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(ThyBlackMan.com) Today I was so saddened and sickened by yet another discussion, by a black man, about why we as Black women are lesser than white women, and why black men prefer white. While I am aware, and admittedly have to remind myself, that the majority of black men love and prefer Black women, I also admit that it is upsetting that those who don’t, seem to go out of their way to loudly and proudly exclaim that ALL or MOST black men feel the way that they do. I am very open to all opinions and to everyone’s expression of their preferences; however, when the opinions include less merit than stereotyping, or when there is the need to categorize one’s own women as the reason to date other, it bothers me, and it’s getting old!

How about Black men say that they prefer white because they have been brainwashed by the media, mislead by newfound success, or because it’s easier to run away from the issues in our comm BlackMan-WhiteWoman-JungleFever-2015 unities?

The truth is as a Black woman, when I look at black men, no matter what your shade or complexion, I see my reflection. If I love myself, how could I not love my reflection?

I feel that it is easier for black men to reconcile the idea of the negative feedback that comes with interracial dating by using negative stereotypes about Black women as a means to justify their behavior. Instead of taking accountability or dealing with the backlash for “stepping out of the norm”, so to speak, it seems to be more convenient to speak negatively [about Black women], therefore blaming women of their own race for causing them to date interracially. The most intelligent among us call “bullshit” on this one.

No experience with one or one hundred, or even negative stereotypes (that admittedly may define a percentage) can cause you to eliminate an ENTIRE race of women from the dating and marriage pool-especially your own race of women. If we were to base how and whom we should love on negative stereotypes and perception, NO woman would or even should date a black man-EVER! Black men have more negative stereotypes and statistics (MANY of them true) placed on them than any other beings on this planet; however, Black women have chosen to continue to love, nurture, and support them despite those things. It seems unfortunate that Black women cannot always get the same from black men in return.

I can further say that it has become such a hurtful issue for some Black women that I notice black men are no longer held in very high regard. It is insulting, and painful to see men who look just like you, whom you have loved, supported, and for whom you have even protested, slap you in the face by either saying you’re ugly or unworthy, or even showing their feelings to the world based on their dating and marriage choices.

Interestingly enough, I have also noticed that if you poll white women who prefer and date black men, it tends to be based on the physical attributes of the black man, or other shallow reasons such as liking the contrast of the black man’s skin against their pale white skin, etc. While Black women have been there from the beginning of time when we ruled as Kings and Queens, through slavery, to the remaining racism of today, white women only have to show up and say that they love big black cocks, or the way black men dance, or that they love their dark skin, or the way they dress, and black men seem taken by the notion that a woman that society erroneously holds as the standard, is interested in them. None of these black men seem to think or tend to believe that just because a white woman has a black dick or Mandingo fetish, it DOES NOT mean that she understands his struggle (even for the black men who think love has no color or that we live in a post-racial society), or is down for his cause.

Finally, if Black women are not what black men want, then Black women should neither be what black men need. When the police are killing black men without justification or beating them down in the streets like animals (or worse), or when black men are shown how most whites (and other races) in this society view them, black men should not call or expect Black women to heed that cry; black men should call the white women that they magnify and put on pedestals and let’s see if those same white women are willing to march, protest, shed tears and blood, and literally risk their lives fighting for black men’s rights to be treated like human beings, the way Black women have done throughout history and continue to do today.

Staff Writer; Erica Van Jackson

Also feel free to view more of this talented work over at; TBFB.

Marque Anthony says:

August 23, 2016 at 12:33 am

To The Author:

Your points are all over the place and more the opinions of a woman who is offended and biased than a woman who is trying to understand and resolve the problem. Try starting with empathy as to why many African American men often feel the way they do. I am a family and relationship counselor, mediator and life coach who has counseled thousands of “black” men, women and families so I speak from vast experience, expertise, sociological, psychological and spiritual facts.

Caucasian women are not the standard nor are African American women. What about looking at what God in the Bible says a woman or a man should be? Unless you think you know it better than he does. Instead of telling black men what we should want or criticizing us for who we do choose, you might want to take an honest look at the problems caused by your gender, the bi-polar issues and the damaged spirits or insecure psyches of so many African American females. Blame resolves nothing but looking at the facts does because it wipes away denial, allowing us to get to the root of all of our problems at the core.

You cannot tell a man what he should not need based on what he does not want. Wants and needs are not the same thing and a basic review of psychology 101 shows that. You seem to slam African American men instead of empathizing and building them up. Slamming them makes you part of the very problem they complain about, not part of the solution.

African American women who are “hurt” as you say by the issues you discuss need to look in the mirror, as do we all – male or female and regardless of color. Many “black” men are tired of the mouth on many black women and the funky attitudes, the gimme, gimme and the baggage, the blaming the next guy for what they last guy did and so on. These are valid concerns. Caucasian women are by no means perfect but the way they approach things is generally different, less drama and more peaceful.

Do you know what a “diva” is? A “diva” is a rambunctious spirit that inhabits a plant. Yet too many African American women celebrate being that way. African American men are tired of that. So before you help Massa tear down brothers, look in the mirror, look at all sides of the problem and try to understand the African American male perspective. And in case you wondered, I am an African American man who is close to his mother, who has three sisters and who loves his African American wife more than I can say. But for far too many “black” women, they have deep seated issues.

A.L. says:

August 19, 2016 at 1:25 am

Lets not over think this. Black men like women who accept and like them. I’ve approached Black women to just say hi or complement them and I get the stank eye. The same often gets a smile or friendly hello from White women. Not all for sure but many. We as a people are so distrustful and angry with each other that any kind of relationship becomes difficult.

My opinion about so many sisters is confirmed by other Black men I know. These are professional, educated brothers who speak and dress well. While not all make a lot of money. They are decent and caring men. The world is hard enough to deal with. Men want a gentle voice, love and support as do women. So often sisters who have had to be strong all their lives can’t put their defenses down for a minute.

Call Becky.

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