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Eleanie Campbell; I Got This – Single Black Fathers…

September 12, 2011 by  
Filed under Fatherhood, Misc., News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( We are constantly discussing the plight of single mothers, women who are left to raise children without fathers in the household. We have heard stories of dad’s taking off and leaving, never seeing their offspring again or hardly keeping in touch. However, we rarely hear about the mother that has dropped her child on the dad’s doorstep and never returning.

The conversation of single motherhood is a hot topic. However, many are not discussing the rising number of fathers that are raising their children alone. Some are doing so by choice, while others were thrust into the position of single fatherhood, due to circumstances beyond their control. Nevertheless,  they are doing it.

These men are cooking, cleaning, braiding hair, helping with homework and transporting kids to extra-curricular activities. They are keeping their household in order, working every day and caring for their children. You might call them Mister Mom, Super Dad, Mom-Dad or simply dad, but they are holding it down.

I have had the experience of working in child support, non-profit agencies and with organizations that support fathers. This has allowed me to see the situation from both sides and through a wide spectrum. I have viewed it from a professional set of eyes and from that of a mother.

In the past many children were raised by grandparents, aunts, other family members and in some cases even a family friend when the mother was no longer around. But times are changing. I truly believe that men, including black men are stepping up to the plate to care for their children. Brothers are proving society wrong in their stereotypical views of black men as fathers.

The number of black single fathers is not overwhelming, but it has increased within the last 30 years. (Between 1970 and 2003, single-father families in the United States increased from less than half a million to 2 million, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Single Black fathers raising children on their own comprise of some 353,000 or nearly 16 percent, of single-father households. 

Being a single mother can be stressful however, being a single father is also taxing at times, but very rewarding. I have asked a few single dads what was their biggest challenge in raising children alone. Some replied that adapting to a very busy schedule was difficult.

With homework, cooking, cleaning and extra-curricular activities their plates are full. To quote one brother, “my days of running the street are done, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

People should realize that men want their children in their lives as much as mothers do. We also need to accept the fact that all men are not deadbeat fathers. More than not, they want to do the right thing and be there for their offspring.

Unlike the media’s portrayal of the African American male I want to say for the record that many black men are wonderful fathers and not deadbeat dads. They are working hard in raising young boys and girls to become mannerable, successful, law- biding men and women.

Others and I believe that society’s one sided, negative perception of the black men is a lie, simply because not all black men are abandoning their babies.  

If you don’t think so, take the time to meet a brother or two that are single fathers and see for yourself.

Staff Writer; Eleanie Campbell

For more writings by this sista feel free to visit; SoulXPosed2U.



5 Responses to “Eleanie Campbell; I Got This – Single Black Fathers…”
  1. Herbert Carlos says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    My children are now in their 20’s and living on their own but I raised them since they were 9 and 11. Their mother was called home and thank God I was employed, had an apartment etc. Most important was my family’s support and the support I received from most of my friends and associates. The unexpected ‘vibes’ were from her friends and family. Like they were amazed that I was willing to step to the plate. I wondered if they had made some alternative plans.

    For me, coming from a broken home, with a Father that I often wished great harm to, not raising my children was never an option. Even when their mother and I broke up, I was determined to stay a part of their lives, picking them up on the weekends and holidays and stuff like that. I do not understand the make a baby and run philosophy but I do know that some sister make it hell for the father’s to stick around. That happened to by brother with oldest child.

    All in all, I see more and more brothers sticking up for their rights to be with their kids…even if they have to do it by themselves. More people should notice this. Especially the courts that for some reason think the female is always the better parent. Not true anymore.

  2. Eleanie says:

    I commend you gentlemen and all the other men that are stepping up to the plate. That’s why I felt the need to write the article. I know many single fathers that are doing it alone. Kudos to all!

  3. James Davis says:

    I was a single parent and reared two young men to manhood. While, I will not go into the details of how I arrived there, I knew early on, my wife was not especially suited to motherhood. The odd thing about it, she knew and I knew but her parents were embarassed by it. There were good and bad times and some fun too, especially the look on the faces of some women, when I brought them to my home and they saw the kids. ( I was college degreed and worked professionally in the insurance industry).

    I would tell them of course I was a single parent, but to have them walk through the door and see these two young boys sitting in living room watching television always caused an expression on their faces that was laughable to me and the kids. We knew it was coming and always looked for it. It was as if they said, “Hey, this guy was telling the truth.” Some women politely ended the relationship after that first encounter, once they realized it was true and that these guys were not going anywhere.

    To make a long story short, there were Black women who were attracted to me also because I was a single father bringing up two kids and so I may have pulled a few women which I otherwise would not have. But, I didnot re-marry until my youngest boy reached 12th grade and was graduating from high school. My oldest went to college and is degreed. My youngest thinks he can navigate this world with a high school diploma. He wants to start his own business. Guess what, the oldest ended up taking his mother, when she fell ill with cancer and now still takes care of her after having nursed her back to help from the cancer. I never downed their mother or spoke ill of her while raising the kids.

    The sad part about our story is that they are both unemployed now. They are victims of this horrific downturn. I provide them with money when they really need it. As any good parent, and in the interest of protecting his children, I have embarked upon a course of action to bring to the attention of the President of the United States a plan to get our country moving again. It is a tireless endeavor for me. I guess you never stop being a father.

  4. There are thousands of us out here folks. Many women tend to overlooks us and not even see that we are here. We are single-usually because the women we were with never knew how to relate to men. They never had a man in the home from their childhood years. When they get a good man in their adult life, they either don’t know it, or they can’t communicate with him because they just don’t know how. This eventually drives many a good man away.

    I am DETERMINED to end it all. The cycle of divorce and single parenthood needs to end now. Men and women across America understand that single parenthood is NOT a road you want to travel down. At least not on purpose. It makes my skin crawl when I hear about ‘independent women,’ or how ‘I don’t need a man.’ YES YOU DO! You need us just as much as we need you.

    Life is all about balance. Children need the guidance of a father just as much as they need the nurturing of a mother. It’s time we start understanding our roles as human beings and throw out the notion of going it alone. The men that the author discusses are men like myself. I know SEVERAL men just like me. Men who understand the importance of what a man brings to the table. We were not going to just get kicked out the home and pay child support and keep on moving. In fact, I refuse to pay child support when I divorced my ex. Why? I took the road less traveled….and I’m writing a book about my story right now.

    I was determined to show my friends, my family and the court system that you do not have to go down the same route as every other couple they know. The old rules need not apply any longer. Men can endure the pain of divorce without paying future ex-spouses a dime. There is no need for the state to get involved…. as long as they step up and do what is in the best interests of their children. Be a FATHER! I do NOT want to minimize the importance of child support for those who really need it. It is merely a statement of fact that when there are two loving parents that want to be actively involved in their children’s lives after divorce, there is no need to travel down the expected path of family court and mandatory child and/or spousal support. It is 2011. We all need to think out of the box and find ways around the system that only does more harm than good.

    I think it’s time to think differently about how we relate to one another in the new Millennium. It’s also time for women to know that good black men exist! We are not gay or in jail. We just want great partners. It takes two to tango and a village to raise a child. it’s not fun NOR wise to do it on your own.


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