Which is exactly why what Dwyane Wade has done with his daughter Zaya deserves a longer look than most folks give it.

Back in 2020, when Zaya was twelve, she came out to her family as transgender. The retired guard has told this story more than once, and the piece that stays with me is not the announcement. It is what he walked in on. His girl was hiding. Tucked into Gabrielle Union’s arm on a chair, too scared to speak to her own daddy. He has admitted since that he went and stood at a mirror to sit with one brutal question. Why was his baby afraid of him?

Sit with that honestly for a second. Most men would have gone straight to defense, blaming the internet or the school or somebody down the street. He turned the light on himself instead. What was it about his own idea of being a man, he started asking, that made his kid flinch? Then came the harder admission, the locker room talk and careless phrases he had tossed around for years. Where I come from, that brand of honesty takes more spine than a hundred loud speeches about being hard. Plenty of Black men never find their way to it.

Here is the part I want every brother reading this to really chew on. Dwyane has never pretended he entered this journey with every answer. He has admitted that his earliest public conversations were uncomfortable because he did not yet know much of the language or have all the information. And at no point did he use that uncertainty as a reason to pull away. He kept choosing love and acceptance while he learned.

That right there is the whole ballgame.

Somewhere along the line we talked ourselves into believing a good daddy has to comprehend his kid completely before he earns the right to stand behind them. That is a lie. Nobody figures their children out all the way. My own pops got maybe half of what I loved, and he loved me through the rest regardless. Comic books baffled him. My music he flat called noise. He kept showing up anyway, and the showing up was the whole message.

This man landed on the same truth, except he did it on a national stage with a crowd waiting to drag him. When his family posted a Thanksgiving picture with Zaya in it, the comments turned vicious fast. Grown people came for a child over nail polish and a crop top. He did not tuck her out of sight. Instead he defended his family publicly, and months later, while speaking about Zaya’s coming out, called her a leader.

Understand what I am not doing here. I am not telling anybody how to feel about being transgender. Grown folks can wrestle with their own convictions, their faith, whatever they have worked out about all of it. That conversation belongs between them and God. My point is narrower, and I believe it is a lot tougher to argue with. A parent’s love was never meant to arrive with conditions stapled to it. Nor was it meant to require you to sign off on every decision before you keep the door open.

Look at what this father actually did once he quit waiting to have it all figured out. He shifted into protection. Every single time his girl steps out the front door, he has said, the fear sits there with him, and not only over the usual dangers that keep any parent up at night. What eats at him is how the world looks at her. He later explained that Florida’s political climate was one reason his family no longer lived there, saying they would not feel accepted or comfortable. In California, they sought a setting where Zaya could breathe easier. Then he and Zaya launched Translatable, an online community for LGBTQ young people and a resource hub for the parents and families scrambling to hold them up. He took his own dread and shaped it into cover for other people’s babies too.

There was a dream he also had to let die, and I respect the way he owned it. A ballplayer is what he had wanted. Somebody to follow him into the league and carry the name. When Zaya’s road bent somewhere he had not pictured, he released that vision without a drop of bitterness. His line on it cut clean. Watch what happens, he warned, when you start making plans for other folks’ lives. That journey was never his to script.

Now look at where things stand. Last year that same young woman walked across her graduation stage with the Head of School’s Award in hand, her daddy beaming beside her and celebrating the moment online the way any proud parent would. Zaya headed off to college that fall. She has called him her biggest advocate and said he inspires her more than anyone else. A bond that opened with a terrified kid folded into a chair has grown into one of the steadiest connections you will find between a parent and his child. And none of it grew from him suddenly comprehending it all. It happened because he would not let his confusion cancel his commitment.

For Black fathers raising babies here in 2026, with the culture this loud and this split down the middle, the lesson costs nothing and shifts everything. Your son might pick a life you cannot even picture. Maybe your girl hands you something you own no map for. You are not obligated to solve it. Nobody is asking you to have the speech ready or the theology sorted or your feelings lined up in a row. You are asked to stay in the room, to listen when a lecture would come easier, and to keep learning long after walking away starts to look like the simpler move.

Dwyane has not claimed to be flawless, and he is not faking it now. He got scared. Fumbled plenty. Said wrong things before he found the right ones. What he kept doing was choosing his child over his own comfort, again and again, out in the open, where it cost him plenty. That is a blueprint worth studying. Not because he had every answer, but because he loved his girl the whole time he was still hunting for them.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com

This pattern has repeated itself in community after community for generations, long before social media made these stories visible to a wider audience. A death gets labeled accidental, a shooting gets ruled justified, or a case simply goes cold without anyone facing real consequences. Families who feel the official version does not match what they know, or what evidence suggests, are left searching for another way to hold someone accountable once the traditional channels have gone quiet.

The Legal Path Families Turn to Next

When a criminal investigation closes without charges, or ends in a verdict a family believes was wrong, many people assume there is nothing left to do. That assumption overlooks an entirely separate legal process that operates under different rules and a different standard of proof. Civil court does not require the same level of certainty as a criminal trial, which means a case that fails to produce charges in one system can still move forward in another.

According to Ward and Smith, this is the route that leads many grieving families toward a wrongful death claim, a civil lawsuit built around the argument that someone’s negligence or misconduct caused a loved one’s death, regardless of whether criminal charges were ever filed. Attorneys who handle these cases often explain that a wrongful death claim exists precisely for situations where the criminal system fails to deliver accountability, giving families a separate avenue to establish responsibility and pursue some form of justice. For many, pursuing this path becomes less about money and more about forcing a public acknowledgment that never came the first time around.

Communities Organizing Around These Cases

Individual families rarely carry this fight entirely on their own. Community organizers, local pastors, and grassroots advocacy groups frequently step in once a case starts drawing attention, helping families navigate unfamiliar legal processes while keeping public pressure on institutions that would otherwise prefer the story to fade. These networks have existed in various forms for decades, built out of necessity in communities that learned early not to expect quick or fair answers from official channels.

Social media has changed how quickly these efforts can gain traction, allowing a single case to reach national attention within days when it might have stayed local a generation ago. That visibility can bring resources, legal support, and renewed scrutiny that a family could never access alone. It can also bring unwanted attention and public speculation that adds new strain to people already dealing with tremendous loss, which is part of why many families describe this period as exhausting in ways that go far beyond grief alone.

The Weight These Cases Carry Across Generations

The impact of an unresolved death rarely stays contained to one household. Children grow up watching parents and grandparents fight for answers that never fully arrive, absorbing lessons about trust, institutions, and justice long before they understand the specifics of what happened. Family gatherings often carry the quiet presence of someone whose case was never truly settled, shaping how younger relatives view the systems meant to protect them.

Older generations frequently draw connections between current cases and ones from decades earlier, recognizing familiar patterns in how investigations unfold and how quickly public attention shifts elsewhere. That historical memory shapes expectations, sometimes toward exhaustion and cynicism, but often toward a determination that someone in the family will keep pushing regardless of how long it takes. This inherited responsibility becomes part of how many families define loyalty and love within their own history.

Why Some Families Choose to Keep Fighting

Not every family pursues additional legal action after an investigation closes, and there is no single right way to respond to this kind of loss. Some feel that continuing to fight would cause more pain than closure, while others feel they owe it to their loved one to exhaust every available option no matter how long it takes or how much it costs emotionally and financially.

For those who do continue, the motivation rarely centers purely on financial compensation. Many describe wanting an official record that acknowledges what actually happened, something that can outlast news cycles and public memory. A ruling in their favor, even years later, often matters less for the money involved and more for the simple fact that someone in a position of authority finally said out loud what the family always believed to be true.

What Accountability Looks Like When the System Falls Short

Accountability rarely arrives the way families originally hoped it would. It often comes slowly, through a civil judgment instead of a criminal conviction, or through policy changes prompted by public pressure rather than a single dramatic courtroom moment. For many families, these smaller, delayed forms of accountability still matter enormously, even if they never fully replace what was lost or erase the years spent fighting for recognition.

What remains consistent across these stories is the refusal to accept silence as the final answer. Families keep showing up at hearings, keep speaking to reporters, and keep pursuing legal avenues long after most people have stopped paying attention, because for them the case never really closed. That persistence, passed down through generations in some families, continues to shape how communities respond when official systems fail to deliver the truth they were owed.

Staff Writer; Patrick Wall

That may not sound flashy to folks chasing noise, but ask any grown person still healing from an empty chair at the table. Ask somebody who remembers waiting by a window for a car that never turned in the driveway. Ask the little one who learned early not to expect too much because expecting too much hurt worse. Being there may sound plain, but plain things can be sacred. Bread is plain. Water is plain. A front porch light is plain. Yet when you need them, they feel like mercy.

A man can buy a gift and still leave a hole. He can send money and remain distant. I am not making light of providing, because any grown person knows bills do not pay themselves. Food, shoes, rent, gas, school clothes, medicine, and all those little fees coming home in folders matter. Still, a young soul needs more than the hand that pays. A family needs the face, the voice, the ride, the correction, the laugh, and the steady witness of a grown man who does not vanish when life gets heavy.

Down South, many of us came up around men who loved in a language made of work. They rose before daylight and came home smelling like sweat, dust, oil, tobacco, grass, or whatever job had claimed their bodies that day. Some did not say much. One might sit in the same chair every evening like he was trying to hold the whole house together by being still. I respect that. A working man deserves honor. Yet truth is truth. Certain homes were starving for words that never came.

A boy may have known daddy cared because the lights stayed on, but he still needed to hear, “Son, I am proud of you.” A girl may have known protection, but she still needed a patient ear when her heart was tender. Many older men were not cruel. They were limited by what had been shown to them. Hard times taught survival, and survival does not always teach tenderness. So now another generation of brothers has to decide what to keep and what to lay down.

That is where breaking old family trouble begins. Not with a big speech. Not with a church announcement. Not with acting better than the people who raised us. It starts in a quiet place, usually inside a man’s own chest, when he says, “Some of what I received helped me. Some of it hurt me. My children do not have to carry all of it.” That kind of honesty will shake a man if he lets it. It makes him look back without lying and look forward without fear.

Every family has a pattern if you study it long enough. Silence may sit beside the dinner plates. A hot temper may pass from one generation to the next like an old pocketknife. Leaving may get dressed up as freedom. Coldness may be called strength. Shame around tears, hugs, apologies, and gentle talk may hide inside common sayings. Then one day a son repeats what wounded him, and everybody acts surprised.

A present dad interrupts that story. He may not do it perfectly. Most men do not wake up one morning healed from everything that bent them. But he tries. He catches himself before the old anger takes over. He lowers his voice when pride wants to raise it. He tells the truth when an excuse would be easier. He goes back into the room and says, “I handled that wrong.” Some folks do not understand how powerful that is. An apology from a grown man can put air back into a house.

To be a father is to live under observation. Children study a man in small places. The way he talks to their mother. The tone he uses with a waitress after a long wait. How he treats the mechanic, the cashier, the older neighbor easing across the yard. Church clothes can look good on Sunday, but home tells the truth by Tuesday. A young person picks up more from daily conduct than from any speech. The house is teaching, even when nobody calls it a lesson.

That is why discipline must be handled with wisdom. I believe in correction. A child without boundaries will make life harder for themselves and everyone around them. Young folks need chores. They need manners. They need to know that every mood does not deserve an audience. Somebody must say no and mean it. But correction should not become a place where a grown man dumps his old pain on young shoulders. A child ought to be guided, not crushed. There is a difference between raising a voice and raising a soul.

Our sons need that difference. A Black boy already has enough weight waiting on him outside the door. The world may misread his size, his silence, his walk, his clothes, and even his confidence. Home should not become another place where armor is required every minute. His dad has to teach strength, yes, but also judgment. Teach him when to speak. Teach him when to leave. Teach him that jail, pride, and a funeral can all grow out of one foolish moment. Teach him that manhood is not noise. It is responsibility with a backbone.

A daughter cherished by her daddy grows up with something solid beneath her feet. Respectful attention will not feel strange because she first saw it at home. Cheap affection may still come knocking, but it has a harder time fooling a girl who has already been valued. Her father shows her that strength does not have to sound harsh, and protection should never feel like a cage. When he honors her mind and listens with patience, he helps place dignity where foolish talk cannot easily reach.

Sacrifice is part of all this. No honest man can deny it. Children cost money, sleep, time, patience, and sometimes dreams that have to be delayed. A dad may pass on something he wants because the house needs something else. He may wear the same coat another winter. Work a shift that makes his feet ache. Miss a game with friends because math homework is waiting at the table. Bite back a selfish word because peace matters more than winning. That is not weakness. That is grown man business.

But let me say something for the brothers who are tired. Do not confuse sacrifice with slowly disappearing. Plenty of men are in the house but gone inside themselves. They are so busy carrying everybody that nobody notices their spirit limping. That is dangerous. Talk to somebody with sense. Pray before bitterness gets comfortable. Get your body checked. Rest when you can. Laugh sometimes. Let your children see you care for yourself without guilt. A worn out man can love deeply and still need help.

A good dad also lifts more than his own address. When a man raises his family with care, the neighborhood benefits. Teachers feel it. Coaches feel it. Churches feel it. Other young people notice. A boy down the street may see him loading groceries, cutting grass, holding a baby, or walking his daughter to the car, and that image may stay with him longer than anyone knows. We talk a lot about community, but community is built by daily examples before it is ever built by slogans.

That is why staying matters so much. Not just showing up for the easy moments, but standing near the hard ones too. The attitude. The report card. The slammed door. The quiet ride home. The hospital room. The awkward conversation. The unpaid bill. The child who disappointed you. The child who needs you after you have already given all you thought you had. Those are the places where love becomes more than a word.

No, every good father will not be famous. Most will not be thanked enough. Some will grow old and still wonder if they did enough. But small memories remain. The necktie lesson before church. The tire changed in the driveway. Dishes washed after supper. A prayer spoken low when trouble sat heavy in the room. A firm hand helping somebody stand again after life knocked them sideways. More than anything, a child remembers the man in the audience clapping like that little moment meant the whole world.

Being present is the real flex because it leaves something money cannot purchase. It leaves a covering. It leaves a memory. It leaves a better road. It tells a child, “You are not out here by yourself.” In a world full of noise, that kind of steady love may look ordinary to some people, but do not be fooled. A man who gives his family that gift is doing holy work, and long after the applause fades, his children will still be walking under the shade of what he planted.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com.

Nana Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s mother and father, of the same spiritual faith and a similar generation as my mother and father, taught him the dignity and worth of work in its service to humanity, as my mother and father taught us, drawing from a long and honorable tradition of work. In his classic speech on this topic in Memphis, supporting the strike and demands for decent wages and working conditions of the sanitation workers, Dr. King reaffirms this position, saying to the striking workers and their supporters, that they are rightfully “demanding that this city will respect the dignity of labor”. And he noted that “So often we overlook the work and the significance of those who are not in professional jobs, of those who are not in the so-called big jobs. But…whenever you are engaged in work that serves humanity and is for the building of humanity, it has dignity, and it has worth”. Thus, in the best of our ethical sensibilities, thought and practice, all workers deserve respect, just pay, appropriate conditions of work, and the right to organize and assert their interests.

We stood and stand in active solidarity with the millions in this country and around the world who participated in marking May Day (International Workers’ Day) in demonstrations, deliberations and resolute commitment to continue the struggle against war, ICE, genocide, injustice, fascism and all forms of oppression. For at the heart of all these labor and other struggles must be, and is for us, the collective and collaborative commitment to achieving a shared and inclusive good for everyone, everywhere and the sustained well-being of the world and all in it.

What I want to do here, then, in uplifting and linking Mother’s Day and May Day is to center the legacy of labor struggles in our history, especially those led by Black women that form a core of  our larger struggle for freedom, justice and a shared and inclusive good and those that are caringly attentive to the overlooked, undervalued and vulnerable, as my mother and father taught. Let us first pay rightful homage to our ancient ancestors, the original world builders, working their will on the world to extract and share good from the earth – the early gatherers, farmers and fishermen and fisherwomen, herbalists and healthcare workers, the builders of houses and temples and all other workers who worked to bring a shared good in the world. We pay homage also to the workers who launched the first strike in recorded history at a worksite in ancient Egypt called Set Ma’at, the Place of Justice c. 1170 BCE. Indeed, artisans and ordinary workers stopped work, sat in, marched, petitioned and disrupted the regular order of things. They told the officials that they were not only striking because of the late wages and the hunger that this caused for them and their families, but also because “There is injustice in this place”. Their concern was beyond the essential need for wages and centered the issue of the dignity of the worker and the respect and just compensation due to them.

We pay rightful homage also to the women and men free of mind and heart who did not accept their status in enslavement and resisted being objects of labor, sex and entertainment by striking, breaking tools, destroying crops, escaping and returning to free others, and exercising the right and responsibility to revolt and be free. And we pay homage to the Black washerwomen or launderers who built a labor union, the Washing Society, and organized a strike in Atlanta, Georgia in 1881 to win higher and uniform wages; and to Nana Nannie Helen Burroughs, an educator and organizer, who founded the National Association of Wage Earners in 1921; and to Nana Rosina Corrothers Tucker, labor organizer, civil rights activist, and educator who worked as a union organizer for the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters and served as the first president of its International Ladies Auxiliary, 1938. Also, we pay homage to Nana Dorothy Bolden, founder of the National Domestic Workers Union of America in 1968; to Nana Clara Day who co-founded the Coalition of Labor Union Women in 1974; and to all other labor and life waymakers and bridges who carried us over and led us forward.

Finally, we pay homage to the labor leader and activist Nana Fahari Jeffers who with her husband, Ken Seaton-Msemaji, co-founded the United Domestic Workers of America in 1977. They were grounded in Kawaida philosophy and its organizing thought and practice and linked their work to the United Farm Workers movement given that both were primarily composed of women, people of color and immigrants and not rightly valued by the larger labor movement. Indeed, Nana Fahari said in being inducted into the San Diego County Women’s Hall of Fame, “It’s an honor as a woman and it’s an honor as an African-American woman. There are many women who make groundbreaking, enormous contributions to our community that we will never meet or hear of, and I want them to know that their work is valued and recognized and that it has made a difference”.

Here she reaffirms the dignity, centrality and sustaining character of Black women’s labor and our need to recognize and respect them, their work and their role in bringing good into the world. And I thought here of how my mother was both a domestic worker and a farmworker, and I remembered and rejoiced in the many other roles and responsibilities she joyfully assumed for our family and our community. And I reflected again about our moral obligation to seriously and joyfully honor and live the legacy of our foremothers and forefathers by continuing the sacred work and struggle for freedom, justice and a shared and inclusive good for all of us and for all the earth.

Written by Dr. Maulana Karenga

Official website; https://www.maulanakarenga.org/

Young brothers, let an older Black man tell you something from experience.

Do not let temporary pain convince you to walk away from permanent responsibility.

I know life can wear a man down. I know what it feels like to stare at the ceiling late at night while everybody else is asleep, trying to figure out how you are going to keep carrying everything on your shoulders. A lot of us grew up watching men suffer quietly. Nobody asked them how they were doing mentally. Nobody checked on their spirit. They just kept working, kept stressing, kept aging right in front of everybody.

That kind of pressure leaves marks on a man.

Some of you younger fathers are carrying things your friends do not even know about. Trying to provide while feeling emotionally exhausted. Trying to stay calm while your mind feels crowded. Trying to be strong while secretly feeling like you are drowning. That does not make you weak. That makes you human.

There is a difference.

I think one of the biggest lies Black men were taught is that suffering in silence somehow makes you stronger. All it really does is make you feel alone. Then once a man feels alone long enough, he starts disconnecting from the people who need him most.

I have seen it happen too many times.

A father starts pulling away little by little. He stops talking as much. Stops laughing as much. Stops being mentally present. Physically he is still around, but his mind is somewhere dark and heavy.

That is why I wanted to speak directly to the brothers carrying that kind of weight.

Your children need your presence more than your perfection.

Read that again if you need to.

A lot of young fathers think being valuable means having all the money, all the answers, all the control. But children remember something deeper than that. They remember who was there. They remember who listened. They remember who stayed around even when life got hard.

Years from now your child may not remember every gift you bought, but they will remember your voice. They will remember car rides, conversations, jokes, lessons, and those random moments that seemed small at the time.

That stuff matters.

I learned that as I got older.

When my children were younger, I thought being a good father mostly meant making sure material things were handled. Keep food in the house. Keep bills paid. Keep clothes on their backs. That is important, do not get me wrong. But now that I got some age on me, I realize emotional presence carries just as much weight.

Sometimes more.

Kids can feel when a father is emotionally checked out.

They notice when you stop engaging.

They notice when your patience disappears.

They notice when stress changes your tone.

Even when they cannot explain it with words, they feel it.

That is why you cannot keep ignoring your mental state and expect everything around you to stay healthy.

One thing I had to learn myself was how to slow down before reacting. I did not always get that right. Coming up, most of us were raised around yelling, tension, frustration, and people carrying anger they never dealt with. If you are not careful, you end up repeating those same patterns without even realizing it.

I caught myself doing that before.

Not because I wanted to hurt anybody, but because certain habits become automatic when you grow up around them long enough.

That realization humbled me.

It forced me to start paying attention to how I spoke, how I handled stress, and how I responded when life frustrated me. A child learns emotional behavior by watching adults. That means your son is learning manhood from watching you. Your daughter is learning how men handle pressure from watching you.

That responsibility is serious.

But do not let that thought scare you. Let it wake you up.

A lot of fathers are trying to build healthy homes while carrying wounds they never healed from themselves. Some brothers never had real guidance growing up. Some barely knew their own fathers. Others grew up watching addiction, violence, emotional distance, or nonstop struggle. Then society expects those same men to magically become emotionally balanced overnight once they have children.

Life does not work that way.

Healing takes time.

Growth takes honesty.

And becoming better requires effort every single day.

I know some brothers feel embarrassed because life did not turn out how they imagined. Maybe the relationship with the mother failed. Maybe finances are rough. Maybe mistakes from years ago still follow you mentally. Some fathers carry guilt so deep it changes how they see themselves.

Do not let shame turn you into a stranger around your own children.

That is a dangerous road.

Kids do not need a flawless father standing in front of them pretending to have everything figured out. They need somebody real. Somebody who keeps trying. Somebody willing to grow instead of disappear when life gets uncomfortable.

There were times I had to apologize to my children. That was not something older men talked about much when I was younger. Back then fathers were expected to always appear right even when they were wrong. But I learned something important over time.

Children respect honesty more than ego.

Saying I handled that wrong does not make you less of a man.

It makes you accountable.

And accountability is something young people desperately need to see nowadays.

Another thing I want younger fathers to understand is this. Stop trying to carry everything alone. Too many Black men isolate themselves when life gets heavy. They stop talking. Stop reaching out. Stop connecting with people who care about them.

That silence can become dangerous after a while.

You do not need a crowd around you, but every man needs somebody he can talk honestly with. Could be an older relative. Could be a close friend. Could be another father dealing with similar pressure. Just having one solid conversation can lighten your mental load more than you realize.

Sometimes another man reminding you that you are not alone can help pull you out of dark thinking.

I wish more brothers understood that earlier.

I also had to learn how important rest is. Not laziness. Real rest. Mental rest. Emotional rest. Some fathers are running on fumes every day and wondering why they feel disconnected from everything around them.

You cannot keep pouring from an empty cup forever.

Take care of your health too.

Go for walks.

Get outside sometimes.

Pray if that brings you peace.

Turn the noise down when your mind feels overloaded.

There is nothing weak about protecting your mental stability.

Matter of fact, your children benefit when you are healthy enough emotionally to truly be present around them.

And let me say this too.

Do not underestimate how much your child watches you fight through difficult seasons. One day they may look back and realize their father was carrying way more than they understood at the time. They may realize you kept showing up even while struggling internally.

That example stays with children.

Strength is not pretending nothing hurts.

Real strength is continuing to show love and effort while dealing with life honestly.

I know some days fathers feel unappreciated. Society talks about Black fathers like they barely exist unless something negative happens. Meanwhile millions of brothers are waking up every morning trying to hold their families together quietly without recognition.

I see you.

A lot of older men see you too.

Do not let negative stereotypes make you forget your value.

Your child seeing you stay involved matters more than public opinion ever will.

There is power in a father being present consistently.

Power in a father listening.

Power in a father teaching.

Power in a father simply staying.

That presence shapes lives in ways you may never fully understand while your children are young.

One conversation can stay with a child forever.

One moment of encouragement can change their confidence.

One father staying around can completely alter the direction of a family.

That is real.

So to every Black father sitting somewhere feeling mentally exhausted, emotionally drained, or questioning his worth, hear this clearly from an older brother who understands life a little more now.

Do not give up on yourself.

Do not walk away from your children emotionally.

Do not let hard seasons convince you your life has no meaning.

Keep going.

Even if all you can do some days is take things one hour at a time.

Keep showing up.

Your children do not need perfection standing in front of them.

They need love.

They need effort.

They need presence.

And whether you realize it right now or not, that matters more than you think.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com.

Unfortunately, these murders aren’t happening in a vacuum. Stories of angry, despondent men violently killing their wives, girlfriends, and children are occurring in our community at an alarming rate. And far too often, we’re left asking why.

In the mass shooting in Shreveport, the nation’s deadliest since 2024, the family of the shooter, Shamar Elkins, stated he was struggling with his mental health in the midst of a divorce before killing his family. Former Lt. Governor of Virginia Justin Fairfax was also said to have been experiencing isolation and depressive episodes before killing his wife and himself days after being requested to appear at a divorce hearing. And after murdering his wife, Nancy, Stephen Bowen told his uncle that he “couldn’t take it anymore.”

The disturbing pattern in each of these cases is a group of men not just struggling with mental health, but a general lack of value for the lives of their loved ones. Taken together, these cases reveal something larger than individual tragedy; they reveal a crisis hiding in plain sight.

Researchers have documented the rise of a male loneliness epidemic that was sweeping the country, and its effects on emotional stability, ability to connect with others, and even how men perceive reality. Researchers also found that in the absence of meaningful relationships, men who spent more time online often found themselves targeted by algorithms that promote toxic podcasters and influencers who spout negative tropes and stereotypes about women. This world, called the “red pill,” encourages men to dehumanize and assert power over women socially, at home, and in the workplace.

While there’s no direct correlation between these tragedies and toxic internet culture, the risks of isolation and the inability or refusal to engage with mental health supports are evident. But for many men of color, accessing mental healthcare isn’t easy.

There are financial barriers that keep Black men out of care. Stigmas associated with therapy, like being labeled “crazy” or “weak,” encourage men to compartmentalize and use self-soothing tactics like drinking or substances that raise the risk of violent outbursts. And with only 4 percent of mental health professionals being Black, finding professionals that men can connect with is also a challenge.

The combination of feeling like finding help is impossible, compartmentalizing that leads to isolation, and predatory algorithms that spew hatred towards women has created a perfect storm for violence and self-harm. According to the National Library of Medicine, suicide has become the third leading cause of death among Black people, and for younger men, most vulnerable to alienating internet culture, rates of mental health decline are rising.

Tackling this crisis that is tearing our families and community apart will take acknowledging the structural issues that are breaking down the mental health of Black men while holding men accountable for their actions.

Making mental health the center of these stories risks minimizing the decisions that these men made to take the lives of their loved ones. And imposing accountability without investing in preventative measures to ensure that these acts of violence don’t happen again is also short-sighted.

This means calling it what it is: a structural decline in the value of human lives. And these cases, in our community, are examples of the devaluing of Black lives.

If you or a loved one needs support with anxiety, depression, or thoughts of self-harm or harm against others, call or text 988 for help today.

Written by Marc Morial

Official website; http://twitter.com/MARCMORIAL

But it’s the other malady that in Elkins case also deserves a hard look. That’s the mental health crisis in America. Reports are that Elkins sought help. He spent ten days at a Veterans Affairs hospital for psychiatric evaluation. However, he was discharged. And this is where the horror for him and millions of Americans begins.

There are tens of millions of Americans that fall into the serious mental health challenge category. The numbers tell the tale of the magnitude of the mental health crisis in America. A 2024 poll by the National Alliance on Mental Illness found that nearly sixty million Americans reported a mental health affliction. That was one in five adult Americans.

However, that tells only a small part of the tragedy. Blacks, Native Americans, and LGBTQ persons suffered vastly disproportionate incidents of mental illness. Overall, one in five Black adults, and Native Americans reported one or more mental illness disorders in 2024. They ranged from chronic depression to Reiner’s reported affliction– schizophrenia.

That’s one part of the sordid story of the mental health peril. The other is who receives treatment and who has access to treatment. That inevitably points the finger at racial bias in relation to cost and accessibility. A Department of Health and Human Services survey in 2024 found that only one in three Blacks and Hispanics received treatment. Similar treatment disparities were found for Asian American and Pacific Islanders. Meanwhile, nearly one out of two whites received treatment.

The multiple reasons for the wide gap in treatment have been oft cited. One is the absence of access to treatment centers in minority and lower income neighborhoods. Poverty, lack of health insurance, underinsurance, or part of the economic barrier to treatment for many.

Another is the prevalent stigma of seeking treatment for a mental health issue. For many this is still viewed as a sign of weakness or personal failure. Thankfully, that fear and notion is breaking down as the crisis within minorities communities deepens. Elkins again is an example. At least he had enough presence of mind to seek help.

Still, a 2023 Rand Corporation study found a widespread pattern of deliberate closing of the mental health treatment center door to aid even when Blacks and Hispanics seek help. The impediments included shorter hours, lack of available services, untrained staff, little time, or effort spent on outreach programs and information on services, and lack of Spanish speaking aid workers.

A major university research study in 2000 on the impact of racial bias on mental health diagnosis and treatment, Racism and Mental Health: the African American Experience, noted, “The stigma of racial inferiority may also adversely affect the treatment of black patients in the mental health system. Black clinicians have long argued that popular misconceptions, inaccuracies, and stereotypes of the psychology of African Americans could lead to the misdiagnosis of Black patients.”

The study went further and observed that African Americans are more likely to be misdiagnosed. It specifically cited schizophrenia. Blacks were more likely to be diagnosed with the malady of paranoid schizophrenia. And at the same underdiagnosed with other affective disorders. The researchers chalked this up to “conscious or unconscious acceptance of negative stereotypes of Blacks.” The inaccurate diagnosis clinicians seemingly routinely made over time of many Blacks with a mental health affliction had grave consequences in terms of tailoring the correct and most effective treatment to the patient.

The KFF Policy Research Foundation further underscored the crisis in mental health treatment disparities in a comprehensive report in 2024 Racial and Ethnic Disparities in Mental Health Care: Findings from the KFF Survey of Racism, Discrimination and Health. It checked off the number of areas where the mental health care system failed Blacks, and people of color and the poor.

That includes the absence of treatment facilities in lower income, underserved neighborhoods, the types of treatment and care offered in the paltry number of centers in these neighborhoods. In almost every instance, the report noted widespread differences in how whites reported the level of and accessibility to the treatment they received versus the dismal to non-existent treatment Blacks received.

Whether Elkins would and definitely should have gotten prolonged treatment would have saved the lives of eight babies, we’ll never know. What we do know though is that Elkins is a monster, and a callous system did its part to help create that monster.

Written By Earl Ofari Hutchinson

One can find more info about Mr. Hutchinson over at the following site; TheHutchinson Report.

Also feel free to connect with him through twitter; http://twitter.com/earlhutchins

He is also an associate editor of New America Media. His forthcoming book is From King to Obama: Witness to a Turbulent History (Middle Passage Press).

Surely, then, it is about something deeper, more ancient and indispensable, something our ancient sacred texts tell us is inherent in the conception, creation and functioning of the world – the complementary and species-compelling need for male and female love, presence and cooperative practice in the world. For the Husia and Odu Ifa speak to the need we have not only for each other in spiritual, natural and social ways, but also the need of our togetherness to create and sustain the good in family, society and the world. And it is within this ancient and ongoing African understanding that we must conceive, build, sustain and make flourish our relationships and teach our children likewise by the most careful instruction and self-conscious example.

There are so many things that block the road toward realization of the togetherness in love we long and live for. There is racism that degrades and devalues, sexism that teaches submission and domination, and materialism that makes things and money the measure and meaning of everything. There is also unemployment and vulgar individualism, Eurocentric drama, drugs and unrealizable dreams, the prison system and broken promises, the media and the mean and merciless streets, and a long history of Holocaust, horror and other forms of oppression at the hands of our oppressor. So, the wonder is not that we have problems, but that so many of us have survived and solved them and went on to build rock-strong, stable and loving relations worthy of the highest praise and promise. Indeed, the point is not that we have problems – for that’s only human; the issue is how we solve them in the most gentle, loving and effective ways.

Love is the heartbeat and hope of any real, reciprocal and enduring relationship, and we must understand it not simply as an emotion, but also as a practice. For at its best, love is ultimate appreciation, attentiveness and consideration that expresses itself in the mutual investment in each other’s happiness, well-being and development. It is ultimately a reciprocal, deeply rewarding and awesome giving of ourselves and receiving the same from another as a sacred exchange.

Here it is important to make a distinction between pleasure and happiness. For pleasure is satisfaction of the senses, but happiness is satisfaction of the heart and mind. Pleasure is a time and space limited satisfaction of desires by external events and experiences, but happiness is an enduring inner satisfaction. And love, as mutual giving, engenders such an enduring inner satisfaction, enhances our sense of well-being and enriches our development as persons and human beings.

At the heart of the practice of love is active commitment to an Afrocentric value system which teaches and reinforces our essential identity as bearers of divinity and dignity, and requires us to approach and treat each other and our relationships as sacred and worthy of the highest respect, care and consideration. Since the Sixties, I’ve taught that the Nguzo Saba is that African-centered value system and that we can use it to build our relationships and community and enrich our lives.

The first principle is Umoja (Unity) which stresses the good and need of togetherness in the most principled and purposeful ways. It teaches us to remove all thoughts, emotions, speech and conduct which undermine our togetherness and pull us apart. At one with each other, we will see ourselves in each other and sense our divinity, reaffirm our dignity and develop an identity meriting a high respect and place among men and women.

Kujichagulia (Self-determination) teaches the right and responsibility to choose, to choose who we will be and it requires that each of us be allowed and encouraged to be who we are in the most positive and progressive sense without crass criticism, hindrance or negative questioning, but always within the framework of the requirements of togetherness and common ground. And it teaches us that the ground of our choosing must always be from within the context of our own culture and its highest values. Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility) teaches us active working, building and struggling together to clear space for our love to grow, to transform ourselves so that we feel and fit right and rightfully together and to take collective responsibility for the good and bad, right and wrong, the beautiful and ugly that strengthen or undermine our relationships.

Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics) teaches us the principle and practice of shared work and shared wealth, that we not make money the measure and central meaning of all things and to reject debilitating disputes and disagreements about it. And it requires us to avoid materialism and consumerism of the dominant society, value each other more and those qualities that reflect strength of character and depth of commitment.

The principle of Nia (Purpose) teaches us that we must live purposeful lives, share goals, aid each other in realizing our different yet interrelated goals and work toward things that strengthen each of us. At the heart of this practice must be the goal of building a friendship defined by our thinking good of each other, wanting and working for the good of each other, doing good to and for each other, and sharing good with each other as a fundamental principle and practice of love and life.

Kuumba (Creativity) urges us to pursue the positive, avoid the negative, to constantly reaffirm the dignity and worth of each other, and our need for each other and to avoid all conversation and acts that degrade and violate the sacredness of each person and the relationship itself. And it means that we, as the ancestors taught in the Husia, must strive always to quickly and eagerly to raise up what is in ruins, repair what is damaged, rejoin what is severed, replenish what is depleted, set right what is wrong, strengthen what is weakened, and make flourish what is insecure and undeveloped in our relationships.

Finally, Imani (Faith) urges us to trust and believe in the good, and in our capacity to create it and share it. It encourages us to produce a new paradigm and practice of Black love and live it as a conscious need and undeniable necessity of life. And this means bringing into being a new man and woman who truly live for and through each other and pass on this lesson and legacy to future generations.

Written by Dr. Maulana Karenga

Official website; https://www.maulanakarenga.org/

When one parent has to move due to changes in their circumstances, there are ramifications that need to be considered for child custody rights. This relocation impacts child custody agreements, disrupting the visitation schedule and the relationship that the child shares with the other parent.

Let’s talk about what a parent might want to take into account before relocating.

How Relocation Can Change Your Child Custody Agreement

When one parent proposes relocation, conflicts surrounding child custody and parenting time change would inevitably occur. These conflicts have a tendency to rise quickly, particularly when the other parent strongly opposes the idea of relocation. According to Orange County child custody lawyer Christopher Engels, high-conflict custody disputes over complex issues, like one parent seeking sole custody or one parent seeking a move, usually increase the fees.

If you move to a place that’s far away from everything, your child will have a lot of different and even hard-to-manage needs. Communicating the details of your big life plans with the co-parent and seeking judicial permission before the relocation may become necessary. 

The court of law typically embodies the best interest of the child and steadfastness as well as other considerable factors in its judgment. Record all discussions and agreements about the move so the parent can talk to the other parent about the new terms needed.

Understanding the Best Interests of the Child Standard

Understanding the “best interests of the child” standard will better guide the courts toward making evidence-based decisions as to which environment will promote the child’s well-being.

Several factors must be appraised by the court, some of which are the client child’s emotional, educational, and physical requirements. Parents need to be able to recognize the importance of having a stable relationship with their children to facilitate good negotiation for both.

When preparing your case, it should reflect the child’s best interests. Always consider the child’s thoughts and feelings. Listen to their desire for experienced care, and their commitment to fostering a bond with the other parent.

Key Legal Factors for Modifying Custody Due to Relocation

Relocating can alter existing custody and visitation rights, making it necessary to be familiar with the legal criteria for changing child custody when a move occurs.

When a custody change occurs due to relocation, the primary aspect the court will evaluate is the justification the moving party has for the change. Finding a new job may justify the move, but moving the child further from the other parent is suspicious and may raise concern.

Think of the potential effects of the move on the child’s existing relationship with the other parent. The court will give precedence to preserving communication and visitation rights wherever possible. The overall impact of relocation on a child will be accounted for as the judge makes custody decisions.

The child’s life in his or her environment should be the primary focus. This includes their schools and other community centers they are involved in.

Steps to Take Before Planning Your Move

Before considering a move, rake in all necessary data and an appraisal of the situation.

Review your current parenting plan thoroughly to identify any terms that the potential relocation may affect. Consider researching the area where you would move, concentrating chiefly on educational facilities, community resources, and job prospects available in the area.

Always consider the welfare of the children. Account for the child’s existing relations with others and with the other parent. You can discuss your plans with your friends and family.

Prepare to present your reasons for relocation. These justifications could influence mediation or court proceedings.

Communicating Your Relocation Plans With Your Co-Parent

How can you successfully discuss your intentions to move with your co-parent? Proceed with your informal talk without any interruptions.

If you are clear and precise about what you intend and are giving proper reasons behind your actions, many will hear and understand. A place that offers great job prospects, reputable schools, and well-built support services should be taken into account when moving.

Each person in the conversation is encouraged to talk whilst indirectly acknowledging their feelings. Both parties should listen attentively.

Your discussion should revolve around the child’s best interests.

Closing the conversation should involve documenting the discussion and recommendations in writing to give clarity for everyone involved.

Dealing With Opposition to Your Relocation Plans?

Dealing with opposition to your plans involves introspective reasoning. Offer empathy to the other parent and look at the situation differently. This approach can help reduce anxiety for the other parent.

Respect their feelings, yet make your stand about why change is needed. Explain how changes would actually benefit their child, especially in terms of obtaining much-needed stability and proper opportunities.

As an option, you can suggest a compromise involving extended stays and enhanced digital communication with the non-custodial parent. This can present a better comprehension of the role of a non-custodial parent in the child’s development. 

Document all discussions and agreements for future reference. You can present these in case of disputes. And if this fails, consider some form of mediation for a smoother discussion to resolve the issue.

Modifying Custody Agreements After Moving

Parents sharing custody with an ex have a lot to consider when moving to another state. One of those is modifying terms of their child’s custody agreement.

Among the reasons that typically trigger changes to the parenting pact are changes in living environments or too much physical distance from the co-parent.

Engage in an open discussion with the other parent and look at how the custody agreement can ensure the best interests of the child. Dispute resolutions that can be achieved through mediation or courts may well necessitate initiating the proceedings. Provide evidence to the other party about how the new arrangement will support the child’s stability.

Staff Writer; Doug P. Ford

They also knew my grandmother and great grandmother, the librarians at our neighborhood library would talk about my mother and grandmother being heavy readers and regularly volunteering. You may have had a similar neighborhood or at least had old neighbors who looked out for the local kids when they were outside playing or there were strangers around.

However, they could also be nosy as hell and could tell you other people’s business. One thing was for certain: they were one of those constants. You probably passed their house every day to and from school, work, or the corner store.

Then You Grow Up

Now you’re a whole adult, a few decades into this life thing. You encounter new faces, spend time in new neighborhoods—hell, you’re traveling, even. Changes occur. Those old heads pass away and the issue of their house—none of our business, by the way—can go either way. Some houses that were inhabited your whole childhood might end up abandoned and fall in disarray. Maybe their kids come to take over the house.

What I’ve noticed over the 30 years I’ve lived in this neighborhood is that the houses often end up abandoned or new faces move in. Those families who were a fixture of your street don’t have a presence there anymore.

It’s not unusual for the younger generations to move away from home and build their own home. That presents its own problems down the line if an heir seeks to take over the house—unless they’re able to juggle multiple houses.

Never mind that older Black folks will hold a house the family owns even if the neighborhood becomes blighted. I’ve always felt that nowadays, it’s too dangerous for seniors to live alone in high crime, high drug trafficking areas. But I get why they don’t leave: too much was invested in the house over several decades: time, money, memories—there’s familiarity. If anything doesn’t work in a house, they know the workarounds until a repair can be made—if ever.

Black Men Hold On to Your Family Home

Now, I don’t mind seeing new faces on the block but I have a good long-term memory and I remember who used to stay in what houses on my street. I’d seen them every day for decades, went to school with some of their kids—now adults with kids, and chatted with them about the same thing in discussing here.

“You know so-so passed. What a sweet woman. Her kids ain’t sh**, they let the house go,” was a common sentiment from several neighbors over the years.

Kids don’t always come back. That’s especially true if they’re in a safer neighbor or have a place close to work or school. Hey, the house could be close to a hovel, even. It would actually be regressing for them. While discussing this with man of similar age who also grew up in this neighborhood, he came to the conclusion that Black men just don’t want to take care of an old house in the old neighborhood.

I felt it was specific and definitely off base. It was just a blanket “Black men can’t be bothered.” It’s more generational—in multiple ways. Older relatives squabbling over a house, a generation didn’t take care of the house and now it’s not worth having, the neighborhood probably went to sh**, or those younger folks in the family are settled elsewhere.

My brother and I handle the family house which has been in the family for 55 years. It’s seen four generations of my family from my great grandparents who purchased it to my niece and nephews. Too much has been invested in the house by three generations of adults making sure it’s the family house, Mama’s house.

Again, I understand that different generations might not want to stay in the place they grew up. My neighborhood’s changed a lot over 30 years and it’s a very mixed bag of change, folks.

So, Black men—and we shouldn’t be the only ones tasked with it, but another Black man’s take prompted this thought—if you’re one of those who lives in the family house: hold on to it. Keep it fixed up and instill the importance of Black people owning their own houses. If you own a house that wasn’t in the family originally: make that a new family house.

That doesn’t solely mean “Go have some kids, fam”. At most it’s a house you own that the family frequents. That creates an attachment, it’s a constant. At the minimum, you own a house and annual property tax beats monthly rent any time of the decade.

Staff Writer; James Swift, Jr.

Gaming since 1989 and headbanging since 1999, James enjoys comics, RPGs, wrestling, and all things old school and retro. Check out his writing here AfroGamers and The Black Rock and Heavy Metal. You can also find him on Twitter at; metalswift and soon on Kick where he will stream mobile titles.

One can also contact this brother at; JSwift@ThyBlackMan.com.