(ThyBlackMan.com) First let me say that sociologically (not legally) any person has the right to dress any way he or she likes. But in a realistic world, our women need to know they will be perceived, received and approached based on how they present themselves. The same is true for us men as well but we all would be wise to recognize the double standard that exists – and that dressing the way a woman wants cannot change that standard. Thus if a woman dresses like a “hoe’ or hoochie, she will likely be seen as one – regardless of what she intended, regardless of right and wrong and regardless of whether she knows or accepts this hard cold reality or not. She may also attract the very types of attention or elements she does not want.
Other countries realize this. Other cultures realize this. Other ethnic groups realize this. And every world religion realizes this too. But somehow in America our people have fallen into the “anything goes” trap.
Now let’s define “Teaser Hoochie Dressing Black Women” (THDBWs). You may say these are my opinions, but nevertheless you know they are also facts – like them or not. THDBWs are women (or girls) who wear tight clothing to accent body parts and draw attention to themselves. Many of them want the visual attention but they only want certain types of men to actually approach them. If the woman is not interested in the man she has attracted, she will easily get offended at his comments or shun his approach. Yet if she is interested in the man who approaches her, he can say the exact same things as the other man did and the woman will flirt and smile and welcome the attention.
DRESSING TO IMPRESS IS NOT THE SAME AS DRESSING TO TEASE
The Teaser Hoochie Dressing “Black” Woman is not just dressing as she does because she likes to look at herself in the mirror. If she tells you that she is lying to you and if she tells herself that, she is in denial. She may dress that way because she does not realize the signals she sends, but I would think more often than not, she knows exactly what signals she is sending. She may dress that way to use “the booty” to get attention which will make her feel good because she is insecure.
She may dress that way because she actually might be a “hoe”, a chicken-head or a hoochie. She may dress that way because her friends do it. She may dress that way because she cannot distinguish what is sexy from what is hoochie. She may dress that way because that is what she saw in her family. She may even dress that way because she is determined to dress as she wants regardless of the messages she sends when she does. Maybe she does not respect herself. Maybe she is a tease. Or maybe she is a nice girl, nice but clueless.
Let me reiterate, any woman of any ethnic group has the right to dress however she wants, within legal guidelines of course. And I have the right to walk through the roughest area of Chicago, Detroit, New York or Atlanta counting hundred dollar bills at 3am in the morning all by myself. But if I do, we both know what is likely to happen. Was I bothering anybody? No. Was I hurting anybody? No. But when the police show up, they are going to look at me as clueless and detached from reality. Why? Because I did not use common sense in my environment and I exposed myself to the bad elements of society – whether I meant to or not. The same holds true for the women I speak about in this article. Actions have consequences – fair or not, right or not.
Michael Jackson said d-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s. Bell Biv Devoe said that girl is pooooiiiisssssoooonnnn. Yet so many brothers today ignore the warnings put to music and get drawn in by a big butt and a smile – wallet and all. From magazines like Playboy and the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition to beauty pageants to your local Hooters, to Beyonce and anaconda-loving Meg Thee Stallion, we men are bombarded with female body parts that tap into our hormones with teasing and temptation. So what’s a guy supposed to do when they are the spiders and our hormones draw us into their webs?
IF A WOMAN DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF, SHE WILL NOT RESPECT HER MALE COMPANION
As hard as it may be brothers, go for the woman of substance, character and identity who values and respects herself. She does not have to flaunt every curve because she has so much more to offer than her body. And while the other women often look almost irresistible, resistance is not futile. Do not allow yourself to be teased and lured into the web, because if you do, you may not escape. What I am telling you takes willpower and personal standards and integrity and character. But the more you take a stand, the more women will realize that you cannot be so easily manipulated. And at that point things will begin to change for everybody.
Staff Writer; Trevo Craw
As a half-Black woman, my Dad (my Black half and my best half) always told me to dress modestly. He fell for the red-haired, white woman with curves. And aside from my birth, that relationship was disastrous. My Dad always taught me to use my head, not my looks, and to value brains and heart in others as well. But most Americans, regardless of ethnicity, are not taught the same. So even though it’s not right, not equal, not the way it should be, I have to agree with Thy Black Man on this. In this country, and many others, we are perceived by the visage we choose, and treated accordingly. And although the treatment is not right, and may not be warranted, it is a fact of life. Regardless of hypocrisy and double standards, it doesn’t change what is. Yeah, it’s sad, and yeah, it’s wrong, but wishing it away doesn’t do shit.
We can teach our children to think differently, but it would still take generations to change it all, and that is only if EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE was teaching their children of the true values of others not being based in looks or dress or money. And let’s be real, I don’t see that happening any time soon. But don’t let that stop you from teaching better values. It’s got to start somewhere. The more folks who see people for who they are and not what they can offer, the better. And as generations come and go, maybe we can be the beginning of weeding out these stereotypes and crooked ways of seeing the world around us.
Good Day to You All.
Roz
When a White woman dresses in a “hoochie,” fashion, Black men trip all over themselves to be with her, wine/dine her, AND marry her. Check out the wives of NFL and NBA players. Those guys could NOT care less about “modesty.” Their wives DID not and DO not dress modestly and they are being well-cared for. Don’t foist different rules on Black women and not hold White women to the same standard (or sub-standard, as the case may be). That’s my two cents from a minister’s wife who believes in modesty, but not judgment.
While I agree that double standards exist in our society, it is hypocritical to talk about how African American women should or shouldn’t dress. As an African American man, our focus needs to shift from what our eyes perceive to what we are willing to learn about an individual. I think it’s sad that we compare dress codes of other countries where a woman faces death by not adhering to a male dress code. There are more important aspects in life than what a woman is wearing. It says far more about you as a person when you label someone you don’t know a “hoe”.