(ThyBlackMan.com) Time catches up on us all sooner or later. While he can still do many of the things we did when we were younger, sometimes the body isn’t with it and we might be wearier about certain activities. Maybe you’re sore afterwards or you might just be exhausted. You could be ornerier than you used to be or you might have mellowed out over the years. Here are ten signs that you’re just too old for this sh**.
The Perfect Temperature Is Key
I’m a cold natured person. I love when the fall and winter hits and I’m absolutely miserable during the summer.
As a matter of fact, I’m down right ornery in the summer and every activity after 12 o’clock in the afternoon has to be planned or ran by me in advance. I don’t do anything spontaneously or last minute in the southern heat. It’s different from my youth when I would go out and do stuff in 90-degree weather or 40-degree weather. It just didn’t matter.
If you have a perfect temperature and shut things down when it’s outside of that: you might be too old for that sh**. You probably complain about it being entirely too cold when it’s 50-something degrees or too hot when it’s a nice 75.
Bonus points if you have to regulate when someone messes with the thermostat. Double points if you refer to changing the temperature as “messing with” it.
The Shave Is The Best Part Of Your Haircut
Fellas, we all like getting a crispy edge up and an all-around uniform haircut. When it’s done by your favorite barber—even better. But that shave with the shaving cream and the razor? And the barber has time to do it? Bliss. The shave and beard shape up is essential.
And we can’t forget the—let’s call it “after care”—following your shave. The warm towel to get leftover shaving cream, the works. As a matter of fact, I’m going to get a shave this week thinking about it.
You Assign Others As The Driver
Have you gotten yourself into some social to-do and you’re just not with it? Or maybe it’s an errand you would rather not be involved in but it’s a tandem errand? You know, bonding with family or you significant other? It happens. But if you’re taking your car and you tell the other person to drive, you’re too old to deal with that sh**.
It’s not even the activity itself, it’s the driving. You probably learned to drive in high school or you just learned to drive later in life, sometimes the task of driving is just not it. Folks are speeding, riding your bumper, driving at the speed of doom, running lights, the police have their lights on and you don’t know if they’re stopping you—no to all of that.
You deal with all of this all the time as a driver of any experience, true. But when you come to conclusion—an epiphany, if you will—that this is all unnecessary, you’re officially too old for this sh**. The person riding along just got promoted to driver. Congrats.
“It’s Getting Late”
Staying up at odd hours just chilling? If you get to a point where this is just not…it–you’re too old for that sh**. In my 20s, I would just sit up until three or four in the morning. Playing games, watching TV, just infinite time to waste if I didn’t have work the next day. I was with it back then. In my 30s, I’m a day person.
I try to wrap things up early now. There are a few things I’ll sit up to watch and if I have work to finish up then I’ll sit up a little longer but I’m a day person now. Even if I’m free the next day, I’m still packing it in because…
The Bed Is Your Closest Confidant
You might be saying “I’m in my 20s and I love my naps and my sleep.” Good! Naps are cool and straight up power hours of sleep are amazing. Sometimes, you’d rather just stay in bed and not be bothered with anything. You’re too old for any of the sh** going on outside of your house or your bedroom in general.
You Take That Sigh When Putting On Clothes
Honestly, this sign that you might be a bit out of shape or whatever you’re putting on is undersized. This is different from sighing when you’re taking clothes off. You were probably in them most of the day so that’s just relief. This is a different beast. You’re exhausted before even putting on a full set of clothes.
Putting on clothes to go do something? Going somewhere to do something? At this time? You’re too old for that sh**. Bonus points for pausing after the sigh after slipping your shoes on.
Routine Is My Best Friend
You don’t have to be up there in age or older in nature than your peers to prefer routine. I love routine and hate when there’s something unexpected that throws me off my routine. You don’t necessarily plan out your day on paper but you do move through your day or week at a particular pace, doing particular things at a particular time of the day.
Give yourself two extra points if you either lie and say you have plans or you just shut stuff down when someone hits you with last minute plans. Nope, that’s spontaneous youngster nonsense. I’m too old for that sh**.
You Tap Out On Eating Like A Dump Truck
Even if you were heavyset in your youth—like yours truly—your metabolism was in effect. Just scarfing down whatever is on the menu. Or performing a tour de force on a buffet. You know you’re too old for this sh** when you’re just not putting it away like you used to.
Yeah, folks you go out to eat with still think you’re going to take “All You Can Eat” to task. And don’t forget about people still piling your plate as if you’re going to just Garfield the whole thing. Nah.
Call Before You Come
Some people welcome unexpected visits by friends and family. It’s like a surprise on two legs or something to these people. I don’t know. As for me, I’m not a fan but I know I’m too old for that sh** anyway. Now, this likely overlaps with being introverted or asocial but people just inviting themselves over can be exhausting. You’re not prepared for that. You might be in your house clothes—which aren’t fit to greet company in and now you have to get into something for hosting.
I mean, you don’t have to put on a suit or dress but you’ll have to be in something better than whatever you’d go to bed in and you can’t answer the door while Donald Ducking. You can but you shouldn’t.
“I Don’t Want to Be Involved”
If you’ve never took an interest in other people’s business, good for you. It’s not that you don’t care about what’s going on them, you just don’t want to be involved in it. Sometimes knowing too much pulls you into whatever is going on and now you’re an active party. It might be best to just avoid asking specifics because there are moments when ignorance is bliss.
If you go to great lengths not to be involved and avoid making their drama your drama or “our” drama, you’re too old for that sh**. Just all of that sh**, count you out.
Staff Writer; M. Swift
This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.
