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Female, Black, and Single-The battle that many face in today’s society.

July 21, 2016 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Being black and female is already a mainstay in American society even moreso in the black community where many women are often time the target of unwarranted and at time unnecessary comments from family. Yes, it’s true that 69-70% of black women are single and have never been married. The logical reason is the number of black women who are pursuing college degrees at a higher rate than black men. Also there’s an issue with the dating pool for blacks because a lot of women are meeting men who have criminal records and lengthy histories, numerous children out of wedlock that have multiple mothers, chronically unemployed and unable to hold down a job, and not motivated to want better.

This explains into why a lot of educated, professional black women are also not looking to settle for whatever comes their way and want to be selective in who they establish relationships and marriages with along with having children. Having a broad of out of wedlock children with multiple fathers/mothers is readily acceptable in the black community and if you’re not walking around with a stroller and several kids in tow and pregnant with one you’re not “normal”. blackwoman-blackman-2016What’s not normal is getting a berage of questions from older women asking why you have not gotten married yet and especially more difficult for those in their 30s and coming into their 40s.

Some people think you should just take what you can get and be happy. The black community is good with the one tool that is readily available and that married and involved people selling you the bullshit idea of how being single is liberating.Then you got the ones who say “Why bother having kids you got your freedom”. Some of us black women do want to have families and it does not help when you have people coming at you with questions as to why you’re the age that you are and you are still single without kids and a husband.

It’s hard enough for black women to live every day without some family member in their face telling them to either remain single or settle for what you can get. The black community is not exactly a welcoming bond of positivity because it always has to be about someone or somebody running their mouth about something. Single black women are always being targeted by some married relative trying to sell them the bullshit idea that they don’t need get married and have a family and to go live their life.

Oprah Winfrey who has stated she has no desire to marry and has been in a long term relationship with her partner, Stedman Graham for 30 years and yet it’s frowned in the black community that she isnt married. Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is single and childless by choice and she’s looked at negatively for her single status. It’s a no-win situation for black women to escape the constant questioning as to why they never got married and had children. This comes about when you hear about relatives and friends getting married and they’re turning to you saying it will be your turn or you better get on it if you want children. What’s it going to be for me to stay single and childless so I can travel and live my life or I settle down with a suitable partner who is wanting to be married and raising a family? Sometimes the black community is just OK with whatever without thinking about how you have to be selective in who you are bringing into your life.

There’s nothing wrong with being single, but what many black women can do without are the family and even friends who need to stop running their mouths saying they should remain single and enjoy their freedom or why haven’t you gotten married and having children. Black women should have the right to be happy single or not and for people to respect them for where they are in their lives. Meaning family, friends, and strangers have no reason to chime in and give their assessment of someone’s life when they need worry about what’s going on in their own lives.

Staff Writer; Nafeesah Abdullah


Comments

3 Responses to “Female, Black, and Single-The battle that many face in today’s society.”
  1. Dcarter910 says:

    I sadly have to agree with Marque. I too would like to be married but most educated black women I come across tend to be wrapped up in liberal ideology where they are afraid to open their heart and even more afraid that they need companionship. To most of them it is a sign of weakness. The black woman is so afraid of appearing weak that they will reject any man that suggest or even try to uphold tradition family values. It is amazing how in college where these very same black women get these ideas of feminism and strength that after college the white women who teach them these ideas quickly get a husband, settle down with a good job and all the feminism crap is thrown out the window as a college fad, but among the brain washed black women they carry the false flag of feminism into their sad lonely deaths.

    On the other side you can surprisingly find very sweet, loyal hoodrats but they tend to very uneducated, close minded and unwilling to pursue a life outside of the hip-hop, ghetto fabulous mindset. For an educated black man you are often in a lose lose situation where the educated black women have a self proclaimed notion that they are too educated to put up with your patriarchal bull crap (but are very happy with that arrangement if they can find a white man), or you just marry a white woman and always in the back of your heart and mind wish you had a down to earth intelligent black woman….who will love you like she is willing to love here pasty white lover.

  2. Marque Anthony says:

    Career is often an excuse more than a reason. As a family and relationship counselor, may I suggest the author reference where the stats you use came from and use more stats

  3. Marque Anthony says:

    Common Reasons Our Females Are Single
    1. Bad Attitudes
    2. Out of Control Rogue Mouth
    3. Baggage / Wounded
    4. Playing Games
    5. Golddiggers / Greedy / Materialistic
    6. Always Blaming The Men THEY Picked
    7. Wounded
    8. Biochemical/Mental Problems: Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder
    9. Trifling

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