Things You Shouldn’t do When Getting a Divorce. : ThyBlackMan

Sunday, June 24, 2018


Things You Shouldn’t do When Getting a Divorce.

March 11, 2018 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Divorce under any circumstances is a very stressful life event. You and your family members will be faced with an uncertain future where you will have to make important decisions, such as how to handle your finances and what to do about your children. It is possible and in the best interest of all involved to have an amicable divorce that will save money, time, stress, and heartache. However, this is not always possible, especially in situations where only one party wants the divorce or when there is a lot of anger and resentment involved.

State divorce laws differ in many ways including:

  • Process serving requirements
  • Child custody laws
  • Property distribution
  • Grounds for divorce
  • How to file for divorce

It is important that you understand the laws in your state and should contact an attorney who can explain them to you in simple terms. For example, if you have questions about Family Law issues in Colorado, talking to an experienced professional can help you make difficult but informed decisions.

Don’t Hide Your Money

How marital assets are handled in divorces varies from state to state. To find out how they are handled in your state, you should check with an attorney. Don’t try to hide your money from your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Once you have filed papers, you should not start moving money out of your accounts or hide your bank accounts. You don’t want to add any more drama or complications than necessary in your divorce process.

Don’t Put Your Children in the Middle

Divorce is very hard on children. Try not to talk about your divorce in front of your children, pay special attention to them and their needs, make sure you attend all their school events, take them out to a movie, and whatever you do, don’t bad mouth your child’s other parent.

Keep Your Expectations Realistic

Although it is easier to have an amicable divorce, it is not always possible for many reasons including the fact that emotions are raw and tensions are high. Even if one person tries to be reasonable and work together, the other person might be too bitter or angry and unable to behave civilly. We can only control our own behavior, not the behavior of anyone else.

Don’t be Petty

Although it might be tempting, don’t resort to childish behavior out of spite. You might have a very strong desire to do something to make your spouse angry to get back at him. Resist that urge so that you don’t end up looking foolish and bitter. Your actions could come back to haunt you when it comes to the terms of your divorce. In the long run, you will be glad you didn’t follow through on your impulses.

Don’t Isolate Yourself

Going through the process of divorce is emotionally-draining and very difficult. Your first instinct might be to avoid being around your friends, especially the happily married ones. But this is the time we really need to be around those who care about us. It will also be helpful to have some distractions from what you are going through by continuing to socialize. Make sure you let your friends know that you want to be included because some people don’t know how to treat friends who are going through a divorce. If you have some friends who still don’t include you even after you tell them that you want to be included, you need to realize that they were probably not real friends. True friends will stick by you through thick and thin.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

The laws of your state will determine how your money and other assets will be distributed to you and your spouse. However, think about everything inside your house and all that you have collected over the years. You will have to decide who gets to keep things like souvenirs picked up on vacations, electronics, photographs, your grandmother’s china, your boat, and so many other items in your house. If any particular item is important to your spouse either because he uses it often or for sentimental reasons, don’t be stubborn and say that you want it just to be spiteful. If you fight over every little thing, you will just add more aggravation to an already difficult situation.

Do everything in your power to put aside strong emotions and try to cooperate with your spouse during the process of your divorce. Keeping a calm and level head will help you make wiser decisions.

Staff Writer; Craig Moore


Comments

One Response to “Things You Shouldn’t do When Getting a Divorce.”
  1. Trevo Craw says:

    As a family and relationship counselor, mediator and legal analyst, I largely agree with the answers in this article as being textbook answers. As for not hiding your money, I am aware of what the courts and attorneys say. I am also aware that they can find your money very often because they know how to find it better than you know how to hide it. All that being said, you still have to have money to start over. And many judges will not care if you have anything left or not. That being said, I would do what I have to do if I were you.

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