“Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother , and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” — Ephesians 5:31

God repeated Himself in such a way that does not seem to allow for the woman forsaking her whole world; the only person commanded to leave stuff to make things work is the man! It actually does go to your general point, of course, that a man needs to grow up and away from whatever he needs to in order to become whoever God created him to be and do whatever God created him to do … but let’s slow the roll on the woman needing to forsake everything she knows in order to be “worthy.” Even the Lord Jesus Christ did not ask for that without making a TREMENDOUS sacrifice for His Bride, the Church, first… he left His Father and His throne and many of the prerogatives of being THE Creator in order to redeem His bride. AFTER that, He asks indeed for total submission, and the whole Christian life is maturing into giving that — but for two thousand years and counting, the Church has been left in her world to represent the Groom to Whom she belongs — not of the world, of course, but still in it! This again suggests that this general idea of a woman forsaking everything she knows for a man — any man — is not quite on point. You speak of worthiness: no man or woman is worthy of what God has not yet demanded for Himself!

That said, I do see your general point. My foremothers all married men who had their lives centered around what they knew was God’s purpose for them, and who were looking for women of similar purpose to go with and help them on the journey. Each party moved away from some things in order to move together; what they had left they blended and extended… family, friends, and eventually, generational wealth. Indisputably, the men led. But their wives, dynamic women all, were not diminished nor ignored; they enjoyed the trust of their husbands so that they had the freedoms of action suggested in Proverbs 31:10-31. Some moved together across the country, so BOTH gave up everything and most everyone they knew (and one decided he would not only bring HIS family to California, but HERS too so they could all benefit together). Some men figured their wives had better resources and figured they could sock more time and energy and money away to meet the family needs if they DID all decide to live in the family house in which the wife grew up. And so on… lots of variation in circumstances, lots of stuff brought to the table by both parties, lots of dynamism created by strong men leading in such a way that equally strong women were willing to follow — with NEITHER diminished, and BOTH sacrificing heavily for the other’s needs to make things work. Which brings me to the most overlooked verse on submission by both men and women in the whole Bible, Ephesians 5:21. My foreparents’ marriages worked out because while the order set down for marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33 was respected, they did know verse 21 came first: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

I wouldn’t have brought all that up except that you said “… There’s a new type of brother on the block… We love God, know our bibles, and our standards are HIGH.” I was raised by the old school of that same vintage of brother, now elder — and they taught me to double-check every time the Scriptural order is referenced by a brother to support whatever argument he is making about how men and women are to behave. Some of us sisters have high standards and a penchant for II Timothy 2:15 to match, so when you say we need to do something to be worthy of a man, we will go check with our Father’s Word and get back to you…

Not insecure at all my sister. I’m confident enough to be real about my expectations up front.

However I do believe you’re reading things into my article that I never meant to imply. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having a lady by your side who has hopes and dreams of her own. I just don’t believe a man should forsake his own dreams or the life he’s worked hard at creating just to have a woman in his life. If she respects him and his God-given role as a man, she won’t find my words too offensive at all.

The real disagreement seems to come from women who have a problem with the idea of submitting to men in today’s society. Maybe it has something to do with lacking a strong masculine father/role model in one’s life, or past failed relationships with loser type dudes.

Society wants to place women on pedestals and men in subservient roles as women-pleasers. But no true women enjoys such an arrangement for long. After while she begins to despise that man for being a weakling and spineless. And breakup is soon to follow.

Secretly you want a strong confident man who has his life together. You want a man who’s a take charge leader type; someone who has the backbone to stand his ground when needed and move in the direction his wisdom is leading him in. You want a man who can upgrade you, in ways more than just with money. Someone who can impart greater life wisdom. A man who has the inner strength to know he must rely on God, and by the strength of his own connection with the Divine he can bring you closer to the Presence of God and your own higher purpose.

Any guy with this level of confidence will never ‘rain on’ your dreams. In fact, he’ll support them. He’ll push you to be your best and greatest self, because you’ll be a direct reflection of him. Trust me: there’s plenty of us quality brothers out there.

If you have a problem with what I wrote, maybe I didn’t explain myself in clearer terms. Or perhaps you need to upgrade the quality of men you choose to deal with.

Either way I wish you much success on your journey.

I am not a feminist by a long shot. But I should not and will not put my dreams on the back burner for anyone. I thought marriage and love was suppose to be a partnership.

Yes I want my man to be the man. I will support him, but I also deserve support in return. I feel that a man can lead me without telling me to just drop my dreams and goals to the side of the road.

I was not put on this earth to only please a man. I suppose this sister is not worthy according to what you say.

Any man or woman (for that matter) with the same thoughts and beliefs as yourself comes across as insecure. Not one that can and shall lead.

@OriginalMan- I so agree…I totally understand this concept…I guess that’s why I’m in a wonderful relationship!! 🙂

As a strong black woman who just so happens to be in a VERY positive, committed relationship, I must say that I totally agree with the author.

To all the “women” out there who have a problem with what has been written, my response to you is… you don’t have a problem with the author- the problem starts within yourself. You have a problem with a man being over you.

The issue is having the RIGHT man over you & then there is NO PROBLEM. The RIGHT man understands that, yes it is a partnership (if you are married) BUT he is STILL the head of the household. If you are a confident woman, one who understands the TRUE nature of how God designed this thing from the start- you understand that YOU need to have a LEADER- in your household.

This by NO means denigrates what your womanhood is, nor does it reduce you to being this subservient individual. All it means is that you have someone that will LEAD you- GUIDE YOU..

If the MAN in the household is LED by GOD- the natural order of things SAYS that HE is supposed to LEAD his household. I have no problem being LED because I am EXTREMELY secure in where I stand in myself, with GOD & in my relationship.

Too many women are on some feministic power trip- wanting to dress like a man, have the same jobs they do, & even f&ck like a man does…well WAKE UP CALL… you are a female.

We were created from ADAM’s rib to be a HELPMATE- HIS companion, not the other way around.

I always wanted a man that could mentally stimulate me, make me intrigued, make me realize that HE was the man- that he was the one that wore the pants. I was tired of meeting these “mealy-mouthed” supposed men who would be more like sissy mama’s boys still wanting to suck at their mother’s teat, who would PRETEND at being MEN, who had NO clue who they really were – so how the HELL are you going to be able to lead me & a future generation???

No Thanks!! I’ll take the LEADER that I have in my life right now!!

LEAD ON BABY…LEAD ON!!

“…we are looking for someone that is going to be there WITH us. not on some OVERBEARING PEDESTAL…”

Who said anything about an overbearing pedestal? That’s how YOUR mind responds to the idea of a black man being the head of his household. Question for you:

Do you look at your boss or supervisor at your job as a partner? What about your college professors? Real talk: you don’t even look at the pastor of your church as some equal partner. You expect HIM to be your leader in spiritual matters, then go home and expect your man to be an equal partner in everything else. Somethings wrong with this…

What would happen if every job in America operated the way you just described? No more leaders who shoulder the burden of responsibility and final decision making…everyone’s an equal partner. If companies operated this way, the economy would crash overnight.

Perhaps you never met a man who inspired you to follow him. Maybe you’re used to dealing with dudes who are at your level of knowledge and have little more to offer that could upgrade your life in some beneficial way. That’s your choice.

If you have a problem with the idea of a man as the leader in the relationship, maybe its because you have a problem with submitting to a black man period. If so you’d be in good company. Many black women do.

And when I speak about submission, I’m not on some domineering ‘Woman where’s my dinner’ tip. I’m talking about submitting to God’s divine order, an order He established to govern the proper structure of a successful home and relationship.

After all: anything with two heads on it is a monster, and an aberration of nature.