Saturday, April 4, 2020

Relationships; 5 Areas We Should Consider Fairness.

January 19, 2020 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( The hardest person, at times, to take to task is self. When relationships of any kind go bad it’s very easy to look at the other person and feel just about everything is their fault. The part that you identify as your hand in the matter never quite equals their part in the demise of said relationship. Unfortunately, many of us have girlfriends that will co-sign on our every emotional whim. Yet, how dare anyone call us emotional. The friend that asks us to look at self in the matter is the person we don’t want to talk to; we might go as far as muting them for awhile because they are not in line with our feelings at the moment. In this space we don’t value their honesty, nor them wanting to see us be our best person. We constantly tell ourselves we get what we don’t deserve, when in fact sometimes we are getting the blowback of the seeds we’ve sown in said situation. Sistahs to walk in the fullness of our Queendom we must be willing to consider fairness. There are many areas whereby we can be fairer with those we care about in various relationships, but let’s look at five of these spaces.

1. Assumption is something you hate. Sistah everyone hates assumption. You want the people in your life to judge you by your actions, and integrity. If you aren’t the ghosting type…they shouldn’t make said assumption when you were actually at work late. If you have always been there for your friends, the one time you don’t answer they phone they shouldn’t assume you don’t care for them. In like fashion you should probably stop stressing yourself out, and letting folk catch your wrath, because you have assumed their behavior negatively. If you want your integrity to be respected, you must respect that of others.

2. Everyone, all, always, and never are never accurate. If a brother says all women, and what comes next isn’t kind you are going to jump on him and rightfully so. If a man says all women are manipulative and deceitful you have every right to be offended because what does that have to do with you? The same question can be asked when you make these generalizations. Regardless of what you have seen in your lifetime your experiences do not constitute the majority of anyone. Come to your conclusion based on that person…they deserve that as do you.

3. No one is perfect. That is a concept we understand when the person explaining it is us. Your friends will not always say the right thing, your partner will not always say the right thing, no one will do the right thing all the time. We aren’t talking about situations whereby trust is violated. The point is give others the grace you expect.

4. Those in your life should care about how you are doing. They shouldn’t ask after your well-being as a line into their own day and world by which you are to listen and understand only to be released from the phone when they are done. You shouldn’t do this either…the world doesn’t revolve around any of us, and reciprocity in any relationship is important.

5. Respect is necessary in every situation. You don’t want to get into a disagreement only to be yelled at, cussed out, and practically verbally abused. Heaven forbid you don’t want to be hit. Sistahs we have to be fair in this. No one in your circle wants to be treated that way. just as you won’t excuse their behavior if that were to happen…they should not excuse you.

Fairness is something we are all entitled to, and it should be at the foundation of every relationship you are in. You must always be willing to evaluate self, regardless of how upset you may be, and own up to areas whereby you have fault. It’s okay to be wrong…you are human. It is important to give what you expect and cherish the people in your life that hold you accountable to being your best person. They keep you honest…and fair.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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