Darryl Frierson; Most Men Cannot Accept A Woman Who Makes More Money…

by Staff July 31, 2011 3 Comments Misc. News Opinion Relationships Sista Talk Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) We can all accept that the socioeconomic dynamic of relationships have drastically changed over the last 20 years. Women have knocked down so many social and economic walls and many cases are in situations where they happen to make more than their mate. The general social structure of a man being the primary or majority bread-winner has almost been destroyed. The problem is that our mentality hasn’t changed to accommodate this new dynamic of life.

The honest harsh truth is that most men will not be able to truly accept a woman who makes significant more money than him…

Yeah I said it!

But, this issue isn’t just the problem of a man not being able to have evolved to be able to accept this. The problem also lies in the bed of some women too.

Most men grow-up being taught to be a protector and provider for the women in his family. Society projects to him that a “man” takes care of the woman in his life (financially). Also, the darker side of the game is that through survival of the fittest of viewing most men have seen that the more financial stable you are the more women will want you. Men learn at an early age that with most women personality really doesn’t get you as far as the proverbial money, power, and respect.

I know I was taught from the “playas”(uncles, cousins, and older associates) that if you aren’t “taking care” of your woman another man can easily come and “take her”(financially or upgrading mentally). One of the main reasons most men can’t accept a woman who makes a significant more money than them is…the male ego. The male ego can be the strongest part of a man’s soul and the most fragile at the same time. A man’s ego is tied to the majority of the things he does in life (that and Noncie). If a man does not feel as if he is being a part of him will feel incomplete. A man feels at his highest point of who when he is able to create and make things around him a reality. Any man wants to the best for his lady because he thrives on it. A man is the utter reflection of the woman he is with(and if he has a family his ability to provide and protect them) and if he isn’t taking her to another level that what does that say about him as a man?

A man can do everything to take care of their woman (besides financially) but the question for women is that enough sometimes? Can a woman truly respect a man who isn’t “the man of the household”?

The reason I ask this question is because society has taught us over and over that money, power, and respect have always won in this world. A lot of women if they want to admit it or not are attracted to men that have are hungry for the money, power, and respect. The classic Alpha Male vs. Beta Male rearing its ugly head once again. This has always been the way things have been BUT if society itself has changed in its social construct shouldn’t the view of what an Alpha male vs. Beta Male change?

Men have been socialized to believe in the hegemonic order of a man being a king of the castle. Men have been sold the notion that Stacey Dash will be sitting in their kitchen cooking butt naked every day. He will sit down and have his morning paper and orange juice and realize he is the king of his castle. Don’t believe that men are socialized to feel like they have to be the king than think about any debate about chivalry being dead and you will see how most men cannot accept it Maybe it is time as men that we reevaluate what this fictional “kingdom” is. Can we figure out how to push the ego to the side and figure out how this new “kingdom” is to be made?

Some women have set themselves up for failure as well. Some women buy into the fantasy that some brotha who looks like Idris Elba is going to ride in on a white horse and save them from their woes of their mundane life. I will say this and I will stand by it…NO WOMAN WANTS TO REALLY WORK WITH MONEY! What I mean by that is that most women if given the option to do what they want in life and money weren’t a worry they wouldn’t care about the intricacies of money. The reason I say this is that money, power, and respect are more a part of a man’s being so he is naturally going to be attracted to the paper chase.

A relationship is something that takes very hard work to grow and mature but one of the major things is a man and woman will have to reconceptualize what the roles are for a man and for a woman. This has to be something that we as a society really have to redefine. What are the roles for a man and woman in today’s world? Can a woman respect a man even though he is not the breadwinner of the house? Is a man going to be able to put his pride to the side and grow within a relationship where he is not the primary breadwinner? Can a woman still feed a man’s ego and make him feel like a man even if he isn’t financially the man? Can a man give up some of his power and understand that his make job description may need to be updated a bit?

Sometimes I wonder if the majority of our generation’s relationships are destined to suck because we hold on to so many past preconceived notions of how relationships should be even though the landscape of the world has changed. Sometimes it seems we are trying to live in an alternate reality instead of the world set before us. *Sigh*…maybe our children will grow up with a clearer view of this aspect in relationships.

Staff Writer; Darryl Frierson

More of this brother articles can be foud over at; Ashy 2 Classy.

Also feel free to connect via twitter; Diggame.

3 Comments

Ramses says:

December 11, 2012 at 10:39 am

No doubt @mack…the most important piece on the chessboard is the King but the most powerful piece is the Queen because she can move in all directions and her job is to defend the King. If the Queen compromises herself, she compromises the Man’s kingdom. Unfortunately for a lot of women in the black community have been compromised. It’s on the Man to pick a woman who is willing to be a traditional woman and supportive. It’s not a Man’s job to convince a Woman to support him. If she thinks she is strong enough and manly enough to fight a battle by herself, let her. You can’t convince them to be women when inside they don’t feel like women. We spend a lot of time trying to convince women that it’s in their best interest to act like women. For them, maybe it’s not in their best interest. When females say “Independence” they are choosing where their loyalty is. “Independence” means that you have no loyalty but to yourself. We don’t hear black men speaking Independence. But a lot of black women do. Why? Because a lot of them have made their own political decisions to align themselves with what they believe is the white power structure (the power structure in america is not white like a lot of you think). You can’t serve two masters. When black women have jobs they choose “Independence.” When they’re broke, and struggling, and see Black Men get with other ethnic groups, then race matters (even though race is not really real). Why don’t the group (black people most noticable the black man) matter when these women are allegedly successful? Now black men are building families outside of them at a high rate, now black women desire and want black men. In the 80’s and 90’s black women double teamed black men along with the media and hated on black men. But now this has backfired. Now the media has turned on black women and is showing black women for the negative person she has become, now black women want black men to defend them on some fake group dynamics? Now you have females on here trying to front like they want good relationships with black men, or black love needs to come back, and all this flowery nonsense all of a sudden. But why now? Why do you all recognize the value of black men now? Because other women, in other ethnic groups have a high level of respect and value brothers and you’ll see that. I watched CNN’s “Who Is Black In America” and it shocked me how much hate black women show each other and hate themselves. This light skin dark skin mentality is perpetuated by black women and their beauty issues because many dark women value being white. Not saying light skin women are innocent, but there are those who want to embrace other black women, but dark skin females will reject them if they feel they are pretty. Why is this? Because black people have no culture. We embrace the most negative aspects of human behavior. That’s not culture, but destruction. I embrace my ancient Moor, Olmec, Kemet (Egypt) and other cultures that show people looking like me building great things. Until black people have an understanding of their ancient culture, they will keep claiming this “Black” term that has no resonance in terms of world affairs. I have Blackfoot and Cherokee in my family background and I claim this. This is culture. If a chick doesn’t know anything about her family or culture, then she doesn’t care about it and if she doesn’t, why would she care about me? Makes no sense. Culture protects you. We don’t protect each other as a people because we have no culture. Hindus have culture. Brazilians have culture. Ethiopians have culture. Irish have culture. Blacks don’t have culture because if black was real then we would be in a better situation collectively than we are now. The women spend too much money and time trying to look like European women, unhappy with themselves, to care about culture. When you embrace your culture, we don’t have to have the same conversations about why women don’t support or respect men. This wouldn’t be an issue. We don’t hear stories about Chinese women not supporting their men. Why? Because they embrace Chinese culture and heritage first, which naturally makes them respect and support their men, which ultimately means they support themselves. We’re going backwards with these arguments. I don’t hate black women who lack culture or who don’t think culture is important. I’m cool with that. However, getting on sites criticizing black men, and talking about how they don’t step up is BS when black men have embraced and always embraced their ancient culture, which had empires too, which means we embraced the black women that came with these cultures. If you don’t embrace your cultural heritage as a black woman, then you’re not my sister. period. All that fake “Strong Black Woman” shit is dead. If you’re really strong, you don’t have to have a title like that that precedes you. Black women have embraced Nazi culture (whites are superior) through their embracing European standards of beauty. How can you build anything with a woman who thinks like that? You can’t. because she is not happy with herself. All women of the planet know not to make their men feel less than men when they are in transition or are struggling except black women. Every time I turn around there are articles out here talking about how black men are jealous of black women making more money. Really? Lol. This is laughable. Men who don’t feel comfortable not being primary breadwinners is a good thing. It means they are men. These fruitless arguments have blacks going in circles. No men want their women who make them feel bad about not being put in a position to produce. But that’s all you hear from black women. About how much brothers don’t produce. But don’t support these brothers at all. When I married my ex-wife, she was a broke illegal alien and i never made her feel bad about her situation. I helped her through it. How can black women beat brothers down and expect them to coexist with them? Why would brothers want to coexist with women who spend most of their time bashing them? That’s silly. Personally I could make 10,000 a year and my Woman make a million a year and I wouldn’t feel inferior. However, if she tried to throw it up in my face, I would have a problem with that. My manhood is not dictated by what some female says or does towards me. It’s very secure. It doesn’t mean however, that i want to be with someone who doesn’t care about how I feel. This stuff is not hard people. Men will always embrace women who embrace them. This is why brothers look elsewhere for women because elsewhere, women embrace them. Simple mathematics. Men learn your ancient culture and stop trying to be with females who don’t embrace their ancient culture. If they want to look like Nazis, let them. From a physical standpoint, they are letting you know they don’t want to be with you or like you.

Reply
Mack says:

December 11, 2012 at 2:27 am

Good article.

I don’t think the landscape of the world has changed. I think there are forces with very strong vested interests who are attempting to take their American experiment worldwide and impose it as the new standard. For thousands of years, relationship dynamics worked just fine. Its pure arrogance to think that only in our generation, we have found a better way to do things. Lets take a look at this new relationship paradigm we are supposed to accept willingly:

*lowered standards of morality
*little to no accountability on the part of women while we increase their power, and most if not all accountability still laid upon the men while we decrease their power
*the highest divorce rate in the recorded history of mankind
*out of wedlock children gone wild
*young women who have become so gender confused, they act more masculine than men
*young men who have become so gender confused, they act more feminine than women.

I could list for days, but the point is: whatever the ancestors knew about relationships that we now despise, it sure worked. Better than anything we have today. Think I’ll stick with the ancestors…

Also as Africans living in America, we have to understand the game. Sisters, when you think like a pawn instead of a queen, you end up being checkmated. Which is what is happening to us collectively. Without your cooperation, the man’s plan to dominate us and destroy us cannot work. So sisters have to understand the game and play their role to check mate the opposition. If you know he’s giving YOU the job that he won’t give your man, don’t despise your man. Take the job, and use the income to help set your man up in business. Or help put him through school so he can aspire even higher. And fellas, you must also think like a King; not a pawn. When you have the type of woman in your corner whose willing to do this, you don’t forsake her. You embrace and build with her. She’s you most important piece, so you definitely want to keep her around.

Just my opinion.

We need to stop allowing the other side of the chess board to dominate us.

Reply
Deeann D. Mathews says:

December 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm

This is indeed a dilemma… with the specter of widespread unemployment it is an even bigger dilemma.

Perhaps the key comes in understanding that we are far more than what capitalism values us for — our earning and spending power. No woman can be a loving husband and father, brother, or uncle. No man can be a loving wife and mother, sister, or aunt. Whenever the situation turns — and anybody who has been married for a long time knows that life’s circumstances are going to cause some change-ups in which partner can bring what to the table — it helps to focus on those things that money cannot buy. God will see to it, if He makes the match, that all material needs (not wants, but needs) will be provided for; that being believed and received, it is important to look at the character of the individual. A mate of excellent character is priceless; economic circumstances rise and fall, but character is evergreen. If a man will not take on a woman of excellent character solely because at this time she makes more money (because that is the only criteria listed in this article) … well, that is not a mistake a man secure in himself will make. We all have our share of growing up and growing wise to do…

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