(ThyBlackMan.com) Several weeks ago, I read A Grief Observed. The book, written by CS Lewis (1898 – 1963), was written as an expression of the author’s grief over the death of his wife, Joy. At times, the author seemed angry, as he frequently expressed his displeasure with God regarding his wife’s passing. Towards the end of the book, however, the author calmed and became less agitated, accepting his wife’s death as an inevitability we must all face. As I read Lewis’ book, there were elements of his pain that I could not quite relate to. Little did I know at the time of my reading, however, I would soon be observing a grief of my own.
On February 20, I received a phone call that I will most likely never forget. Earlier that Sunday morning, my beloved Aunt Evelyn passed away rather unexpectedly. Though various illnesses had inflicted her throughout her life, her resilient spirit always prevailed over ailments and she quickly 
recovered. Sadly, this was not the case on February 20. As we all joined my mother with the loss of her dear sister Evelyn, we still had yet more grief to observe.
On March 16, three weeks after the death of Evelyn, another sister of my mother’s, Thelma, also passed away. Thelma, the oldest sister, was known for her consistent favorable health. When a virus hospitalized Thelma in early February and prevented her from attending Evelyn’s funeral, the family remained optimistic that Thelma would soon recover from her virus and return home. We later found out, however, that Thelma was no longer suffering from a virus. She was suffering from an advanced stage of cancer. She died just 11 days after the diagnosis.
Shocked, stunned, and saddened, we grieved. It seemed almost unbearable that two siblings would pass away in such close proximity to one another. As I pondered the uncanny timing of it all, I found myself feeling a little like Lewis in the book I had read just weeks before. I, too, felt a little bewildered, if not angry, at God for allowing such a fate to befall upon our family. One death of a loved one is bad enough. Another death several days later seemed almost too much. Through tears and prayers, however, I began to gain some understanding.
At the time of this writing, only days have passed since the second death. I am sure my perspective will change when additional time has passed. After all, they say time heals all wounds. Yet I have already begun to accept that timing is of little significance in the face of death. I now realize that grief just hurts—whenever death comes, the hurt will be similar if not the same. When questioning the ‘why’ of my Aunt Thelma’s death, I challenged myself with questions. Would it have been better if my Aunt Thelma had passed away weeks later? Or even a year? Would the family have received it better? While we all want our loved ones to live forever, the reality of the mortality of humans reminds us of the impossibility of this wish.
I loved both of my aunts dearly. Both played formative roles in my childhood, shaping me into the man I am today. If I had my wish, they would have been with me until the end of my days. Yet I know only God is promised to be with us always , as Jesus reminds us in Matthew 28:20 (….I am with you always, to the end of the age). As mortals, we must accept that folks we love will pass before we believe we are ready for them to do so. Yet God knows what we can bear. We are equipped to handle much more than we believe ourselves to be capable. Trusting in God and leaning not to our own understanding reminds us of this very fact.
Thus, here I stand. I stand as a man only partially through the grieving process. I do not profess to be over grieving for my aunts nor expect to be anytime soon. After all, I still grieve the loss of my best friend, Charles, after 11 years. But I believe grief to be healthy. For it is through grieving that we have fond memories, laughter, and stories. If tears accompany these stories from time-to-time, that is therapeutic. Tears are often just a symbol of the love we feel for the loved ones that have crossed our way. I also believe that grieving should not be all encompassing, however. We must let our loved ones go and continue living our lives on earth as they would want us to live.
Looking back, it seems almost eerie that I read A Grief Observed just weeks before the recent deaths in my family. But my faith reminds me that it is not really eerie at all. God directs and prepares us for the challenges that are yet to come. Reading this book allowed me to gain perspective about death and reminded me that even believers question God’s wisdom from time to time. Like Lewis, I realize that losing someone you love takes you on a rollercoaster of emotions. At the lowest point of the ride, your faith can be challenged. Yet it is that same faith and trust in the Lord, however, that will always see you through until the next hill has been ascended. And what’s a good rollercoaster ride without a few hills, twists, and turns?
Staff Writer; Olanda Carr, Jr.
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