“They DO Exist” Black Men and Their Children.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Debunking The Myth, Propaganda, Urban Legends & Bedtime Stories Regarding Black Men and Their Children…

Since there are so many articles, posters, T-Shirts and campaigns regarding Black Men being “Deadbeat Fathers“, I thought I would take the time to shine light on the ACTIVE fathers, the “Fighting to see their child or children fathers“, and the “I deal with a bitter ex who plants seeds in the minds of my children fathers.”

On my Facebook pages, I asked if any Brothers would be willing to be interviewed and tell me about their relationship with their children. Over two

hundred Black Men responded. This is one of the hardest articles I’ve had to write, not because I didn’t know what to say or where to start, but because when I read the responses shared with me by the Brothers that volunteered to be interviewed, I was so affected emotionally.

All of the responses had a similar story line or narrative. I gave the option of being anonymous, some wanted to, some did not. In fact one Brother told me that he NEEDS something in writing, to show his daughter when she is of appropriate age that her father did fight for her. Because of the overwhelming response, there will be two additional articles written as accompaniments to this one. I asked all that I interviewed the following questions:

1. Were you married to mother of your child or children? If so how long? If not, why?

2. Are you currently under a child support order by HER actions? If so, how long? Also were you already contributing to the welfare of your child WITHOUT the court order?

3. Are you allowed visitation? If so, how often do you get to see your child or children? If not are you fighting for visitation? If so..how long?

4. Do you have full custody of your children? If so how long?

5. Is your ex bitter towards you? Has she tried to poison your children against you? If so, may I have an example?

6. What are the struggles of a single father?

7. How does it make you feel hearing that most of Black Men are labeled as “deadbeats?”

8. What is your relationship like with your children and how have the actions of your ex affected your relationship?

9. If you are unable to see or be an active part of your child or children’s life because of a bitter or vindictive ex, how has that affected you mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

10. Have you ever just wanted to give up, feeling that this is a battle you can’t win and walk away and attempt to start a new family?

11. What would be your advice for young men today regarding the women they chose to procreate with?

12. Please feel share anything else. Also let me know if you would like to be anonymous. Thank you so much for your participation!

Normally I would go in numerical order, but I have to start with the response to the question that was the most eye opening. In response to question number nine regarding how they were affected mentally, emotionally and spiritually, out of the 200 Black Men that I interviewed over THIRTY at one point in time, struggled with the idea of suicide. Thirty! When a Black male child is born, he is already targeted, labeled and prepackaged in the eyes of many, even in the eyes that resemble his. To be a Black Man in this world, finding yourself on the battlefield with the Mother of your child, and against a system that has NEVER had the best interest of the Black Family in it’s intricate design, fighting to have interaction with an extension of yourself, has to take a HELL of a toll on a Black Man’s mental. Think about that.

These Brothers were so exasperated, and full of despair that they thought about ending their lives. That does NOT make them weak, but they did experience a moment of weakness. If more Black Women experienced the threat or fear of having their children taking away, of not being involved, of having to fight, if the “favor” was majority on the side of the male, maybe we would be more sympathetic towards the Black Men that DO desire to have a relationship with their child, instead of relying on a system that enables the destruction of family, and the victim mentality of women. These men that I interviewed, (which is such a small microcosm on a grand scale) have been so broken spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Child Support/Visitation/Rights have become the new slavery and the women are acting as the overseer.

“Nigger what you say? You talking to me? Give me my child support or go to jail. Say one more word and you won’t see your child. This system was designed to have my back and break yours. What you say nigger? Yeah that’s what I thought. Now get your ass back in line with the rest of the child support chain gang!”

It is very clear that today’s Black Man and the Black Man of former generations have been broken. I didn’t start writing this article or those that will follow as a means to divert, or ignore the fathers that aren’t in the lives of their children, but to bring about awareness to those that ARE, that are fighting and striving to see their children, to have a relationship with their children, to have a positive impact on the lives of their children despite the opposition being thrown at them from the mother or mothers of their child or children.

As a personal appeal to those that may be wallowing in their bitterness from either a failed relationship, disappointment from an unvoiced expectation or those that are dealing with hurt and pain, look at the bigger picture when you use all the above to attack the father of your child. To deliberately execute a plan of destruction on the father, only trickles back down to the child or children.

How many more men have been in such a dismal state that they have contemplated taking their life because their children were ripped from them. I know there is a lot of “Black Girl Pain”…but we have a lot of Black Boy…Black Men pain as well. In my next articles I will go into more depth and detail and provide excerpts from the men that I interviewed. My hope is that this article got your attention, and those that will follow will not only KEEP your attention but will desire us to put forth action, and hear the pleas of the fathers that normally fall on deaf ears.

So while it is promoted what Black Men “don’t “, I will promote what Black Men “do”, the unseen, unheard and the unspoken of. There ARE Black Men that care about the seeds they have produced, and their existence is in abundance, the idea is to have us think they are not, and sadly many of us still feast off of scraps that are being fed to us, without any type of questioning, but with eagerness and obedience, as we willingly digest all perpetuated and processed agendas that relate to the Black Man, Black Woman and Black Woman.

Think of me as your detox; ridding your mind of all impurities regarding the Black Man and Woman. Who’s ready to be cleansed?

Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad

To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.

John says:

June 17, 2013 at 9:56 am

Thanks Florence for sharing your opinion. However, the above article exposes problems without giving concrete solutions. We won’t go anywhere if we don’t expose role models in the fatherhood department or if we don’t provide solutions. It perpetuates the situation negatively. In addition, there are too many factors that Black men have no power to control: unemployment, etc. So, it is hard to be a father if you cannot provide for your family. As long as nobody proposes concrete solutions to shatter glass ceilings, systemic discrimination and institutional racism honestly I don’t see how things will change!

Florence Johnson says:

June 17, 2013 at 9:19 am

I understand John’s response,nevertheless I have seen so many in my life time (63 Years old), do, what Ms Muhammed has pointed out in her article. It is so sad how the innocent ones, get caught up in the dysfunctional relationships of those who sired them.

I apologize for saying it this way but what I am tired of is seeing a continuation of folk having these children and don’t have a clue as to what it takes to parent them, their just having them just to be having them I suppose, and John if this sounds like a downer, it is what it is.

To be a parent is a life time commitment. It takes constant and consistant, prayer, training, teaching, encouraging, protecting, providing, and this takes, wisdom that comes only with maturity, and a desire to want to parent, the operative word here is “parent”, that thing you do with a child. I have never in all my life seen such a selfish generation of “folk who have sired, children.” Not one decision they make is the child brought into the equation. It’s about how I feel, what I want, how angry I am, never thinking when you got with him or her, what wouild this person bring into the life of a child, it’s always me, me, me, me, me, and in the moment lust and eventually the offspring from these off relationships end up with the messed up end of the stick, as these sires of these children argue, fight, and create an atmosphere of bitterness and hatred that will effect most of these children for the rest of their lives.

Yes there are good men out there, doing what they need to do to father their children and some women too. Nevertheless there is that element that sister Muhammed spoke of and it falls into the majority, its sad to say.

Nevertheless hope springs eternal, each one of us who do have the knowledge must make every effort to pass it on, to those who will listen. Mother’s stop using your children as ponds in your selfish anger of revenge, you should have thought about what you were doing in the first place, allow your children if possible to have a relationship with their fathers. You all need to visit and you men to, Black and Married With Children web site, gain some knowledge and information, and lets heal and rebuild the black family, and create a more stronger generation to come.

John says:

June 16, 2013 at 8:45 pm

This article brings important new information about how some Black fathers feel. However, on Father’s Day I would have preferred to read an uplifting article about Black fathers who are married and take care of their children. All year long we hear about Black absent fathers and we are sick of it! There is a hidden agenda about this, I am talking about propaganda. I am going to give a concrete example. A while ago, I read an article about LL Cool J in a mainstream magazine (I forgot which one). There was a nice picture of him with his wife and children. On the cover of the magazine, this picture was not there and there was no mention of the rapper. So, it is by pure coincidence that I discover there was an article on him. Believe me that was not innocent! Historically, the mainstream has been against Black families so they won’t be eager to put on the cover of their magazine a united family from our community except if it is the Obamas.