(ThyBlackMan.com) Here is a story about tragic loss and the struggle for meaning and renewal.
One of my neighbors, John, would be described by some as a “man’s man”. He is in his late 40?s and stays active with adventure sports and playing a bit of guitar. He tends to stay quiet most of the time and is glad to come help fix 
things for his friends when they need him. When I asked John once where he does his grocery shopping he said, “7-Eleven,” which is a convenience store. Basically that means he does not cook for himself much.
One day I told John that I started a website about grief and ways people learn to recover from losses. Though uncharacteristic for him, John began to tell me a story. He said when he was in his late twenties he was deeply in love and about to get married. John and his fiancé had been dating for five years, but they had known each other most of their lives.
While eating breakfast together in the kitchen of their shared apartment, his fiancé had a sudden and fatal heart attack. Within minutes she had died in his arms despite his desperate attempts to revive her. She was 22-years old at the time with no known history of heart problems.
Soon after her death, John’s response was to grab a few simple items and go live entirely by himself on a rustic mountain range. For six months he made due with whatever food and shelter he could provide for himself out in nature. He says he was just trying to keep “from losing his mind” and figure out why he would want to keep living. Eventually he felt more ready to interact with society and returned to see people he knew.
Upon learning about his loss and experience of recovery out in nature, my first thought was, “That is a very masculine style of grieving. I bet a lot of men would be attracted to a response like that.” Going to live out in nature alone is not something I specifically recommend, but I understand the appeal of it.
I am very grateful and honored that John chose to share this story with me. Though this experience is part of who he is every day, it is one he had not talked about for many years. He gave me permission to write this post on his behalf and says he may be willing to talk directly with readers here at Body Aware Grieving at some point.
An experience this shocking and sad is the type a person lives with, and is forever changed by. Here is a short article I wrote called Getting “Over” a Loss.
Are there examples of dramatic experiences you are willing to tell us about? (You can send in comments anonymously if you prefer.) Do you find that men tend to heal differently than women? Does John’s time spent surviving alone out in nature appeal to you?
Staff Writer; Margo Rose
Margo Rose is the chief blogger of http://www.BodyAwareGrieving.com.
Her practical website is devoted to helping people stay healthy during sad times.
