The article appeared nearly a month ago, and Kanazawa has since been fired, seemingly because of the backlash surrounding it. However, I respect and admire his willingness to present this controversial information in a logical, research-based, objective way. I am hardly saying that I agree with his conclusions, but if you disagree, attack the research, not him.

The same goes for relationships. How often have your partners (past and current) civilly and respectfully made statements about you that felt uncomplimentary? And how often have you reacted by going off on them? Consider this: When we change the dynamic of the conversation from logical and objective to emotional, we usually do so because:

1) It is a topic about which we are overly-sensitive (like religion, politics, or race, as in the case of Kanazawa’s article), or

2) There is some truth to the information, and we are uncomfortable addressing it.

So, instead of pondering the merits and weaknesses of the statements, we get offended and start an argument – making the discussion about hurt feelings rather than the real issue. But if we keep the argument on the level at which it was presented, and discuss what was said in a rational and substantive way, we participate in an exchange that gets everyone a lot further than lunging into a fight. And even if we don’t ultimately accept what our partners are saying to be true, the ability to have logical conversations will help them want to be open and honest with us over time.

In Stephen Covey’s highly-acclaimed book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he urges us to always “seek first to understand.” Before you get offended or react, hear your partner out – and make sure that you understand both the point as well as the spirit in which it was intended. Though the information might feel insulting, consider that fact that your partner’s intention might be to be helpful – to inform you, or to help you grow, be happier, or better navigate life and relationships. This possibility is reason enough to allow for a give-and-take discussion. And even if the intention is mean-spirited, and your mate is speaking out of frustration, anger or hurt, there is still a learning opportunity there. For example, you may become more aware of your mate’s perceptions, biases or misconceptions. If you can avoid the urge to react emotionally, you may effectively dispel the aforementioned, and ultimately grow closer with your partner. When this happens, everyone wins.

Appreciating your mate’s willingness to talk to you and present potentially sensitive information will make you a more Powerful Person in a Partnership.

Keep Rising,

Frank Love

http://www.FrankLove.com

Date or marry who ever you choose but Respect your counterpart. I have watch you jump on our President’s Band wagon. We have a black President so you feel you can ride off of his merits; you can stop that right now this brother respects his black wife-The First Lady and his black daughters. You are a disgrace to most black men that respect our black ladies and know the power of a wonderful black woman. Men with confidence are not afraid of a woman that has an opinion. We do not need a woman to put in a box and shape her into a fool. That is considered Abuse.
GROW UP MAN UP.

Who in the end benefits? Not us? Will they do it again (ridicule our existence in the name of beauty, intelligence or any other manner to evoke mass public outcry)? Of course they will. As a proud black British woman of African decent and Caribbean heritage, I reject such attention-seekers, in fact this is the first comment I’ve made, refusing to inject any time or energy into what can only be deemed as laughable.

I compare such research as trash and treat it the same. We all need to wake up and stop biting on these fools backsides as it’s only crap we’ll continue to hear, followed by patronising so-called apologies. Please, let’s focus on the many outstanding important issues facing our community at large, and stop whining about some nerd who has run out of topics.

So the Dr. Kanazawa began with what hypothesis? How did he collect the data? From whom did he collect the data? What data was collected?

Given the fact that African-American women run the gamut in physical appearance from skin tone to body shape to hair texture to lip size to hip to waist ratio, what “features” were considered to draw his conclusions?

Beyond that if we really want to look at attractive appearance or what is deemed “beauty”…take a look at the top plastic surgery requests and then match them what is deemed innate to a certain race.

Let me step out of academia into the real world for a moment and say this. People will lie to you if you let them. Ever wonder why so many studies are completed to bash black women? There has to be a reason. And if you conclude that was not the purpose of this “study” you are a bigger fool than I could ever imagine.