Comments on: When Black Men are Jealous of Their Black Women.

By: Flava

Flava — Thu, 05 Jun 2014 01:42:07 +0000

It’s a bit of hypocritical for AA’s to complain about stereotypes when sites such as this stereotype. One thing I’ve noticed is African Americans are the main one’s who create these sorta topics. Why do AA’s as a group thrive on negativity and Victimization? It’s always depressing reading so called urban sites because they are all woe is me.

No offense.

By: Marcus Vessey

Marcus Vessey — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 17:23:21 +0000

Jazzy I am late to this article but I think you raise a very significant point. I have run programs for many women on government assistance helping them grow and providing them college education and employability skills.

It is amazing how many times the largest impediment to their growth was the men in their life. I remember one young lady distinctly telling me how her and her man got into a huge argument because, “She thought she was all that now that she was getting college education”.

There are two types of jealousy. The jealousy of security, when you have a male or female who you love and who loves you and there is a threat to that. And the jealousy of insecurity, where one perceives that the other person is changing in a way that would make them ultimately want to leave the other.

The latter is the kind I see most when women try to better themselves and their families.

There is a huge deficit of positive self-esteem and self-regard among Black men in America.

By: Northern_Magnolia

Northern_Magnolia — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 03:51:47 +0000

@Neva — Be careful and speak softly, young lady. You are only 18; the world has much to teach you, and there will be some very hard lessons for you if you think the solution to avoiding the hurt of Black men is to go for a white man.

As a general rule, men need respect like they need air, and when a man feels his woman’s job is getting more respect, time, and attention than he is, color will not matter. One simple example will suffice: Most men are not going to be happy and supportive for long when a woman is giving so much to their ambitions that she does not have time to keep the home in good order and keep his needs met in the bed. Recall that the divorce rate is 50 percent; white people are not getting along so well in this world of dual incomes and careers!

Now, in defense of Black men specifically: the ones I have known do want their counterparts to be happy, but remember: the entire society is designed to rob the Black man of power and respect, which he needs to be happy. To get that, he has to fight twice as hard outside the home. His need to be supported inside the home is therefore much greater, because he will not get the support and affirmation in the workaday world that a white man will get. Therefore it is much more painful for a Black man to watch his wife move into her own things and begin to overlook his needs — recall that the context of the article has to do with a woman who is advancing, but without any mention that her man is included in any significant way, or any mention of how her new success contributes to his success.

On a personal note, I have known many, many, many Black men sacrificing heavily for the happiness and well-being of Black women that they love. I know three that have put their lives partially on hold to care for their ailing wives; I know one who did the same for his sister, and another for his mother. I know numerous others who are sacrificing every day to keep their families intact.

Teenagers, young lady, should not attempt to judge MEN; your experience has largely been with Black boys. Find some older Black women who have known and loved Black men SUCCESSFULLY. What you find out from a successfully married older Black woman about how to love a man will serve you well no matter who you marry; do not take your 18 years of knowledge as enough of a base to make a decision on a whole race of men — the race that will include the heritage of your eventual son, whether he is “biracial” or not. It will not serve him well to know of his mother’s rejection of the man he will become — think about it, and think again about Black men!

By: neva

neva — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 22:52:08 +0000

This is why black women are marrying white men more and more. I’m 18 year oblack female. I’m very feminine. White women are lawyers and doctors and are encouraged to be, and still get married . I’ve noticed with black men it’s not about working or a career. A black woman could find JOY in writing literature and y’all would still complain, it’s almost like your like children! Admit it , you can’t stand seeing a black woman happy. So your saying I shouldn’t become a doctor because I’ll be neglecting my family? That’s a bunch of BS!! This is why I’m certain my husband will be white they love their women to be successful. Men who are busy in their careers are not at home with their family taking care of. Their children it’s just as bad.

By: Jazzie Dixson

Jazzie Dixson — Fri, 31 May 2013 04:54:11 +0000

@Chris a great testament to the primary point of the article, which is WE — he and I, you and her — are in this thing together. You helped to elevate your queen so she could be whole with you. Because of you, she is able to be a healthy partner. Unfortunately, there are times when it is not done. The man or the woman can be guilty. The promotion of neither should mean the demise of the other.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:49:36 +0000

As I was growing up I had to deal with being jealous of girls because of relationships. I found how to deal with them. When I married my wife had a bad case of low self esteem. She came from Alabama and was a seamtress in a sweat shop in Los Angeles. I told her to find another career. She chose key punch operator. I sent her to school and it tore the self esteem totally under. She felt great about herself and it made our marriage great. As long as both have communication and true love for each other, there is no reason to be jealous on either part. We found that she was the chosen token (because she was black) on her job. Yes she made more than me, but we kept this relative to the games jobs, and (whites) play in this game. We know why they do this. It’s to strip the black family’s down to null and void. When there’s a strong black family, there’s a strong village. Through this I mentored four young men that didn’t have a father in the home because those single women said I see what you and your wife have, please put that in my son so he will be like your strong family. This wasn’t because of me alone. It had to come from my wife also. It was equal and mutual. She gave 100% and so did I. It’s a partnership thing. Jealousy should always be a non partisipent. Remember what the oldest book in the world says “jealousy is cruel as the grave.”

By: Chris Johnson

Chris Johnson — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 17:54:03 +0000

Well if God is first in all things and the wife is submissive these problems no longer exist at all. The bible says it all its all in there and awaiting your willingness to be able to learn it. People if we look at the red blood oceans and rivers and lakes and the euphretes drying up for the kings of the east. Wow there’s so many things clearing up now the weather earthquakes hurricanes volcanoes etc. do we think these things are global warning really lol?
The global warming thing is a hoax no man can change what God made into something he doesn’t want it to be.
Be awake and on your toes white Christians are getting ready and have been many years they are paying attention to the things coming as with some black men. These things coming to pass are the end of this earth and the relationships we should be talking about Are the relationships we all have with God. That’s the first relationship we must have before we can have any other or none of them will work period. Without gaining your souls afterlife what’s this short life here that has become so much shorter in the past year. Yeshuas coming very soon look for two witnesses to be making their arrival known in the coming days they will make life so tough people will hate them unless they know. Those two will usher in the return of the king of this earth. Black white and blue green wont matter anymore at all. There will be blood and death and skin colors will wither away like leaves from the trees.

By: Ramses

Ramses — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 05:32:39 +0000

Sarcasm noted take care

By: Jazzie Dixson

Jazzie Dixson — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 05:11:53 +0000

@Ramses wow. I find it hard to believe that there is an ‘ex’ out there who didn’t want the gravy train you so obviously must have offered. To your question: Why aren’t black women as ambitious about being homemakers? Because there are so few men willing to make it a viable option without having to survive on ramen noodles. We’ll just agree to disagree, and I will celebrate with you the very happy and extremely fulfilled lady in your life.

By: Ramses

Ramses — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 18:59:43 +0000

I always ask women @Jazzie what role is more important for a Woman that mother and wife? This is fundamental to the traditional family. This is important in terms of the marriage structure because a woman;s role as mother and wife is essential to the health of the family. Now don’t get me wrong, until a Woman is married, she has to provide for herself, being most women don’t come from a family with money. However, a man’s success is a woman’s success as well. He comes first in terms of his proper role being the head. If your Man is not secure, as a Woman, you won’t be. Whether the “New Age” recognizes it, when she becomes a wife or mother, self-sacrifice is part of the game. If a Woman is not prepared to sacrifice herself for her Man and his goals, then she is not prepared to be married. Woman has to conform to Man,, Man does not have to do that. Now his overall success ultimately is shared with his woman (reciprocity) which achieves the balance in which a Woman has invested her time (sometimes money) in the plan Men try to achieve. Now for a lot of educated women, self-sacrifice is a toxic concept to their notions of Independence (feminism). Ultimately “their success” becomes “their” only if a Woman thinks with the mentality that her main goal is to support her Man’s direction. Men lead. This will never change. For women who have a hard time with this concept, their success in longterm relationships will be non-existent. To be honest goals for women is a new phenomenon. Women always supported Men in their ambitions. Now this “New Age Woman” wants Men to conform to her ambitions. Sorry. It’s not happening. Why you think alot of times when black men get money, they choose other women to share it with? Mot of the time you think it’s because he values “Becky” over the “Black Queen.” However, upon closer review, the truth gets revealed. What Man wants to share his hard earned labor with a Woman who was unwilling to sacrifice with him when he was going through the struggle. See the difference between black men and women is mentality. Black women have been taught a stupid notion “I can do bad all by myself.” Whereas black men are much more willing to struggle with sisters and go through the hard times to achieve success on the back end. So black women choose these ambitions based on these notions when in reality, if she stopped being so ambitious, and became much more supportive (traditional role) she actually could gain more in terms of a wholesome life. Just because you can buy more heels doesn’t mean you have a happier existence. It just means you have more baggage. I remember when I told my ex if she would support me, I wanted her to be a stay at home wife. She was shocked. She said no man had ever told that before. Yet she still didn’t follow suit because since she grew up in a house without her father, she saw her mother working all types of jobs until she met a Man who allowed her to go back to the home as a traditional wife. My ex grew up with the mentality a woman always has to work when the reality is her step-dad gave her mother the opportunity to not work. But she was supportive of his ambitions and more than willing to let him assume the Power position in the relationship a Man naturally is supposed to occupy. Why aren’t black women as ambitious about being homemakers? Why is their ambitions surrounded around being breadwinners instead of wives and mothers? How often do you hear black women say they want to be homemakers? You don’t because many black women are trying to occupy roles traditionally held by Men (provider). I don’t know if you’ve taken the time to see, but the notion of traditional Manhood is has been under attack for a long time. Remember, feminism took place on plantations long before it became a theory in educational institutions. Black men and their traditional role has been under attack for a long time, yet there are some of us who will never give in to this “New Age” thinking. If a woman wants ambitions cool. You just won’t able to balance this ambition with having a mate because there will come a point in which you will bee forced to choose. What if you have a husband and your job wants you to fly away on business and your anniversary comes up? Do you think your Man wants to keep hearing that your job requires you to be away from him, neglecting him? Men will not take second place to your boss or your ambition. Men can deal with a lot of things but a broken heart is not one of them. When you make your men feel neglected you have really failed as a Woman because the last thing a Woman should make her Man or children feel is neglected. Check this article out very insightful.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/