(ThyBlackMan.com) There’s a statuette in my mother’s house that says “Any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be dad.” It’s a saying I’ve kept with me and my younger brother is quick to point out that the statuette says the same thing.
The thing is, there’s truth in that saying. Sure, some men might be unable to become fathers for health reasons. Plus, you do need to get to a particular stage to even become a father. After that it becomes “What’s next?” Become a dad.
In a nutshell, a father is a guy who was able to pass on their genetic material to create a child. Whether it’s on purpose or by accident, the task isn’t that difficult. As a matter of fact, your performance doesn’t even have to be stellar. For some, if might be difficult to get into a position where sex is inevitable but the father part isn’t a hard task for a man.
The hard work is in being a dad.
The Title of “Dad”
For one thing “dad” and other terms used way too loosely. You have your baby daddies and often times trash men are call “dad” by their children. The guys who aren’t there for their kids and really had no hand in raising them yet still want to make decisions on their kids’ lives. This is also the same contingency of brothers who get salty when an ex moves on to someone else who takes up the mantle of “dad.”
A dad—and also a mom—do more than what is required by the state. Making sure they’re in school or at least educated, feeding their children, and making sure they’re housed are all what you’re expected to do. You don’t get a Father’s Day mug, a tacky tie, and bad macaroni art for doing the bare minimum.
Instilling good values, making sure they excel in studies, disciplining fairly, giving them positive life experiences and encouragement, and being there when they need you emotionally? That gets you the title—and the bad artwork and “World’s Best Dad” gear. You don’t have to take them on all the trips and get them all of the stuff they want, it’s not a money game. You just have to be there and let them know that you love them.
If you’re remembered fondly by your children when they become adults or they use the same approach to raising kids as you did—you’re pretty much a dad. Of course, that’s all long game stuff.
While damage can be immediate and ruin that child as an adult, sometimes you have to wait and see how that damage manifests. Did you raise a decent human being or citizen or did you manage to get them to 18 before they headed into society. Maybe you were smothering or you spoiled them too much.
The Balancing Act
Mind you, being a great dad is just part of it. While you went above and beyond in being a parent, their personalities also play into how they will turn out. Being nurturing can shape their personalities to a degree but sometimes doing too much can spoil them.
It’s a balancing act. You don’t want to be a hard ass with children but you don’t want to be a mark. At one end you risk raising them into a cold adult who believes being rough on others is a valid way to navigate the world. At the other you can either end up with a somewhat gullible adult or one who ready to move on to the Advanced Manipulation part of the class.
The thing is, the area you want to hit as a dad is actually really wide. Those ends are the wild extremes of raising a sociopath, a mark, or a psychopath.
You Don’t Have To Be A Father To Be A Dad
Also—and this is obvious—you don’t have to be a father to a dad. Again, “it takes a special man to be a dad.” If you come in and raise children that aren’t blood as your own and you do the minimum required, you’re a step-father or at least “the guy who raised them.”
However, if you do everything that a dad does, meaning you go the extra mile and then some, you’re a dad whether you’re married to their mother or not.
This applies to women as well. You might have carried them nine months—or less—but if you’re doing the minimum or you’re just a terrible, abusive woman, you’re just “mother.” You shouldn’t expect for your child to call you anything other than that or your name.
If they do, fine that’s. It was likely instilled in them but “dad/daddy” and “mom/mama” are earned, they’re terms of endearment, not your biologically relation to that child. So likewise, don’t become salty if your ex moves on to a new woman who treats the children better than you do as blood.
Staff Writer; M. Swift
This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.