Reggie Legend; Engendering Black Love…

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(ThyBlackMan.com) ‘There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.’ – Galatians 3:28

As my wife and I bear down on the last three weeks of pregnancy for our second child, people have once again begun offering their cheapened two cents regarding how we will deal with our newest addition. There’s something about pregnancy that leads both friends and strangers alike to invade one’s privacy with their own skewed opinions and (lack of) experience with children.

Now don’t take me wrong, I welcome advice and words of wisdom from any source regarding any topic including caring for and raising a child. However, what I will not tolerate are people limiting me and my wife in how we engage our children.

My wife’s place of employment was recently visited by a congressman who addressed the company in a town hall meeting. When he saw my wife, pregnant as she wants to be, he proceeded to walk up to her and rub on her belly twice for “good luck” – dictating as much as he was asking what he was doing during/after the act. My wife’s no Buddha and I’m not the one!

The verbal equivalence for what this congressman did to my wife came at me during our firstborn son’s incubation in the form of the following statements and questions:

– “Oh, you’ve got to have a boy because I never had any girls and all my grandchildren are girls!” (I don’t even KNOW you so how does your gene pool even weigh in to my own?!!)

– “I’ll bet you want a boy don’t you? Oh, you may say you want a healthy child, but in your heart of hearts, I know you want a boy!” (Do you realize how much of a blessing it is to have a healthy child given the amount of thing that have to go right in a pregnancy?!! Back up off me!)

Well, the newest audacity that is coming out of people’s mouths is that because we are having a girl, I’m going to:

– spoil her and be wrapped around her little finger

– not discipline her the same way I discipline Josiah as a result of her gender and the aforementioned

– love her differently/more than I love my son

First and foremost, they have no idea how much I love on my son. I say love “on” because I kiss and hug on this dude daily. Yes – we exchange body blows and uppercuts but I tell him I love him for no apparent reason on the regular as well.

I would argue that men who don’t “love on” their son for fear of making him soft or showing the sensitive side of fatherhood are insecure and missing out on the type of love God meant for fathers to have for their children. Why should I show more love to my little girl just because she’s a little girl? That almost comes off a little odd when you think about it – I should love her more because she’s of the opposite sex? I don’t think so. Regarding corporal discipline, while I realize I am heavy-handed and even had to be mindful of this when I spanked my son, I will not spare the rod on my daughter! When scripture mentions that God is no respecter of persons, it is often reflecting on His justice and the repayment of wicked acts even unto those who are saved (Colossians 3:25).

~
Put Your Foot Down!

To accelerate
Disciplinary action,
Dads – put your foot down!
~

Even though there are other scriptures that actually state this verbatim (Acts 10:34, Ephesians 6:9), the scripture that launched this diatribe is one that comes to mind when I think of God being no “respecter of persons.” In my attempt to be Christ-like, I want to adopt this principle of love. Christ hung out with a bunch of men but readily told them that He loved them and showed the entire world the extent of His love for both Jews and Gentiles by dying for our sins.

Would I be more willing to die for my daughter than my son? Of course not! I would lay down my life equally for them both. So how could I show one more love than the other because of her gender? Where is the sense in that? Where is the tradition in that? The latter is rampant while the former is scarce.

If anything (and in response to these statements), I have asked the Lord for a double portion of love to be sown in me as a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22) for me to manifest in the lives of my seeds a.k.a. my children.

After all, the Bible shows us what can happen when parents develop favorites – just look at what happened to Joseph. Jacob/Israel had it partially right – he loved his son without reservation or hesitance and made it known to his entire family and community. However, the love turned into favoritism that created jealousy amongst his brothers who would come to represent the twelve tribes of Israel. In that jealousy, they threw Joseph under the bus by selling him into slavery… all this over a coat of many colors! But it wasn’t about the coat as much as it was about the unbalanced love that was not evenly distributed amongst all of Israel’s boys (Genesis 37:3-4).

Is this what my co-workers, peers and associates want in my household? To create unnecessary and hateful rivalry amongst siblings? I know they mean well, but I think not. I’d rather engender the love of God upon my boy and my baby-girl-to-be equally. After all, at the end of the day, I’m just a son of God trying to emulate what I see my Father doing as best I can.