(ThyBlackMan.com) Real talk for my brothers out there: I’d rather have a 6 or a 7 with NO baggage, than a dime looking female who comes with ready made drama. You might be wondering where all this is coming from, but I’ve been taking note of an alarming trend among men out here.
Many of you out there get too hung up on how a female looks. You’ll overlook the fact that she doesn’t have a job; or that her only real means of support is welfare. You’ll overlook the fact that she has 3 or 4 kids by 3 different men; or that she’s bi-sexual; or that the chick is ghetto as all get-out. Brethren, we have to do better!
Now I’m not suggesting that you run out and start dating women that look like Fred Flinstone. Let’s not get crazy! But I am suggesting that you start looking at the true value that a woman brings into your life. Personally, I’d rather see some of you with a female that looks like a buck-tooth walrus but who has her own business…than a dime who’s only real value to you is that she looks good on your arm. You have to get on your grown man tip and start asking yourselves:
“What real value does this woman bring into my life?”
And if your only answer is that her sex is good, or she gives good head, or she’s got a juicy booty, then you’re wasting your time with her. You’d probably do yourself a big favor by tossing her back into the dating pool and picking someone who’s less ‘cute looking’, but who has the ability to enhance your life in some way. Even pimps have a saying: “A good-looker does NOT necessarily make a good hooker“. There’s some good wisdom in that.
I know some of you will take this the wrong way, and use it as an excuse to start dating down. That’s not the idea here. The idea is to learn how to choose women the way you would pick and choose a good stock to invest in. Not all stocks perform equally. Some are more ‘sexier’ than others, like Coca Cola or AT&T stocks. But the sexier stocks are rarely ever the best performing. To be a good stock investor, you have to learn to see what’s NOT there on the surface. You have to look beyond the ticker price with eyes toward the future. How will this stock act 2 years, 5 years, 10 years from now? What’s the history of this stock? How has it performed in the past? Does it have a history of dropping way down in value; or does it manage to stay up and hold its own?
And that’s how you have to start looking at women. I know some of you are still stuck in your ‘sowing wild oats’ stage. But as you start to mature more in your game, and as a man in general, you have put down childish things and start thinking with the ‘other head’ God gave you; the one that sits on top of your shoulders. Doing so will save you many sleepless nights, and lots of headaches.
Staff Writer; Mack Major ||
Take your time young bruh’s & sista’s. If you’re looking for ‘The One”…..that’s organic. Unfortunately, we display our representatives for 3-6 months before we show the real…Patience is a …. If you take your time, that DNA will rear its head. Hate to say this but you gotta know the pedigree. Sometimes the dualities of man is embedded in the genetic code.
I thought like this was younger and I’m 25 now. Yes, we as men should look for the true value in women,however,the woman that your in relationship with will eventually want to have sex. My wife could be a great partner that I could build with financially, her personality could be the most wholesome, she could even be a great mother but if I’m not physically attracted to her, I won’t have sex with her, period.
I don’t think it’s so much that guys don’t want to be with virgins. They just don’t want to be with women they think are prudes. And virgins tend to fall in that category by default. A man wants a woman who can excite his sexual desire and nature. And we use to be excited by the prospect of ‘deflowering’ a woman of purity.
But that was many years ago, before internet porn, rap and rock videos and the popularity of strip clubs warped our way of thinking about sex. You’re dealing with a different quality and mindset of dude nowadays.
On a brighter note, a discerning man knows how to bring out the inner freak within any woman. because we know they all have one lurking around in the darkness somewhere deep inside of them. So go for the discerning man, not the ones who probably wouldn’t make losing your virginity to them worth the hassle.
@ Esther – that issue is also here at the other side of the atlantic. I live in the UK and I can tell you most guys here do not want to be bothered with virgins.
This article was very powerful
Guys who feel that way about being with a virgin are ignorant. They don’t even know that it actually reveals their own lack of any self worth. Would you rather drink from a used cup or one that’s never been used? Drive a brand new car or drive one that’s got 250,000 miles on it?
To anyone with self worth, the answer is a no-brainer.
Don’t feel bad about the loneliness. Loneliness is temporary. But getting with the wrong dude out of loneliness can have residual effects that last a life time. Don’t even worry about falling in love. Worry about creating a better YOU and you’ll attract who you’re destined to be with.
Ok thanks. I asked because having told a lot (and I mean a lot) of interested black men that little tidbit plus the fact that they won’t get any till after marriage has left me a lonely dame. For some its the waiting,for others its the lack of experience. One even stated ‘I’d rather marry a wh*re than date a virgin’, so…
Baggage includes: harboring unforgiveness in your heart for any wrongs you felt another man caused you, only to take out that unforgiveness on the next man who comes along..not being able to mentally/emotionally move on from past relationships… multiple kids by multiple baby daddies… hatred or strong disdain for your own father… an inability to ‘peep game’ when it comes to the conspiracy to destroy black men and the black community… believing that your college degree makes you smarter or superior to others… having little to no respect for black men or yourself… being sexually confused (bi-sexual).
Being a virgin has little to nothing to do with ‘baggage’. It’s actually a lost virtue in this sick and twisted world.
What do black men consider as baggage? Is virginity considered to be baggage?honest question.
Denise:
I disagree with your negative tone mainly because, I haven’t seen your take on attributes sought in a mate.
LibraryLady hit it right (MAKE A LIST OF WHAT A QUALITY MATE IS) ********
I don’t dispute any posts on this issue because it needs to be discussed more within the black community however, the dynamics seem to point more to all the violence of “black on black” crime; sad but true.
I still remain open-minded about this issue regardless if anyone agrees or disagrees with my reply.
Mack makes a very valid point and if a lot of ‘sista’s’ just look on the inside of the black man FIRST, instead of looking at his wallet, car, house, clothes, etc. etc. etc.; then, they may be shocked at how many good black men are still available for them.
ME??? I’m already spoken for.
Thanks.
James. . . . .
Now I totally agree with you. But it is on both sides. Most of the times when you see someone for who they really are, you would have seen it earlier had you slow down and not take things so fast.
Mack you always hit home runs with your articles man and i agree 100% with what you are saying. We need to choose our mates based on things that are of substance instead of superficial and shallow. There is clearly something lacking in our people as it has to do with choosing the right mate. But i will remain hopeful.
LibraryLady: Excellent advice!
Denise Keating: Why do you seem so sure of the negative? Could it even be a slight possibility that there are plenty of good brothers who fly under most sisters’ radar…but are out there nonetheless?
This is a great article! But I think it works for both sexes. We say we want a good man/woman but when asked to define what it is, we are at a loss. I recently sat down and made a list of the attributes I’d like my mate to have…advise all others to do the same.
Unfortunately the black community suffers disproportional from this shallow minded defect, both black men and women all too often don’t even think about inner qualities of a potential spouse, mate etc. The only requirements many black women have is if the guy as money period, which is the typical action of a scank gold-digger. And for men, it tends to be T&A for the most part.
They don’t care they are still going to choose wrong.