Getting the underlying details right matters just as much as the moment itself. The FTC’s 2018 update to its Jewelry Guides eliminates the word “natural” from the definition of diamond because lab-created products that have essentially the same optical, physical, and chemical properties as mined diamonds are also diamonds. For couples in New York navigating this now-broader set of options, a short conversation beforehand tends to prevent an expensive misstep later.

Why This Conversation Matters More Than It Seems

It’s easy to treat the ring itself as a small detail compared to the proposal, the timing, and the moment everyone will remember. But that ring is also the one thing from that day still worn every single morning, years after the specifics of the proposal have faded into a well-told story. Getting it right isn’t about being unromantic; it’s about making sure the symbol actually holds up as well as the memory does.

Skipping the conversation doesn’t protect the surprise so much as it outsources the risk, leaving one partner to guess at budget, style, and values entirely alone and hoping the guess lands. When it doesn’t, the fallout rarely shows up on proposal day; it shows up months later, in a ring quietly swapped, resized, or replaced, and in a moment that should have felt effortless instead carrying a little residue of “almost right.” A short, honest conversation beforehand is what keeps that risk from ever becoming part of the story at all.

Budget Expectations Deserve an Honest Conversation

Ring budgets vary enormously, and outdated rules of thumb about salary percentages have little bearing on what actually makes sense for a specific couple’s finances. This is exactly why the conversation matters. Talking openly about what feels comfortable, rather than relying on guesswork or old conventions, prevents the awkward outcome of a ring that either strains a budget or undershoots what a partner was quietly hoping for.

Couples don’t need to spell out an exact number to make this discussion useful; even a general range discussed casually gives enough direction to avoid a serious mismatch in expectations. Having this exchange early on prevents months of second-guessing later, whether that means overspending to meet an imagined expectation or underspending out of uncertainty about what’s actually appropriate.

Discussing Ring Style Makes Choosing Easier

Guessing at someone’s ring style based on trends or a single overheard comment is a gamble that doesn’t need to be taken, since a short, direct conversation can settle far more than assumptions ever will. A few specific style questions tend to be worth raising openly rather than left to guesswork:

• Classic versus modern: does a timeless solitaire feel right, or does a more contemporary, unconventional design appeal more?
• Simple versus detailed: is a clean, minimal band preferred, or does intricate detailing and vintage-inspired design feel more personal?
• Bold versus understated: would a larger, statement-making stone feel exciting, or does a more modest, everyday-wearable size feel truer to their taste?

This is exactly the kind of conversation couples benefit from having openly rather than leaving to chance, since even a casual discussion removes most of the guesswork entirely. Couples who spend a little time window-shopping diamond engagement rings together, without pressure or a fixed agenda, tend to walk away with a far clearer sense of what appeals to each other than either partner could have guessed alone. Jewelry brands like Ritani carry enough style variety that browsing together tends to actually clarify what a couple wants, rather than leaving them with an even longer list of options to sift through.

Mined Versus Lab-Grown Deserves a Real Discussion

With lab-grown diamonds now firmly established as a legitimate, clearly disclosed category rather than a lesser substitute, the choice between mined and lab-grown has become a genuine values conversation rather than a simple budget one. Some couples prioritize traceability and getting more stone for the same investment; others feel strongly about tradition or the story of a mined diamond formed over billions of years. Neither answer is wrong, and the growing acceptance of lab-grown stones means neither choice carries the stigma it once did.

What matters is that this decision is made together, not assumed. A partner who quietly prefers a mined diamond for sentimental reasons may feel overlooked by a lab-grown choice made purely on practicality, just as someone who values transparency might feel uneasy with a mined stone chosen without any conversation.

A Conversation About Daily Life Leads to Better Choices 

A ring that looks stunning in a display case can still be impractical for someone who works with their hands often or has an active daily routine that makes a high-set stone a liability. It’s easy to overlook this detail in the excitement of choosing a design, yet it’s often the difference between a ring worn every day without a second thought and one that mostly stays in a jewelry box.

A short conversation about daily habits and profession helps here. Worth asking: how often hands are exposed to water or chemicals, whether the job involves manual work, and how a partner feels about a dramatic setting versus a lower-profile, more durable one. Talking this through upfront steers the choice toward a setting that actually gets worn comfortably, rather than one that quietly becomes a source of worry about damage.

Choosing the Right Metal Together

Metal choice affects how a ring looks and how it holds up over decades, which makes it worth discussing rather than guessing. A few points worth covering together:

• Compare the options: platinum, white gold, yellow gold, and rose gold each have a distinct look, so it’s worth seeing them side by side
• Factor in skin tone and style: warmer metals often suit some skin tones better than cooler ones, and personal style usually points in one direction
• Talk through durability: platinum resists wear well but scratches more visibly, while white gold needs more upkeep to stay bright
• Understand maintenance: white gold typically needs periodic replating, while platinum and yellow gold need less frequent attention
• Weigh cost against longevity: platinum tends to cost more than gold alloys of a similar look, so balancing appearance, durability, and budget matters

Working through these points together turns metal choice into a decision both partners feel good about, not one that either has to second-guess later.

Conclusion

The couples who end up happiest with their engagement ring aren’t the ones who left everything to chance; they’re the ones who had a few honest, low-pressure conversations about budget, style, values, and even the practical realities of daily wear before a purchase was made.

None of these conversations need to feel heavy or transactional, and most can happen naturally through casual browsing, shared observations, or a quiet check-in about what actually matters to each person. That small bit of groundwork is what turns a beautiful ring into one that genuinely feels right for decades of ordinary mornings and everyday moments, not just for the proposal photo that only gets looked at once a year.

Staff Writer; Patrick Jones

After watching the Netflix series A Different World: New Generation, I observed and listened to the reactions of the Black community regarding the changes in the physical appearances of the actors, as well as our collective perception that the series’ plot lacked depth and originality, without giving much thought to the statistical data that roughly only 20-40% of Black Americans who are children of college graduates go on to graduate themselves, while 20-30% of Black children from non-college graduate households attain a degree. If we do not acknowledge that the college graduation rates for Black children with college-educated parents are not significantly higher than those from homes where parents did not graduate, then we are missing depth and complexity. I wonder how much more depth we truly need as a community. Should we seek entertainment when we watch television? Or should we challenge ourselves to see entertainment for what it truly is, understanding that some deeper meanings can only be appreciated with a little extra perspective—like a third eye—developed through a mind trained to recognize subtle depths that might not be immediately obvious?

Things will never be the same.

We are all familiar with the statement The more things change, the more things stay the same. Yes, I will be the first to admit that our level of respect in the Black community for our elders, ancestors, Black men, and Black women has changed, and I am afraid that if we don’t make drastic changes quickly, things will never be the same. Longevity and a long life have traditionally been valued in our community, along with the natural changes that come with aging—like grey hair, hair loss, weight fluctuations, a changing physique, wrinkles, and shifts in appearance. These aspects were once embraced and even revered, reflecting the wisdom and experience that age brings. Historically, our community appreciated and celebrated Black women in roles like Big Momma or auntie.

However, today, even prominent women such as Jasmine Guy, Jill Scott, Viola Davis, Michelle Obama, and Leslie Jones, among many others, face ridicule both inside and outside the community for not fitting our narrow aesthetic standards as they age.  Seasoned Black women and men might start questioning whether aging is as remarkable as their ancestors suggested if their community no longer finds them aesthetically appealing. Historically, we treasured Big Momma and our aunties equally, regardless of their appearance, and we held the men in our community in high regard despite their decline in vitality. Some community members might argue that because we have largely failed to recognize the beauty in our Savior (Isaiah 53:2-4), we may also fail to see beauty in one another as we ought to. Moving forward, our community must acknowledge, embrace, and appreciate the ongoing physical changes everyone will eventually undergo.

Don’t say anything at all.

Even within the Black community, we live in an era where people seek visibility, voice, and viral fame for their opinions and ideas, often without regard for the facts. Has our desire for fame, recognition, and riches overtaken the lessons we were taught as children to value and esteem others? The great, soulful singer Jeffrey Osborne reminded us all, “If my brother or sister is in trouble, so I am.” How have we descended to such a low point that we now perceive our community, our brothers and sisters, as burdensome, leading us to justify exploiting them in some manner or form for personal gain?  Our personal and community desire for worldly gain has caused us to loudly criticize the image, reputation, and social influence of Black women when they don’t match our beauty standards.

Similarly, Black men who speak their mind are often labeled as sassy, and our LGBTQ+ sisters and brothers are frequently viewed as unworthy of recognition because, to many of us, we feel we must voice our opinions without all the facts. Remember childhood, when we learned an important lesson: if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s better to stay silent. Those moments shape how we connect with others even today. I’m not asking that we become mute to injustices, sin, or wrong, or that we stop speaking truth to power. For the sake of our community, I am asking that we stop speaking without facts and stop speaking in ways that strip away anyone’s humanity for riches and viral fame. Sometimes silence is the best option.

Time to Operate Differently

Are we in a different era than before? Yes, we are. A clear sign is that our love for ourselves and our community is either weak or missing. The dynamic duo of Donny Hathaway and Roberto Flack raised the question in 1972 by asking, “Where Is the Love?” Today, I ask once again: Where Is the Love? For yourself, your community, and your God—like time, many believe it has shifted or grown tired. Yes, time brings about a change, but with change comes the chance for new opportunities. Since today gives all of us a new opportunity, I challenge all my Black queens and kings to operate differently: queens, go back to being a girl’s girl who uplifts her sister and brother. Keep aiming high when others go low. Kings, I urge you to stay consistent, present, and vocal, as your family and community rely on you to embody these qualities and more.  The cost is too high for us to go back to our old ways or stay the same. Change is possible, and we all need it.

Five Affirmations

1. I choose to see value in myself and others beyond appearance, status, or popularity.
2. I will honor the wisdom of those who came before me and help build a stronger future for those who come after me.
3. I speak with truth, facts, and compassion, knowing that my words have the power to heal or harm.
4. I embrace change as an opportunity to grow while remaining rooted in my values and identity.
5. I will operate with love, respect, and purpose, even when the world encourages division and selfishness.

Three Quotes to Live By

1. “Time changes everything, but character determines what remains.”
2. “Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”
3. “A community grows stronger when its people choose dignity over popularity and love over criticism.”

Two Courses of Action

1. Practice Intentional Encouragement

Commit to uplifting at least one person each day. Encourage an elder, support a young person pursuing education, celebrate a friend’s achievement, or defend someone’s dignity when they are being unfairly criticized. Small acts of affirmation help rebuild community trust and respect.

2. Lead With Facts and Humanity

Before sharing an opinion online or in conversation, pause and ask:

• Do I have all the facts?
• Does my comment preserve this person’s humanity?
• Am I helping solve a problem or simply adding noise?

If the answer is no, choose reflection over reaction. Thoughtful silence is often more powerful than uninformed commentary.

Staff Writer; Jamie Seals

May also connect with this brother on Twitter; mychocolatemind.

Also drop an email at; JSeals@ThyBlackMan.com.

Regardless of what traditions are important to you, if you want your big day to feel like you, and to really bring in that big family love, then it’s critical that you toss out those generic wedding ideas and use this guide instead:

What to Consider When Selecting the Venue

The venue you choose will set the stage for your big day. That’s why you’ll want to choose a wedding venue rental that for one, looks beautiful throughout all seasons (and has the space to accommodate everyone you want to invite) and two, that doesn’t restrict you on which vendors you use, so that you can book specialist vendors that allow you to celebrate your heritage, your way. For the best experience, make sure that the venue you choose only hosts one wedding at a time, so you know that your big day is yours and yours alone.

Ensure You Include Those Essential Cultural Rituals for Your Big Day

Weddings, unlike other events, are the celebration of two different families coming together, sometimes from different communities or cultures. That’s why communication at the start is so important.

Write down all the traditions each of you will want at the wedding (and make sure to get some family input). This could classic things like jumping the broom, tasting the four elements, or the classic “tying the knot”, or it could be heritage specific. If you want to celebrate your Ghanian heritage, for example, you might want to add Opon-akyi bo, the knocking ceremony, as an essential pre-wedding event.

Mixed Heritage? Create a List

If you and your spouse are from different backgrounds, for example, your family has been in the United States for over a hundred years, and your spouse grew up in Zimbabwe, your traditions are going to look different. That’s why it’s important to create a list of all the traditions you want to include, Once you have those lists, you can:

1. Identify what’s the same and what’s different.
2. Create a timeline that places when all the different traditions and elements will occur.
3. Decide which traditions you want to incorporate, blend, or leave out.

Feel free to mix and match as well. You could get married and have your photos taken in the white dress and suit, for example, and then for the reception change into traditional kente attire, or even the other way around!

Don’t Forget the Small Little Traditions, Jokes, and Histories

The little details matter, which is why it’s so important to bring in those little traditions and histories from both sides of your families. Put up photos of your family’s own wedding days as part of the celebration, use that good luck charm your mom gave you, name the tables based on old family jokes or stories. There are so many unique ways you can make the wedding feel homely, and like you, so start brainstorming!

Staff Writer; Terry Barker

Which is exactly why what Dwyane Wade has done with his daughter Zaya deserves a longer look than most folks give it.

Back in 2020, when Zaya was twelve, she came out to her family as transgender. The retired guard has told this story more than once, and the piece that stays with me is not the announcement. It is what he walked in on. His girl was hiding. Tucked into Gabrielle Union’s arm on a chair, too scared to speak to her own daddy. He has admitted since that he went and stood at a mirror to sit with one brutal question. Why was his baby afraid of him?

Sit with that honestly for a second. Most men would have gone straight to defense, blaming the internet or the school or somebody down the street. He turned the light on himself instead. What was it about his own idea of being a man, he started asking, that made his kid flinch? Then came the harder admission, the locker room talk and careless phrases he had tossed around for years. Where I come from, that brand of honesty takes more spine than a hundred loud speeches about being hard. Plenty of Black men never find their way to it.

Here is the part I want every brother reading this to really chew on. Dwyane has never pretended he entered this journey with every answer. He has admitted that his earliest public conversations were uncomfortable because he did not yet know much of the language or have all the information. And at no point did he use that uncertainty as a reason to pull away. He kept choosing love and acceptance while he learned.

That right there is the whole ballgame.

Somewhere along the line we talked ourselves into believing a good daddy has to comprehend his kid completely before he earns the right to stand behind them. That is a lie. Nobody figures their children out all the way. My own pops got maybe half of what I loved, and he loved me through the rest regardless. Comic books baffled him. My music he flat called noise. He kept showing up anyway, and the showing up was the whole message.

This man landed on the same truth, except he did it on a national stage with a crowd waiting to drag him. When his family posted a Thanksgiving picture with Zaya in it, the comments turned vicious fast. Grown people came for a child over nail polish and a crop top. He did not tuck her out of sight. Instead he defended his family publicly, and months later, while speaking about Zaya’s coming out, called her a leader.

Understand what I am not doing here. I am not telling anybody how to feel about being transgender. Grown folks can wrestle with their own convictions, their faith, whatever they have worked out about all of it. That conversation belongs between them and God. My point is narrower, and I believe it is a lot tougher to argue with. A parent’s love was never meant to arrive with conditions stapled to it. Nor was it meant to require you to sign off on every decision before you keep the door open.

Look at what this father actually did once he quit waiting to have it all figured out. He shifted into protection. Every single time his girl steps out the front door, he has said, the fear sits there with him, and not only over the usual dangers that keep any parent up at night. What eats at him is how the world looks at her. He later explained that Florida’s political climate was one reason his family no longer lived there, saying they would not feel accepted or comfortable. In California, they sought a setting where Zaya could breathe easier. Then he and Zaya launched Translatable, an online community for LGBTQ young people and a resource hub for the parents and families scrambling to hold them up. He took his own dread and shaped it into cover for other people’s babies too.

There was a dream he also had to let die, and I respect the way he owned it. A ballplayer is what he had wanted. Somebody to follow him into the league and carry the name. When Zaya’s road bent somewhere he had not pictured, he released that vision without a drop of bitterness. His line on it cut clean. Watch what happens, he warned, when you start making plans for other folks’ lives. That journey was never his to script.

Now look at where things stand. Last year that same young woman walked across her graduation stage with the Head of School’s Award in hand, her daddy beaming beside her and celebrating the moment online the way any proud parent would. Zaya headed off to college that fall. She has called him her biggest advocate and said he inspires her more than anyone else. A bond that opened with a terrified kid folded into a chair has grown into one of the steadiest connections you will find between a parent and his child. And none of it grew from him suddenly comprehending it all. It happened because he would not let his confusion cancel his commitment.

For Black fathers raising babies here in 2026, with the culture this loud and this split down the middle, the lesson costs nothing and shifts everything. Your son might pick a life you cannot even picture. Maybe your girl hands you something you own no map for. You are not obligated to solve it. Nobody is asking you to have the speech ready or the theology sorted or your feelings lined up in a row. You are asked to stay in the room, to listen when a lecture would come easier, and to keep learning long after walking away starts to look like the simpler move.

Dwyane has not claimed to be flawless, and he is not faking it now. He got scared. Fumbled plenty. Said wrong things before he found the right ones. What he kept doing was choosing his child over his own comfort, again and again, out in the open, where it cost him plenty. That is a blueprint worth studying. Not because he had every answer, but because he loved his girl the whole time he was still hunting for them.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com

This pattern has repeated itself in community after community for generations, long before social media made these stories visible to a wider audience. A death gets labeled accidental, a shooting gets ruled justified, or a case simply goes cold without anyone facing real consequences. Families who feel the official version does not match what they know, or what evidence suggests, are left searching for another way to hold someone accountable once the traditional channels have gone quiet.

The Legal Path Families Turn to Next

When a criminal investigation closes without charges, or ends in a verdict a family believes was wrong, many people assume there is nothing left to do. That assumption overlooks an entirely separate legal process that operates under different rules and a different standard of proof. Civil court does not require the same level of certainty as a criminal trial, which means a case that fails to produce charges in one system can still move forward in another.

According to Ward and Smith, this is the route that leads many grieving families toward a wrongful death claim, a civil lawsuit built around the argument that someone’s negligence or misconduct caused a loved one’s death, regardless of whether criminal charges were ever filed. Attorneys who handle these cases often explain that a wrongful death claim exists precisely for situations where the criminal system fails to deliver accountability, giving families a separate avenue to establish responsibility and pursue some form of justice. For many, pursuing this path becomes less about money and more about forcing a public acknowledgment that never came the first time around.

Communities Organizing Around These Cases

Individual families rarely carry this fight entirely on their own. Community organizers, local pastors, and grassroots advocacy groups frequently step in once a case starts drawing attention, helping families navigate unfamiliar legal processes while keeping public pressure on institutions that would otherwise prefer the story to fade. These networks have existed in various forms for decades, built out of necessity in communities that learned early not to expect quick or fair answers from official channels.

Social media has changed how quickly these efforts can gain traction, allowing a single case to reach national attention within days when it might have stayed local a generation ago. That visibility can bring resources, legal support, and renewed scrutiny that a family could never access alone. It can also bring unwanted attention and public speculation that adds new strain to people already dealing with tremendous loss, which is part of why many families describe this period as exhausting in ways that go far beyond grief alone.

The Weight These Cases Carry Across Generations

The impact of an unresolved death rarely stays contained to one household. Children grow up watching parents and grandparents fight for answers that never fully arrive, absorbing lessons about trust, institutions, and justice long before they understand the specifics of what happened. Family gatherings often carry the quiet presence of someone whose case was never truly settled, shaping how younger relatives view the systems meant to protect them.

Older generations frequently draw connections between current cases and ones from decades earlier, recognizing familiar patterns in how investigations unfold and how quickly public attention shifts elsewhere. That historical memory shapes expectations, sometimes toward exhaustion and cynicism, but often toward a determination that someone in the family will keep pushing regardless of how long it takes. This inherited responsibility becomes part of how many families define loyalty and love within their own history.

Why Some Families Choose to Keep Fighting

Not every family pursues additional legal action after an investigation closes, and there is no single right way to respond to this kind of loss. Some feel that continuing to fight would cause more pain than closure, while others feel they owe it to their loved one to exhaust every available option no matter how long it takes or how much it costs emotionally and financially.

For those who do continue, the motivation rarely centers purely on financial compensation. Many describe wanting an official record that acknowledges what actually happened, something that can outlast news cycles and public memory. A ruling in their favor, even years later, often matters less for the money involved and more for the simple fact that someone in a position of authority finally said out loud what the family always believed to be true.

What Accountability Looks Like When the System Falls Short

Accountability rarely arrives the way families originally hoped it would. It often comes slowly, through a civil judgment instead of a criminal conviction, or through policy changes prompted by public pressure rather than a single dramatic courtroom moment. For many families, these smaller, delayed forms of accountability still matter enormously, even if they never fully replace what was lost or erase the years spent fighting for recognition.

What remains consistent across these stories is the refusal to accept silence as the final answer. Families keep showing up at hearings, keep speaking to reporters, and keep pursuing legal avenues long after most people have stopped paying attention, because for them the case never really closed. That persistence, passed down through generations in some families, continues to shape how communities respond when official systems fail to deliver the truth they were owed.

Staff Writer; Patrick Wall

That may not sound flashy to folks chasing noise, but ask any grown person still healing from an empty chair at the table. Ask somebody who remembers waiting by a window for a car that never turned in the driveway. Ask the little one who learned early not to expect too much because expecting too much hurt worse. Being there may sound plain, but plain things can be sacred. Bread is plain. Water is plain. A front porch light is plain. Yet when you need them, they feel like mercy.

A man can buy a gift and still leave a hole. He can send money and remain distant. I am not making light of providing, because any grown person knows bills do not pay themselves. Food, shoes, rent, gas, school clothes, medicine, and all those little fees coming home in folders matter. Still, a young soul needs more than the hand that pays. A family needs the face, the voice, the ride, the correction, the laugh, and the steady witness of a grown man who does not vanish when life gets heavy.

Down South, many of us came up around men who loved in a language made of work. They rose before daylight and came home smelling like sweat, dust, oil, tobacco, grass, or whatever job had claimed their bodies that day. Some did not say much. One might sit in the same chair every evening like he was trying to hold the whole house together by being still. I respect that. A working man deserves honor. Yet truth is truth. Certain homes were starving for words that never came.

A boy may have known daddy cared because the lights stayed on, but he still needed to hear, “Son, I am proud of you.” A girl may have known protection, but she still needed a patient ear when her heart was tender. Many older men were not cruel. They were limited by what had been shown to them. Hard times taught survival, and survival does not always teach tenderness. So now another generation of brothers has to decide what to keep and what to lay down.

That is where breaking old family trouble begins. Not with a big speech. Not with a church announcement. Not with acting better than the people who raised us. It starts in a quiet place, usually inside a man’s own chest, when he says, “Some of what I received helped me. Some of it hurt me. My children do not have to carry all of it.” That kind of honesty will shake a man if he lets it. It makes him look back without lying and look forward without fear.

Every family has a pattern if you study it long enough. Silence may sit beside the dinner plates. A hot temper may pass from one generation to the next like an old pocketknife. Leaving may get dressed up as freedom. Coldness may be called strength. Shame around tears, hugs, apologies, and gentle talk may hide inside common sayings. Then one day a son repeats what wounded him, and everybody acts surprised.

A present dad interrupts that story. He may not do it perfectly. Most men do not wake up one morning healed from everything that bent them. But he tries. He catches himself before the old anger takes over. He lowers his voice when pride wants to raise it. He tells the truth when an excuse would be easier. He goes back into the room and says, “I handled that wrong.” Some folks do not understand how powerful that is. An apology from a grown man can put air back into a house.

To be a father is to live under observation. Children study a man in small places. The way he talks to their mother. The tone he uses with a waitress after a long wait. How he treats the mechanic, the cashier, the older neighbor easing across the yard. Church clothes can look good on Sunday, but home tells the truth by Tuesday. A young person picks up more from daily conduct than from any speech. The house is teaching, even when nobody calls it a lesson.

That is why discipline must be handled with wisdom. I believe in correction. A child without boundaries will make life harder for themselves and everyone around them. Young folks need chores. They need manners. They need to know that every mood does not deserve an audience. Somebody must say no and mean it. But correction should not become a place where a grown man dumps his old pain on young shoulders. A child ought to be guided, not crushed. There is a difference between raising a voice and raising a soul.

Our sons need that difference. A Black boy already has enough weight waiting on him outside the door. The world may misread his size, his silence, his walk, his clothes, and even his confidence. Home should not become another place where armor is required every minute. His dad has to teach strength, yes, but also judgment. Teach him when to speak. Teach him when to leave. Teach him that jail, pride, and a funeral can all grow out of one foolish moment. Teach him that manhood is not noise. It is responsibility with a backbone.

A daughter cherished by her daddy grows up with something solid beneath her feet. Respectful attention will not feel strange because she first saw it at home. Cheap affection may still come knocking, but it has a harder time fooling a girl who has already been valued. Her father shows her that strength does not have to sound harsh, and protection should never feel like a cage. When he honors her mind and listens with patience, he helps place dignity where foolish talk cannot easily reach.

Sacrifice is part of all this. No honest man can deny it. Children cost money, sleep, time, patience, and sometimes dreams that have to be delayed. A dad may pass on something he wants because the house needs something else. He may wear the same coat another winter. Work a shift that makes his feet ache. Miss a game with friends because math homework is waiting at the table. Bite back a selfish word because peace matters more than winning. That is not weakness. That is grown man business.

But let me say something for the brothers who are tired. Do not confuse sacrifice with slowly disappearing. Plenty of men are in the house but gone inside themselves. They are so busy carrying everybody that nobody notices their spirit limping. That is dangerous. Talk to somebody with sense. Pray before bitterness gets comfortable. Get your body checked. Rest when you can. Laugh sometimes. Let your children see you care for yourself without guilt. A worn out man can love deeply and still need help.

A good dad also lifts more than his own address. When a man raises his family with care, the neighborhood benefits. Teachers feel it. Coaches feel it. Churches feel it. Other young people notice. A boy down the street may see him loading groceries, cutting grass, holding a baby, or walking his daughter to the car, and that image may stay with him longer than anyone knows. We talk a lot about community, but community is built by daily examples before it is ever built by slogans.

That is why staying matters so much. Not just showing up for the easy moments, but standing near the hard ones too. The attitude. The report card. The slammed door. The quiet ride home. The hospital room. The awkward conversation. The unpaid bill. The child who disappointed you. The child who needs you after you have already given all you thought you had. Those are the places where love becomes more than a word.

No, every good father will not be famous. Most will not be thanked enough. Some will grow old and still wonder if they did enough. But small memories remain. The necktie lesson before church. The tire changed in the driveway. Dishes washed after supper. A prayer spoken low when trouble sat heavy in the room. A firm hand helping somebody stand again after life knocked them sideways. More than anything, a child remembers the man in the audience clapping like that little moment meant the whole world.

Being present is the real flex because it leaves something money cannot purchase. It leaves a covering. It leaves a memory. It leaves a better road. It tells a child, “You are not out here by yourself.” In a world full of noise, that kind of steady love may look ordinary to some people, but do not be fooled. A man who gives his family that gift is doing holy work, and long after the applause fades, his children will still be walking under the shade of what he planted.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com.

Nana Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s mother and father, of the same spiritual faith and a similar generation as my mother and father, taught him the dignity and worth of work in its service to humanity, as my mother and father taught us, drawing from a long and honorable tradition of work. In his classic speech on this topic in Memphis, supporting the strike and demands for decent wages and working conditions of the sanitation workers, Dr. King reaffirms this position, saying to the striking workers and their supporters, that they are rightfully “demanding that this city will respect the dignity of labor”. And he noted that “So often we overlook the work and the significance of those who are not in professional jobs, of those who are not in the so-called big jobs. But…whenever you are engaged in work that serves humanity and is for the building of humanity, it has dignity, and it has worth”. Thus, in the best of our ethical sensibilities, thought and practice, all workers deserve respect, just pay, appropriate conditions of work, and the right to organize and assert their interests.

We stood and stand in active solidarity with the millions in this country and around the world who participated in marking May Day (International Workers’ Day) in demonstrations, deliberations and resolute commitment to continue the struggle against war, ICE, genocide, injustice, fascism and all forms of oppression. For at the heart of all these labor and other struggles must be, and is for us, the collective and collaborative commitment to achieving a shared and inclusive good for everyone, everywhere and the sustained well-being of the world and all in it.

What I want to do here, then, in uplifting and linking Mother’s Day and May Day is to center the legacy of labor struggles in our history, especially those led by Black women that form a core of  our larger struggle for freedom, justice and a shared and inclusive good and those that are caringly attentive to the overlooked, undervalued and vulnerable, as my mother and father taught. Let us first pay rightful homage to our ancient ancestors, the original world builders, working their will on the world to extract and share good from the earth – the early gatherers, farmers and fishermen and fisherwomen, herbalists and healthcare workers, the builders of houses and temples and all other workers who worked to bring a shared good in the world. We pay homage also to the workers who launched the first strike in recorded history at a worksite in ancient Egypt called Set Ma’at, the Place of Justice c. 1170 BCE. Indeed, artisans and ordinary workers stopped work, sat in, marched, petitioned and disrupted the regular order of things. They told the officials that they were not only striking because of the late wages and the hunger that this caused for them and their families, but also because “There is injustice in this place”. Their concern was beyond the essential need for wages and centered the issue of the dignity of the worker and the respect and just compensation due to them.

We pay rightful homage also to the women and men free of mind and heart who did not accept their status in enslavement and resisted being objects of labor, sex and entertainment by striking, breaking tools, destroying crops, escaping and returning to free others, and exercising the right and responsibility to revolt and be free. And we pay homage to the Black washerwomen or launderers who built a labor union, the Washing Society, and organized a strike in Atlanta, Georgia in 1881 to win higher and uniform wages; and to Nana Nannie Helen Burroughs, an educator and organizer, who founded the National Association of Wage Earners in 1921; and to Nana Rosina Corrothers Tucker, labor organizer, civil rights activist, and educator who worked as a union organizer for the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters and served as the first president of its International Ladies Auxiliary, 1938. Also, we pay homage to Nana Dorothy Bolden, founder of the National Domestic Workers Union of America in 1968; to Nana Clara Day who co-founded the Coalition of Labor Union Women in 1974; and to all other labor and life waymakers and bridges who carried us over and led us forward.

Finally, we pay homage to the labor leader and activist Nana Fahari Jeffers who with her husband, Ken Seaton-Msemaji, co-founded the United Domestic Workers of America in 1977. They were grounded in Kawaida philosophy and its organizing thought and practice and linked their work to the United Farm Workers movement given that both were primarily composed of women, people of color and immigrants and not rightly valued by the larger labor movement. Indeed, Nana Fahari said in being inducted into the San Diego County Women’s Hall of Fame, “It’s an honor as a woman and it’s an honor as an African-American woman. There are many women who make groundbreaking, enormous contributions to our community that we will never meet or hear of, and I want them to know that their work is valued and recognized and that it has made a difference”.

Here she reaffirms the dignity, centrality and sustaining character of Black women’s labor and our need to recognize and respect them, their work and their role in bringing good into the world. And I thought here of how my mother was both a domestic worker and a farmworker, and I remembered and rejoiced in the many other roles and responsibilities she joyfully assumed for our family and our community. And I reflected again about our moral obligation to seriously and joyfully honor and live the legacy of our foremothers and forefathers by continuing the sacred work and struggle for freedom, justice and a shared and inclusive good for all of us and for all the earth.

Written by Dr. Maulana Karenga

Official website; https://www.maulanakarenga.org/

Young brothers, let an older Black man tell you something from experience.

Do not let temporary pain convince you to walk away from permanent responsibility.

I know life can wear a man down. I know what it feels like to stare at the ceiling late at night while everybody else is asleep, trying to figure out how you are going to keep carrying everything on your shoulders. A lot of us grew up watching men suffer quietly. Nobody asked them how they were doing mentally. Nobody checked on their spirit. They just kept working, kept stressing, kept aging right in front of everybody.

That kind of pressure leaves marks on a man.

Some of you younger fathers are carrying things your friends do not even know about. Trying to provide while feeling emotionally exhausted. Trying to stay calm while your mind feels crowded. Trying to be strong while secretly feeling like you are drowning. That does not make you weak. That makes you human.

There is a difference.

I think one of the biggest lies Black men were taught is that suffering in silence somehow makes you stronger. All it really does is make you feel alone. Then once a man feels alone long enough, he starts disconnecting from the people who need him most.

I have seen it happen too many times.

A father starts pulling away little by little. He stops talking as much. Stops laughing as much. Stops being mentally present. Physically he is still around, but his mind is somewhere dark and heavy.

That is why I wanted to speak directly to the brothers carrying that kind of weight.

Your children need your presence more than your perfection.

Read that again if you need to.

A lot of young fathers think being valuable means having all the money, all the answers, all the control. But children remember something deeper than that. They remember who was there. They remember who listened. They remember who stayed around even when life got hard.

Years from now your child may not remember every gift you bought, but they will remember your voice. They will remember car rides, conversations, jokes, lessons, and those random moments that seemed small at the time.

That stuff matters.

I learned that as I got older.

When my children were younger, I thought being a good father mostly meant making sure material things were handled. Keep food in the house. Keep bills paid. Keep clothes on their backs. That is important, do not get me wrong. But now that I got some age on me, I realize emotional presence carries just as much weight.

Sometimes more.

Kids can feel when a father is emotionally checked out.

They notice when you stop engaging.

They notice when your patience disappears.

They notice when stress changes your tone.

Even when they cannot explain it with words, they feel it.

That is why you cannot keep ignoring your mental state and expect everything around you to stay healthy.

One thing I had to learn myself was how to slow down before reacting. I did not always get that right. Coming up, most of us were raised around yelling, tension, frustration, and people carrying anger they never dealt with. If you are not careful, you end up repeating those same patterns without even realizing it.

I caught myself doing that before.

Not because I wanted to hurt anybody, but because certain habits become automatic when you grow up around them long enough.

That realization humbled me.

It forced me to start paying attention to how I spoke, how I handled stress, and how I responded when life frustrated me. A child learns emotional behavior by watching adults. That means your son is learning manhood from watching you. Your daughter is learning how men handle pressure from watching you.

That responsibility is serious.

But do not let that thought scare you. Let it wake you up.

A lot of fathers are trying to build healthy homes while carrying wounds they never healed from themselves. Some brothers never had real guidance growing up. Some barely knew their own fathers. Others grew up watching addiction, violence, emotional distance, or nonstop struggle. Then society expects those same men to magically become emotionally balanced overnight once they have children.

Life does not work that way.

Healing takes time.

Growth takes honesty.

And becoming better requires effort every single day.

I know some brothers feel embarrassed because life did not turn out how they imagined. Maybe the relationship with the mother failed. Maybe finances are rough. Maybe mistakes from years ago still follow you mentally. Some fathers carry guilt so deep it changes how they see themselves.

Do not let shame turn you into a stranger around your own children.

That is a dangerous road.

Kids do not need a flawless father standing in front of them pretending to have everything figured out. They need somebody real. Somebody who keeps trying. Somebody willing to grow instead of disappear when life gets uncomfortable.

There were times I had to apologize to my children. That was not something older men talked about much when I was younger. Back then fathers were expected to always appear right even when they were wrong. But I learned something important over time.

Children respect honesty more than ego.

Saying I handled that wrong does not make you less of a man.

It makes you accountable.

And accountability is something young people desperately need to see nowadays.

Another thing I want younger fathers to understand is this. Stop trying to carry everything alone. Too many Black men isolate themselves when life gets heavy. They stop talking. Stop reaching out. Stop connecting with people who care about them.

That silence can become dangerous after a while.

You do not need a crowd around you, but every man needs somebody he can talk honestly with. Could be an older relative. Could be a close friend. Could be another father dealing with similar pressure. Just having one solid conversation can lighten your mental load more than you realize.

Sometimes another man reminding you that you are not alone can help pull you out of dark thinking.

I wish more brothers understood that earlier.

I also had to learn how important rest is. Not laziness. Real rest. Mental rest. Emotional rest. Some fathers are running on fumes every day and wondering why they feel disconnected from everything around them.

You cannot keep pouring from an empty cup forever.

Take care of your health too.

Go for walks.

Get outside sometimes.

Pray if that brings you peace.

Turn the noise down when your mind feels overloaded.

There is nothing weak about protecting your mental stability.

Matter of fact, your children benefit when you are healthy enough emotionally to truly be present around them.

And let me say this too.

Do not underestimate how much your child watches you fight through difficult seasons. One day they may look back and realize their father was carrying way more than they understood at the time. They may realize you kept showing up even while struggling internally.

That example stays with children.

Strength is not pretending nothing hurts.

Real strength is continuing to show love and effort while dealing with life honestly.

I know some days fathers feel unappreciated. Society talks about Black fathers like they barely exist unless something negative happens. Meanwhile millions of brothers are waking up every morning trying to hold their families together quietly without recognition.

I see you.

A lot of older men see you too.

Do not let negative stereotypes make you forget your value.

Your child seeing you stay involved matters more than public opinion ever will.

There is power in a father being present consistently.

Power in a father listening.

Power in a father teaching.

Power in a father simply staying.

That presence shapes lives in ways you may never fully understand while your children are young.

One conversation can stay with a child forever.

One moment of encouragement can change their confidence.

One father staying around can completely alter the direction of a family.

That is real.

So to every Black father sitting somewhere feeling mentally exhausted, emotionally drained, or questioning his worth, hear this clearly from an older brother who understands life a little more now.

Do not give up on yourself.

Do not walk away from your children emotionally.

Do not let hard seasons convince you your life has no meaning.

Keep going.

Even if all you can do some days is take things one hour at a time.

Keep showing up.

Your children do not need perfection standing in front of them.

They need love.

They need effort.

They need presence.

And whether you realize it right now or not, that matters more than you think.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com.

Unfortunately, these murders aren’t happening in a vacuum. Stories of angry, despondent men violently killing their wives, girlfriends, and children are occurring in our community at an alarming rate. And far too often, we’re left asking why.

In the mass shooting in Shreveport, the nation’s deadliest since 2024, the family of the shooter, Shamar Elkins, stated he was struggling with his mental health in the midst of a divorce before killing his family. Former Lt. Governor of Virginia Justin Fairfax was also said to have been experiencing isolation and depressive episodes before killing his wife and himself days after being requested to appear at a divorce hearing. And after murdering his wife, Nancy, Stephen Bowen told his uncle that he “couldn’t take it anymore.”

The disturbing pattern in each of these cases is a group of men not just struggling with mental health, but a general lack of value for the lives of their loved ones. Taken together, these cases reveal something larger than individual tragedy; they reveal a crisis hiding in plain sight.

Researchers have documented the rise of a male loneliness epidemic that was sweeping the country, and its effects on emotional stability, ability to connect with others, and even how men perceive reality. Researchers also found that in the absence of meaningful relationships, men who spent more time online often found themselves targeted by algorithms that promote toxic podcasters and influencers who spout negative tropes and stereotypes about women. This world, called the “red pill,” encourages men to dehumanize and assert power over women socially, at home, and in the workplace.

While there’s no direct correlation between these tragedies and toxic internet culture, the risks of isolation and the inability or refusal to engage with mental health supports are evident. But for many men of color, accessing mental healthcare isn’t easy.

There are financial barriers that keep Black men out of care. Stigmas associated with therapy, like being labeled “crazy” or “weak,” encourage men to compartmentalize and use self-soothing tactics like drinking or substances that raise the risk of violent outbursts. And with only 4 percent of mental health professionals being Black, finding professionals that men can connect with is also a challenge.

The combination of feeling like finding help is impossible, compartmentalizing that leads to isolation, and predatory algorithms that spew hatred towards women has created a perfect storm for violence and self-harm. According to the National Library of Medicine, suicide has become the third leading cause of death among Black people, and for younger men, most vulnerable to alienating internet culture, rates of mental health decline are rising.

Tackling this crisis that is tearing our families and community apart will take acknowledging the structural issues that are breaking down the mental health of Black men while holding men accountable for their actions.

Making mental health the center of these stories risks minimizing the decisions that these men made to take the lives of their loved ones. And imposing accountability without investing in preventative measures to ensure that these acts of violence don’t happen again is also short-sighted.

This means calling it what it is: a structural decline in the value of human lives. And these cases, in our community, are examples of the devaluing of Black lives.

If you or a loved one needs support with anxiety, depression, or thoughts of self-harm or harm against others, call or text 988 for help today.

Written by Marc Morial

Official website; http://twitter.com/MARCMORIAL

But it’s the other malady that in Elkins case also deserves a hard look. That’s the mental health crisis in America. Reports are that Elkins sought help. He spent ten days at a Veterans Affairs hospital for psychiatric evaluation. However, he was discharged. And this is where the horror for him and millions of Americans begins.

There are tens of millions of Americans that fall into the serious mental health challenge category. The numbers tell the tale of the magnitude of the mental health crisis in America. A 2024 poll by the National Alliance on Mental Illness found that nearly sixty million Americans reported a mental health affliction. That was one in five adult Americans.

However, that tells only a small part of the tragedy. Blacks, Native Americans, and LGBTQ persons suffered vastly disproportionate incidents of mental illness. Overall, one in five Black adults, and Native Americans reported one or more mental illness disorders in 2024. They ranged from chronic depression to Reiner’s reported affliction– schizophrenia.

That’s one part of the sordid story of the mental health peril. The other is who receives treatment and who has access to treatment. That inevitably points the finger at racial bias in relation to cost and accessibility. A Department of Health and Human Services survey in 2024 found that only one in three Blacks and Hispanics received treatment. Similar treatment disparities were found for Asian American and Pacific Islanders. Meanwhile, nearly one out of two whites received treatment.

The multiple reasons for the wide gap in treatment have been oft cited. One is the absence of access to treatment centers in minority and lower income neighborhoods. Poverty, lack of health insurance, underinsurance, or part of the economic barrier to treatment for many.

Another is the prevalent stigma of seeking treatment for a mental health issue. For many this is still viewed as a sign of weakness or personal failure. Thankfully, that fear and notion is breaking down as the crisis within minorities communities deepens. Elkins again is an example. At least he had enough presence of mind to seek help.

Still, a 2023 Rand Corporation study found a widespread pattern of deliberate closing of the mental health treatment center door to aid even when Blacks and Hispanics seek help. The impediments included shorter hours, lack of available services, untrained staff, little time, or effort spent on outreach programs and information on services, and lack of Spanish speaking aid workers.

A major university research study in 2000 on the impact of racial bias on mental health diagnosis and treatment, Racism and Mental Health: the African American Experience, noted, “The stigma of racial inferiority may also adversely affect the treatment of black patients in the mental health system. Black clinicians have long argued that popular misconceptions, inaccuracies, and stereotypes of the psychology of African Americans could lead to the misdiagnosis of Black patients.”

The study went further and observed that African Americans are more likely to be misdiagnosed. It specifically cited schizophrenia. Blacks were more likely to be diagnosed with the malady of paranoid schizophrenia. And at the same underdiagnosed with other affective disorders. The researchers chalked this up to “conscious or unconscious acceptance of negative stereotypes of Blacks.” The inaccurate diagnosis clinicians seemingly routinely made over time of many Blacks with a mental health affliction had grave consequences in terms of tailoring the correct and most effective treatment to the patient.

The KFF Policy Research Foundation further underscored the crisis in mental health treatment disparities in a comprehensive report in 2024 Racial and Ethnic Disparities in Mental Health Care: Findings from the KFF Survey of Racism, Discrimination and Health. It checked off the number of areas where the mental health care system failed Blacks, and people of color and the poor.

That includes the absence of treatment facilities in lower income, underserved neighborhoods, the types of treatment and care offered in the paltry number of centers in these neighborhoods. In almost every instance, the report noted widespread differences in how whites reported the level of and accessibility to the treatment they received versus the dismal to non-existent treatment Blacks received.

Whether Elkins would and definitely should have gotten prolonged treatment would have saved the lives of eight babies, we’ll never know. What we do know though is that Elkins is a monster, and a callous system did its part to help create that monster.

Written By Earl Ofari Hutchinson

One can find more info about Mr. Hutchinson over at the following site; TheHutchinson Report.

Also feel free to connect with him through twitter; http://twitter.com/earlhutchins

He is also an associate editor of New America Media. His forthcoming book is From King to Obama: Witness to a Turbulent History (Middle Passage Press).