(ThyBlackMan.com) Hello Ladies! I am writing this in hopes that will help me clear up some confusion. It all started with a conversation I had with a female friend of mine. During the conversation I affectionately (Or at least I thought it was affectionately) used the word bitch. Her response proved that she did not feel it was appropriate. I was baffled by her anger because I’ve heard her routinely refer to herself as a bitch. She uses phrases like “Umma bad bitch.” “Um the wrong bitch to play with” and etc. I even heard our other friends call her a bitch. So naturally I thought it was ok that to used the word. Her palm to my face said otherwise. That incident sparked a few questions. Hopefully you all are willing to offer some clarity. The questions I have are: who can call you a bitch, who can’t call you a bitch, and why the word bitch is so synonymous with the black woman. I took several steps to find answers to my questions.
My first step in gaining clarity on the situation was looking up the word “Bitch. I used several dictionaries, but for the most part they all had the same definition; “A bitch is an ignorant and or intolerable woman; characterized by her inability to behave in a civilized manner.” Reading the definition I can understand why her hand and my face had a meet and greet, however I am more confused about why she would use such a word to describe herself. 
Better yet why allow anyone else to use that word to describe her. Which brings me to the first question: who is allowed to call you a bitch?
My second step on my journey to gain clarity on the situation was to ask random women their opinion on the word. From those conversations, I was able to compile a list of people that are allowed to safely use the word. The list consists of female friends, homosexual males, musicians, especially rappers, and any person that you consider to be more valuable than you. Can you think of anyone else that should be on this list? If I turn my music down and squint really hard I can kinda see why you’d allow your friends to call you a bitch. For some odd reason we tend to allow our friends to get away with more than we allow strangers to get away with. Which is strange because you’d think you would hold your friends to a higher standard than you would a stranger because your friends should know better. They should have more loving words for you, but for some reason people are more aggressive towards friends than they are towards strangers. I digress. Why do your friends get a pass?
The answers I received varied but for the most part they centered around the person’s intent. Was the word said out of aggression or affection? I didn’t know an aggressive word can be used in an affectionate way. I didn’t say that to them, but I had more questions. Like couldn’t your friend find a better way to address you? Why does a word that would otherwise cause you to flip out have to be used to describe you? I guess these ties into the idea of allowing our friends to get away with more than we do strangers. Shouldn’t musicians fit into the stranger category?
Technically they are strangers. You don’t know those people!! So, why do rappers get a pass? I know what you’re thinking ‘no rapper has called me a bitch.’ Are you sure about that? He told you to ‘bend your back bitch’ and your back was bent. He told you to ‘Throw that ass, hol up bitch.’ You were throwing that ass and hol’ing up. In English we are taught that if a person gives a command without explicitly identifying the subject; you automatically become the subject. If you are the person responding to the command than you are the person he is talking to. So therefore you are the bitch he was talking to. So without realizing it you are identifying as an intolerable person that does not possess the mental capacity to function in society. The question I have is why do you allow anyone to call you a bitch? Why internalize a word that is so negative? This goes into the second question. Who is not allowed to call you a bitch?
Saturday night I went to a local lounge to parlay and meet women. I’m just now getting back into the swing of things when it comes to approaching women so I was nervous. I decided to use the topic of this paper to break the ice. After engaging with several groups of women I was able to reach a somewhat conclusive list as to who cannot call you the b-word. The list includes; everyone not listed in the approved list. LOL. Seriously. The thing that I found most interesting was the why certain people aren’t allowed to call you the b-word.
You don’t know their intent. It’s the intent of the person saying the word that determines whether or not you get offended. What if someone that should not call you the b-word does so but expresses their intent; are you still offended? How do you feel knowing men and women that do not look like you use the word to describe you, however do not use the word when dealing with women that look like them?
I don’t see women of other cultures being called bitches so regularly. I wonder why that is. Is it because those cultures recognize and acknowledge the importance of women more so than black people do? No that can’t be it. Remember the Feminist Movement was started by white women because they were being treated so horribly by their men. Looking at other cultures we see that women are treated horribly by their men also, however they aren’t called b-word. So why are black women say freely referenced in this manner? I think it has something to do with the value placed on the black woman.
The black woman is the most mistreated disrespected, and taken for granted human on Earth. She is also the least protected. These factors play a role into why it is so easy to call her such a derogatory name. She’s not valued. Ironic because she’s the most valuable person on Earth. Black men are to blame for her treatment; however she herself is also to blame.
Although publicly you all are treated so dismissively; the black woman is the most influential group on Earth. You all determine what’s hot and what’s acceptable and for some reason have accepted the word bitch as an appropriate label. You have internalized it and made it not only acceptable, but somewhat cool to say. Same as with nigga, but that’s a conversation for another day. Black women you are than a bitch. There are plenty of positive nouns and adjectives that can be used to define you. Such as queen, intelligent and beautiful, you don’t have to accept a negative word as “ok”. Don’t allow society lie to you. You are the most powerful entity on the planet. And contrary to what’s pushed by the media and popular culture; your true power lies between your ears not your thighs.
Staff Writer; Christian Johnson
One may also connect with this brother over on Instagram; CJTheWriter.