Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Five Things Parents Should Avoid.

January 30, 2018 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Being a parent in this day, and age, is rewarding, exciting, constant learning, and the hardest job you will ever embark upon. Though the job is difficult it is most rewarding. There is no manual on how to be a parent as every child is different, and ever parent comes from a different background. Many parents look at their upbringing, and they determine that certain things will continue through them while some parenting tactics will end with them. Though, as children, it was easy to judge our parents we find out quickly once becoming a parent that parents are not perfect. We want the best for our children, but how to go about such is not always an easy task. For all the joys of parenting if we want our children to have a fighting chance to be productive successful citizens there are parts of the parenting duties that will be distasteful. As parents we tend to learn from each other in one way or another. There are six things parents should avoid without feeling guilty. It might make navigating the journey a bit easier.

Don’t disregard your gut. It is not a crime to deal with your child as you see fit. Everyone parent won’t encounter the same challenges so sometimes you really need to go with your instincts. There are many books and “experts” on parenting, but they are not always right. Some that are “experts” do not have children. You must have confidence in your ability to be a parent. That child is a product of you, so you will understand them in ways others won’t. Trust your bond with your child, often times it won’t steer your wrong.

Avoid establishing a friendship with your child. Children don’t realize it, but they crave order. They need boundaries. When a child is young they are learning how to make friends, and their understanding of that word, for their age, will conflict with your responsibility to your child. It is often difficult to tell them no when necessary because they will hit you with “But I thought you were my friend”. The truth is you are their protector, provider, guardian, and wisdom…when your child is 6 you are not a friend as they are not on your level. Establishing order for them says you are their loving parent of whom they can talk to, confide in, trust, and count on…but you are also the law and rule maker. Try not to blur the lies hence confusing the child. One day when your child is an adult you may find your child is then one of your best friends, but when they are a child it’s your responsibility to get them to adulthood.

Perfection is a dangerous game as a parent. We want to do everything right for our child. However, you are dealing with another human being. Nothing, but your love, will be perfect. You will learn as they grow, and every situation won’t go smoothly. You are a parent, but you are still human. You will get tired, upset, and sometimes shocked. You may have moments that you wish you could do more…don’t beat yourself up. Regardless of imperfection your child loves you, and are teaching them still…even in your imperfection.

Don’t feel the pressure to do everything the same as your parents. You are not your mom and dad. Furthermore, your child isn’t you. Things your parents implemented that helped make you a good person definitely run with it. However, don’t feel guilty when you deviate away from your parent’s path in child rearing. Don’t allow them, nor anyone, to make you feel guilty for tailoring your rearing style to the needs of your child.

Yes is not the magic word. Though we want to give our children the world there is a time to say no. They don’t need to assume asking for something is merely a formality because the answer is always yes. Our children are precious, and to a parent their child is the most precious little person(s) alive. However, they must still learn to hear the word no, and be okay with it. If every request ends in yes they will expect this from everyone which we now is not life. Not telling them no when necessary can harm your child later in life. It also sets you up to deal with many tantrums, at different ages, because how dare you say no.

Being a parent is definitely not an easy task but just as there is so much you must embrace…there are practices and advice you should avoid. The decisions you make, and lessons you teach your child will strongly shape the person they become. Parents must find a way to think in the current space, while keeping one eye on the big picture for their children. You can do this, and you will become a better parent as each day goes by.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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