Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Five Relationship Red Flags.

June 6, 2020 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Relationships are wonderful when they are working well, but they are hard work. Sometimes it can be difficult to know the difference between the relationship needing patience and work, and when it’s time to consider walking way. Sometimes the issue is the person you are with, sometimes its circumstances surrounding the relationship that involves others, and it’s important to note sometimes the issue is you. Given the state of the world right now relationships are being battle tested. Some are dealing with the test presented during a stay at home mandate when you are with the person 24/7.

Other relationships are being tested by distance for the same reason; even if your partner is just 15 minutes away you find yourself in a situation whereby both of you are stuck at home. With all of the uncertainty afoot there are red flags that present themselves to let us know said relationship is in trouble. Every kind of red flag doesn’t involve others. Let’s look at things one should not ignore in a relationship.

1. Stress can make one react out of character, but disrespect should never be something that is tolerated. If both parties are on level 10, they need to communicate like adults, or be quiet until they can. If you find yourself in shouting and cussing matches everyday…red flag. This is not healthy, and the shouting matches in the wrong situation can escalate into someone physically ugly.

2. If you realize you are on an emotional rollercoaster to the point nothing your partner does is good enough, that is a red flag. It is time to start by evaluating what has you on one. Something could be going on physically, emotionally, maybe you have some pent-up issues regarding your partner that you have not discussed. Regardless of the cause you would want to get to the bottom of that situation as it can become toxic. You don’t want to find yourself giving the energy you speak against. There has to be a resolution.

3. You are constantly put on the back burner. If you partner never has time for you (or you never have time for them) that is a red flag. You can’t build a relationship where there is no coming together, communicating, or building of any sort. It is understandable that one has to work, sleep, and tend to self-care, if an emergency comes up that is understandable. No one should need a phone conversation that happens all day every day to feel secure in their situation. However, when you are treated like an after thought and your well-being isn’t even considered that is a red flag.

4. A lack of compromise is a red flag. No one in the relationship can have their way all the time. No one has the right to disregard the feelings of their partner with no regard because they want what they want. That is childish, and that person needs to grow up.

5. When someone is wrong there needs to be a level of accountability. This is a two-way street. There are many red flags if either party can’t apologize, admit when they are wrong, and try to make amends. Forgiveness is a foundation point of a relationship, but it does not erase being accountable for one’s own actions. If this is messing…red flag.

The time we are living in doesn’t make relationships in many spaces easier. However, we can help one another get through these times. Yes, you might get on each other’s nerves, but where there is compassion, patience, respect, forgiveness, and understanding there can be more good days than bad even in a pandemic. Just make sure that you don’t ignore red flags in your partner, or yourself, just for the sake of being with someone. That is toxic and can easily become abusive. You still deserve peace and happiness.

Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele


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