(ThyBlackMan.com) Fatherhood carries many roles. The most important role a father plays is that of protector and provider. Society tends to focus on the financial component, whether or not a father is paying child support. But our value as fathers is far more important than money.
While not minimizing the importance of child support, we must understand that fatherhood is not just dollars and cents; it’s also what we as fully-engaged single-dads contribute to the emotional, social and relational well-being of our children.
While either brand-new to fatherhood or a recently divorced father, single-dads face daunting challenges of co-parenting their offspring, including access and visitation, communication skill-sets and how to best conduct themselves in family court. Since most see their offspring less than fifty-percent of the time versus the domicile parent, it’s important for single-dads to leverage their time with their child along three distinct roles. Although single-dads play many roles in the lives of their child(ren), the role of dad, success coach and advocate say “I am here. I care. I count.”
Dad
This is our most obvious role but it’s also the most crucial. For the 
fully-engaged single-dad – the dad who has accepted his responsibility – everything begins with this identity. Why? Because in our role as ‘dad’ we resoundingly answer ‘Yes!’ to the quintessential question which every child poses: “Do I matter?” Dad means you are the center of someone’s universe and, if you have cultivated a rich relationship with your child, that child receives his or her value from that interaction and intuitively begins to believe “I matter.”
Likewise for you: I am dad because you matter. You matter because I am dad. ‘Dad’ is love, honor and duty. Your child may not be with you full-time, but you are no part-time father. The French writer Manon Lescaut said it best: The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.
Success Coach
By profession, a coach uses different techniques to develop the skills of an individual. By definition, a dad is a ‘success’ coach – especially fully-engaged single-dads. It’s not just homework, tests, spelling bees and other academic pursuits; it’s more than giving advice on how to conduct oneself with the opposite sex and it’s not limited to teaching a boy how to tie a tie. Our biggest challenge is to coach our children to think independently, to read a map so that he can recognize the roads that lead to life and the paths that lead to death, in the words of Ian Morgan Cron.
That’s even more important for the single-dad because, in most cases, we don’t have possession of our children on a full-time basis. That means that we must exercise due diligence with the time we have. We must ‘manage the gap’ with effective communication, good listening skills and a commitment to giving the best of ourselves.
Advocate
While dad and success coach are important in and of themselves, the role of advocate is by far the most crucial role that a single-dad plays in the life of their child. An advocate is a person who stands for a cause, or group or individual. What better cause do we stand for as single-dads than for the emotional, academic and social well-being of our children?
But the role of advocate is the most neglected. Why? Because most single-dads are unaware of the enormous power and responsibility they have along these lines. We tend to think we are responsible only when our children are under our direct supervision.
Every now and then, I ask my eight-year old son, “What’s my job?” His response: “To keep me safe, successful and to push me toward my greatness.” I ask him that even on weekends I don’t see him. Why? Because I want him to understand that I never stop being dad, and his safety and security are always at the forefront.
Advocacy means many things. For some, it means making court appearances and addressing before magistrates issues we feel are important to the well-being of our children. It could mean compromising with the co-parent in the best interest of the child. It could also be as simple as adopting a text-messaging policy or making our children aware of the insidious dangers which threaten their well-being such as asking “Has anyone touched you inappropiately?” When our children see that their well-being is always on the radar, they will, in the immortal words of Markus Zusak, remember the time when my father was a hero and not a human.
Although single-dads play many roles in the lives of their child(ren), the role of dad, success coach and advocate say “I am here. I care. I count.”
Staff Writer; W. Eric Croomes
One may also visit his personal website at; http://wericcroomesblog.wordpress.com.
