Monday, November 19, 2018

New School Fatherhood: The “Half/Step” Hurdle.

November 24, 2017 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( No statistical data ever can interpret, depict or empathize with the struggle of a man who cannot fully contribute to the upbringing of his biological children, while being partially accepted by non-biological children of whom he raises to the fullest. The balancing act he must perform is unreal. Juggling feelings, emotions and finances, all under pressure to appease and soothe the souls of all parties involved. Can you imagine having to fight for time with your kids? Can you imagine investing your time and wisdom into your children just feel like second chair in a one man band? Some men don’t have to imagine, because these circumstances really exist for them… life as a part time father and a full-time step dad is real.

The pressure these men he face, while fulfilling the role of a father and step dad, is of a different magnitude. Pressure of preference, differentiation, reservation and fairness constantly cause them to ponder perception before every decision made. Some even second guess their place in general; causing them to “half-step” in their approach to fathering. Withholding is the common response to pressure of this magnitude. Giving less than need to prove his presence is needed, or in some cases to keep the peace, seems to balance the weight he carries. However, as the pressure continues to build, fathers tend to result interpret the dynamics of his relationship with children and their mothers as neglect, ungratefulness and under-appreciation.

At this junction, fathers begin looking for solutions, most of which are only enough to help them suppress their feelings of neglect, ungratefulness and under-appreciation briefly. Although every situation is different, I offer a small list of solutions to remind my brothers of their importance and influence as fathers.

Communicate Differently. Exercise different ways to communicate. Switch up the cadence, tone, timing and wording so that your approach is noticeably different. This will elevate the relationship, with you leading the charge for change.

Handle with care. Children are delicate people. Although you may be raising your to be physically or mentally tough, how you handle them is different from how you raise them. Take time to learn more about them. Give them time to express their views without intimidating.

Don’t force it. The father role is often played with authority. However, force and authority are two different things. Men who are insecure about their authority tend to force their position within the household. Forcing a personal will without any authority depicts weakness and gets no respect.

Vent in moderation. The vent is crucial to getting over these “half-step hurdles” as a father. However, venting feels so good that it will cause you to forgo the other solutions listed here. Do it in moderation, Fathers don’t throw pity parties.

Pray regularly. Although the new school father may feel alone, remember God placed you in the position for his purpose. Pray and seek direction from God the Father.

Love unconditionally. No explanation needed…

Staff Writer; T.L. Kirk

One may also connect with this brother via Twitter; tlkirk_11 and also over at;

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