(ThyBlackMan.com) Paul Carrick Brunson left his lucrative financial investment position to pursue his passion and become the first African-American matchmaker in the world. Paul’s bridge between financial investments and matchmaking started back in 2003 at Kaplan – the servicer for higher education programs and products.
Traveling every three months or so, his travels would typically unite him with people who didn’t speak English. During one of his travels to Istanbul, Paul met a family from Turkey, with whom he struck a cool deal to invest money into educational experiences. Even though the family didn’t speak much English 
and Paul, didn’t speak much Turkish, during meetings and in their limited communications, their talks would always revolve around three commonalities: politics, sports and relationships. It was in the area of relationships, that Paul found himself as the go-to guy.
and Paul, didn’t speak much Turkish, during meetings and in their limited communications, their talks would always revolve around three commonalities: politics, sports and relationships. It was in the area of relationships, that Paul found himself as the go-to guy.Paul received his life coaching certification at the International Coach Federation and to date, has put over 3,000 people on first dates! Paul has a keen understanding and awareness of his clients’ love and relationship needs.
“Relationship Ninja,” “The Real Hitch” or however you choose to describe him, Paul talks-the-talk and walks-the-walk, embodying the perfect example of love and commitment, having been married to his own wife for just over ten years! Paul has been featured in The Washington Post, AOL Black Voices, ABC News, is a resident relationship columnist at Essence and Monarch Magazines and is co-host to Dr. Drew Pinsky’s Lifechangers series airing September 19, 2011!
In an article you recently did for Essence Magazine, you listed 6 reasons why men should date more than one woman at a time. Doesn’t this theory go against the idea of monogamy?
I think a lot of people get caught up with the theory of dating multiple woman because there’s a differing of an opinion as to what “dating” means. Does the term “dating” mean: a sexual relationship? Going out? “Dating” to me equals: an activity that is mutually agreed upon to further a romantic relationship. As long as you are honest with the other person, then you should be dating more than one person at a time because this will allow a real time comparison between your dates – allowing you to make the best decision.
Is there a “universal” turnoff – regardless of race, that men have when looking for a woman?
There are a few things that men get annoyed by but, in particular, this whole idea of men being intimated by women because of their status, income and education, which is not the case. Any man that is secure with himself will not be intimated by a woman.
Also, this whole idea of “non femininity” is a big issue. What ultimately attracts men to women, and women to men is this base line: a man wants a feminine woman and a woman wants a masculine man. When you think about what turns somebody off, anything that goes against this anti-feminine and anti-masculine movement, does.
Do all men cheat?
Absolutely not! I’ve become the banner bearer for this question! [Laughs.] When I wrote that piece for Essence, I read a dozen surveys and there wasn’t one that showed that all men cheat. The consensus was about 20% do, and on top of that, women were the ones who cheated more often than men. Media, celebrities and the circles we keep aid in the perception that all men cheat.
Why do men always cheat with the “less attractive” woman?
When you are in a committed relationship and you’re “ready” to cheat – meaning you’ve made up your mind to do it, you will cheat with the person who is most accessible to you. The key driver is accessibility, which is the same for women, which also spans racial lines. The reason why a woman cheats with the guy at work? Accessibility. Take Arnold Schwarzenegger for example. Maria [Schriver] is educated, has it all together…so why did he cheat with the housekeeper? Accessibility.
Why are women (and men) often attracted to people who are clearly unavailable? The ones who are married, have emotional baggage, the user, the abuser…what’s going on?
It’s in our nature to desire something we can’t have and this is where the chase comes in. There’s a chance. There’s a chance that the guy can have the girl that every guy wants. There’s a chance that the girl can change that bad boy. The excitement is in the chase. The excitement heightens when it’s the wrong person, the bad boy or the female that no guy can get.
Can you cite 3 reasons why a dating relationship won’t transition into marriage?
One, bad communication skills, two, the inability to resolve conflict – if a person can’t fight fair and three, people aren’t attracted to each other.
Is attractiveness really that important of a factor in a relationship?
There are many characteristics that make someone and if nothing turns you on about that person, the relationship won’t work.
Can you cite 3 reasons why a dating relationship would transition into marriage?
You have to have shared values, you have to have compatible personalities and your “non-negotiables” have to check out. Non-negotiables, as in, you both want children. And of course, being attracted to the other person.
What’s the one thing men really want women to know?
The one thing would be, that a man needs to feel needed. And to underscore that point, out of all the surveys conducted, the most challenging aspect in a relationship for a man is dealing with a woman who is learning to be independent in terms of her career. They’re focused on their careers and have learned to be independent through their social circles, through education and in the home and what complicates this, is that men are having to be less independent. So if he doesn’t feel needed, it won’t work.
What’s the one thing a man will never tell you?
I don’t think there’s any one thing – men are not monoliths. If there’s any type of variation – anything you can think of that a man might say, he will say.
Staff Writer; Veronica Young
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