(ThyBlackMan.com) Growing up, many of us where taught that “Men are supposed to do this” and “Men don’t do this” or “That’s something females do.” I’ll say that 80-percent of the time, it’s dated stuff. That’s being extremely generous. Being flexible with roles will make you better rounded in a relationship and being well rounded is always a plus. It removes the stress for both partners—especially in gender roles that could be handled by both of you.
The Funny Thing Is…
You were most likely raised to do some of the more simple things that women are expected to do in a traditional relationship. For a long time in my family, my brother was the main cook behind my mother. Then my sister became a major cook.
While I could cook some stuff, it was never really necessary since there were three people cooking and when we got older, two of them typically jumped at cooking for everyone. I picked up cooking because I knew it was something I’d need to do in the future.
Cleaning is something most parents made us do just because we should but also because we had our own spaces in the house. If you want some autonomy in that space—your own room or a playroom—cleaning it up is probably the one job you had in that respect. You certainly couldn’t have it looking like you shared a room with a tornado.
Of course, some of us just…chilled in squalor and didn’t bother cleaning. Washing clothes is another thing that traditionally, women are expected to do. Many of us read the box, knew how to load the clothes and how much soap to put in. All really simple things that you likely did in college or when you struck out on your own.
“I’m Retired From All That”
Then magically, some of us stop doing it once we get a woman. Several years into adulthood and it’s just “I’m retired from that housework sh**.” And these things are just very minor things. Those minor things become an issue when your partner views themselves as a maid picking up after you and cooking.
You never want things to get to that point. It might actually help to acknowledge that you magically retired and ponder why. Like, now that there’s a woman staying with you or you with them, does that mean you no longer have to do things that you were doing before? I mean, in most cases they don’t stop working once they get with a guy.
At the far end, there are those who take to the role of stay at home dad. That’s factoring in raising kids when it’s just you two or you’re able to juggle work and raising kids, doing something seemingly minor but essential to the upkeep of the house can help. Not only that but it helps with your partner’s morale and that’s always a plus.
But all of this should go without saying in 2019. Unsurprisingly, there are many who hold on to traditional gender roles across the board in relationships. Some of those are reasonable such as being supportive, a provider, and being handy to a degree. That doesn’t mean you should be exempt from the immediate upkeep of your home, though.
It also doesn’t mean you should be the only one who is handy and supportive. What it means is that if both of you are doing certain roles attributed to the other, you’ll be able to tackle things much more effectively—instead of both you getting stressed because you’re doing this stuff over here purely because it’s what is expected of you. So be flexible, it goes a long way toward understanding the stress your partner deals with when comes to meeting expectations and motivates your partner to be more considerate of stress you experience. When that understanding isn’t there, no one’s really obligated to care and that can lead to disagreements and belittling of the other’s efforts.
Staff Writer; M. Swift
This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.