(ThyBlackMan.com) There’s no perfect relationship nor a perfect partner. Most of the time, we tend to blame our partners when things went wrong or when our past relationships didn’t work. If you are currently in a relationship, it is easier to find faults and see the flaws of your partner rather than to assess yourself of our shortcomings and toxic traits.
We know that for a relationship to work, it should be a team of two people working and growing together. Each person needs to know how to communicate well, assess their traits, and understand each other differences.
Here are some traits of a toxic partner:
The Record-Keeper
You are a record-keeper when you always bring back your partner’s past mistakes on the table every time you are in the middle of an argument. You crack something that is based on history which may be irrelevant to your current debate. This trait is often manipulative where your only goal is to win over a contest of emotions by shaming your partner. 
If you are at this level, you have to remind yourself that nurturing each other’s strengths is better than focusing on your weaknesses. Be reminded of the good traits and deeds that your partner has done for you instead of pondering about his or her negative traits.
The Disconnected
You still love your partner but you no longer listen or ask about how his day went through. Unconsciously, you are being used to his or her little efforts such as preparing your meals in the morning or dropping you off to the office.
Connection, affection, and appreciation are important in sustaining a relationship. Appreciate the little things, spend quality time and tell how much you love your partner like it is the first time.
The Lazy and Manipulative
Are you always the one deciding for your partner and your relationship? Or are you slacking off and letting your partner drive the wheel of your relationship to wherever it leads to? The former is a sign of possessiveness while the latter is a sign of being disinterested. Overcontrolling is like a parasite that consumes your partner’s joy. Meanwhile, if you are sharing your life with him or her, you must have a part in making decisions – whether big or small.
Think of it like dancing the waltz, you cannot perform it when you are just standing while the other is dancing. While one is designed to lead and the other is meant to submit, remember that it is a partnership where two people shall both be doing their part.
The Overthinker
A relationship without trust is like a vehicle without fuel. You can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere. Are you always taking away your partner’s privacy? Are you always suspicious, jealous and insecure? At this level, your confidence with your partner is corroding faster than you can think of. Lying and cheating are the main reasons that could ruin your partner’s trust.
If you are the one who has been lied to or betrayed, go back to the reason why you are still in that relationship. It is fine to slowly rebuild that trust again as long as it is progressing. Forgive and don’t keep a record of wrongs. If you want to give your partner a chance to rebuild your trust, do not manipulate his or her honesty.
On the other hand, if you’re someone who has broken someone’s trust. Don’t get mad if you think that your partner is too dramatic or seems like hurting from a past mistake. Don’t give him or her the reason to overthink but instead help her regain the trust that was lost.
In reality, everyone has their share of toxic traits. So it is important to choose a partner who’s willing to be with you in overcoming those bad habits and toxic traits while appreciating your good characteristics as well. If you’re single, determine which traits are negotiable and non-negotiable to avoid getting abused and ending up with the wrong person. If you’re in a relationship, remember that it should always be your goal to grow into better people.
Staff Writer; Ellie Carter
