(ThyBlackMan.com) I was talking to some of my older brothers in Christ at church the other day and I received some great insight on marriage and submission. One man was telling me how powerful and strong his marriage is because of the way his wife is submitted to him. You see, I asked the question of “Why are there so many single women in the body of Christ“? Now I know there may be a number of reasons for this such as, selfishness, not being ready spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically, having trust issues etc…but submission is the key. Of course, the husband has to submit to the wife as well, and this particular gentleman is very submitted to his wife. More importantly, they are both submitted to God and are leaders in their respective ministry areas. This conversation however, opened my eyes to the power that a woman holds when she submits to her HUSBAND (not boyfriend or someone she is dating). When she operates in the spirit of meekness, she operates in unlimited power.
The Bible tells us the importance of submission in Ephesians 5. Let’s take a look. It says “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; ” (Ephesians 5:22-25). So as the word says, we should submit to each other as the Lord desires us to do so. That goes for the man and the woman. A lot of men take that scripture out of context to manipulate women, but we must submit one to another in Love as Christ loved the church.
When a woman chooses to submit, she chooses to WIN! There is NO man that will turn down a woman that is ready to submit. Many argue that this is why some black men date white women. While I am not sure if those motives are true, it’s definitely not far-fetched to think that may be a part of it. Personally, I look at the person and what is on the inside, not the skin color, but that’s another discussion. Anyway, submission brings about peace in the household. When two people are not constantly arguing about who’s right or wrong there is the presence of calmness and agreement. There is no longer such a strong spirit of anger, strife, and anguish. Forgiveness and Love abounds in a peaceful relationship. The two of you can grow together a lot easier and overcome challenges with greater success.
The man that I spoke to at church has great testimony of how much success he and his wife share. They are debt free in their personal lives and their ministry areas at church continually grow with people that are eager to serve alongside them as well as give into their respective ministry areas time, finances, resources etc…They are so BLESSED. I believe that this is because they have tapped into the power of submission. They are people of prayer and always acknowledge how God is the forefront of their lives. Submission to God FIRST is the key to a successful marriage. I even watch their relationship at church and have heard the husband tell his wife he LOVES her and show it as well. There is so much RESPECT between the two of them. Respect or the lack thereof is another reason that so many women in the church are single. So many times they just do not respect men anymore. This has to change if these women ever want to be married. Doing what you want to do and being disrespectful is not the way to get married.
Sometimes you have to submit even when you think the man may be wrong. Don’t argue with him, let God correct him. When a person finds out they were wrong they become apologetic and you now have the power. That is what submission can do for you. Men must make sure to do their part in the role of submission as well. The scripture says “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: ” (Ephesians 5:28-29). So men must Love and cherish their wives as themselves and their own flesh. He should treat her how he would want to be treated, because women reciprocate what they are given.
An important factor to note is that the man that I spoke to at church is an excellent provider. He has a great job, is a man of prayer, treats his wife with respect, does what she requests of him, and is a leader at church. When a man does his part, then it is easier for a woman to submit to him. So ladies, make sure the man is being obedient to God and you can feel at peace when you follow him. Also, submitting in the form of cooking, cleaning, not yelling back and forth, etc…will always make a man submit to you a lot easier. Everyone knows the saying “the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. This IS and always will remain true. So ladies, it doesn’t hurt to throw down in the kitchen. I have heard testimony of men that did not initially like their future wives until they mastered the kitchen. So please believe you me, that a man LOVES a woman that can cook.
So let’s prayerfully consider the power of submission. It is pleasing to God that both men and women submit to each other in the union of marriage. We can do this!
Below is a video from Shanel Cooper-Sykes about the power of submission from a woman’s perspective. Take a listen.
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Staff Writer; Justin Norwood
To learn more about this man of christ visit; Keeping The Vision.
There are a lot of single women in churches, there are also more women in churches than men. I believe in a wife submitting to her husband but he needs to be a godly man.
I wish there would be more talk about what a man is supposed to do. There is always something written about woman submitting. Too many women are to submissive because they have been taught that a good woman does that. What many have not been told is you don’t submit to any and every man and submitting to a man does not make him treat you right. If he is a good man and treats you right, you will naturally submit. When he puts a ring on it and treats you as he wants to be treated, submission will be easy.
WOW, you say if I really am a Christian, I will continue to walk in Love and Forgiveness. You should NEVER say that “if someone’s really a Christian, that they will do this or that.” If you were a Non Judgmental Christian, you wouldn’t say that. Love and Forgiveness…are you kidding me? My husband tried to kill me twice and I ran out of my house naked on Thanksgiving Day, ran over broken glass for half a mile, banging on someone’s door so I could call 911. And my Pastor didn’t believe me and I have the 911 tapes, pictures and documented police and District Attorney’s reports to prove it.
I don’t need a real man to show me what I’m worth, because I already knew before I got involved with this lunatic. I already knew when the church said “hurry up” and get married cause of “No sex before marriage accountability.” My father showed me my self worth and if you think that a women needs a man to show her, then you are sadly mistaken. Maybe you need to look at yourself and the kind of “advice” that you are giving to women, that just seems to be inadequate. The church oppresses women and I know that Juanita Bynum agrees with me, as she knows first hand, what it’s like for people not to come in her defense as a Survivor of Domestic Violence and waited until “it was PC” to say anything about her horrible marriage.
And just for the record, your saying that I should write about Domestic Violence…I am a Grammy Nominated Artist who has already written a song about it, which everyone has listened too.
Please get your facts straight before you comment on a topic you know absolutely nothing about…submission, you don’t have a clue. It would be helpful for all of us. I’ll pray that God sees through you…
@JTierra
I hate that you were a victim of domestic violence and that someone that claimed to be a man of God hurt you and twisted the word of God to manipulate you. I also know that there are people and churches that are not operating by the word of God and do not walk in Love. No, I do not know what you have been through, but I know that there are many that do. If you want someone to write about domestic violence, then YOU should do it. It seems to be something that you have a passion for and a lot of people could be touched by a passionate article.
I also want to say that if you have any anger or strife towards anyone in your past concerning domestic violence, you have to forgive them. That’s not from me that’s from the word of God (Matt. 5:44). I pray that you are no longer at that church that gave you bad advice either. Please, do not let your past experiences make you feel bad toward men. Not all men are out to hurt and lie to you. Not all churches are bad. I’m glad that you have Jesus and even though I haven’t been through what you have I have Jesus too.
If you really are a Christian, you will continue to walk in Love and forgiveness. I am all about uplifting men and women of God. Sometimes it may come off strong, but it is only meant to help and not condemn or harm. Iron sharpens iron. We have to keep each other sharp and strong. Submitting to each other is just that. I pray that a real man of God finds you and shows you what you are really worth (Proverbs 18:22) (Proverbs 31). I Love you. God bless you sister.
I think that this is dysfunctional thinking on behalf of a Christian woman, myself. As a Survivor of Domestic Violence, I “submitted” to my husband and he tried to kill me. He was “born again Christian” and he beat his wife. To top it all off, my Pastor didn’t believe me, and told me that “God Don’t Like Ugly.” Let me just add, that phrase is not scriptural.
This universe has oppressed women from the beginning of time with this thinking. I love Jesus more than anyone on this planet. But if your single, then you do not know about marriage or anything about “true submission.” You should submit to yourself first and not “follow a man.” You should follow GOD and your instincts. Instead of following my instincts, I “followed a man,” and I almost lost my life because of it.
You should try and discuss the issue of “Domestic Violence” that occurs in the church and the immorality of Pastors molesting our children. All of you should think about that and talk to your churches about coming clean about Abuse…that’s what all of you should be submitting to and then write a column of a topic that you know about.
@Hrmmm…
I said in my article that there are several issues that could be keeping some women single. I chose to speak on submission because so many women feel like that is a bad word, so it needed addressing. I did not bypass the responsibilities of the man. I merely focused on the female because a woman has the power to positively effect a man’s decisions. When she submits it brings the BEST out of him if he is a good man. I know that he must be submitted to her just as strongly, but she has so much more power in that area. Many women do not tap into that power, because they feel that it is degrading in some ways.
I agree with you in that a woman can help him with his physical/financial health. That’s not a 3rd rail issue for me. I know a woman can give EXCELLENT advice. That’s what you are anointed to do. I even put a woman’s perspective in the video.
I also do not place it all on the women. I have probably been more guilty of placing it all on the men. What with all of the fatherless homes, poor church attendance, sagging pants etc…As a matter of fact I hold what happened in the Garden of Eden more against Adam than Eve, because Adam knew better and Eve did not. So Adam could have stopped the serpent, but failed.
I know women want security and I feel that there are great men out there that can provide just that. I know that a lot more could be written in this article, but it wasn’t meant to go in-depth. I would have to produce a much longer article or book to truly expound on this issue. Thanks for reading and responding. It is appreciated.
@Li
Thank you for your comments, but I just want to speak on a few things. A portion of your post asked…..
“Is it okay for a woman to go to work, come home, clean house, take care of children, cook, satisfy the needs of her husband etc while the husband only works? There is nothing right about that picture.”
I understand some of your frustration, but it’s not all on the wife. While there are some households in which women do work a 9 to 5 and do housework, there remain some that do not. Also, it is unfair to only speak on the tasks that women have at home and not mention those that the man has as well. For example, mowing lawn, home maintenance, car repairs, many outside or yard work duties, cleaning gutters, mulch, household construction projects, furniture building/moving and things of that nature. Also, there are men that cook as well. I know women who do not cook at all as their husband is a chef and prefers to cook. There are many different relationships. Many men also grill, which is more common among guys than ladies. So you see, there are things for the man to do in the household as well and men DO in fact share household responsibilities. When I was coming up my dad did all of those things and I would assist as well. My mom didn’t do those tasks, she did the things that you mentioned in your post. Both the husband and the wife have duties at home and at their respective 9 to 5.
I also want to speak to the statement of a man having a mission. I agree that a man must have a mission in order for a woman to submit. I have had women at my church say the same thing. I did briefly mention in the article that a woman should only submit to her husband. You can read below.
“This conversation however, opened my eyes to the power that a woman holds when she submits to her HUSBAND (not boyfriend or someone she is dating). When she operates in the spirit of meekness, she operates in unlimited power.”
I know its brief as this is only an article and I cannot expound on every concept of this topic. That would require a book on this subject. Anyway, that statement simply means that if a woman has deemed a man fit for marriage then he should be a man with a mission and vision. Why would a woman marry a man with no vision? That is why I placed that statement in the article. Again, I know it was brief, but it still speaks volumes. She should not be dating, courting, and generally being in a relationship with a man until he has proven himself spiritually. She must determine this BEFORE marriage. So, it somewhat went without saying that he must be on the right track with God before becoming a husband.
Lastly, the man that I mentioned in this article does have a mission. As I was using him as an example of the caliber man that a woman should submit to. A leader, provider, man of prayer, etc…Thanks again for your comments. God bless!
@ Mr.Eddie Harris
Thank you for those scriptures sir! They are all very important aspects of Love, especially charity to one another. I agree wholeheartedly! Also, I just want to say that the ENTIRE theme of the Bible is Love! I was just writing on one aspect of it and could not go into detail in just one article. But as you said, Love is the most important thing. Thank you for reading.
I read this article once again while reading others here at the site.
Li I just wanted to say you hit the nail on the head with your comment below.
“I don’t think it’s about women embracing the traditional role of a woman, however, before a woman can submit, the man MUST have mission for the woman to submit to. How can a woman follow a man when the man does not have the vision he needs to lead his wife and family. Give the woman something to submit to and the woman will submit. Lets talk about that. The man’s role is to lead, provide, ect, okay….IF he is not in position, ten there is no mission and therefore there could be no submission.”
I categorically and emphatically agree with your article on submission. However,I did not agree with your assessment of submission as being the key element in the relationship.AGAPE LOVE should be the primary element in the relationship.This is not my assessment or opinion. It is where GOD has placed the importance of LOVE in HIS own words the , bible. Please read ( 1Co.13:1-8 ).
1 Corinthians
13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
If we are to do GOD commandments and HIS GOODNESS, we must be motivated and the only thing that can perpetually motivate us is the energy of AGAPE LOVE from GOD. Just as the sin nature and hate can motivate us to do evil, AGAPE LOVE will motivate us to do GOD’s righteousness as per se the act of submission in a relationship. In short, it is growing spiritually with the second phase of salvation called santification and with AGAPE LOVE as the leading factor. Without a strong maturity growth in sanctification it is impossible to overcome the sin nature.Please read ( Romans 7: 14-25 )( Jn.15:14-15 )
You spoke of LOVE in your article, however, you did not deal with the importance of it. All the primary factors that are involved in being married such as AGAPE LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, COMMUNICATION, TRUST, COMMITMENT, AND SUBMISSION are gestalt ( that is, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts ) with the exception of AGAPE LOVE.AGAPE LOVE is a virtue from GOD that stands alone. AGAPE LOVE IS THE GREATEST GIFT.
@ Freeindeed..
I concur and echo most of the sentiments expressed in your post!
I don’t think it’s about women embracing the traditional role of a woman, however, before a woman can submit, the man MUST have mission for the woman to submit to. How can a woman follow a man when the man does not have the vision he needs to lead his wife and family. Give the woman something to submit to and the woman will submit. Lets talk about that. The man’s role is to lead, provide, ect, okay….IF he is not in position, ten there is no mission and therefore there could be no submission.
My next point is this: It’s not that somehow women has gotten away from their role, but speak on what “tradition” is. The times have changed. There was a time when it was enough for a family to be “okay” on one income, where the wife can stay at home and take care of the affairs on the home. That is a traditional marriage. However, during this day and age, there are more “non-traditional” marriages than there are traditional ones meaning both the husband AND the wife has to work. What that means is both the husband and the wife MUST share the responsibilities of the home. There exist many “bionic women”, but that puts a strain on the marriage. Is it okay for a woman to go to work, come home, clean house, take care of children, cook, satisfy the needs of her husband etc while the husband only works? There is nothing right about that picture. Let’s spend more gaining understanding instead of throwing around opinions based on single experiences. I believe in the man and the woman both having roles and those roles lining up with the Word of God. However, God gave us not only the ability to choose, but the ability to reason. Women aren’t afraid of submission. God put that in us. It’s the men without a mission that women cannot submit to.
So, I started going through the rest of his website and had the realization that it is just not for me. I am a Christian. I understand some of the doctrine behind women submitting to their husbands and in a traditional family with a man and woman with shared values I say ok. This is what a woman is choosing to do–submit. As a feminist, I am down with that. That’s great. She is choosing to submit which is way better than being forced (as many would have).
My issues is all the submission talk and Black women are too demanding and assertive talk–meanwhile the concept of submission, in fact, would require wayyyyyy more from the man than the woman. So, how or why would this page be talking all about submission while bypassing the responsibilities of what the men would need to undertake to get that to happen.
Yes you “mentioned” that the man should submit to God and the relationship but in action and implementation that adds up to something that deserves way more than a mention. That means that a man’s focus must ALWAYS be his family, his/their physical health and financial health. And yes, I said financial health. If a woman brings this up it seems like she has gone to the 3rd rail. When are we going to get real about what men need to do and stop ALWAYS putting it on the women?
I submit within my relationship because I trust him and he makes me feel safe and cared for. It seems like the real issue we have is TRUST. The question is why is that…not “women don’t submit.”
Ms. McNutt,
I appreciate your comments, but just to provide a little clarification. This article spoke to the submission of the woman as well as the man and their submission to God FIRST and foremost. I mentioned this in the article several times.
Once here… “Men must make sure to do their part in the role of submission as well. The scripture says “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: ” (Ephesians 5:28-29). So men must Love and cherish their wives as themselves and their own flesh. He should treat her how he would want to be treated, because women reciprocate what they are given.”
Then again here….”An important factor to note is that the man that I spoke to at church is an excellent provider. He has a great job, is a man of prayer, treats his wife with respect, does what she requests of him, and is a leader at church. When a man does his part, then it is easier for a woman to submit to him. So ladies, make sure the man is being obedient to God and you can feel at peace when you follow him.”
Also here….”Submission to God FIRST is the key to a successful marriage. I even watch their relationship at church and have heard the husband tell his wife he LOVES her and show it as well. There is so much RESPECT between the two of them.”
So you see, I have in fact touched on the topic of the man submitting to his wife. I made extra sure that I did in order to avoid a bias stance on submission. To that end I also included the perspective of a woman in the video. Submission is not a word only used against women. Men are accountable as well.
I even touched on the fact that some men have taken the verse of scripture (Ephesians 5:22-25) out of context to manipulate women into being some sort of slave. I DO NOT condone that type of behavior. The couple that I used for this article are both submitted to each other. For example, the husband has to ASK his wife if he can make large purchases such as TV, car, etc…and await her approval. That sounds like the husband submitting to me. He can’t just do whatever he wants with the finances of the household.
Even though you have examples of men that do not do their part in the relationship and even manipulate women, you cannot judge all men by those standards. Also, you cannot lay all of the blame for single-parent and broken households on men, even though I also believe that men have a HUGE part in that.
I believe that women should be respected and treated like queens, but it is up to them to choose to do so. By that I mean KNOW YOUR WORTH. DO NOT do things that would bring disrespect to you. Poor clothing choices, dating the wrong men, etc…There are plenty of men willing to submit to a Godly woman. I am one of those men. Please understand that not all men are bad and having a positive outlook is more fruitful in the longrun. The word “Submit” is a beautiful word, because Love resides there. Thank you and God bless you!
I have several articles on my site for the empowerment of women. Please go to http://keepingthevision.blogspot.com! Thanks!
This is a very interesting article and video. It is never seizes to amaze me that throughout my life as a child and now a women, we have been taught to be submissive. It seems to be consistely highlighted in bold letters and neon colors of what the women is suppose to do. When it comes to men being submissive or their role/responsibility in substaining a healthy relationship it is very little spoken. This article and video had very little to say about the man’s role and responsibility. Somewhere along the way, when a home fall apart it seems as though it has to be the women’s fault because she did not do her part. If you really pull back the covers, it boil back to the male dropping the ball and the women has taken all she can take.
There is always this assumption of if he cheated, the question becomes did you do what you were suppose to do in the bedroom, did you cook, did you make him feel important, did you clean, take care of the kids, etc… the reality is that some men are plain old selfish, and take advantage of women and the word submisive is taken to the extreme to benefit them…which translate to “even if i am wrong you sit back and take because i am the man” I strongly believe that if men do their parts and stop taking advantage of this word “submissive”, there would’t be so many broken homes and single parents.
I am proud the women who have the strengh and courage to get into healthy place emotionally, financially, physically, as they became self suffient. However, at the end of the day, we deserve to be respected and treat as the queens that we are. I am pretty sure when see a couple whereby their relationship seems to be flourshing…I am pretty sure you will find that the man is do his part 150% and values and respects his wife.
Good article.
I think that one of the reasons why many women in today’s American ‘churches’ are single, because America is a very feminist country. There is a strong independent-spirited attitude that women have towards men, and it is promoted through the media, entertainment industry, and even our centers of “higher” learning. And Christian women are not immune to the feminist ideology that is being promoted at almost every turn.
Women are told that they don’t need a man, there are no true differences between men and women (the denial of gender distinctions), and that they can do everything that a man can do (the denial of gender roles). Submission to one’s husband and a husband being the “head” of his wife are viewed as “archaic” “primitive” and “outdated.” Because of a lack of knowledge and discernment, Christian women have fallen prey to these false ideas. Compound the rampant promotion of feminism with the fact that women are already struggling with their flesh, and it takes the situation from bad to worse.
There is a very strong lack of respect towards the male gender in America. You can see it on TV if you use discernment. Take a look at today’s “family” shows. The wife is smart, witty, assertive, and in control of things for the most part. But her husband on the other hand is a bumbling clumsy idiot who does not rule his house well and has little to no authority over his own wife and children. Unbeknownst to the viewer, they subconsciously imprint on these subtle behaviors and mimic them. This is why Romans 12:2 says do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind.
Then there is the additional issue of many women believing that they are “serving God” by busying themselves with church-work. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. But these women aren’t even available to be found, because they’re too busy running in circles around leadership and sitting in a pew 24/7. Of course fellowship is important, but you should have a life outside of the church-building. Not everyone that God ordains you to cross paths with is a part of your local church. Being a godly/spiritual woman does not mean that you must busy yourself with church-work. And church-work is not one-in-the-same as the work of the Lord. Women who are wrapped up in church-work are more devoted to leadership and the institution itself, and would have a problem being devoted to their husband. I believe that God-fearing men know this, and they don’t view such women as potential mates for marriage. What man in his right mind wants to marry a women who would be more committed and submissive to the pastor/institution than him? Or a woman that would spend more time in the pew, than with him and their children?
I appreciate the clarification you made in regards to women submitting to their husband(not who they’re dating or their boyfriends). In this day and age where everybody is self-sufficient, it’s hard to submit. But that’s where we let the Holy Spirit move and do the submitting. God Bless. Thanks for this great article
Submission and respect go hand in hand. Submission should not be a problem. I agree with Shanel in the video regarding this topic. Being submissive is easier when the man is playing his role.
Sorry sisters I’m old fashion that way. “Let your man be the man.” But men you must also uphold your role.