SIDE NOT: This maybe a bit off the subject, but its just an observation I made years ago concerning slavery.

How can black ppl blame slavery(or the effects) on white ppl who were born after slavery was abolished?

He has since passed away. When they say that ppl take secrets to their grave, I understand what they mean. Then again, I should’ve said something, but I didn’t know how or what. But the fact that he lived right around the corner from me sorta bothers me. Not in a painful way, but I wonder sometimes if he was just as confused as I was.

When my mom got married, she was pregnant with me. I was born the following year, then my brother a couple years later. What my mom forgot to tell hrer husband was that I wasn’t his child. It was his family that informed him. Turns out she had slept with his cousin. So we all move into his mom’s house. Why we moved in with them I’ll never know. His mom, brother, and sister also lived there. Now, they’re father abandoned them and went off with another woman. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I recognized them as having issues b/c of their father leaving them when they were teenagers. Anyway, my mom and her husband had two more daughters. I don’t recall if we still lived w/ his mom or elsewhere, but I do remember living at his mom’s house a lot b/c I went to school in that town. Then a few things happened and not necessarily in this order: my mom and her husband took to running the streets and partying, one day my mom said she was going to the store and never returned, her husband and his family was forced to raise us, and her husband began bringing his lady frieds over to the house. I knew from an early age that they disliked me. I was treated completely different from my brother and sisters, and I found out why.

I was standing outside of an opened window and overheard them talking about me. Saying, ” She ain’t his daughter no way,” among other things. Even though he lived there, he left his mom and sister to care for us. There was no warmth in that house or in their voices. Just a lot of tension, I mean, a very tense and uncomfortable vibe. Especially towards me. Believe when I tell you that I couldn’t wait to grow up and get out of that house. Out of nowhere my mom returns and and we go to live w/ her. Which really wasn’t any better. She still wanted to party and then developed a bad gambling

Thanks for sharing your story. I will try to find the book even if I don’t know the name of the author. Maybe, it will help me to heal. You used the past tense. Is she still your wife? Did her difficult past created problems in your own marriage?

I thank you for your comments, it really moved me. You are very perceptive Kency. My family is from the West Indies (How did you guess? Because in other Black culture men can also be not available on an emotional level). I am trying to heal but it is very difficult and the fact that I grew up in North America where the Western parents show more affection toward their children, it made it even more hard for me to accept my situation. I have the tendency to be attracted to men who are not emotionally available because this is how my father was with me. (I met the worst one last year before the Holidays. He told me that when his ex-girlfriend was pregnant he left her even if he was living with her and that they were together for three years! He didn’t care to find out if she went through the pregnancy or if she had an abortion. He could care less about the fact that he may be a father. In addition, he is old enough to provide for a family, he has a BA, etc. So, it is really about selfishness. By the way this guy was from Africa). I know that I have to find a way to forgive my father to be able to go on with my life but it is not easy. Many times when he was alive, I thought to go in therapy with him. I never dared to suggest that because he didn’t see any problem in our relationship and he would have never accepted it. As you know, in Black culture if you take your problems outside the family it is considered as betrayal!

I hope to hear from you again. Good luck!