(ThyBlackMan.com) The only thing in this life that we can control is self. You’ve heard this before at some point in your life. When we thing of control in terms of controlling another person, some of us will think of men. However, sistahs too many of us want to control too much, even if the intention is good. Then there are times, to be honest the intention is far from good, and you might not always be aware of that truth. One could argue that control of self is not only the only thing you can control, but it’s the only thing you have a right to control. Yes, in some cases like parenting control is necessary as you are teaching a child.
However, one day that child will become an adult. It is wrong to enact control past a certain point. Control can be dangerous. It can destroy relationships, and your peace of mind. To be married to control is to have an absence of peace. That might sound ironic, but it is not. Wielding control will cause so much pushback and confusion that peace will be pretty much impossible. When you control others you are almost always not in control of self.
Keeping ones own life together is a challenge that we must face every day. It requires plenty of energy, and control of self. If one is truly tending to self to grow, there is not enough time to focus on controlling others. Unfortunately, too many of us don’t put as much into controlling self as we do others. Your siblings don’t need to be manipulated and controlled so that they do what you think they should with heir life, while barring them from any meaningful input on your life. The person you love doesn’t need you to control them to make an adult of them; it was never your job to raise them.
Furthermore, you should not want to manipulate them so they do everything your way while taking a hard stance on your right to be you. Your adult children don’t need you to control every facet of their life, respect that it’s their life to live. All these relationships are put in jeopardy when you cross over into control. Keep in mind that manipulation is a large part of controlling other grown folks. Once they realize what is going on they will be hurt, find it hard to trust you, and you can’t control the degree of damage that is done. You also can’t decide how they will respond.
Being there for those you love, and being willing to offer sound council is valuable. But never allow yourself to feel a pull to make them bend to your will even if you feel strongly that what you advise is right. All of this boils down to not taking choices and the right to chart one’s own path away from the people you. Loving them means showing respect for them, even when you disagree with their course of action. Remember, you also have a path that must be charted and that requires your energy. Don’t risk the relationships you value over control. Don’t sell yourself short by focusing so much on others that you neglect the one you have a right to control, self.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.
