Saturday, February 16, 2019

Al-Lateef Farmer; What Black Men Talk about When We Talk about Love: No Man’s Land…

May 4, 2011 by  
Filed under Misc., News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( There’s one sentence that men never want to hear from a woman, it’s four words that hit you square in the gut, “Let’s just be friends”. Understand that we have friends, don’t need new ones, men don’t pick up new friends along the way all willy nilly. We’ve had the same friends since messed up haircuts and Cross Colours outfits, the last thing we need is to break a new friend in on our idiosyncrasies, especially a woman. Me and my friends drink and cuss together, have dinner at the strip club and bury secrets, are you ready for that type of commitment?

Some say it’s impossible for a man and a woman to just be friends, but I disagree with that because many of my closest friends are women, but the circumstances from which those relationships stem from are far different. There’s that percentage of platonic relationships that have always been, the  guy and the girl that have been cool since 3rd grade and become like brother and sister. There’s those that meet along the way, maybe on the job or you get cool at the bar, but the vibe stays on that level. There are even the few that have situations with orgins in a friendship, then he started to dig her, thought she was cute, didn’t steal, so she must’ve been “The One“. They play with the idea and decide that they’re better off as friends.

However, when you meet at a defensive driving class and you spend the next six months having dinner, long conversations, walks and trips to the zoo, then you drop that “Let’s just be friends” shit, you’re lucky I don’t kill you. Girl, I’m not trying to be your friend, I wanna be your lover, I wanna be the only one that makes you come running. I’m not sure where in a woman’s mind that makes sense, but I’m here to let you know that if a man truly loves you with all of his heart, he can’t just be your friend, not for five or six years at least.

No man in his right mind sets out to land in the friend zone, it’s really not a place we’re comfortable being. I know we lie and say we’re cool with it, but we’re trying to show you how understanding and sensitive to your emotions and needs we can be. But it’s all bullshit; we don’t want to be friends no more than we want to get our prostates examined. Even the possibility of a few “fringe benefits” isn’t enough to keep us around that long if we’re really trying to be with you. That sort of cheapens the situation and this time around, not our idea of fun, especially when we reach the point when you begin to date and we’re not on your dance card.

What kind of new fool subjects himself to that sort of pain? I like ya and I want ya, but you want to be friends, so I’m going go with that and act like I don’t love you? Girl please! That’s not the way it works, we’re in this for all of you at that level, not the half you’re willing to give. I don’t know a man strong enough to watch the woman he loves fall in love with another man or go through the motions with other guys and act like he doesn’t give a damn.

I was out for a woman, I don’t need another friend, my friends are eating buffalo wings and having a fantasy football draft while I’ve just finished suffering through Eat Pray Love with you, so pardon my back on that friend tip.

Staff Writer; Al-Lateef Farmer

More of his work can be found over at: The World According to Teef

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