Boundaries are Necessary. : ThyBlackMan

Monday, June 17, 2019

Boundaries are Necessary.

September 21, 2016 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.comIt is good quality to be open, free and honest. However, sometimes the biggest hearts incur great amounts of emotional pain. Sometimes this can be traced back to a lack of boundaries. There are certain things that should be known by you, and you alone. Some thought and experiences should be personal. We live in a time whereby everything must be known and seen by everyone. Boundaries will allow you to have not only time, and space for self…but it reveals those in your life that truly care for your well-being. Boundaries reveal selfish associations, and can usher control into your life. Consistency and peace can be maintained when you know what you will, and will not, allow in your universe.

Privacy is becoming an obsolete concept. I say almost because setting boundaries can preserve privacy in a few areas of your life. For instance decide what you will, and will not, discuss with others. 46black-woman-at-peace_excluYou can determine how much information you will share about various sensitive subjects based on your standing with others, or your understanding of their character. Some married women refuse to discuss the intimate details, be it positive or negative, of their marriage with anyone other than their spouse. This is a boundary that can help keep others out of your personal matters of your union. There are those that do not discuss politics nor religion with everyone. This boundaries can literally avoid major confrontations and negative energy. You have the right, and should set boundaries on how you dispense and entertain information.

Sistahs there are those of us that are strong in mind, will, emotion and spirit. You are usually the rock of your family. Friends seek you out for advice, and guidance. However, sometimes selfishness rears its head and folks can deem you as available anytime. It is wise to erect boundaries on your time. It is important to have the space to replenish yourself. Every waking moment ought not be designated to others. When you have a family there must be time for the spouse, and the children.

So yes others know you have a cell phone, FB messenger and are home at a certain time, but boundaries keep others from imposing on your time. Not setting boundaries will have family and friends feeling as though they can show up, and call at any time of the day of night. Of course this behavior can cause serious confusion in your home. Regardless of your marital status it is important for others to know where you draw the line.

Having boundaries will reveal the intent of others in your life. Let’s be honest…there are some that are in our lives merely to take from us. They are dependent on us in unhealthy ways. No matter how many times you answer a situation there are some that will continue to bring you issue after issue. Most people feel their situation is an emergency that you must drop everything to attend to. This not healthy for neither parties involved.

When you set boundaries, and communicate them, a person that truly cares about your well being will respect the boundaries. If you meditate on Wednesday at a certain time this needs to be understood and respected. It is not selfish of you to set boundaries or designate your time. If those in your life care, and respect you…they will respect your boundaries. They will not make you feel guilty about doing what you need to do for your own life and peace.

If it seems you are spinning out of order in the sense that everyone is getting a piece of you with no regard to you…it may be time to set boundaries. If you know there are things you do not wish to discuss that are personal and private…set the boundaries. If you need to be in bed at 10p in order to function the next day…your girlfriend can tell you about her problems another time; get your rest. Boundaries are necessary without them there can be no real order. You will find yourself constantly on the giving end without proper reciprocity.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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2 Responses to “Boundaries are Necessary.”
  1. Marque Anthony says:

    As a family and relationship counselor, I can say the author of this article should not make blanket assumptions. In a close marital relationship, for instance, boundaries are hindrances that stifle progress and limit the potential of a relationship. These boundaries become protective mechanisms to limit how much of one’s heart he or she is willing to share for fear of risking and losing. But relationships should be focused on what is gained, never on what might be lost. Sound and competent methods of selecting your mate will minimize the need for boundaries.

  2. Miko says:

    I’m setting boundaries and “friends” are waltzing out of my life. Deuces.

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