Men’? What is the difference between a black or white Christian? No difference. When God came to Peter Acts 10:9-35 he gave him a vision that Peter didn’t understand. That vision was to show Peter that God was not partial towards any man. That any type of man who works righteous is acceptable to God. He showed that by allowing a Gentile (who wasn’t suppose to be with jews in the ancient times)become worshippers along with jews. Even today black,whites,chinese,indians and etc are all acceptable not one should be higher then another we all brothers and sisters. Im making this point because of the articles on only Christian black men. Whites and others would be turned down by this forum because it seems kinda biased. For any to be Christlike we should show open arms to all our brothers and sisters whether white,black brcause God loves all his children and like him we shouldn’t be partial. I will like to hear from you,you have my email God bless.