Comments on: Is There Hope For Abusive Men? The Case of Joe Budden.

By: toomanygrandkids

toomanygrandkids — Sat, 30 Aug 2014 14:04:03 +0000

On 8-27 @ 5:44 pm, you said, “You don’t have to share stories with me.”

You also said, “You don’t have to be defensive…” Giving my opinions/solutions isn’t being defensive at all.

By: Dina Deon

Dina Deon — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 20:22:49 +0000

Never once said you didn’t have the right to share, there are hundreds, if not thousands of websites and forums where victims share their “personal” stories as well as books & magazines devoted to the same. Since the purpose of my article was from a proactive stance, I kindly ‘asked’ you to share a few solutions to ending the cycle of abuse. No need to be defensive, carry on with sharing your articles and thank you 🙂

By: toomanygrandkids

toomanygrandkids — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 19:45:54 +0000

Just thought of another one:

12.) Put your insecurities in check.

By: toomanygrandkids

toomanygrandkids — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 19:31:33 +0000

1.) Abusers must cease from using excuses like what happened, what they witnessed as a child or teenager for abusive behavior/actions.

2.) Stop drugging and drinking in excess.

3.) Stop listening to so-called “men” who tell you that its alright to hit a woman. Or stop teaching young males that is alright to hit women. Stop hitting women in front of children.

4.) Go to counseling. It shouldn’t be considered “taboo” to seek professional help.

5. Admit you have a problem. Admit to yourself that abusing others is wrong. ACTUALLY, THIS SHOULD BE NUMBER ONE!

6.) Control your temper. Don’t allow something mediocre send you into a rage.

7.) Stop allowing your imagination get the best of you.

8.) Stop being jealous as if its hobby.

9.) Cease from disrespecting women and others.

10.) REALLY, REALLY THINK AND KNOW that you’re bringing misery and sufferage upon the one(s) being abused.

Grow out of being abusive.

This is all I can think of for now. BTW, I have the right to share as many stories as I please. Since so many cases are hidden and go unreported, maybe, just maybe, sharing other abusive situations and solutions may help someone.

By: Dina Deon

Dina Deon — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 22:02:01 +0000

Just got off the phone doing a 18 minute survey for Georgia’s upcoming election, the topics: senior care and domestic abuse. Look at my state getting in front of this thing…. YES Georgia!!! Proactive. I just had to share 🙂

By: Dina Deon

Dina Deon — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 21:44:20 +0000

You don’t have to share stories with me, I’ve been dealing with victims & abusers from childhood and still til this day. I’m the embodiment of countless stories beloved. Domestic violence isn’t something most of us have to “read” about, we see it in our day to day reality with family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. I see that you are extremely passionate about the topic, you’ve given many examples of the effects of abuse… beautiful! The purpose of my article was to present solutions for those who desire to see change, those who are ready to roll their sleeves up and put some work in. We don’t have men, women nor youth to spare. My question to you is what solutions do you have to put forth in the fight to end domestic abuse? Share with us a few warning signs that women should look out for. This article is about being proactive, getting in front of this thing. Not remaining reactive and being beaten to the point that you’re ready to take life. Share with us some ways to heal victims and abusers….

By: toomanygrandkids

toomanygrandkids — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 15:33:27 +0000

her. So she moved out of their home and into her parents’ home. Her husband went to her parents’ home causing trouble and disturbances. It didn’t sit well with him that she wasn’t gonna accept his abuse towards her. He also didn’t like that she had parents who not only didn’t appreciate their daughter being abused but they would protect their daughter. Then one day, this abusive scumbag goes over to the parents’ home, shoots his father-in-law right in front of her and her other, then turns the gun on himself. Why would she go to his funeral service and cry over his casket? And don’t give me that “because he was her husband” bullshtit. Life with an abuser is not what a marriage is suppose to be.

Any woman who cries over the casket of her abuser isn’t wrapped too tight. That means she accepted his abuse. Some women actually believe that when a “man” hits them, it means that he loves you. So she allows the abuse to continue. When he dies from whatever she cries over the casket because she’s gonna miss they way he loved to hit her.

By: toomanygrandkids

toomanygrandkids — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 14:20:30 +0000

I didn’t say that admitting to being an abuser was a cure. Because it’s not. If I did say that then worded it wrong. Admitting you have issues is just the first step. All steps to “recovery” depend on the abuser. Is he going to counseling? Or, is the counselor in the form of drugs and alcohol? Is the counselor some dudes who are abusers also? Does the abuser use his issues as an excuse to be abusive?

It’s the abusers problem/issues that end with a bullet. The person being abused will live to suffer the emotional (and sometimes physical) scars left by the abuser. Everyone being abused or who’s been abused has a right to protect themselves by any means necessary. It really doesn’t have to end with a bullet, but abusers don’t recognize any limits or boundaries to abusive behavior, especially if they see nothing wrong with it.

What choice did the woman I descibed in my previou post have but to go to the extreme in order to protect herself. If he hadn’t broke into her home in the first place, she would’ve shot him. But he crossed those boundaries/limits. Hell, breaking into a home thats not yours and you violated a protective order are crimes. Everyone knows that except abusers.

Murder on the table as a solution? Having (or being forced) to kill someone in self-defense IS NOT murder. Victims of abuse want peace and to get away from the abusers. But when abusers can’t accept that their abusive behavior won’t be tolerated, they become even more dangerous. If anything, they are the ones with murder on the brain. WHEN ABUSERS KILL THEIR VICTIM(S), NOW THAT’S MURDER.

Crying over a casket? I know plenty of REAL victims of abuse who didn’t even go to the service. Why should they pay respects to someone who disrespected and abused them? I remember the son of a preacher who killed his father-in-law then himself. He’s wife didn’t attend her estranged husband’s services. Before the shooting incident, she’d left him because he was abusing

By: Dina Deon

Dina Deon — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 04:45:17 +0000

Thanks for sharing that article. Most of us have abusive tendencies, physical abuse is most difficult to stomach because you we see the effects (black eyes, broken bones, etc) immediately. Emotional abuse, such as calling a person a “low life scumbag” doesn’t leave physical scaring so it’s easier for us to justify those actions. As you said it’s “natural” for some men to respond with nphysical aggression when hurt or angry. Those natural responses must be replaced with less harmful one’s, that’s a process itself. Admitting you have an issue isn’t a cure! Just as an alcoholic, drug addict, thief & the likes undergoes therapy and counseling, similar treatment is necessary for those who abuse others. I’m saddened you feel the problem ends “when abused women shoot a bullet in his ass”. Taking another’s life shouldn’t be seen as the best solution to a problem. That’s reactive! We must learn to be proactive. The situation should never escalate to that level! We often put murder on the table as a solution, then we end up crying over caskets because someone used our “solution” to deal with our loved one. Change, healing & repairing comes when we get in front of the solution rather than constantly responding from behind. We don’t need more murders or abusers in our community, we need more healers to step up and do their work. 1st step: Listen to your excuses

By: toomanygrandkids

toomanygrandkids — Tue, 26 Aug 2014 14:01:18 +0000

The only “hope” male (and female) abusers have lies within them. They must acknowledge the mistreatent they bring upon others. It must dawn on them they are the ones with the problem. Abusers also must realize that abusing people is wrong and nothing but bad comes out of it.