(ThyBlackMan.com) Conflict occurs when two people with opposing points of view try to convince the other that they are right. Or wrong. It’s a given that proper communication is key to strengthening intimacy and trust between each other. However, lack of communication may create mistrust and weaken the bonds of a relationship.
These are some examples of destructive traits and patterns of communication that often lead to conflict;
1. Trying to avoid conflict altogether – Avoiding a possible quarrel and thus deciding not to discuss your resentment or anger can give rise to tension in your relationship. Just say it rather than keeping it inside you. If you hold it in, when you finally do let it out all the hidden hurt, anger and 
distress will explode in a hurtful way. This is why it is much better to address the issue earlier so conflicts may be resolved sooner.
2. Being Defensive – Some people consistently deny any conflict and get defensive rather than answering their partner’s complaints. Becoming defensive and responding with denial will bring additional stress and conflict. Because unresolved conflicts continue to grow, if the matter is not confronted, it can create long-term issues and problems.
3. Over concluding – When a partner does something that the other does not like and one person always seems to blurt words or sentences that start with “You always make me …” or “You never…”, conflict can arise. Try to think before you say things like this, as you may be over concluding that this has been happening. It is also not healthy to keep mentioning the past or past hurts as all this does is stir up more conflict. Express yourself instead with sentences that start with “It feels like _ when you _ to me…” or “I feel like_ when…”. Don’t be so accusatory.
4. Thinking you are always right – It isn’t healthy to think that there is only one way to look at things and that your way is always right. Your partner might not be seeing things the same way as you, but understand that it is possible for two different opinions or views to both be relevant or true at the same time.
5. Mind-Reading or Psychoanalyzing – Please realize that you are not a mind-reader! Some partners may decide that by looking at their partner’s eyes or asking how they think or feel they can read their partner’s mind or interpret their actions. This often is in a negative way and can definitely create misunderstandings. If you want to know something or feel like something is missing or if you are upset about something, please communicate it directly and speak up. Your partner is not a mind-reader.
6. Not Listening – Lend your ear. Communication is a two-way process so it would help if you give your partner a chance to speak for him/herself. If you don’t listen, you won’t know their views and they might do the same thing when it is you in the hot seat.
7. Blaming – A partner may try to resolve a conflict by blaming somebody or something other than themselves. They often feel that if they admit the fault it may lessen their credibility or value. Feelings of shame tend to cause people to blame others. Be accountable for your actions in order to resolve conflict.
8. Trying to become the winner in an argument – Couples must have mutual understanding and come up with a resolution rather than finding ways to win over your partner.
It is always important to understand each other and to realize that to avoid conflict you need to communicate and know how to listen to each other. Conflict in your relationship can be handled and addressed without destroying it if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes and remember that good communication, honesty and listening are the keys to a successful relationship.
Head Writer; Thomas Jones, Jr.
